She told me to live, so I lived. I woke up every morning in Peeta's arms. He would kiss me and refuse to get out of bed, but I would remind him that we had training, and we would roll out of bed and get dressed. I went down to the training field and went through the rounds. I shot a bow and a sniper rifle. I sparred with Johanna and Finnick. I joked with Furman while we ran through the obstacle course.
I would eat lunch in the mess hall with my team. Joking and laughing and enjoying myself. At night, I would eat dinner with them, just like our old routine. Twice a week I made sure to eat dinner with my sister and mother. Peeta always came with us, and my mother fawned over him. He was so charming. They would talk about baking and healing and her job at the hospital. They would talk about me and she would make sure I was recovering properly. She worried, but she knew that I was safe with Peeta.
After a week in the hospital, they had let me go back to the apartment. I had taken the physical activity lightly at first, but eventually the hole in my stomach closed and the pain in my ribs disappeared, and I was good as new. I trained harder than I ever had. I put all of my focus into fighting the enemy I could actually defeat. My mother thought it was physical stress that put the dark circles under my eyes and made me almost fall asleep at the dinner table, but it wasn't. It was the constant thought that if I did one thing wrong, my mother and sister were dead.
So she gave Peeta a checklist of sorts. Make sure she eats. Make sure she rests. Make sure she doesn't destroy herself. The usual. Peeta would talk with Prim and we would play games with her. Watching Peeta interact with Prim made me think about what life would be like if Peeta and I had children. There would be no Hunger Games if we won the war, but I would have to live in constant fear of President Coin. I would never be safe and they would never be safe, and I couldn't put them through that. Maybe if we had a normal life in district twelve I would consider having kids, but we didn't have a normal life. It made my heart ache to watch Peeta laugh with Prim and know that he would never do that with our children. I wanted to, but I just couldn't. We had only touched on the subject of children once, about a week and a half ago.
Peeta collapsed on top of me, his breath coming in ragged gasps. I closed my eyes and let myself come down from the sexual high I was on. He rolled over onto his back and I laid my head on his bare chest. I could feel his chest rise and fall as he tried to catch his breath, and I turned my head and rested my chin on his stomach. His eyes were closed, but a broad smile was spread across his face.
"Every time I tell myself there is no way you can top what you did the night before, but every time you do." He said finally, looking down at me. I rose up and kissed him gently on the lips. His hands rested firmly on my hips and I could feel his smile against my own. "I love you so much, Katniss Everdeen." He said, breaking away from me. I love the way he looked at me. It made me feel special, like the most beautiful and amazing girl in the world. I rarely ever felt beautiful, but when Peeta gazed at me like this, I couldn't help it.
"And I love you, Peeta Mellark, but we really do need to get sleep. It's almost four." He groaned and tried to pull me back on top of him, but I had already rolled over onto my side. I slung one of my arms carelessly over his chest and closed my eyes. If I could stay here forever and never move, I would. Peeta was so warm and comfortable, and I felt safe here with him. I forgot about Coin and Snow and the war and all of my other problems and thought about nothing but how much I loved him. I think that's why I changed so much when we had sex. I forgot myself and just let go. It was the only time I didn't have to be in control, so I relished it.
"Katniss…" Peeta's whispered quietly.
"Mmm?" I said, half asleep.
"Have you ever thought about…about the future? About…our future." I opened my eyes and propped myself up on one elbow. He was staring hard at the ceiling. His brow was furrowed and his face was serious.
I thought for a moment before answering him. "I mean…I know I want to be with you forever. I just don't know how long that's going to be." I couldn't think past the war. The past two years had felt like much longer, and I couldn't remember what it was like to just live a normal peaceful life. I had never real thought about what would happen to Peeta and I if we survived this war. I was always so focused on not dying that I hadn't bothered to think about what would happen after it was all over.
"So let's just assume that we make it out of this alive because I'm going to do everything I can to make that happen. If we make it out alive, I want to marry you Katniss. I want you to be mine, forever. I want to propose to you for real and I want to give you everything you ever wanted." He looked at me seriously, pushing himself up so his forehead rested against mine.
I couldn't help but smile at the thought. Of course I wanted to marry Peeta. "I want to marry you too Peeta. If…no. When we get out of this, I want to be with you. We can live together, just the two of us. No war, no stress, just us."
"What about…kids." I pulled away from him suddenly and looked down. I had said many times I would never have children. I didn't want them to suffer. It had always been because of the games, but now it was because of me. I put them in danger.
"Peeta…I can't. Any child I have will be tortured by Coin. She'll make my life terrible, and I can't subject them to that." He clenched his jaw, and I could sense the sadness in his eyes. I hated disappointing him like this. I knew children were important to him, but I just couldn't put them through what I had been through. I couldn't risk them being tormented just because they were my children. I wouldn't do that to them. "I'm sorry…I just…"
"Forget it Katniss." He said quietly, laying back on the bed. "It was just a thought. It's no big deal." It sounded like he was going to cry. His voice was choked up.
"Peeta I—"
"Goodnight Katniss." He said. I laid back down and tried to sleep, but I couldn't. Peeta deserved better than me. He should be able to have the family he always wanted. I was stopping him from that. He should be with someone else. I brought that up to him the next morning, and he laughed at me.
"You're insane Katniss. I could never and will never be with anyone else, no matter what our…differences are. I love you and only you. Now let's get to training."
And that was the only time we ever grazed the subject of children. I knew he was too defeated to ever bring it up again, and I never wanted to talk about it in the first place. So my life went on in the same monotonous pattern. Coin had told me to live, so I lived.
Finally, the normal routine that was my life changed in an unexpected way. Peeta and I walked into the training center one morning, laughing about something Prim had done at dinner the night before, when I heard dangerous sounds coming from the combat rings.
I heard the thwack of a fist hitting someone's face, and I looked at Peeta worriedly. He shrugged his shoulders and we sped up, jogging to the rings. Standing on the outside were Furman, Johanna, Finnick and Commander Jacobs. They were intensely focused on the match happening between Gale and a girl whom I didn't recognize.
Peeta and I arrived just as the match was finishing. Gale looked exhausted and pained. He moved slowly and carelessly, limping on one leg. He threw a punch lazily, but his opponent blocked it easily, then in a series of movements that I could barely follow she swept his legs out from under him and put his arms in a lock. He cried out in pain and tried to struggle free, but eventually he tapped out. The girl let him go and stood up, holding out a hand to help him up.
"Wow Hawthorne." Commander Jacobs said with a gruff chuckle. "I thought you were supposed to be the best fighter on this team, but you just got your ass kicked to hell and back." Gale doubled over and held his stomach, groaning. Finnick went to go help him, laughing as he went. "Welcome to the team soldier." Jacobs said, addressing the girl Gale had been fighting.
She smiled and took out her mouthpiece. She stepped through the ropes and jumped out of the ring. Furman patted her on the back and Johanna sarcastically congratulated her. Who was this girl? I cleared my throat loudly.
They finally seemed to notice Peeta and I had arrived. "Hey guys!" Furman said excitedly. "Meet the newest member of our squad! Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellar, meet Syndey Harper, the new eighth man of squad 451.
She held out her hand to shake mine. She couldn't have been any older than Peeta, Gale and I. Now that she was closer I could tell that she was by far one of the most beautiful people I had ever seen. She was tall and lean, with tan skin and an athletic frame. She had long light-brown hair that was pulled back into a ponytail. She had been sweating from her fight with Gale, so the bangs that would normally have swept over her left eye stuck to her forehead. Her face was perfectly shaped and she had an amazingly white smile that spread across her lips playfully.
These things alone could have made her much more attractive than any other person I had seen in thirteen, but it was her eyes that made her stunning. They were a brilliant bright green, but the outside rim of her iris was a deep golden color, unlike anything I've ever seen. When she looked at me, it was like she was staring into my soul. Her eyes ripped through layers of flesh and seemed to tell exactly what I was thinking. Looking into her eyes, I couldn't tell if I could trust her, and that bothered me. Her smile genuine, but there was a wicked quality there that made me wary. I held out my hand hesitantly to shake hers.
"It's nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you." She turned to Peeta and flashed a smile. "Both of you." She shook his hand.
"Uhm. Yeah. You too." Peeta stammered. I looked at him darkly. He could at least gawk when I wasn't standing right here.
"So whose next?" She asked, looking from face to face. The rest of the crew smiled and laughed, but no one took up her challenge. I hated how they seemed to accept her. There wasn't room on this team for a new person.
"I think that's enough combat training for today." Jacobs said. "Next test. The combat simulator. I think we'll do a two person mission. See if you can do more than just beat the shit out of someone." He looked around at each of us with narrow eyes. "Everdeen. Suit up."
I rolled my eyes. I didn't want to go into the combat zone with this girl who was supposed to replace Craig. No one could replace Craig. I didn't trust this new person who assumed she could just walk in here and be part of the team. I didn't care how much the rest of my team seemed to accept her. I didn't. I wanted Craig back, not this girl.
I knew there was nothing I could do, so I didn't bother arguing. I just turned on my heel and walked towards the changing area. I stripped out of my plain brown pants and black training shirt and put on the suit we needed to go into the training zone. I dressed silently, ignoring Sydney.
"So…I hear you're a pretty good shot with a bow and arrow." She finally said to me.
I nodded. Looking back at her. "I'm alright."
"You don't have to be modest. They've all told me how good you are. Besides." She turned towards me and smirked. "I've watched both of your games. I've seen you in action." She pulled her helmet over her head. "I'm glad. I've never been much of a long distance person. I'll need someone good covering my back. If you've got my back," she said, pulling the visor down over her eyes, "then I've got yours."
She waited for me to lead the way. I forgot she had never done this before. I pulled my helmet over my head. I wasn't buying the nice girl act, but after seeing what she could do in the ring, I definitely didn't want to be on her bad side. I wouldn't be her enemy, but I wouldn't be her friend. I wasn't looking forward to this trip into the combat zone. I was going in blind with someone who I had just met. I had no idea what Sydney could or couldn't do. I sighed as the doors slid open. We were gonna get our asses handed to us.
I knew as soon as the lights went out that I was wrong. It was like we had been training together for years. Sydney knew all of the standard military hand signals, and I guess the team had taught her our unique ones. It was like I could feel the next move she was going to make. She would go in close and take down a guard while I watched her back and took out snipers and tower guards. We moved like one person, disarming every trap and silently killing every guard that came into view. I didn't know what was happening, I just knew that it was natural.
The mission seemed to fly by, and before I knew it, I gave Sydney the final signal to cover me while I went in and saved our hostage. I pressed the exit button and the bell rang, signifying that we had successfully completed our mission. The lights in the training zone came on, and we made our way back to the changing rooms to take off our suits.
"That was awesome." She said enthusiastically, taking off her helmet. "I've never done that well in a duo mission before. I usually ask to work alone, but I'll go in with you anytime."
I just sort of grunted in reply. I didn't want to be on a team with this girl, but I couldn't deny that that was the fastest and most effective mission I had ever been on. It was even better than the ones I did with Peeta, and I felt more natural with him than anyone else. No matter how good of a team we made, I didn't like this girl. I didn't trust her, and I didn't want her to think we were friends.
We walked down the hallway that lead into the command zone. When we walked through the doors, the squad stood up and gave us a round of applause. "That's the best team work I've ever seen." Finnick said. "You two were astounding."
"Great job ladies." Furman said with a smile.
Peeta hugged me and shook Sydney's hand. "That was pretty incredible, Kat." He said when Sydney had walked away to talk to Johanna.
"I don't trust her Peeta. She came in here like she owns the place, and she thinks she's automatically just a part of this team. She's not." I said, angrily.
"This is about Craig isn't it?" Peeta said. He knew me. I couldn't hide anything from him. "Katniss, no one will ever replace Craig, but the fact is, we need an eighth man, and Sydney is good, you can't deny that."
I stared at the ground, refusing to answer him. He was no doubt captivated by her charm just like everyone else. I wouldn't be. I refused to be pulled into it. There was something not right about this girl. How had she gotten on to our team anyway? You'd think there would be some sort of trial where a bunch of candidates got to work with us, but here was this girl who just automatically made the team.
He kissed me on the forehead and led me over to be with the rest of the squad. Sydney gave me a small smile, but I didn't acknowledge her. "Well done." Jacobs said to us. "I am truly impressed by that. That's the fastest time we've ever had someone complete that mission in the combat simulator. It's one of the toughest ones, and you two made it look like child's play."
The doors opened, and in walked President Coin. The hairs on my neck stood on end and a shiver ran through me. Why was she here? She shouldn't be here. This was a place for our squad. President Coin had only been here once or twice, and she didn't belong. "Well done. I was watching from the camera's in central command. I'm impressed by how well you two work together. Looks like my choice for the last member of your team was a good one."
So Coin had chosen Sydney. No wonder I didn't trust her. She was one of Coin's cronies. My muscles tensed. Coin always put me on edge, and now she had someone to watch over me day and night. No doubt Sydney would come stay in the apartment with the rest of us. I looked over and studied her. She stared at the ground, barely acknowledging Coin. That was strange. She wasn't soaking up the praise like I thought she would. Usually, any time a soldier was complimented by President Coin they took it as an honor, but Sydney just stared at the ground sullenly.
Coin walked over to her and put her arm around her shoulders. Sydney shot Coin an angry look, obviously annoyed and uncomfortable. Their dynamic was strange, but familiar. It was almost like…
My thought was interrupted when Coin spoke up and finished it for me. "Who would've thought that my daughter and the girl on fire would ever make a good team?"