Chapter Sixty Two

Jasper

I knew Peter and Charlotte wouldn't be far away if needed but I had to find a way to get through to Bella, to show her that her life as a vampire could be wonderful if she would only let me help her. Let herself acknowledge the feelings that were buried in there somewhere. The feelings I knew she had for me because this couldn't be one sided. Charlotte had told me that Bella was my mate and I believed her, she'd never been wrong yet and I knew how I felt about this girl sitting watching me. At the moment she felt only a bitter fury and that was heightened as a newborn, we had all failed her, me especially and it was up to me to put things right. I sat down between her and the door and started to talk hoping she would hear the truth in my words.

"Bella I know you think you hate me right now, that you hate everyone, that we've all let you down and I guess we did in different ways. I understand your hatred of the Quileutes for bringing you to this, they were wrong to use you for their own ends, to plan your death at Garrett's hands in order to give them the excuse they needed to kill the Cullens. Garrett made plenty of mistakes himself but he kept you safe and in doing so he was ready to sacrifice himself. He didn't attack you despite the fact you were bleeding, he didn't hurt you, he brought down the entrance to the cave to keep you safe from the wolves. What he did later is something I can't explain, only he can do that, but I know he thinks, thought, a lot of you. Maybe he was trying too hard and maybe he just wanted me out of the way."

"Why are you defending him? He's the one who threw doubt on your actions. he's the reason the Cullens chased you off, you admitted that much. So why would you defend him?"

"Because despite our problems he kept you from death and I owe him for that. Any problems Garrett and I have we'll sort out in our own way, not by letting you destroy yourself in some act of revenge."

"He tried to force me to drink human blood even when I told him I didn't want to, he threw it at me, he said horrible things and most important of all he lied about being my sire."

"I know, he wanted you all to himself and by pretending to be your sire he thought you would feel a bond with him"

"Well I didn't but then I don't feel one with you either so it seems you're wrong."

"You refuse to let yourself feel anything but rage and bitterness, how do you know there aren't other feelings struggling to be heard?"

"I'm not interested in hearing the weak little voices."

"Then you should be, the quieter voices are always the most important ones."

"How very profound. Have you finished now? Only I'm bored"

"I'm sorry about that but no, I haven't and you are going to hear me out."

"Do I have a choice?"

"No."

"Then just get on with it."

"You blame the Cullens for lying to you but again they did it for the best of intentions, they know of me and my reputation, they didn't want you involved with someone like me so they lied. They drove me away for the same reason, for your sake. If anyone is to blame for me leaving then its me. I should have refused, I should have dug my heels in and stayed until you woke up then taught you what to do".

"But you didn't, you abandoned me."

"Yes I did and I have to live with that but I'm here now and I will be here as long as you need me"

"I don't need you,. Nor do I want you. Suddenly deciding you made an error and swooping in to whisk me away doesn't make me feel any better disposed towards you, I hate you, I despise you for the weak-willed man you are. I wish you'd just go and leave me alone. You can stay as long a you like, I'll never feel any differently about you or about the others. One day your guard will slip and I'll rip you to pieces then I'll go on my merry way and kill the Cullens and Garrett."

"And when you're finished Bella? What then?"

"I have no idea and I don't care. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. So, have we finished?"

"Not quite. Esme thought she was acting in your best interests they all did..."

Her jaw jumped with suppressed rage,

"They had no right to decide what was in my best interests, it's for me to decide when I have the full facts. They took my choices away, you took my choices away, just like the Quileutes, well guess what. I'm in control of my life now and I decide who and what I believe and how I live my life so save your breath."

I sighed, this was going about as well as I'd feared.

"Bella, I love you and I'll never give up trying to reach you."

"Well you sad pathetic creature you're in for an eternity of disappointment and misery aren't you?"

She closed her eyes and lay back in the chair, clearly bored with the conversation and blocking it out now.

Bella

Why didn't he just shut up, the jumble of words spilling from his mouth were whirling around in my head and confusing me. Hatred was easy, anger was easy, but these other emotions were driving me crazy but I couldn't put a stop; to them no matter how hard I tried. He loved me? If that were the truth why had he left me to wake up with Garrett and the Cullens? If he loved me why was he keeping me here, maimed and in distress? No he didn't love me, he just wanted to own me, like some pet, well this pet had teeth and claws and if he tried anything he'd find that out again.

"So how long do you plan keeping me here? Surely you have something more interesting to do than torture me?"

"Not really, no. So you ready to hear some more?"

"No but I guess that wont stop you will it?"

"No, it wont. Lets talk about your dad, Charlie Swan. How do you feel about him? Is he on this hit list of yours?"

I suddenly felt defensive, what business was it of his?

"Mind your own business."

"Oh I am, remember you're my mate and I don't think you'd survive killing your own father so I'd like to know what you have, if anything, against him."

I didn't want to answer yet I couldn't stop myself. It was as if his very presence was drawing everything from my mind out into the open.

"He let me down, his job was to protect me and he failed. If I hadn't gone to Forks the Quileutes wouldn't have tried to kill me. He knew what Garrett was and he let me see him. It was his responsibility to keep me safe, I was his little girl but just like you he turned his back on me."

"What did you expect him to do Bella? Did you ever ask him what he knew and why he did what he did? Was he allowed to defend himself or are you judge, jury, and executioner?"

"That's right, it's the only way to get justice in this world, take it yourself."

"No, down that path lies despair and death for you. Bella Swan isn't the girl who blew up the Quileutes or fired their village, the girl who killed Sam Uley and almost killed Garrett."

"Really? Well I disagree and just for the record I wish I'd killed more of the Quileutes and I never meant for Garrett to die. If I'd wanted him dead trust me, he'd be dead."

"So why didn't you kill him? Do you have feelings for him?"

"Why? Jealous Jasper? How sweet."

"That's avoiding the question Bella."

"I have no intention of answering that, you work it out and I hope the idea I might have feelings for Garrett tortures you."