Chapter Sixty Four

Bella

I noticed that everyone was busy looking at Charlie and making sure he didn't get too close but Esme who had moved aside to give them room to manoeuvre was now within my grasp, the woman who had lied to me about my sire and virtually pushed me into Garrett's arms. Well she would do for now. I lunged grabbing her by the hair and pulling her backwards over the couch my teeth snapping against her neck and tasting venom in my mouth. Charlie screamed my name and Peter grabbed Esme's arm but it was Jasper, aware I would rip her head off given a few seconds more, who dove across the couch hitting me hard and pulling me bodily away from the bitch. Angry and frustrated at being thwarted I screamed in rage and fastened my teeth into his throat instead but something stopped me from bringing them together. One of those tiny voices he had spoken of. It was screaming at me not to hurt him, to protect him from myself, and without conscious thought I threw him away from me and ran out the door pursued by Charlotte and then, when he regained his feet by Jasper. I made for the pier, the boat was tied up there and would get me away from this place. It meant leaving a hand behind but I could get another. In fact if Charlotte got any closer I might just rip hers from her arm!

"Charlotte stop"

I heard the girl come to a stop on the loose gravel path and redoubled my effort to reach the boat before I could be stopped but although I was fast he was faster and tackled me from behind. I went skating across the gravel kicking up clouds of earth and came to a halt at the base of a huge tree hitting my face against the trunk as he lay across my chest holding my face away from his own in case I decided to snap at him again. How was he to know I couldn't or the strange feeling his nearness was fostering in my chest.

"Are you going to fight me or are we going back to the cabin like two civilised human beings?"

"But I'm not and neither are you."

"Well pretend, for your father's sake. You have no idea what your behaviour is doing to him. He's feeling guilty enough Bella, don't make it any harder on him. If you want someone to hate, someone to blame then use me, I deserve it, he doesn't and he's a good man who loves you"

I knew he was right, the truth of his words was there whenever I thought of my dad. Why was I torturing him?

I nodded,

"I wont fight you but this isn't over. Just remember that"

"I will"

He got up and offered me his hand but I pushed it roughly away and walked back ahead of him watched by a grubby looking Charlotte and met at the door by a worried Charlie and angry Peter.

"Hey, she never did anything to you girl so you leave Charlotte out of this. You lay a hand on her and I'll make you rue the day you were born."

It was on the tip of my tongue to say I already did but I knew it would hurt Charlie and Jasper was right, at least about him. I could show I understood so when we got inside I turned to my dad,

"I'm sorry for what I said to you, it was hurtful and it was unfair. I expected too much of you, I know you did what you could once you knew I was in danger but why didn't you warn me Garrett was a vampire?"

"I didn't know how to Bella in truth and I didn't expect him to still be around. I knew the Cullens, they were good people and I thought Garrett was the same. I would never have put you in harm's way deliberately Bella, you have to believe that."

I sighed, ignoring Esmes gasps of pain as her wounds healed.

"I do Dad and again I'm sorry but I am a vampire now and I'm not sure how long I can resist the scent of your blood, the temptation just keeps growing so I think it would be best if you left now. I don't want your death on my conscience"

Even as I said it I understood some more of Jasper's words, the newborn vampire who had pursued the Quileutes and hurt Garrett and the human girl who was talking now were too different people, one had a conscience the other only a thirst for revenge and I wanted my father to see the girl not the vampire.

"Bella I don't want to leave you"

"Go, please dad I'll speak to you soon but I need you to go and take her with you or I might just do something..."

He looked at Esmes shattered look and nodded,

"OK, but you take care of her Jasper and I want to speak to her soon"

I watched as Charlotte helped Esme out followed by Charlie and Peter, leaving just the two of us again.

"Happy now? I listened to one of those quiet voices and followed its guidance."

"Good, has it made you feel any better?"

"About my dad? Yes but I still want to rip Esmes head off and if he hadn't been here I would have."

"But you didn't, that's the important thing. What your father thinks of you matters and that's a first step Bella."

"And what's the second? Listening to you? Forgiving you? Falling in love with you? Would that make you happy? Would it make me a better person? You see I'm not sure I want to be a better person where you're concerned or Garrett or the Cullens. You understood, you knew what you were doing, Charlie didn't so you are guilty as charged, all of you. Now I'm thirsty and I've talked enough."

I sat down in the same chair and closed my eyes wishing I could go to sleep for a few hours, I felt weary, sad, and depressed. Wait a minute, I didn't feel them or I did but I didn't think they were my emotions and I opened my eyes to see Jasper looking out the window with his back to me. A part of me wanted to jump him now and escape but another part recognised these were his emotions and I didn't understand why I felt them, he wasn't doing it deliberately but they stopped me from acting, instead I just closed my eyes again.

Jasper

I watched the others leave happy that I'd reached her in one thing, she and her father would patch things up because she wanted to and she needed him as he needed her. I didn't think I'd made any inroads as far as the rest of us were concerned which depressed and saddened me. I had hoped that perhaps seeing Charlies actions in a different light might make her think about ours but she sounded just as bitter and in truth I still couldn't blame her. As she moved I watched her reflection in the glass waiting for the attack that never came. I was sure she'd thought about it but something had stopped her, something I hadn't seen or felt but again perhaps it showed there was a chink in her armour, I could only hope.