Chapter Sixty Seven

Jasper

I saw the first wolf drop on Bella and acted instinctively wrestling it from her and dropping to the ground grabbing it by the throat with my left hand while keeping its claws from me with the other and then a second wolf joined in and snapping its teeth on my right hand it bit it off and spat it out. So the guardians were still looking then were they? The first wolf was dying as I thought this, its throat crushed but without my other hand I couldn't fight the second off so I dropped the first as the second got a hold on my shoulder. I thought I was in trouble until I saw Bella stop and turn back then her eyes closed and the wolf was suddenly ripped away from me and crushed on the ground the other side of the clearing. I slipped down to my knees almost on top of the first wolf's body and Bella ran over,

"Jasper? Are you OK? Speak to me"

I nodded holding my maimed arm to my chest to slow the gush of venom from the stump,

"Check on Charlotte, she must be hurt."

I thought Bella was going to refuse but then she nodded and ran off, whether to check on Charlotte or escape I didn't know, only that I couldn't follow her yet. I looked around for my hand and finding it almost hidden by the wolf's carcass I retrieved it and held it to the stump wincing as it started the painful process of fusing back on.

Bella

Why had I done that? Why did I save Jasper when I could have been free and clear? And why was I now running to do his bidding? I had felt something when I saw him injured, he was getting through to me and it confused me. I hated feeling this way and I knew I needed to get away so I could think clearly. I saw Charlotte laying on the ground with Peter kneeling over her, the boat tied up and just waiting for me so with a quick glance back to make sure Jasper wasn't close behind I ran to the boat and soon had it speeding towards the mainland and as soon as I could beach it I did making for Boston where I could lose myself among the crowds of humans, at least long enough to decide where to go from here. I needed to get as far from my pursuers as I could so I checked my pockets relieved I still had money although that was all I had, but then ' been here before and this time I understood more about myself and what I was capable of.

I might be able to hide myself from Jasper and his friends using my shield. If I wasn't using it to harm him it should work for me, protect me from whoever I chose. I concentrated wrapping it around me tightly then made my way to the train station picking the one that was leaving the soonest. The trainwas headed for Huntington, W. Virginia, although I had no intentions of being on board when it stopped there. I knew Jasper had a way of finding me, tracing me. He called it a mating bond, I called it luck or a useful friend but neither would help him now, not with my shield wrapped tight around me. I wasn't going to carry on with my hit list so he couldn't catch me that way, lets see you find me now Jasper!

I got off the train in Bridgeport and looked for a motel then went out and bought myself some clothes, less obvious this time, and I got a hair dye, I'd go dark again and when I got back I changed my appearance even cutting my hair shorter although it would never grow again, I could live with that. As soon as it got dark I went to hunt deciding to keep away from humans for now, animals would go unnoticed while humans tended to be missed and hiding bodies was a fag or at least that's what I told myself but in truth I had lost my appetite for human blood, especially from the living donor. While I was thirsty in that cabin on the island I had time to reflect on many things and one was that when I had killed a human to feed my behaviour altered too. I was more angry, more determined for revenge, whilst when I fed on animals I felt calmer and my thirst for revenge dimmed.

I wasn't sure which path I wanted to take but I guess that told me something in itself. His words spun round and round in my head and each time I heard them they made more sense. Did I want revenge? Yes. Did I want to kill to get it? I was no longer so sure. I had been thrilled to see Sam Uley fall dead after the explosion at the time, but now it made me feel numb and I hated that feeling. All my senses were heightened since I woke up, anger, hunger, loneliness, and when I felt numb it was as if I were inside my shield with nothing, just a blank emptiness which scared me most of all.

I found an old hunting shack that didn't smell as if it had been used in a long time and sat down wiping my hands on the old rotted cover over a battered table. What did I want? If I carried on like a killing machine then Jasper was right, I might elude my enemies for some time but one day I would make a mistake and be caught and killed or I could get to the end of my list and find I had no purpose left, no reason to go on. Yet another question Jasper had asked which stuck although I'd tried hard to ignore it. I needed a plan, some way of stepping away from all my feelings and memories so I could think clearly and then it came to me. I packed up all my memories of what had happened to me, the wolves, the Cullens, Garrett, and Jasper, and locked them away in a sealed room within my mind. Now I could think clearly and decide what to do. I had no reason to go anywhere in particular, there was no pull to Forks or Boston or anywhere else. I would take a coin and each day I would flip it, choosing alternately north or south, east or west. There would be no way of knowing where it would lead me so no one could predict my destination. I made my very last human kill for the next year, the time limit I had given myself before taking the memories back out and looking at them with fresh and less complicated eyes.

I picked on a drug dealer who looked as if he'd done quite well and indeed he had. The money I put in my pocket and the body I threw into the ocean. By the time he was found I would be on my way to who knew where. The next morning I left the motel after flipping the coin and headed south feeling freer than I had in a long time. I made it my practise to hunt every three days, I knew animal blood wasn't as satisfying as human blood and as I was living among humans it was as well to be careful. I used buses and trains most of the time although I did hitch a few rides and I stole what I needed, being careful not to hurt anyone or take from those who needed it more than I did. Mainly thieves and drug dealers in the towns I passed through. I was doing so well I patted myself on the back but then the waking dreams started.