Chapter Sixty Eight

Jasper

I knew I'd lost her before Peter got back with Charlotte, the tug in my chest had increased meaning she was further from me.

"Sorry Major she took the boat and I wasn't going to leave Charlotte. Who were they?"

He gestured to the wolf body laying still and dead,

"I'd say the smaller is probably the remaining Quileute. The female Charlie told us had decided to remain in wolf form. It would be her final act, to stay in a form she could harm a vampire"

"So her wolf form wasn't like a normal wolf?"

"Not if she never transformed back to human first. She would still have the strength and speed of her guardian form. She didn't make the decision to live on as a wolf but to be left in a form she could complete her vengeance."

"What about the other one? That's definitely a guardian."

I looked down at the body of a young man.

"I think maybe the female had at least one ally, a rogue guardian maybe. I'm sure they must have them just as we have rogue nomads."

"So, are we going to go look for her?"

"I will, you take Charlotte home. If I find her I'll let you know. For now I'd like to see if I can trace her alone. If she finds out we are pursuing her she might be forced into acting and do something stupid. Contact Darius, ask him to look out for any more guardians, if he see anything I want to know. I can't watch my back and look for her."

"Any sign of the fur faces we'll be there to get your back, don't you worry Major"

"Thanks Peter"

I knew I had to find Bella by myself, maybe with her strange entrance to our world she didn't feel the mating pull I did or maybe she was still fighting it. Whatever the reason I had to find her and speak to her once more. I'd made a mess of things twice now. This would be my last chance and I couldn't get it wrong, if I did it would be the end for me.

I parted from them in Boston and chose a quiet motel for one night to see if I could feel her any better now I was alone. I sat cross-legged on the bed and closed my eyes concentrating on the memory of her face. The tug was there but it was so weak I was scared I would lose it altogether if I chose the wrong direction, why was it so weak? Was she using her shield against me? Against any pursuit or did she really not feel anything for me? I refused to believe that, she had come back to save me from the wolf when she could have kept running but I hadn't given her much reason to trust or feel any love for me. I should have explained exactly why I had left he to the Cullens care, what I had done and why instead of trying to show her how strong I was. If I lost her I had only myself to blame but I wouldn't, I couldn't, and the next morning I headed south.

Every night the tug remained the same, a faint ghost in my chest, and every morning it felt weaker until I started moving but I was beginning to think I was chasing a ghost. She moved erratically, with no rhyme or reason, often turning back on her self, what was motivating her? It wasn't thirst because I heard of no deaths that could be attributed to a vampire in any of the towns and cities I passed through. I never seemed to close the gap and in desperation I rang Darius forassistance.

"I'm not sure what I can do Major. She's not using a credit card and she doesn't seem to own a car. According to you she's not following a particular path and she doesn't appear to be headed for Forks, Boston, or Alaska, so she's not looking for more revenge, at least not for now. I can check CCTV footage in the major towns and cities with facial recognition software but its like looking for a needle in a hay mountain. If I didn't know better I'd say she was playing the odds with no plans. What about the pull?"

"It's so nebulous Darius, I wonder if she's using her shield"

"Well if she is then there's something pretty strong between you if you can still feel her. Your chances of finding her are better than mine but I'll do my best."

This went on for six months and my frustration grew with every one until I could feel the frustration and terrible need to find her like a living parasite inside me, gnawing at my chest.

Bella

I enjoyed my adventure for the first couple of months, seeing the country in all its diversity and proving to myself that I could live as a vampire and still interact with humans. There had been a few close calls like the time a young boy ran past me, his knees bloody after falling off his bike. My first reaction was to chase him, drain him, but I fought it and won. I was much stronger willed than I had thought and this gave me satisfaction. But then the dreams got worse, I saw Jasper when ever I closed my eyes and sometimes I caught a glimpse of him at the corner of my eye when I had them open but he wasn't really there. My mind was playing tricks on me and it unnerved me. I found myself watching nervously on buses and trains, half dreading, half hoping, to see a glimpse of him. The memories of all that had happened remained hidden, there but a blur only half remembered. Yet his memory was becoming stronger not weaker and I felt this empty ache in my chest. An emptiness I hated to admit would only be filled when or if I ever saw him again. His words went over and over, echoing in my brain, he was convinced we were mates and I'd laughed in his face. I'd said such terrible things, hurtful things to him yet he stayed, he kept talking to me as if knowing there was a way through my bitterness and rage.

Jasper

As he'd feared Darius hadn't been able to trace Bella, she was using her shield to remain hidden from us, well me really. She had run after saving me from the wolves, was it because she felt something and that frightened her? Or had saving me been her last act of defiance before leaving, a case of see, I can look after myself, I can even look after you, I don't need or want your help. Either way I couldn't give up, I had to see her again. Being away from her was driving me crazy, I couldn't think, I couldn't hunt properly, I couldn't do anything but chase her using the tugging sensation I knew was connecting our hearts, or mine to her in any case. Peter and Charlotte had both offered to help me time and time again but if Darius couldn't find her then how were they supposed to? Even Rosalie Hale had been in touch but I couldn't tell her anything, she did tell me that Esme had been badly affected by her visit to the island although I had little sympathy for her, she'd put herself in danger so what had she expected to happen?

"No its not that Jasper, she feels guilty about lying to Bella. Telling her Garrett was her sire. Its like she feels responsible for everything that's happened to Bella. I just wanted to know if Bella was any better, I like her, she's tough and I feel guilty too for not saving her.

"Don't ask me to feel sorry for Esme. I don't care if she's feeling guilty I don't care if she's hurting, my only concern is for Bella. As for your part in all this, I guess only you know if you could have done anything that would have made a difference to the outcome."

"I understand. So is she feeling any different now?"

I couldn't tell them I'd lost her or there would be a manhunt and I didn't want anyone looking except me. If someone else found her first I had this terrible feeling that I might never see her or speak to her again.