Title: Penance
Summary: Set after The Doctor somehow rescues Clara and himself from his own timestream. Guilt inspires The Doctor on a mission
A/N: There is something about Doctor Who - mostly the concern that The Doctor will always regenerate and a companion is never forever that saddens me. And I've had so much fun falling in love with Clara/The Doctor that I had to write out some of the sad.
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters or this universe.
Chapter Three: The Last Time
The Doctor took a deep breath. It had been a long time since he'd done what he called his "penance". A long time since he thought he'd be able to stand it. His Clara was gone. But her echoes still littered his timeline, living and dying all around him - the greatest temptations he'd ever known.
He'd discussed it with her of course, when they'd known the end was near. The idea of finding her again, starting all over again... It was obscene and unbearable and yet...tempting beyond anything he'd ever known. The Doctor frowned and shook his head.
He walked out of the TARDIS onto a red alien soil. There had been an adventure here once. For him. He heard the tell tale sound of the TARDIS lifting off - the past TARDIS lifting off just as he rounded a corner of a huge rock formation. So that was it then. He'd been saved again. But where was his savior?
He stood absorbing the scene, trying to remember in what way Clara's echo could have played a role in this particular moment from his timeline. He blinked. Yes, there had been a bomb - once of those crazy doomsday devices. And it had been set to go … and yet... it hadn't gone... until the terrorists had gone back in to try to fix it and he and his friends had been safely sheltered.
The Doctor put his hands in his pockets. Perhaps she had been too close to the blast. If so, there would be nothing left of her now. No way to stand in solidarity with her as she gave up her life for him. But, why would the TARDIS have brought him here if it were so?
He turned to go when he heard the clang of metal against rock and whirled around to see a hidden bunker not ten yards away. Cautiously, The Doctor approached, but stopped dead when she staggered out into the light. She was wearing some sort of jumpsuit - her face was sooty and her hair looked like she had had a fight with a toaster and lost. She was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen in his long life.
She caught sight of him and stopped, cocked her head to the side and really looked at him, "Doctor?"
The Doctor gathered his courage and walked to her, the echo of his wife, his... "Clara?"
"Only my mum calls me Clara."
The Doctor gave her a lopsided grin, "Oswin then."
She grinned, "Now you've got it."
"Oswin, are you okay?"
She put a hand up to smooth her hair, then shook her head, "Dunno. A bit stunned. Once I got in their bunker there I knew all I had to do was jam their frequency until you all were off but it was just luck none of them tried to get back into the bunker because - Are you real? I know who you are of course, though I never know how. I thought I saved you - why have you got a new face already?"
The Doctor found himself at a loss for words. Belatedly he scanned her with the sonic screwdriver, then looked around. Why, if this Clara wasn't dying, had the Tardis brought him here? He looked at her again, "Just wanted to say thanks I suppose."
She gave him a vibrant smile, "You're very welcome."
The Doctor had to look away from the smile, it hurt too much to see it. And, by looking away - behind her at the red dust that extended to the horizon, he finally figured out the problem, "How are you planning on getting past that desert?"
"That massive desert there?" Clara looked behind her at the wide expanse, "Well, to be honest, I hadn't gotten that far. I brought a shuttle, but I'm guessing - yes, that seems to have been obliterated."
The Doctor walked away from her, running his hand through his hair... then he started to pace. Well this wouldn't do. No way was he going to leave her stranded in the desert to die of exposure or... or... The Doctor swept the sonic around them in an arc. There was a colony. It wasn't far - not by TARDIS standards anyway. He wouldn't even have to jump in time.
He turned back around to see her watching him with half a smile playing at her lips, "I love to watch you think."
He rolled his eyes and - after a long moment in which his heart both broke and yearned - held out his hand, "Fancy a lift?"
He led her back to the TARDIS where he abruptly released her hand. His hands were shaking so badly after that first contact that it took him a full thirty seconds to open the door even with the key. When he finally did open it, Oswin popped her head in before The Doctor had a chance to make sure they would be alone.
"Where have you been?" A voice from the area of the console demanded.
"What are you doing up?" The Doctor's voice cracked. Unsteady, he closed the TARDIS door firmly behind Oswin and wondered just how difficult this next part was going to be.
"I'm always up."
"Since when?"
"Since always."
"Well... it's not right. Go to bed."
"I'm not five."
"Well you're not two thousand and five either."
"Which implies maybe its you that needs more sleep old man."
The Doctor muttered under his breath and programed the TARDIS for a short hop when the young man traveling with him leaned against the railing and nodded toward Oswin, "Brought home a stray?" Then, as he got a closer look, he stopped talking... and thinking. He walked to the steps.
Oswin smiled at him, "Hello."
Aiden tried very hard to smile back, but he was having a hard time getting his voice to work, "Hi..." Aiden came down the steps, looked to The Doctor, could see the emotion ripe in his face and was mortified to feel his own eyes fill with tears.
The Doctor tried to walk passed him back to Oswin but Aiden grabbed his arm, the two men stared at each other for a long moment and finally Aiden let The Doctor pass, heard him say, gruffly, "Don't get attached. We're just giving her a lift."
"Yes Grandfather." Aiden said it without thinking, without taking his eyes off Oswin. At two hundred, he was still a very young man, and he had gotten his height from his grandfather's side of the family so he was a head taller than Oswin. He moved even closer, he couldn't help it. Talking almost to himself he addressed her, "You're... one of the echoes. You're... not real."
Oswin raised her eyebrows and pinched his arm, then laughed when he cried out, "Real enough!"
Aiden laughed, rubbing his arm, "I'm sorry - I'm so sorry. You're … it's just that... you're beautiful Grandmama."
For a moment the shock ripped through her, but her smile did not waver. Instead it broadened as she studied his face. Somewhere between one moment to the next they were both in tears and he was holding onto her and spinning her around. She pat his back, "So - how many hearts then?"
Aiden laughed, "It's complicated,"
Oswin sighed, "Of course it is."
The Doctor cleared his throat, standing near the door, "We're here."
"Where?" Demanded Aiden.
"Oswin's... home."
Oswin pushed away from Aiden, slow to let go of his hands, "Yes, of course."
Aiden looked from her to The Doctor, who's face was gray with pain. Aiden's heart broke for him, but still, how could he let go?
He looked into the face of his grandmother: memories and feelings he hadn't realized were so close to the surface bursting around in his mind. She smiled and squeezed his hands before pulling hers out of his grip, "I know that you're not technically... really mine... but... just the same. You are." She winked at him, then stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek, "And I don't know you but... I have never been prouder of anyone in my entire life."
They shared a tearful laugh then she nodded her goodbye as she backed away to the door. The Doctor followed her. He couldn't not. She had her hands behind her back, holding onto the door handle when she found it, watching him with eyes... eyes that he would do anything for.
He tried to stop himself, but he couldn't - he wrapped his arms around her. The act nearly stopped both his hearts with the pain and the joy of the memory of holding her, how familiar, how glorious, how... gone.
He stepped back, holding both his hands against her face, "I... love you. Every echo. Every version."
She nodded, "As we love you. Every regeneration, for all of time and space." She pulled the door in and smiled through her tears, "Now shoo. I've got to be on the lookout for... you. In case you get into any more trouble! Goodbye."
The Doctor spread his hand out on the closed door; Afraid to move for fear he would throw the door back open and go after her. When he felt the TARDIS lift off The Doctor felt a wave of gratefulness for his grandson that nearly levelled him. He turned around as Aiden bounded back down from the controls and they grasped onto one other. They stood there locked in their shared pain until, finally, they pulled apart. The Doctor gave his grandson an affectionate pat on the neck and turned back one more time to stare at the door.
"You going to be okay?"
The Doctor shook his head, "I miss her."
"I know."
"I owe her." The Doctor looked at Aiden, "For every day, every hour that she loved me. For every child and every grandchild and ..."
Aiden shook his head sadly, "Oh Grandda. She was your Impossible Girl. And you were her hero. We all knew that. Even her echoes seem to know it." Aiden grinned, pointed at his grandfather, "But you know how Grandmama felt about sulking."
The Doctor looked rebellious for a moment then scratched at his ear, "I'm an old man.. sulking is my privilege."
"Well, Old Man... how 'bout you tell the TARDIS where to go?" Aiden surrendered the controls and wandered toward the corridors, "Because I think I need to... sit down somewhere."
The Doctor nodded with understanding at that and let his hand hover above the controls. When he was alone with the TARDIS he wondered out loud, "How much longer, Old Girl? How much longer before you and I stop running?" The machine let out a mighty groan and The Doctor smiled, "No sulking then. For we shall meet again - my Clara and I. And in the meantime... let's show these youngin's how it's done, what do you think?"