Chapter Seventy One

Jasper

It was so long, so many empty painful months, before I felt the change. I'd been hunting although that was a major effort these days when it hit me. The tug was there but much stronger, as if dragging me onwards. What had happened? Was Bella injured and unable to use her shield any longer or had she taken it down? Was she trying to contact me? Give me a way to contact her? Whatever the reason I wasn't wasting time worrying. Instead I got into my car and started to drive and with every mile the feeling got stronger, I was getting closer and I felt hope filling me, I would see Bella again at last and this time I would tell her everything, how much I loved and needed her, how I felt I wasn't worthy, that I was a dangerous person to become involved with, that I couldn't live without her at my side. And when I'd finished I would wait for her to run or stay, complete my life or destroy it, the choice had to be hers.

I was on the road for three days before sure I was in the right place, the feeling was almost crippling me it was so strong. Bella was here in Wichita somewhere, all I had to do was track her down. Never had a city felt so vast, there were too many buildings, too many people, and too many scents. I waited until the evening when the city calmed, less people and traffic, fewer scents and then I followed the tug and found myself on the steps of the Central Wichita public library. Was Bella here? The place was closed but I knew she was close by. I sat and waited and suddenly there she was, standing a few feet away looking nervous,

"Hello Jasper, So you found me"

"Yes thanks to you I think. You could have kept your shield up, I would never have found you then"

"I know, or at least I suspected, that's why I put it up in the first place"

"So why take it down?"

"I needed to see you."

"Why?"

"I'm not sure, at least I don't think I am. I think we need to talk."

"I'd like that, shall we walk?"

She nodded and I got up waiting for her to join me and we walked side by side, close but not touching although I longed to take her hand and pull her close, purely for the relief I knew it would give me from this terrible ache in my chest. I just wasn't sure I had her even now.

Bella

I had felt relief when I saw him sitting on the library steps, it was my last day and I had thought I'd lost him but there he was and he looked gaunt if a vampire could look gaunt, as if he hadn't hunted or rested in months. Was I responsible for that? I had to find out, I needed to know what he meant to me and what I really meant to him. We walked side by side through the streets towards a small park where he guided me to a bench and we sat looking at each other. His eyes were wary. Did he think I was going to bite him? That made me smile and he tensed,

"Bella there are some things I need to say to you"

I shook my head,

"You did a lot of talking when we were on the island, its my turn now, your turn to listen"

He nodded and sat back,

"Very well."

He may have sat back but he hadn't relaxed and I realised neither had I. We were both so tightly wound we might snap at any moment.

"I ran from you on that island and I apologise. I should have made sure there were no more wolves and that you were healing but I didn't. When I got to Boston I made a decision. I would hide for a year and during that time I wouldn't think about anything that had happened to me. I would lock away all the memories and try to live my life without any complications. At first I thought it was easy, I just wandered with no plan, no idea where I was going or what I would do and I didn't think about anything, it was all locked up tight and hidden away but something got loose. There was one memory I couldn't lock away, it refused to be hidden. That memory or those memories I guess to be clear, were you."

He didn't speak but he was listening intently as if his life depended on my words.

"You just refused to stay locked up. Whatever I did, however fast I ran and however many times I tried to think of other things you were always there. So I decided if I couldn't outrun you then I'd better find you or let you find me and talk about things."

There was a long pause before he spoke,

"My turn?"

"Yes, your turn"

"I made a mess last time I tried to talk to you and I've been thinking about it ever since. Working out what I wanted to say to you and the best way to say it. Let me start by apologising to you. I should never have left you with the Cullens. I should have stayed until you woke up and given you the choice of coming with me or staying there but my life is complicated, dangerous and my reputation leaves a lot to be desired. Meeting you was an accident, I was looking for the Cullens or I'd found them but I was trying to decide how to approach them when I found you. I wanted to learn to live on animal blood like they do for reasons I'm not going into in any detail now. Suffice to say that killing humans is a very bad thing for me personally. The Cullens knew who I was, they knew my reputation and they made it clear they didn't trust me or want me around and I left, stupidly, blindly, and to my shame. But I did return, I wanted to look out for you, that's how I met you when you ran from Garrett at the hospital. I was coming back to tell you the truth and ask you to forgive me. I made a mess of that too."

"I'm sorry I hit you"

He rubbed his jaw,

"I deserved it and a lot more besides, I need you to forgive me, give me another chance. To show you I love you, that I need you, and want to look after you. Will you at least think about it?"

I hesitated,

"We can talk more but for now I need to hunt. I've left it too long, waiting in case I missed you."

"We can hunt and talk at the same time, if you'll let me accompany you that is."

"OK"

I got up and started walking without looking back, I knew he would follow.