Chapter Seventy Four

Bella

My mind was going over everything he'd said and I didn't see how I could be mistaken, he was right. I felt the pull just as he had but once I said so that was it and for a little while I wanted to feel I was in control of my destiny so I didn't answer him. I didn't speak for more than an hour while the tension in the air neared the point it would be visible. I knew he was waiting to hear my answer, I knew I was torturing him by delaying but it was all I had left, the only thing that was keeping Bella Swan alive. My humanity was gone and I was now a creature of the senses, I was a vampire and I knew what I wanted but to embrace it meant becoming something new yet again, a partnership with a man I hardly knew. Yes I knew all about him, he hadn't held anything back but I didn't know him, the man sitting at my side still watching me. He was handsome but then so were all vampires, it was part of our make up. He was determined and thoughtful but he was also tough and resourceful, all things that called to me in a way I couldn't shut out. I tried to think of my life without him but as he said it seemed a cold and depressing place. He was the warmth, my sun, and everything good that I wanted. I was greedy for him and that scared me even more.

We stopped twice to hunt and both times we did so together but it was only on the second occasion that I realised something was amusing him.

"Do you find me amusing?"

He looked at me startled,

"Sorry?"

"You were smiling and I thought maybe you found me amusing"

"Oh, no. Its just, well... vampires don't usually hunt together unless..."

"Let me guess, unless they're mates."

He nodded,

"So I guess that's just one more indication that we are meant for each other."

He looked away but I saw the hurt in his eyes again and cursed myself,

"Look I'm sorry but I'm finding this whole mates thing a little difficult, you have to give me time."

"Of course Bella. Shall we get back on the road?"

He drove this time and I found myself watching him as he did so. He had a relaxed and rather sexy way with him and I found myself longing to reach out a hand to caress his thigh, feel the muscles move under the skin as he changed gear. I cut that thought off but I think he'd felt my emotion because I saw a ghost of a smile hover about his lips for a second before it was replaced with the usual relaxed gaze he had.

"How far is it now?"

I didn't really want to know but I did want to hear his voice,

"Not far, about fifty miles, why? Did you want to stop and hunt again?"

"No, I was just wondering how to explain us being together."

"They wont ask. I'm your sire, it will seem natural to them that we are together. What else you tell them is entirely up to you. This is, as they say, your show"

I nodded and sat back, I was nervous at the idea of meeting the Cullens again. Not for what they thought of me but for how I would feel, especially seeing Esme. I would never forgive her for her lies but I didn't think my hatred was still strong enough to want her dead. I had already hurt her, Carlisle? Well as for him we would see. The person I knew I wouldn't feel any enmity to was Rosalie who had tried to protect me from the wolves. In fact if I were being honest, something I was finding difficult around Jasper, it was just too dangerous, I was looking forward to seeing her again.

We pulled up before a large house and sat as the engine cooled down, he was waiting to follow my lead. I got out shutting the door firmly and walked slowly to the front door but before I could knock it was opened and Carlisle stood there looking wary,

"Bella"

"Carlisle. Could I talk to you for a few minutes?"

"Provided there is to be no violence please come in"

I walked past him followed by Jasper who didn't speak and into an open plan area that encompassed the whole ground floor. Sitting on a cream coloured couch, her legs curled up beneath her was Esme and sitting beside her reading a magazine was Rosalie. Seeing me Esme straightened up looking concerned but Rosalie got up to greet me,

"Bella, its good to see you again."

I smiled at her,

"Thank you Rosalie and I need to thank you for all you did trying to save me from the wolves."

"I'm sorry I couldn't do more. I tried but not hard enough."

"Yes you did and I'm comfortable in my new life now so please stop feeling guilty."

She smiled more broadly and motioned for me to sit down while Jasper remained standing at my back like a body-guard or prison warder, I wasn't sure which!

Esme sat forward,

"Bella I am so sorry for everything I did that hurt you. I was wrong I see that now and although there's nothing I can do to change what's happened I would like you to know I've learned a very hard lesson. It wasn't for me to force you into anything, least of all a relationship. I'm sorry to you Jasper too. I know you can't forgive me but perhaps you wont hate me quite so much."

"I don't hate you Esme, I feel nothing for you good or bad. I'm living with the consequences of your actions, the hand I've been dealt. It's a waste of time and energy wishing things could be different"

Carlisle cleared his throat,

"I think that's enough Jasper, Esme is very upset about the whole thing. I told her the things she did were done with the best of intentions, you must accept that you don't have a very good reputation and Garrett did seem a better companion for Bella even if it turned out that wasn't so"

I waited for Jasper to answer Carlisle but he stood silent and watchful.

"Please explain something to me Carlisle."

"Of course Bella anything."

"Why did you think that Garrett was a better bet? He doesn't have such a good reputation himself from all accounts and he too was and still is a human hunter while you knew Jasper had come to you for guidance on an animal blood diet."

"We knew Garrett, I was sure he would be a good influence on you"

"Well you were wrong, I think you just liked the idea of being a matchmaker for your good friend. I should have killed Garrett when I had the chance but that's over now. You can tell him he's safe from me when you see him next"

"I'm glad you've come to your senses Bella, revenge only hurts the one seeking it"

"Really? That's your words of wisdom is it? Well I found something to replace that feeling of anger and resentment."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, a good friend, a very good friend although it took me a long time and a lot of soul-searching to acknowledge it"

Carlisle's eyes flickered over Jasper,

"Yes I mean Jasper. You should have accepted him when he came to you, not judged him unworthy and sent him away like a mangy dog begging for scraps."

"I assure you we did not treat him in any such way and if he has told you that then he is a liar."

"Be careful Carlisle, my patience only stretches so far"

It was the first time Jasper had spoken to Carlisle and his cold voice lowered the temperature in the room to such a degree I expected to see ice on the windows.