Chapter Seventy Five

Bella

There was a prolonged silence in the room then Esme got up,

"Carlisle I think that was rude, especially as Jasper and Bella are guests in this house, our home. Please excuse my husband and thank you for coming. As for my part in what happened to you Bella again I can only apologise but I think it might be better if you left now."

She threw Carlisle a scowl that everyone could see and I got up.

"Of course. Thank you for allowing us time to speak to you."

"Where are you going now?"

I looked at Rose uneasily, we hadn't got any further than a visit here. I had no idea where we went from here but Jasper spoke then.

"I thought I might show Bella some of the sights and then we might visit Charlie when he gets settled in his new job."

"So he did leave Forks? He said he didn't think he could stay which is a pity, it was his family home."

"Things change Mrs Cullen, people have to adapt to changes in circumstances. We won't take up any more of your time."

Rose followed us outside and took my arm,

"Bella please keep in touch. I'd like to know how you are doing."

I nodded not sure if I meant it, I was still suspicious of the Cullens, even Rose who had tried to save me, she was still one of them and she could have told me about Jasper but had kept silent. As we drove away I turned to Jasper,

"So where are we going?"

"It's still your party so you tell me."

I had no idea, I was lost without my plan of revenge but that appealed to me about as much as returning to the Cullens now.

"You don't trust Rosalie Hale do you?"

I shook my head,

"I don't trust anyone, no ones given me any cause to trust them."

"Me too?"

I sighed,

"Yes you too, although if I had to trust anyone it would be you."

"Why?"

"I'm not going down that "mates" road again, it's getting old. I don't know why and until I do I really don't want to commit to anything."

"Fair enough but I still need a destination or eventually we're going to hit a body of water, Atlantic, Pacific, its your choice."

Suddenly I felt very weary, distrust and hatred were wearing and I'd run dry on both,

"Just drive please while I think"

"Talk to me Bella. You'll never work things out if you can't talk to someone and I'm your only option at the moment."

"Why did all this happen to me? I was just a girl, a human girl who was going to live with her estranged dad and excited about finally getting to know him. Instead I got run off the road, chased by supernatural wolves and almost killed, then attacked and finally turned into a vampire. What did I do wrong? Where did I go wrong?"

"I think you have your own ideas on the answer to that."

I looked at him wishing he would stop turning everything back on me but continuing anyway.

"My dad knew Garrett was a vampire yet he allowed me to get to know him, he pushed Garrett into giving me a lift from the airport, putting me in a dangerous situation, in a car with a vampire who drank human blood. He knew about the wolves yet he didn't warn me about them either."

"So you feel betrayed by the person who you had every right to expect would keep you safe?"

"Yes, exactly and if I couldn't trust my father then how do I find the courage to trust anyone else?"

"Your heart will tell you who you can trust Bella"

"Heart? Do I even have one any longer?"

"Well strictly speaking no but trust your feelings then, it amounts to the same thing."

"Does it? What if you don't trust your own feelings though?"

"Then I would say you have to start somewhere and trusting your own feelings is probably the best place to do that."

Jasper

I could see Bella was frightened and struggling to untangle her own feelings but I was right, she had to start somewhere.

"OK, say I do trust my feelings, then what?"

"That depends what they are telling you."

"I want to go home Jasper but I don't know where home is any more."

"Would you like to find somewhere to stay for a few days so you can work out what you want to do?"

She glanced at me suspiciously,

"Like where?"

I turned off the road at a motel,

"Here do you?"

She looked around frowning then shrugged,

"I guess it's as good as anywhere"

If I could just get through this hard outer shell to the girl inside I knew I could help her but I had to get through first so I paid for two rooms next to each other.

"Here's your key"

I handed one to her and she looked at it,

"Mine?"

"I thought you might like some time alone to think about things. I'll be next door if you want to talk."

She nodded still looking at the key then unlocked her door and went in shutting it behind her without a backwards glance and I guess that was the hardest thing for me. I loved this girl but I wasn't at all sure she felt the same way or if she did she was fighting it so damn hard for some reason and all I could do was wait and hope.

Bella

I hadn't expected separate rooms and at first it threw me, once inside I put the key on the night stand and sat on the edge of the bed. "Think about things" That was easier said than done, I'd done nothing but think about things since he took me to the island and I felt no further forward, I hated to admit it even to myself but I missed him although he was only a few feet away. I was so aware of his closeness and not being able to see him or smell him made me anxious which only proved that I needed him. And if I needed him this badly then it followed I wanted him and he was indeed my mate. The trouble was as soon as I thought this I panicked, I'd never been with a guy, I had no idea what being mated really meant but it sure as hell included the sex act and much as I ached for him I had no idea how to approach him without freezing up. For the first time in my life I wished that I wasn't a virgin and that made me feel inadequate and the panic rose again. If I didn't find a way to calm down I was going to explode. I took a few deep breaths which had always helped as a human and that thought helped it to do so now. I wasn't a girl any more I was a vampire with all the confusing emotions and feelings that came with my altered state. I was forced to admit that my feelings for Jasper were intense and complicated, being away from him was driving me more crazy and I closed my eyes deciding exactly what I was going to do next.