Chapter Seventy Six

Jasper

The intensity of Bella's feeling almost brought me to my knees they were so powerful and I sat on the bed calming myself by trying to block the most intense of them but I couldn't help a smile, through all her confusion and doubt I could feel love. She may not want to admit it but Bella had feelings for me, her problem was the fear that accompanied that love. Was she still unable to trust me? If so I had no one but myself to blame, it had been my actions or inactions at thevery beginning that had caused her suspicion and now all I could do was hope she could see past them to a future for us. The sun dropped below the horizon and still I sat waiting as her emotions crashed over me like waves onto the shore then suddenly she became much calmer, something had happened, she had come to a decision but was it one I could bear? One I could live with? Then I heard a low tap on my door,

"Come in"

She stepped inside and closed the door quietly behind her before turning to look at me.

"I did what you said and took time out to think. It wasn't easy and I'm still not sure I'm doing the right thing but you were right, trust has to start somewhere so I thought I'd start by being entirely honest with you if that's OK?"

I nodded,

"Of course. Would you like to sit down?"

She shook her head and went to stand at the window gazing out onto the parking lot before speaking.

"I've decided to trust you so please don't make me regret that decision. I've spent all day denying my true feelings but it hasn't helped me. I do have feelings for you as I'm sure you worked out, I hate being away from you, I hate not being able to see you, smell yourscent, or hear your voice. It feels like there's a part of me missing, a part I can't survive without so I guess what I'm saying is that I love you. Ironic isn't it, that I should be the one you saved, your mate, or was it always meant to be?"

I wasn't sure if she expected an answer but before I could give one she turned abruptly to look at me.

"I'm a virgin Jasper. I have no idea about relationships not personally anyway. I'm scared I'll disappoint you and 'I'm scared you're going to walk away now because you quite obviously aren't inexperienced and why would you want a fumbling teenager?"

I'd heard enough and I got up and went to her, pulling her into my arms to hold her tight as I whispered in her ear,

"Bella, nothing matters but that you love me. The rest will come and I'm not going to force you into anything I promise."

She pulled back enough to look into my eyes,

"You don't understand do you? I'm in love with you and that goes along with all the physical feelings and cravings. I want you, I want you to take me to bed and make love to me. I want you to own me but I don't know how and that scares me. Being out of my depth scares me even more than admitting my feelings for you. I realised I have no one except you, you're all I have now in my new world, the only person I could even think of giving my trust to."

I pulled her close once more and kissed her forehead,

"Bella, I will always be here for you and I will do anything you ask me to as long as it means we will stay together. Trust me, I wont hurt you physically or mentally ever again, just trust me"

"I do"

Those two words were whispered so quietly I could only just make then out myself,

"Then everything will be fine now come and sit down"

I guided her to the bed where we sat together on the edge and I waited for her to relax again but she just couldn't.

"Are you scared of me?"

"No I'm scared of me Jasper because I want you so damn much it hurts."

I pushed her gently down until she was laying on the bed and swung her legs up then joined her,

"Bella we have all the time in the world for this so just try to relax. Whatever happens I promise I wont spring anything on you. OK?"

She opened her eyes and looked at me nodding although her face was still troubled.

We lay like this for some time until her fears faded, I could have helped her but I didn't think it was wise or fair, she had to be in control of her own emotions, her own body or she would mistrust me again. Once she was calm I leaned over and kissed her gently on the cheek then followed it up with our first real kiss. Her lips parted just a little as mine touched and I tasted her sweet breath, felt as her tongue flickered between her teeth to run along my lip before pulling back hurriedly.

"Ssh, its OK Bella, just do what feels natural."

She nodded still not opening her eyes and we kissed again but this time her tongue explored the inside of my mouth before retreating and her hands came up to lace into my hair pulling our faces closer, I could feel the hunger in her tinged with fear but I knew we would make it through all he fears. Her love would help her through, me too. I ran butterfly kisses down her cheek, along her jaw line and down her throat stopping only at the collar of her sweater. She moaned a little and moved impatiently but I wasn't going to rush this and spoil things.

Her hands roamed over my back until her fingers caught the bottom of my shirt tugging at it impatiently before sliding underneath and along my naked skin. Her fingers traced paths of fire on my flesh as if every nerve was alight and being consumed and I couldn't help catching my breath. Hearing this she stopped and her hands returned above the material.

"Would you like me to take it off?"

I whispered the query in her ear and she nodded still not opening her eyes as I sat up and pulled my shirt over my head then lay back down where hungry and exploring hands felt every inch of exposed skin and sent me crazy with desire which I struggled against so as not to scare her.

When she pushed me gently away I thought perhaps she'd felt my desire and was frightened but she merely pulled off her own top and lay back pulling me down on top of her so our naked torsos were touching and this time we both gasped. I could feel her breasts in their lacy cups pressing against my chest and sliding my hand up her back which she arched for me quite willingly I undid the clasp and tugged until it came free and dropped to the mattress. Now there was nothing between our upper torso's and the feel of her naked flesh against mine had my head whirling but I bit down on my desire, this would go at Bella's pace not mine.