A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews to each one of you :)

Chapter 4: Animals and Humans

The whole operation of becoming Animagus would have been much easier, if Remus had been able to help them. Of course, they couldn't tell Remus. Remus would have got shocked about how much they were risking for him, and, being panicked, he could have told McGonagall and they would have all been arrested and put to Azkaban and Sirius didn't want to go there. So they had to keep it secret, but that also meant that they couldn't use Remus' brain and patience during the process.

It took almost two years. Of course, they weren't trying all the time, because, after all, they still had their duties of doing pranks and annoying as many students and teachers as possible. Remus claimed that he didn't care about that, either, but Sirius knew that he was lying. He had seen the boy smiling when James had made Lucius Malfoy's shoes explode just when he was trying to get them into his feet. Afterwards both James and Sirius had been in Hospital Wing because Lily Evans had threw them with her shoe – who knew that the girl could throw a shoe that hard when she was angry enough - but that wasn't the point. Even though it had been terribly irritating, being in the same room with James babbling about how Evans had taken some contact with him. Sirius had tried to say that interacting wasn't supposed to make bruises, but James wouldn't listen to him.

At first they had to get to know how one could become Animagus. It involved going to the library and that was the part Sirius disliked the most. He didn't enjoy libraries. It had probably something to do with the fact that at home in Grimmauld Place the library was dark and huge, the book shells disappeared into the ceiling and looked like any of them could fall when he turned his back to them, and the library was the place where his father was always sitting, reading some black-covered book and smoking. Hogwarts' library was quite different, but Sirius tried to avoid it, just in case. Besides, reading isn't the most appealing activity when you are a thirteen years old boy.

Remus would have been the perfect person to go to the library and find some information about becoming Animagus, but because they couldn't tell Remus, they had to do it themselves. They tried to sneak there when anyone was looking, and when they had realized that the library couldn't offer them any information about the issue, they realized that it had to be on the Dark Side. James had heard that there one could find a book telling how all the world could be make to explode into the thin air, so that surely there would be something about becoming Animagus, too.

Finally they had read everything they could find and began to actually do something. They had to make some charms that made it possible for them to transform, and that took many months, because they had done nothing like that before. Once they managed to burn Peter's eyebrows, but that was the only real accident, and one nice-looking Ravenclaw girl was showing quite a lot sympathy to Peter, so everyone were happy besides Remus, to whom they told that they had been trying to tease first-graders and it went a little wrong. Of course, Remus looked quite satisfied because of the prank had harmed them and not the supposed victim.

After the charms they had the most difficult part waiting for them. They had to find the animal from inside, and that was something the books didn't tell much about. Afterwards Sirius understood why: because it was impossible to explain. They just had to do it, and so they did even though they didn't know what animal they were turning into, and once James lost his nerves and began shouting that he had been thinking about all the animals he had ever heard of and nothing worked. A few weeks after it just happened.

-

It happened so fast that Sirius didn't realize what was going on. They had been sitting in their own dormitory, and because Remus was making his homework in the library, they had decided to try once more. 'Trying' usually involved sitting eyes closed and trying to find animal that was somewhere inside them, and Sirius always felt stupid doing it and had to peek to see if all the others' eyes were still closed. That time, anyway, he didn't have time to lose his patient. It happened straight away.

At first he thought he was going to vomit. He felt so weird, like his stomach had turned around, and everything else right after the stomach. He tried to open his eyes and go to the bathroom, but he realized immediately that he couldn't see anything. Everything was dark and misty and there were only some shadows in the room. Oh, fuck. He shook his head trying to make everything clear, but it didn't help. The whole room just seemed to move and turn and grow. Sirius closed his eyes again and hoped that he was dreaming.

Then it stopped. He was still standing his eyes closed, but everything was still. However, nothing felt normal. He tried to ask the others if there had been an earthquake or something, and had they felt it, too, but all he managed to do was a husky bark.

His eyes flew open. Well, this was weird. The room had got much bigger, but it didn't really matter. What mattered was that the room smelled, and that wasn't just one smell. There was a great mess of all those smells he could never have imagined to exist before. How could it be that Peter's socks were stinking that much? And how much did Remus had chocolate in his bag? And had James been playing Quidditch yesterday? Somebody had surely had some pumpkin juice at the breakfast. And somebody should change his teeth brush right away.

Right after all this had managed to get to his head he began to wonder why he was still just standing there and not doing anything, and right after that he realized he was running through the room and sniffing everything he could - wait? Running? Sniffing? And how could it be that he didn't feel like using his two feet, but four…pads?

Something was wrong. He stopped to look around him and even though the scenery wasn't as interesting as the smells, something made him blink. There was an enormous, brown animal standing in a corner, looking quite perplexed but calm. And next to it there was a mouse, no, it was surely a rat that was trying to stare at everything at the same time and seemed to have some difficulties trying to decide, where to escape from the bigger animal.

And then Sirius realized.

He tried to say something, but of course the words came out barking. They had made it! They had made it, and without Remus getting to know and without anyone dying or going to Azkaban! They were Animagus, illegal Animagus, and even though he couldn't clearly annoy his mother by being a cow, he would find another way.

Then Remus came to the dormitory.

He smelled kind of nice, in fact, a little chocolate and pullover and breakfast and coffee and old books and library and… Slytherin? Why the heck did Remus smell Slytherin? That should be asked right away when they would transform back and -

Remus dropped his book to the floor his face full of shock. Sirius didn't think, he just had to stop Remus from running away and revealing them. Besides, he wanted someone to scratch him behind his left ear. So he ran to Remus and grabbed his sleeve with his teeth. Remus looked like he was going to throw up. How could a werewolf be scared of a dog?

Sirius put his muzzle against Remus' leg. It felt nice. Remus was nice, well, apparently, because they were friends after all. Even now, when Remus was trying to get away from him. Well, he just didn't know. Why wouldn't Remus scratch him? He was quite sure he was a nice dog. He had never bitten anyone. And why was the big, brown animal in the corner staring through the window? What was so interesting out there? The window didn't even smell. And the rat had disappeared under the bed. Sirius frowned, or at least he tried, he didn't know if he was able to make an expression like that now. Was he nice? He probably was quite good-looking. His fur felt nice.

'Let me go', Remus said in a cracking voice and Sirius realized that he was still holding the boy's sleeve. Well, it was only for his own good. If Remus went to tell Filch and Hagrid came and catch them, Remus wouldn't have company when the full moon would come again.

'Bad dog', Remus was saying. He had mistaken. Sirius wasn't bad. He glared at Remus and wagged his tail.

'Well', Remus' voice was getting a bit better. It wasn't that weak anymore. 'Could you, er, could you possibly go away? I don't know how you got here, but you should be in the forest or something…'

What, Remus was talking to animals? Was this some odd werewolf thing again? Sirius didn't even bother to talk to a house elf.

'You should really leave', Remus said, trying to get the big, brown animal move, but it just turned to stare at him with its big, brown eyes. 'I don't live here alone. I don't know where my friends are, but when they come back, they're going to throw you out of the window. I guess they don't like animals that much, you know… And you, the… stag… you're standing on my book.'

The stag blinked and stepped aside to free Remus' book, which was quite a bit flatter than it had been. Remus looked shocked.

'Remus? Could you give me a hand?'

Sirius got so surprised that he forgot to hold on Remus' sleeve. The voice was coming under James' bed and it sounded very much like Peter's. It smelled Peter, too. Sirius turned around and saw that Peter was lying under the bed looking very uncomfortable, because the gap between the floor and the bed was clearly too small. Peter had been the rat, then, going there. And now he was a human. Sirius could even smell it. Boy, this was awesome.

Remus mouth had fallen open.

'Remus? I'm stuck here', Peter moaned. 'Could you lift the bed or something?'

Remus did it, but his eyes were still as big as Bludgers. 'When did you go there? Why didn't you say anything? What are these animals?'

'One is Sirius and the other is James', Peter said, 'but I have no idea which one. It happened so fast, I couldn't see.'

This all was beginning to be so excited that Sirius had to run a circle just to do something.

'What? What's going on?'

'We were trying to become Animagus', Peter told looking much happier, when Remus had got him away from his trap. 'To make it easier to you. Someone read that a werewolf can't harm animals. We've been trying for a long time, almost two years, I guess, and today it just happened.'

Remus turned to stare at the stag. 'So, this is one of my friends?'

'Yeah. I guess that's James. The dog trying to catch its own tail must be Sirius.'

Sirius stopped. Fuck. He hadn't realized he was doing it. Well, it didn't matter, anyway. He went to sniff Remus' leg and Remus bent down to scratch him behind his ear, oh, just there, and it felt like Heaven. Oh. Oh. Remus looked still nervous, but at least he was smiling.

'Could you please turn back?' Remus asked staring at the stag. 'Of course, you're somewhat nicer when you're animals, but it's a little difficult to have a proper conversation with a stag.

Sirius hadn't got time to realize that he had no clue how he was supposed to turn into a human again, because when he tried to do it, it happened immediately. He just realized that he was standing there staring at Remus, who looked quite shocked again.

'What?' he asked. 'Am I naked?'

'No', Remus choked. 'You just… You were a dog, and now you aren't…'

'Yeah.' Sirius rolled the eyes. 'That's the idea of being Animagus. You aren't as clever as you're trying to pretend you are, nerd.'

He saw the smile in Remus' eyes. 'Don't call me nerd, dog. Hello, James.'

The stag had disappeared and James had fallen into his knees. Now he was standing up and staring at the others with a disbelieving stare at his eyes.

'I can't believe it', he said, his smile getting brighter with every word. 'We did it!'

'I can't believe it, either', said Remus, who was slowly getting over his surprise. 'Don't you realize how dangerous that was? That something could have gone wrong and no one even knew what you had been trying to do? Don't you realize that there's a reason for this to be illegal? That it isn't only because the Ministry is afraid of everything uncommon? It's fucking dangerous, you could have died or end up being in Azkaban or stuck between human and animal or - '

'Shut up, Remus', Sirius snappened. He wanted to celebrate and Remus had no right to ruin this. 'We were careful. Nothing happened. And now we can do it. Watch this!'

He turned into a dog and smiled when the dog's mind fill him. Then he was back being human and the others were staring at him.

'What? Does it look weird?'

'No', Remus said in a low voice. 'It looks easy. I'm almost jealous.'

James was staring at the book he had stood on and that was now all flat. Peter was looking at the bed and probably wondering, how the heck he could have been small enough to fit under it. Sirius frowned. 'Why?'

'It's so different than…' Remus sighed, 'than it's for me. A bit similar to being a werewolf and still not at all. How does it feel?'

'Nothing', Sirius said. 'At first it felt weird, like everything in me had turned around, but it wasn't that bad, either. But now it happened so fast that I couldn't feel it at all. It's a bit like getting something weird and new to your head.'

'It doesn't hurt', Remus whispered, more to himself than to Sirius. 'Weird. It doesn't hurt…'

The conversation was becoming too serious. Sirius patted Remus on his back.

'Well, think about what we can do. You don't have to be alone when it's full moon, because we can be there. You don't even have to stay in Shrieking Shack. We can go to Forbidden Forest and we'll take care that you can't get near anyone.'

Remus glared at him. 'Too dangerous.'

'It's not', Sirius said, trying to find the same determination that used to be in his mother's voice when she talked to him… or anyone, for that matter. 'We haven't been doing this for nothing.'

'Sirius, listen', Remus whispered, a low voice intense and scared. 'You don't realize. James ja Peter will stand behind you whatever you decide, and you can't do that. You just can't. You have to back out.'

'No.'

'Yes. Don't you realize? You're worried about me being alone, but that's exactly how I'm supposed to be. I'm not even supposed to be here and have friends. Some people would say I'm not supposed to be alive. And they're right, kind of - '

'Remus, shut up, you aren't - '

'No, you shut up', he said taking a grip of Sirius shoulders' and leaning forward, his eyes big and striking. 'How do you think I'd feel if I killed one of you? How much do you think it would help me to know that I didn't know what I was doing? Or that you had chosen to take a risk for me?'

Sirius swallowed. He hadn't been thinking of dying, or, well, not seriously. Of course there were some risks, they had known it, but until this he had some kind of imagined that everything would be okay when they would just manage to get into their animal forms. And now Remus was trying to scare them out of the whole plan.

Sirius inhaled deeply. It didn't just work that way. After all, he was a Black, he knew what it meant to be loyal. You didn't back out when something wasn't nice, you didn't let the risks come between you and your loyalty and you never betrayed your family. It wasn't about what might happen, it wasn't about risks. If you had people, you were stuck with them. You didn't just leave.

'Remus, we're coming', Sirius said loudly enough to ensure that James and Peter heard it, too. 'Or at least I'm coming, anyway. And if you're trying to stop me from coming, I'm afraid I have to show you what I've inherited from my mom, and that's the incredible ability of being stubborn.'

James laughed a bit. Remus looked tired but at least he didn't argue anymore, he just turned around and walked out of the room. Thirty minutes later James and Sirius had a Quidditch practice with a Gryffindor team and they saw Remus sitting in the auditorium, a small spot against the darkening sky.

-

Sirius' first full moon came two weeks later. Remus wouldn't let them see the transformation, and so they had to wait outside and listen Remus shouting when his bones broke and grew and changed. Sirius wanted to vomit or run to the house and do something, anything, but of course there wasn't much that he could have done. Then, finally, it became quiet again and they used the secret passage to get to the house.

Even though Sirius was a dog and the dog's mind seemed to be incapable of really being unhappy, seeing the wolf made a cold feeling go through his body. He hadn't known what to expect, but the werewolf looked nothing but an extremely huge wolf with angry or maybe hungry expression on his eyes. There was nothing that had told them that was Remus, and when they entered the room, the wolf stared at them only for a few seconds before attacking.

After that Sirius' memories got messier. There had been a fight, but he didn't really remember it, and he didn't remember being scared. Probably the dog's mind had taken control when his own couldn't. He had wanted to go out from the house but James had stopped him and Sirius had been amazed of how easily the dog was able to understand the stag. James wanted to take it slow and be careful, and so they stayed in the house that night.

In the morning Sirius felt awfully tired. They had sneaked back to the castle before anyone had woken up, and they slept until it was almost midday. Then Remus came from the Hospital Wing and Sirius woke up just to see the exhausted expression on his friends eyes. The sun was shining through the window glass and it made Remus look even more whiter than usually, and there were some new scratches on his skin.

'Are they still sleeping?' Remus asked quietly.

Sirius looked around. James' feet were outside the bed and the mouth full open, and Peter had pulled the blanket over his head. 'I suppose. I just woke up, too.'

'I'm happy it's Sunday', Remus said wearily. 'Maybe you should go back to sleep, too.'

'No, I want to talk to you', Sirius objected immediately and swallowed then. 'Of course, if it's okay. You look tired.'

'I am', Remus said, 'but I think I can handle this. Should we go somewhere else?'

'No, I'm not having a speech or anything', Sirius tried to grin, but he felt a bit too tired to manage with it. 'And I don't think they would wake up, even though McGonagall would come here and dance naked, so no need to worry. I just thought… was it any better? Do you remember anything?'

'Not much', Remus said, staring at him. 'I never remember much. I guess that's better. I mainly remember the transformation, but there's something else, too… I guess we didn't go out of the house, did we?'

'No. I'm sorry, James wanted to be careful and I thought - '

'That's good', Remus said slowly. 'Maybe you aren't as stupid as I thought. I'm glad you didn't let me go out. I was seeing nightmares about that beforehand.'

'I'm sorry', Sirius repeated, but he wasn't so sure anymore what he was apologizing.

'And it was easier', Remus said then, taking some deep breaths. 'I noticed it immediately when I woke up, and I can remember that I wasn't… so frustrated this time. I have only a few wounds. Of course it's hard every time, even the sheer transformation would probably make me hurt for days if there was no any potions and charms, but you had surely a good effect on me.'

Remus smiled a bit. Sirius was relieved. They had helped him. They had managed to do something. And soon they would leave the Shrieking Shack and go out and run and it would be even easier for Remus, because he wouldn't need to be locked in a small house.

'Sirius?'

'What?'

'Are you okay? You look terribly tired.'

'That's because I am. But it's not your fault, don't you even think about it…' Sirius grinned slightly. 'I've been breaking the school's rules for the whole night. No wonder I'm a bit tired.'

Remus didn't laugh, but there was a small, tiny smile on his face. Sirius smiled back at him and fell back to his bed.