A/N: Thank you for the reviews :) I was so happy to see that you're still reading, even though publishing the latest chapter took so much time :D

Chapter 8: Explotion and Collision

The Christmas was snowy. James' parents left the house in Christmas evening to visit his grandparents, who couldn't make it to the Potters' place, anymore. I guess we should have been there, too, but last year I had happened to sort of burn James' grandmother's favorite carpet and that's probably why mrs. Potter suggested that we would stay in the house and take care of it.

Well, we did. We watched TV James had bought when Lily had been talking about it, but I couldn't surely understand what was so great in it, because all we could see was some snow rain. I wonder how Muggles can make it even to their thirties, if they have such boring activities. Well, afterwards we got a few bottles from James' wardrobe and lay on the room of the living room and watched the ceiling. It was quite good Christmas, after all.

I was almost sure that Potters' house had somehow grown bigger, but when I tried to prove it to James, he just kept laughing. Of course, I was still right. The house was bigger than normally. It didn't have more rooms or anything, but there was much more space everywhere, the living room was larger and there were more chairs and even the garden looked somehow bigger tonight.

'Doesn't it look great?' I heard mrs. Potter asking over her shoulder, as she passed me by when I was glaring at the living room. 'That's why I keep on telling you to clean. The place's so much better when it isn't that messy.'

I shrugged. 'Is the living room, er, a bit bigger?'

She burst into a short laughter. 'No, Sirius. It's just clean. Go change your clothes.'

I frowned. She looked annoyed, but in quite uncommon way. Maybe that was due to her clothes - she didn't usually wear dark blue velvet robes. I knew both James' parents were quite old, but tonight Anne Potter seemed much younger than usually. 'You aren't going to welcome our guests in jeans, Sirius, are you?'

'Well, I thought - '

'Great. Go get that shirt you bought last summer, you know, that black one. It's tidy enough. Or of course you can take your dress robe, if you want to.'

'I'll take that shirt.'

James was sitting on his bed, when I entered his room. At first I thought he was staring at his own reflection on the mirror trying to think if he was looking good enough to meet Lily, but then I realized he was watching through the window. I tried to follow his gaze, but there was nothing but a darkening night and snow falling slowly from the sky. It looked like outside the time had been going more slowly than inside.

'Do you really think she's coming?' James asked. His voice was calm but tense.

'You invited her and she promised to come.'

'I still can't believe it.' He shook his head. 'I almost thought that I were dreaming, when I woke up with her in the common room, you know. I've been trying to get her to talk to me for five years, and now it's happening and I just can't realize that it's true.'

'That girl's always made you daft.'

'Thanks a lot', he laughed but got serious soon enough. 'I keep on thinking that it's some kind of a joke and she's just taking revenge.'

'By kissing you? Doesn't seem the best way to me.'

'It's the best way', James sighed.

I closed my eyes for a second. The house was so silent that I could almost imagine hearing the snow landing to the frozen ground. It was hard to believe that few hours later the house would be full of people.

'You could always ask her', I said, leaning to the window sill. 'But really, I don't think she's tricking. You've just finally got her. Enjoy.'

James laughed. 'Well, if you're right, I surely will. Can you believe that it's New Years' Eve again?'

'Yeah. Happens every year.'

'And we're still here. And no one knows where we'll be next year this time. Of course, I'll probably be here, or filling the England with red-haired children, and maybe Remus will be somewhere with Sarah - ' he stopped. I heard him taking a deep breath. 'Padfoot, you should fall for someone. Really. I know that you're annoyed about Remus and Sarah getting serious - '

'Am not.'

'You are, and that's okay, really. I get it. Remus is much more boring company when he's with Sarah. But he's happy.'

'Well, good for him, and I don't understand what that has to do with me.'

He rolled his eyes. 'I don't even remember when you've fancied a girl. Seriously.'

'Last year', I suggested.

'Who?'

'Er', I started trying to find a name. 'Amber… something. Brown hair, nice face, thick…'

'I doesn't count if you don't remember her surname', James said cruelly and I was already trying to figure out a good answer, when he suddenly shrugged. 'Well, the problem is yours. But if Lily's not making the year's best and last prank to me but really fancies me, I swear to Merlin that I'm not going to be single next year. And who knows if I get as boring as Moony.'

'He's not boring. He just has other things to do. With Sarah.'

'Which means that he's boring', James claimed. 'But his our Moony, anyway, and besides, I think he's here in five minutes. And Peter, too.' Suddenly his face lost its color. 'And Lily. Shit. Is my hair good?'

'Your hands are shaking.'

'Makes a good impression if we shake hands', he said. 'Now I'm not going to think anything serious before this year's over. Get off and change your clothes, Padfoot. You aren't going to wear jeans, are you?'

I rolled my eyes, turning to the door. 'You may pretend being a rebellion, but you're still just like your mom, Potter.'

In thirty minutes Potter's suddenly largened living room wasn't empty anymore. I couldn't help thinking that everyone was there.

Or at least almost everyone. I couldn't see any of my relatives, except Andromeda and her Muggle-born husband Ted Tonks, who had got married in some Muggle Church a few years ago and who I had met a few times ever since. I still remembered how I used to play with Andromeda when neither of us was burnt out of the family. Andromeda had been stubborn and far too easy to get offended, but I had preferred her to her sisters, anyway. And now she was walking hands in hands with that brown-haired, tall man with broad shoulders and quite striking eyes, as if he had been trying to say that he would knock out anyone who would try to disturb him or his wife.

'Ted looks like he thinks someone's going to steal you', I said to Andromeda, when we had ended up standing in the balcony and watching the snow that was still falling down.

She laughed. It was quite strange, really, looking at her, when I couldn't really place her anywhere. She had belonged to my former life, and it made me a little nervous to see someone with Black's eyes and chin being in Potters' house without anyone trying to hex her. It was even weirder, because her blond hair was now cut short and she wasn't wearing any clothes that would have been associated with pure-blood families but a purple Muggle dress. She was a mix of my two worlds and even though it was somehow fascinating, I tried to avoid looking at her. It just made me think too much.

'I guess that glance has become a habit, then', she said after a moment, her voice surprisingly serious. 'Ted's got loads of letters from my parents. I've got them, too, but for him it's much stranger. I knew good enough to wait them when I made my decision. He's not got used to having a whole family that hates him for no reason.'

'But he's coping with it, right?'

Andromeda shrugged and then looked at me. 'You know, sometimes I'm not sure if I'm doing that well myself. But I didn't have a chance, did I?'

I frowned. 'Didn't you?'

She turned to stare the falling snow again. 'Not really. I've been thinking of it, especially when I miss my sisters or home or my parents or even the whole world I abandoned. And still I can't feel sorry, because I'd do it again. I'd have to do.'

'Why?'

'It's not about choices, Sirius', she said quietly. 'I don't believe in choices that much. For some reason I fell in love with Ted and because my parent's wouldn't let me marry him, I had to run away.'

'You could have stayed.'

'No. You can't stop yourself from falling in love, Sirius. It's not something you choose. And when it's happens, and if that person happens to love you back… you're out of choices.'

I took a deep breath. The music was growing behind us and I could see people talking more and more loudly as the night got forward. Outside it was still silent enough to hear my own mind, thoughts that were slowly falling in front of my eyes as the snow.

'I don't believe that', I said finally. 'We can always choose.'

Andromeda smiled. 'Well, I guess that's much healthier way to believe. I just can't think so. Do you think you had a choice?'

I was already opening my mouth. I could feel 'yes' forming on my tongue but suddenly I couldn't just say it. I watched her as she smiled at me and shrugged. 'Well, I guess I have to go find my rebellious husband before he kills someone because of sheer frustration.'

'Maybe we should think it's encouraging', I said my mind still staying elsewhere. 'We've got it in our blood, you know, the ability to make people annoyed to death.'

'But we aren't burning anyone off the family tapestry or sending angry letters to them', she reminded me.

'Wait until you have children and they're admiring their beloved aunts', I said. 'I really think Ted looks quite frightening. And I'm quite sure mrs. Potter agrees with me.'

'Shit', Andromeda cursed and went to rescue poor mrs. Potter from Ted Tonks, who explaining something with quite effective gestures.

I turned to watch the garden. The door clicked behind me and I thought Andromeda had gone, until I heard quiet voice behind me.

'We'll continue talking about choices when you fall in love, Sirius', Andromeda said and then left the balcony for real.

Well, that wasn't going to happen.

'Padfoot?'

I turned around. Remus was staring at me, smiling slightly. I let my gaze wander across the room, but I couldn't see Sarah anywhere.

'I'm not dragging her everywhere, you know', Remus said slightly irritated.

'Didn't thought so', I shrugged and then felt a broad grin growing on my face. 'Your mom picked your clothes, right?'

'Shut up. It's not my fault that I'm not good with parties.'

''Cause you've got too few.'

'Well, probably', he admitted. 'Is there something wrong with my clothes? Mom claimed that it would be okay not to wear a robe.'

'Nothing's wrong, you just surprised me', I said fast, before he would go and change or something. 'You just rarely dress up that carefully. Well, that's probably because you haven't your mom in Hogwarts. Come on, you've got to meet somebody.'

Remus frowned. 'I already met James and Peter and I thought I saw Lily, but she was going into another direction, and - Sirius, that's not somebody! That's just punch!'

'Well thought, Lupin. Now drink.'

'You've put something here.'

'No, fire whiskey's still in Prongs' wardrobe waiting for the midnight, when mr. and mrs. Potter are too happy to realize anything. But punch is really good, too.'

Remus took a glass, hesitating. I glared around to check if I could see Peter somewhere, but he wasn't anywhere to be seen. James had disappeared, too. Of course, if everything was going well with Evans, I wouldn't probably even want to see him anymore this year.

'What're you grinning at?' Remus asked.

'Just thinking about James. Lily agreed to come here tonight, and I'm just wondering what they're doing right now. Why didn't you brought Sarah, by the way?'

He stared at me. 'Are you disappointed?'

'What kind of conclusion is that? Sorry, mate, but if I wanted to hit on my friends' girlfriends I would pick Lily.' I shrugged. 'And I was just thinking. You two seem so close.'

'I didn't know if she was invited.'

'You could have invited her.'

'Maybe I didn't want to. Maybe I wanted to spend New Year's Eve with my friends instead.'

I swallowed. 'It's a shame that James' got that girl, then. And that Peter's disappeared. There's only two of us left, then.'

Remus shrugged. 'I'm not complaining, really. And I could bet that Lily won't be tolerating enough to bare to be with James for the whole night, so we'll have him with us before the midnight for sure.'

'It's only an hour away', I warned him. 'Maybe he - '

And that was when the front door exploded.

I don't remember how the things went exactly, but somehow Potters' front door had disappeared with a loud explosion and I was couching smoke out off my lungs. Somehow I recognized Remus shouting something, but I couldn't understand what he was saying and then he was already dragging me away from the middle of the room. We stumbled until we made it to the kitchen doorway. I leaned against the door and for a moment everything I could hear was Remus' hard breaths. Then I realized.

People were screaming and shouting, someone was pushing children to the kitchen and everyone I could see was having their wands on their hands. I closed my fingers around my own but didn't feel any better, when I saw the first hex hitting on the Death Eater that had stood entered the house first. There was already a wizard with black beard lying unconscious on the floor and I couldn't remember how he had ended up being there. Remus was leaning on my arm and I could feel his fingers going throw my sleeve and digging into my skin and it felt surprisingly good. It made me feel alive.

There was a short burst of black sparkles that passed me by. I tried to drag Remus aside, but he had already run back to the room. I tried to hit the nearest Death Eater with the first charm that came into my mind. A man behind the mask just laughed and rose his own wand, and then I saw him fall to the floor Andromeda half-grinning and half-grimacing behind his fallen body.

'Thanks!' I shouted at her.

'Get away from here, Sirius!' she screamed and jumped aside to escape a curse aimed to her.

There was a loud crash and I watched the bookshelf falling down next to the place Remus had been standing just before.

'Why're they here?'

'WATCH OUT!' someone screamed and I bent down just in time to get away from a curse. I recognized mrs. Potter's voice when he shouted a charm that made the Death Eater fall unconscious to the floor.

'I don't know!' Andromeda shouted. 'We've got to get out! They're trapping us here!'

'Where's Remus?'

There was another ear-breaking loud crash somewhere. I tried to kept my head from imagining how the wall would fall down and Remus would shout -

Andromeda pushed me to the kitchen door. I tried to glance across my shoulder to see Remus, and then I heard his voice from somewhere ahead of us, and turning to look ahead I saw that they had already got around us. There were too many of them, I hadn't got time to count, only escape from a curse thrown at me and crash with Remus, who tried to drag me to the another direction only to see that the door was lost. I smelled blood and smoke.

I don't know how long it took. We fought and they fought and I had never been that scared. The feeling made my veins and my mind burn and everything I wanted was to stay alive, and I couldn't think of anything else. A few times I saw James or Peter and wondered where they had come from, and it was like the end of the world and the worlds' worst fairytale at the same time.

And then there was a loud voice coming from the front door and I dropped my wand and had to jump to the floor to pick it before someone would kill me, and when I got back to my feet the room - if it could be called a room anymore, it was more like broken furniture and ashing walls and smoke - was full of Aurors. I heard someone calling my name but couldn't figure out who it was, and then someone hit my back and everything went black.

My head felt like it had been split into two parts and then brought back together again by someone who didn't know what he was doing. I tried to catch the breath but it tasted ash, and my lungs were burning and I tried to cough, but it didn't help.

'Padfoot?'

I opened my eyes slowly. It hurt, too, and the grey ceiling seemed a bit too bright. Then I felt someone touching my arm slightly and turned to glare at the boy who was lying next to me his light brown hair falling to his face sweaty and sticky.

'You've got blood on your face, Moony', I said slowly. Well, at least speaking didn't hurt, if one didn't count the awful headache.

Remus stared at me his blue eyes big. His expression was calm, but there was something in him that couldn't be hidden. It probably happens when you're first scared to death and then realize being still alive.

'What happened?' I asked. 'The Aurors came, but I can't remember anything more.'

'Someone hit you unconscious', Remus said in a low voice. 'They didn't last long, the Death Eaters, I mean, not after the Aurors appeared. Someone took us here, I guess. I can't put all the pieces together, really.'

'Where're we?' I had to close my eyes again. My head didn't just like the light.

'In James' parents' bedroom. It's almost morning, I think. I went to the toilet a while ago and the others were downstairs, cleaning.'

'There's still James' parents' bedroom?' It had to be a good sign.

'Yeah. Everything downstairs is pretty much gone, anyway. But they didn't have time to get upstairs and the walls didn't break. At least, not all of them.'

I took a deep breath when the idea finally occurred my mind. 'Who's dead?'

'I don't know', he whispered. 'Haven't heard anyone had died. James' aunt lost his arm, and David Vance is… bad. Pete and James and Lily are alright. Pete was in the garden with his mom and they went for help, even though the Aurors were already coming, anyway… And James and Lily were upstairs. James tried to make Lily stay there, but she wouldn't. But they're alive.'

'How about… them?'

I tensed when he touched my arm weakly. 'The Aurors got two, there will be a trial and they'll probably end up in Azkaban.' He took a deep breath. 'I don't think they're your relatives.'

I felt my whole body relax. It felt absurd when everything in me was still aching, but I couldn't help the relieve from washing through me. We were all alive. I didn't have to go visit anyone in Azkaban. There was ash in my mouth but it didn't really matter.

There was a weak thump and then I felt Remus leaning his forehead to my shoulder. I could hear him breathing hard but steadily. I inhaled deeply and squeezed his arm.

Someone stopped at the door.

I could feel Remus tense and back away.

'You aren't sleeping anymore, are you?' James cracking voice asked hesitatingly.

'No', Remus answered calmly. 'I haven't been sleeping for a few hours. Sirius just woke up.'

I forced my eyes to open just to see James nodding. 'Yeah. It's six in the morning. I don't know if you're hungry, but if you want, there's some breakfast in the kitchen.'

'There's still a kitchen?'

I could see a slight hint of a smile going across James' face before it disappeared again. 'Yeah. My mom's a quick cleaner. Of course the kitchen is quite empty at the moment, but there's a table and a few chairs. And people. The aurors have gone by now, but Lily's still here, and so is your cousin, Pads.'

'Who?'

'Andromeda.'

Oh. 'What's she doing here?'

'Wanted to wait for you to wake up. You're apparently her favorite cousin.'

'Well, I'm the only one who's not a total ass', I said trying to grin, but it turned out to be impossible. 'Do you think the jam's survived, James? I'm a bit nauseous but I think I could handle toasted bread and jam.'

James laughed. This time it sounded almost genuine. 'I guess the jam's fine. Can you get to your feet?'

'I'm helping', Remus said. I couldn't understand when he had stood up, but there he were, glaring at me from the heights. Then I felt his hand wrapped around my shoulders and soon I was leaning against his shoulder.

'I'm too heavy, Moony', I muttered. 'You'll fall.'

'Shut up', he snapped. 'You'll get that jam, poodle.'

'Am not.'

'Sirius!'

I blinked. Andromeda was waiting for us in downstairs her arms crossed on her chest. She was staring at us when we stumbled down the stairs and finally hit the floor.

'I see I can't escape from you', I said to her hoping to make her grin, even slightly, but instead of it, she hugged me. Remus backed away and for a moment I thought I was going to fall again, but then she was holding me onto my shoulders and I couldn't have fallen even if I had wanted to.

'If you had got yourself killed, I had done it for them', Andromeda snapped. 'Watch out, cousin. You don't want to stand in the midway.'

I blinked. 'That's where you think I'm standing?'

She shook her head slowly, sad expression on her face. 'No, I guess. And I'm quite sure that blue-eyed friend of yours won't let me have any serious talk with you at the moment, but I have to say something. There's a war going on, and this is only the beginning. If you're fighting for the Ministry or Dumbledore, you'll be fighting against them.'

'Them', I repeated bluntly. 'Aren't you?'

'Yes. But I'm quite a lot older than you're. You're still at school. And you've run away from home, not married a Muggle-born and got kicked out.'

'They won't have me back', I snapped. 'Nor would I go back.'

'What if you're the one who puts one of them to Azkaban?'

I was already opening my mouth, when I felt someone grabbing my arm.

'No more, mrs. Tonks, please', Remus' calm voice said. 'You're right, you aren't having that conversation with him today. Besides, I'm quite sure there's porridge waiting for him.'

'And jam', said James.

Andromeda shrugged, but kept on glaring at me. 'Well, we'll talk later. Just think about it, Sirius. Don't rush. You've got to know what you're doing.'

'I haven't got a choice', I said.

The kitchen wasn't clean. However, there was a table and a few chairs, as James had promised, and there was also some porridge and jam and even though I was still a bit nauseous, I found out that eating made me feel slightly better. Andromeda had left and I tried not to think her or things she had said, but they kept coming back to my mind. Regulus was barely sixteen, he wouldn't be joining Death Eaters soon, but my whole family would support Voldemort, anyway. If the war kept going on, I could end up trying to get my little brother to Azkaban.

'What're you thinking about?' Remus asked quietly. He was sitting next to me, not eating anything himself but watching me to eat. It felt oddly comforting.

'Jam.'

He smiled slightly. 'It's good to have something to fight for.'

I added and threw a big glance at him. There was still that bloody spot on his left cheek and there were two scars going across his chin. They looked kind of good on him. Tough, but still not tough.

'Lily? Porridge?' I heard James asking and turned just to see how red-haired girl embraced him closely and dig her head into his shoulder.

'Jam, dear?' suggested mrs. Potter with warm smile on her face.

'I'm not hungry, thanks', Lily said backing away from James and flushing hard. However, James' hand were wrapped around her waist so that she couldn't get so far away from the boy. She didn't seem to mind.

'Well, I guess Sirius will cope on with it', mrs. Potter said shrugging. 'I should probably go and help John with finding out if goldfish are still alive, and if they're, where the heck they've gone.