A/N: Thank you so much for your reviews! I'm sorry, again, for being so late with updating. I'm trying to improve with that, though :)

Chapter 9: Interruptions and Discussions

'What're you saying?' Peter asked confused. 'Lily and Sarah don't come along?'

James shrugged. 'Well, apparently. We just tried to play Wizard Chess yesterday, me and Lily and Remus and Sarah. They kept on snapping at each other, you know, not anything too insulting but it went worse and worse. Then Remus said he wanted to go for a walk and they left.'

'But why? They're both girls!'

'Wormtail, I'll tell you a secret', I said from my bed where I was lying on my back watching the ceiling. 'Girls don't automatically like each other. Besides, they don't have a secret society in which they discuss how to make us all more miserable.'

'Well, I guess that's only Maria, then', Peter muttered.

'Something's wrong?'

'Nothing, really. She just doesn't seem to be able to decide if she likes me or if she doesn't. I thought it was a good sign that she would go to Christmas Ball with me, but now I've been trying to chat with her and she's just absent.'

'Back luck', James said shrugging. 'Maybe she's just confused.'

'I don't really even care right now. So, how was your walk, Moony?'

'What?' Remus was sitting on a corner with a fat book that smelled of library and old coffee. I had tried it once.

'The walk you and Sarah went for after she had been not getting along with Lily', Peter reminded him. 'Did you really go out?'

'No. We just walked the corridors a bit.'

'I knew it!'

Remus sighed. 'We didn't have sex. I don't tend to shag anyone in empty corridors, even though someone else apparently does it.'

I glanced at Peter and James, who were staring at each other with suspicious looks.

'Well, I can't really say that I'd gone further than just kissing with Lily', James said. 'We started dating only two weeks ago.'

'In New Year's Eve?' Peter asked. 'What was happening in Christmas Ball, then?'

'It's called unofficial snogging', I mentioned and tried to see if Remus was listening to the conversation. He had frown and his eyebrows looked quite funny when he was apparently trying to get some difficult part of the book to his head.

'Moony? How did you and Sarah end up there?' James asked.

'Where?' Remus turned the page.

'Having sex.'

He flinched. It looked quite amusing, really, when flushed just enough to make him a bit less pale. 'Well, it just happened.'

'When?'

'You're too curious, Prongs', Remus sighed, but didn't stop. 'After we got back to school in the autumn. We hadn't seen each other for a month, you know. And there was quite a good Friday night.'

'Did you talk about it beforehand?' James frowned. 'I don't think I'd ever dare to mention it to Lily. If she didn't like the idea, she would hex me into a pumpkin.'

'Can she?' Peter asked in awe.

'I'll bet she can. Especially if she wants to annoy me.'

'Your relationship sounds so good', Peter said happily.

'I think I'm going to fly a little', I said and stood up.

*

I got to the common room before I could hear his steps behind me. The room was empty except few third-graders that were playing some play in front of the fireplace.

'The weather's grabby out there', Remus said.

I turned around and grimaced. 'Well, it's only snow. I think I can handle it.'

'Something wrong?'

'Not really. I'm just tired of hearing about Lily all the time. Or dating. Or having a girlfriend. Or making a girlfriend happy. Or having sex with your new girlfriend.' I sighed. 'I thought you were a little annoying when you started dating her, but James is hundred times worse.'

Remus smiled. He had one of his filthy pullovers that wouldn't have looked good on anyone. It was quite weird, him being so good at so many things and still he sucked at choosing what to wear. Years before he had looked like his mother had picked all his clothes, and well, probably she had, because when it had ended, he had just worn all those too big pullovers and straight trousers. They made him look always a little weird.

And I hadn't got an idea when I had began thinking that. I shook my head.

'Are you really going there?' he asked.

'Are you coming?'

He shrugged. 'Well, my girlfriend's somewhere with her friends and the rest of my friends are talking about when is the proper time to have sex with a new girl. I don't think I'm going to miss anything.'

*

Of course, I had known that there would be snow outside, but I hadn't realized that there would be snow in the air, too. Unfortunately Remus was walking besides me and I couldn't back out, so I had to take a better grip of my broom and try. I made a few meters and came back down.

'This sucks', I said. 'Are you coming?'

He sat in front of me, grabbing the room quite tightly. Remus hadn't flown as much as me or James, and this time so weather was so bad that flying was even more difficult, so I practically had to hold him on the broom, but it worked surprisingly well. I was leading the broom and kept my eyes around Remus so that he couldn't fall by mistake, and he sat still and laughed sometimes, when the snow went straight onto his face.

We flew first a few times around the Quidditch patch and then towards the Forbidden Forest and eventually we went to peek to Gryffindor Tower but we couldn't find Sarah, and James and Peter were exactly where we had left them. Remus tried to wave at them but they didn't see him.

'Wankers', I muttered almost to his ear, because he just happened to sit right there. 'They're probably planning how to get Lily done.'

'Well, James' been waiting for five years', Remus said. 'I can understand that's annoying.'

'I don't think he's annoyed, really. He's so daft about Lily, he would wait another five years.'

Remus inhaled deeply. I could almost feel it on my chest, because he was leaning to me. 'When are you?'

'What?'

'Are you planning to find someone? I haven't heard you'd done anything with any girl since the autumn and Susie Thomas. And still you claimed you were just friends.'

'Friends with benefits and that meant just some snogging', I said. For some reason my cheeks felt warm. 'And I'm not planning. I'm pretty sure I've told it already.'

'Don't you want to?'

I sighed. 'We're going back to the ground. I'm not going to talk to you if I can't see your face.'

Remus laughed and then screamed a little when I turned the broom into a steep landing. We ended up to the snow with our jackets and sleeves and shoes full of it. Remus was lying on his back and after a few snow balls we ended up looking at the sky. It was a bit weird, really, but I didn't want to care. My another option was to go and talk about shagging Lily Evans with James. It wasn't too hard to decide witch option I preferred.

'Why aren't you talking about Sarah anymore? When you began seeing each other, you talked about her a lot.'

Remus closed his eyes. 'I don't know. It's not like I don't trust you. It's just… it's seems always a bit disturbing, having a girlfriend.'

'How?'

'Not when I'm with her, or… not usually… but when I'm with you. It's just another world. And Sarah doesn't belong there.'

I thought about it for a moment and then made a big snow ball and aimed it middle of Remus' face.

*

I was just about to open the bathroom door when I heard another door opening in the dormitory.

'There's no one here.' It was Sarah's voice, clear and quite nice, really, even though it usually annoyed me for some reason.

'I told you', Remus' voice answered her. 'Peter's gone to find Maria and Sirius and James are in the library.'

'Library?'

'Yeah. Doesn't happen often, you know. This one's a special case.'

I rolled my eyes. We had gone to the library, that was true, but Remus didn't know that Lily had been sitting in a corner, reading something and looking apparently abnormally good, because James had forgotten me at the same moment when he had seen her. I knew when I had lost the game, and so I had come back to the dormitory.

I grabbed the door to open it, when Sarah went on. Something in her voice kept me still. 'And you think that's gonna make me forget? That we have this whole dormitory for us?'

'There's nothing to forget', Remus said, annoyed or worried, I couldn't decide, but somehow I felt I wouldn't be wanted to interrupt them just now. Hopefully Sarah would leave soon and I could get away from the bathroom.

'Yes, there is. Something's bugging you.'

Remus sighed loudly. 'No. Sarah, would you please listen to me? Nothing's wrong except the whole world and the war and things like that, but they have nothing to do with us. At the moment, I mean.'

'No, there's something else. I don't know if it's about me or something else, but you should tell me anyway!'

'There's nothing to tell!' Remus sounded like he was almost begging her. 'I don't know what I should tell you!'

'Well, maybe you should figure it out.' She was silent for a moment. 'And, Remus, if you think you can make me happy by making love with me, that's not gonna work out.'

Making love? I frowned, leaning against the door and trying to decide how I could get away. She couldn't mean that they would have sex, right now, when I could hear everything. That was just impossible. And I couldn't surely come out and let them realize that I had been listening to their discussion.

'I don't want to keep fighting', Remus said slowly. 'I don't even know why you're fighting.'

'You're pushing me away, Remus', Sarah said, her voice sad. 'You might not realize it, but you are. And I can't understand why.'

'And I can't understand why you would say that.'

'Is there someone else?'

Remus inhaled sharply. 'No! How could you even think so?'

'I didn't know…' Sarah mumbled. 'You're being so strange…'

They took a few steps. Maybe they were leaving.

'When you think they're coming back?' Sarah said.

Oh, no.

'Not soon', Remus said a bit hoarsely. 'Besides, I can lock the door.'

'There are socks over there.'

Remus was laughing quite weirdly. 'Probably James'. Don't care. You won't notice them.'

Sarah gasped and then there were more mumbling. I couldn't realize what they were saying, nor did I want to. Probably. I closed my eyes, as it could have helped me in any way, leaned against the door and tried to focus on something else, but it was just impossible. I could feel them stumbling across the door and there was a slight sound of something dropping, probably their clothes. Then there was a loud thump and a short burst of laughter and linens slipping onto the floor…

Oh, shit. Fuck. Fuck Remus Lupin. Wasn't he supposed to check the bathroom first? Or at least be… a bit more quiet?

There was nothing I could do. I couldn't escape. I didn't know if I even wanted to. I didn't want to puke or anything, I just felt… odd. Every little piece of me felt odd. They were quite loud, both of them, and I couldn't help myself from hearing all their voices.

And how long did it take? I tried to breathe steadily, pressing the back of my head against the door.

After a small eternity I heard Remus… make a voice, and then it became silent. I could hear both of them and myself breathing sharply, but that was everything. In a few minutes one stood up and was probably grabbing clothes from the floor and the other was apparently still lying on a bed (Merlin, whose bed was it, anyway?) because there weren't any other noise.

'We aren't fighting anymore, are we?' Remus' tired voice asked.

'No', Sarah said shortly but not unfriendly. 'But you have to… make things clear. To yourself, at least. So that you can make me realize what you're up to.'

'I'm not - '

'Figure it out, Remus', she interrupted him. 'If you really don't know what's going on with you, you have to figure it out.' She took a deep breath. 'I'm going now.'

None of them said nothing more. I heard her close the door and began to wonder how long it would take for Remus to go away so that I could leave the bathroom, and I was probably thinking too hard, because I didn't hear him walking before he was trying to open the door.

The bathroom door. The door I was leaning against.

I swallowed hard.

'What…' he was muttering, kicking the door.

'Moony', I said, not really surprised to find out that my voice was cracking.

There was a short moment of silence. When he answered, his voice was calm. 'Sirius? What're you doing there?'

'I'm sorry', I said as quickly as I could. 'I wasn't trying to… listen to you or anything… but you began arguing right after you got in and then you went on and on and I thought you were going to leave soon, and I couldn't get away from here, and then you… well, you…'

I heard him take a deep breath. 'Open the door. Please.'

I opened it. My hands were shaking a bit, but not too badly, and then he was there, his light-brown hair messed and only wearing jeans. He looked awfully tired but not really angry. At least, he didn't look like he had wanted to kill me immediately.

'You were listening to us', he said slowly, standing in front of me. I wondered if I was supposed to stood up, too, but then he suddenly sat down onto the floor next to me, leaning against the doorjamb.

'I didn't mean to.'

'I know', he sighed. 'You… was it awkward?'

I frowned. 'You surely know better. You were there.'

He stared at me like I had been daft. 'Not sex. Listening to us. I can't imagine… if James did that with Lily and I was listening…'

I shrugged even though I was quite sure my cheeks were still all red. 'It… I… Dunno. Don't ask.'

'Well, that's probably better. I thought you were in library.'

'James met Lily there.'

'Oh.' He closed his eyes. 'Hell, I'm embarrassed. Were you sitting there all the time? We weren't too quiet, I think.'

'It sounded quite normal, really', I said, not sure what he wanted to hear. 'Don't worry about it. It's… it was… you know, I'm the one who will be having nightmares tonight. You don't have to worry. And next time I'm gonna come away from wherever I am at the same moment when I hear you arguing with Sarah.

He laughed a bit and then fell silent for a moment. 'Don't tell James or Pete, please. I don't want you to talk with them how I'm in bed.' He took a deep breath. 'Merlin, that sounded weird.'

I agreed to both of his statements. 'Er… what was Sarah talking about? That you're pushing her away?'

It took quite a long time for Remus to answer. 'I don't know. Honestly, I don't really know. She began to talk something like that right after Christmas Break, and I can't understand where it's coming from.'

'Do you think that it's… well, a werewolf thing?'

'Nope. I've been thinking about it, of course, but we've been dating since the last summer and I've been keeping that information from her ever since. However, she said nothing before we got back to the school after Christmas.'

'Maybe it's the… attack', I suggested carefully. 'You know, it was quite shocking… I've had quite a lot nightmares about it.'

'Me, too', he said. 'But I don't know. I don't think it's war, really, even though that was what I was trying to tell her. Maybe she's just imagining, after all. Or maybe she's the one who's weird.'

'But you still want to be with her.'

Remus closed his eyes. 'I like her, Pads. She's the nicest girl I've ever found.'

I couldn't understand why I didn't feel any happier for him. In fact, I felt quite… awful. 'So you just have to try to keep her, I guess. Er, I guess I'm gonna take a shower. Are you coming in or not?'

He smiled slightly, stood up and moved back to the dormitory letting the doorway free. I closed the door.

*

The shower didn't help. After getting back to the dormitory I felt just as frustrated and weird as I had before. Remus had gone and it wasn't hard to guess that he was somewhere whining because he was so fucking embarrassed because of me hearing how he had shagged her. Strangely enough, thinking of that made me feel even more frustrated. There was nothing wrong with Remus. I was the one who should have been crashing his head against the wall, but I was quite sure it wouldn't have helped me at all. And so I went for Susie.

She wasn't in the library, and so there were few places for me to look. I even considered trying kitchen, but I had never heard Susie going there on her own and so I dropped the idea. She was probably in her own common room or dormitory.

I couldn't feel my hands, when I reached the Ravenclaw tower. Finding the right window was hard enough, and then I had to manage with two of Susie's friends who were far too suspicious before they finally agreed to and check if she was in the common room.

I couldn't feel my feet, either, when she finally came and leaned to the windowsill.

'Sirius, what the fuck are you doing behind my window?'

Two big-eyed Ravenclaw girls were staring at me behind her. I shrugged. 'Just come here, please. I'll give you a ride.'

'It's fucking freezing out there.'

'Were aren't gonna fly long. Just to get out of here. Please.'

I was quite sure that she agreed because 'please' wasn't one of my favorite words. Anyway, she rolled her eyes but threw a quick glance at her friends and then climbed to sit on the broom in front of me. I hold her close and felt quite weird, but really, it was impossible to feel any weirder after hearing how Remus had come while shagging Sarah.

'What's wrong with you?' she asked when we had got away from the window and were landing quite fast. She actually sounded worried.

I swallowed. 'Please, don't hit me, but could I… could we shag?'

She froze. I bit my teeth and almost hoped I hadn't said anything, but then she finally relaxed and there was a short burst of laugher coming just out of the blue.

'Are you serious?'

'Yeah', I said. We had managed to reach the main door of the castle and she stepped off the broom. 'Sorry, I know I'm being a git. I just…'

'What? You're lacking some?'

'Today. Or, of course, I don't tend to get any since I'm not seeing anyone, but just now it's bothering quite hard.'

'Why?'

'I can't really tell', I sighed. 'Too weird. And embarrassing. But it's… Remus and Sarah.'

'You're still jealous?'

'Don't know. Susie, just say you won't do it so that I can take you back and forgot I ever came to beg you.'

'You're begging me?' she laughed a bit, but then got serious. 'You know, Sirius, there's nothing wrong with you and I like the fact that you were daft enough to ask. Where will we go? To your dormitory?'

I blinked. 'You're saying yes?'

'Are you taking your offer back?'

'No, Merlin, no.' I had to laugh. She was staring at me her arms crossed on her very nice chest and I was beginning to feel so much more normal. 'But we can't go to my dormitory. Not today. It's just… impossible.'

'I don't like corridors.'

'Library?'

She rolled her eyes. 'You aren't even allowed to speak aloud there. I guess shagging is forbidden, too.'

'Well, you're probably right. Are your friends staying in your dormitory?'

'For sure. They're waiting for you to return me using the window. You've got to figure out something better.'

My mind was empty of all the ideas. It was probably mostly due to the fact that she was beginning to seem more and more appealing every moment and it made me feel enormously normal. Her reddish blond hair was falling to her face and shoulders and her lips were quite pale, since it was cold and she hadn't got a jacket. I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her.

*

I lay on the floor, staring at the ceiling above me and trying to forget the feeling that every herb was staring at me and planning to strangle me. Besides that, a greenhouse was quite a perfect place. It was warm there and, what was more important, no one was going to interrupt us.

I could feel Susie's hand lying heavily against my stomach. I stroked her hair slowly and enjoyed the feeling when her bare legs touched mine. She sighed when I let my hands wander across her belly and then up to her breasts.

'Your way of solving problems is absolutely stupid, Sirius', she mumbled, sounding quite pleased. 'Really. You ought to figure out a better way.'

'This is just nice', I said, drawing slow circles across her chest. 'Or do you disagree?'

'Not really. But you don't always have friends who are willing to shag you when you feel you need some.'

'Friends with benefits', I said slowly.

'Is that what's disturbing you? That your friends are dating and they aren't there for you? And you have to come to beg me?'

I tensed. 'You're daft. Really.'

'What happened with Remus and Sarah today?'

I closed my eyes, trying to decide how much to say. 'Well, I kind of…interrupted them.'

'Oh.'

'Yeah.'

She stroked my chest lazily. 'Don't you have anyone you'd really fancy? Someone to try to hit on and not just come to ask if she was kind enough to sleep with you?'

'No. Really. There's just my friends.'

'Well, if you love them enough you don't maybe need anyone else.'

I sighed and felt her skin tense against my touch. 'Yeah, I don't. Except sometimes.'

'You'll eventually want someone whom you can love all the time.'

I bit my lip. 'What's this? We didn't use to have this thorough conversations after a shag before.'

She leaned to her elbows so that she could see my face. Her cheeks were still a bit blushed. 'We aren't dating anymore and neither of us misses it, and still you're coming to me for sex. Something's wrong, Sirius.'

'Well, sometimes it feels that everything's wrong', I said, wrapping my arms around her bare shoulders. 'And I can't figure out anything. It's just how things are now. And I can't see how it's wrong for us to be friends and shag if we want to.'

Susie shook her head. 'You're right. And I'm talking too much, anyway, and I'm getting cold. What's the time?'

'Don't care', I said, pulling her closer.