105. Chasing the Prodigal Warden

"…So then I say something like 'we have to find a way to bring it down,' which apparently Fin took as suggestion, because next thing I know, he runs out of nowhere and jumps up on its back. I think the dragon was as surprised as we were!"

Felicity laughed weakly, letting Alistair's voice soothe the anxiety that churned inside her. Churning because of the boy who, despite his protests, she wanted to protect like a little brother. Some big sister she had turned out to be… how could she have been so foolish? Wasn't she supposed to be the intelligent one? Shouldn't she have been able to identify the signs?

Leliana spoke up behind them. "I thought the part where Zevran got all fierce and protective was really sweet."

"Do not be a busybody, satusulahn."

"Aw, but it was cute!"

"It was also not our affair." Meila's chiding was matter-of-fact, almost gentle. It lent credence to the discovery that she and the singer were… involved. Meila must have changed quite a bit for the better, to countenance such a connection with a human.

The fifth member of their group, Jowan, remained in the back, silently following them with his eyes trained on his toes.

Felicity wasn't really sure what to make of him. She dearly wanted to mistrust him—he was a blood mage, after all, and his bumbling was part of what had set all this off—but she found that she couldn't. Jowan had always been entirely nonthreatening… there wasn't a malevolent cell in the man's body. There wasn't an intelligent one, either, and that was something of the problem, but the man had never meant any harm, and that was what was important, right?

"So the dragon flies up and away, and for a minute I swear we'll never see either of them again. But then… bang! The dragon runs into one of the valley walls."

Felicity listened distractedly, her mind elsewhere. She tried to calculate the odds of taking down Kazar without hurting him. If Alistair could just get a good smite on him, they'd be okay… at least until the ritual was done.

Jowan's ritual. She shuddered to think that they would be using blood magic, but it was the lesser of two evils. And at least the Deep Roads would probably have enough lyrium to accommodate the spell without requiring a sacrifice. Bhelen owed them; he would have little choice but to provide them with the necessary lyrium when they passed through Orzammar. It really did work out quite nicely, all things considered.

"Am I that boring?" Alistair's voice broke in.

Felicity smiled up at him apologetically. His face was twisted into a boyish pout. "I'm sorry… it's not that. I'm just a bit distracted by the circumstances."

Alistair sighed. "I suppose that makes sense." They walked in silence for a moment. Alistair, however, was not one for silence. "So… blood magic? How long, do you think?"

"I'm pretty sure he wasn't practicing when we left the Circle Tower. If he had been, he wouldn't have been so angry with Jowan about it." She paused, remembering the events that had led them both to being recruited… it felt like a long time ago, when it had only been a couple months. "Although, come to think of it, he did not express any actual upset about the practice itself… he was more angered by the fact that Jowan had concealed it from him. I wouldn't be surprised if Jowan's taking up blood magic prompted him to do so as well."

"It's not like I encouraged him or anything!" Jowan's voice said thinly from the back of the group.

"The point still stands that you learned blood magic, then he did. Those two things cannot be coincidences."

Jowan sputtered ineffectually.

"You were his friend, yes?" Leliana asked. "Did you never talk about it?"

"N-never!"

"It is likely that da'lethallin looked to his elder companion to set an example, and thus took his learning blood magic as permission of a sort." Felicity cast a curious look back at the Dalish elf, who shrugged. "He is younger of mind than he would have any of us think."

Jowan had gone ghost-white. "I… I didn't mean… I never wanted him to take it up. You think he looked up to me? That's… hard to believe."

Alistair snorted. "I'll say."

Felicity, however, wasn't so sure. Jowan and Kazar had always been inseparable, and they had always been just the two of them. Felicity knew well what extremes loneliness could drive one to. It made one cling to what little one had… even if that one thing happened to be Jowan.

"Then again," Meila continued, "Da'lethallin is very utilitarian. It may simply be that he sees such things as a tool. Thus, when given the chance to learn blood magic, he took it, as a matter of practicality."

Felicity hated to admit it, but Meila had a point. That was exactly how Kazar thought. Perhaps not all the blame could be on Jowan, then. Which made her feel all the guiltier for not somehow noticing and stopping it.

Alistair snorted a laugh. "So at what point did 'letting a demon make him a puppet' come into it?"

"It's not like that," Felicity said. "My understanding is that when a mage becomes an abomination, the two halves merge into one. You remember Uldred, claiming to be a newly reborn creature?"

Alistair shuddered. "How could I forget?"

"Kazar's mind would currently carry his memories and desires as well as those of the demon. Neither side is in control, necessarily, although one may be more dominant in the merging than the other."

"But…" Alistair seemed to be turning something over in his head. He cast a worried glance at Felicity. "The thing is… when Connor was possessed, there were definitely… two of them in there."

That made Felicity's stomach drop. If the circumstance with Connor had been different than the current one, would the Fade ritual still work? "How do you mean?"

"Well… most of the time, Connor acted like that: acting on Connor's memories and desires, but definitely heavy on the Desire Demon side. But then, a couple times, this scared little boy broke through, and he'd start crying and asking what was going on."

Leliana made a sympathetic noise. "That sounds horrible."

"So you're saying," Felicity said slowly, "that Connor's original self would still manifest? That they weren't completely merged?"

"Sure didn't seem like it."

That was bad. What if their ability to free Connor had merely been an effect of that? What if Jowan's ritual didn't work on a completely merged abomination? There was one person here who might be able to answer that question better than she, but it was a long shot. She stopped and turned, and their party stopped with her. "Jowan?"

"What are you asking me for? I don't know anything about abominations!"

"Not that." Maker, he was difficult to bear at times. "Jowan, what are the chances of the ritual working, really? On a fully joined abomination like Kazar, not a bumbling one like Connor?"

Jowan swallowed audibly. "Well… it may be a bit more difficult, yes. Especially since both the mage and the demon are likely to fight back… and they're both really strong."

Alistair's eyes narrowed at him. "Now wait. How would you know how strong the demon is?"

Jowan went even paler. His voice shook as he spoke next: "Well, it makes sense, doesn't it? Kazar's strong, so the demon must be strong to take him."

Leliana shook her head. "You are a very bad liar."

"How you ever managed to hide the fact you were a blood mage," Alistair agreed, "I'll never know."

"Jowan," Felicity said, trying not to let frustration get the best of her. "We need to know the truth, so we have the best possible chance of success. What, exactly, are we facing?"

His head drooped in defeat, his long fingers clasped tightly together. "I'm sorry… I didn't mean…" He took a breath to steady himself. "It's a Pride Demon. A powerful on. I met him once… in the Fade. He's the one that taught me… and then he found out about Kazar and it's all my fault because I was too much of a coward to face him and now my best friend is a monster when I never-"

"Jowan!" Felicity's healing instincts kicked in. "Breathe!" She couldn't stay angry with him… not when he was obviously already fighting himself about it.

"A Pride Demon," Alistair muttered, brows furrowed. "That's a doozy. Are we up for that?"

"It can't be much worse than Uldred, yes?" Leliana said.

"With Uldred we had two healers," Felicity said. "Also, Uldred was distracted by his ritual."

"If that was him distracted," Alistair said lightly, "I'd have hated to see him going all-out." He rubbed at his chestplate, and Felicity winced at the memory of seeing the man's armor caved in. It was not an experience she wanted to have again.

That was another reason the thought of engaging Kazar filled her with apprehension. If Kazar didn't get beaten into submission, then Alistair would. If Kazar transformed, the warrior would be their main line of defense. She could easily remember the sheer physical force that Uldred's demon had wielded. Was Kazar's demon as powerful as that? Was he more?

They started up the road again in thoughtful silence.

"Maybe we can look through your notes from the Circle," Leliana said.

This made Felicity shift her bag nervously. Her far lighter bag. "I… do not have them, at the moment. I left my Codex with Brother Genitivi."

That made Alistair stop dead. He turned to stare at her, and seemed incapable of talking for a moment. "Wait… you mean you left your book… which you've been dragging around since Ostagar… in Redcliffe?"

Felicity shifted uncomfortably. She could feel their regard, and understood why they were surprised. It must have seemed out of character. She tried to explain, "Speed is of the essence. It seemed silly to be bogged down by such a heavy tome, when very little of the information kept within would come in handy in this particular situation."

Her explanation did not alleviate the staring and she felt her face flush.

Meila's brows lowered. "Did you not have maps of the Deep Roads that may be useful for navigation?"

"I did look to bring those, yes. However… when I searched my Codex, I found that they had already been ripped out."

"Genitivi?" Alistair asked.

"No. I asked, but he had no idea. I… think it might have been Kazar."

Alistair looked stunned. "You're saying… Kazar is planning his route."

"He's seeking the Dead Trenches," Felicity said. "Where we saw the archdemon. He may be rash, but he's not foolish enough to wander the Deep Roads without a map."

"So if he's got our maps, how do we keep from getting lost?" Jowan asked nervously.

"We follow him," Meila said, "and do not lose the trail."

Felicity nodded. "I can help a bit with navigation from memory, provided we follow the same paths we did previously. However, if he deviates, I will not be of much help."

"Then let's hope he doesn't deviate." Alistair's jaw was set in a grim line, and he turned and wordlessly led them along the path again.