Attempted Quidditch-cide
"And then … then … do you know what he did, Moony? He laughed at me! Laughed at me under his bloody invisibility cloak while I was dragged away by my ear – my ear – by Filch! It took ages for me to scrub his floor with that toothbrush he gave me!" Sirius complained, pacing their dorm in anger.
"Well now you know not to put slippery substances in front of the Hufflepuff common room entrance. Really, how do you two expect to get away with anything what with all the noise you make?" said Remus, slightly peeved on having to play 'therapist' while editing his Potion's essay. He had caught himself writing 'hide dungbombs and other explosives' on the margins.
"What we need to do," Sirius said, his voice muffled as his head was practically in his trunk, "is teach Prongs a lesson he won't forget. He can't just do things like this and expect to get away. My ear will never be the same!"
"We can't do that!" exclaimed Peter from his place on Sirius' bed. "Marauder's Code, remember?"
"Yeah, well he broke it by leaving me in the dust. Besides, you'd probably want revenge too, what with that nasty rumour he spread about you wetting your bed."
"That was in first year," Remus pointed out. "We weren't really good friends then."
"And that time he told Sprout you cried because you missed your mum."
"That was you."
"Let's not think about the past, Moony," snapped Sirius, finally finished ruffling through his trunk, and placed the book he had pulled out on his lap, flipping the pages. "Hmm, now where is it … ah, here we go!" he exclaimed, allowing himself a smug smile as Peter and Remus edged closer in curiosity, reading over Sirius' shoulder.
"It's perfect," whispered Peter, ignoring the warning bells going off in his head that came when contemplating pranking another Marauder.
Remus rolled his eyes as he realised they were waiting for his opinion. "I suppose it's alright. When are you planning on executing it?"
"Tomorrow," he said happily. "During Quidditch practice,"
If there was one thing Ned Wood hated, it was tardiness. Of course, he hated other things too. Back talkers, eye rollers, people who didn't respect his orders, people who sneered, people who didn't do things perfectly the first time, spies, the colour green, detention, babies … the list went on.
But the one thing Ned Wood absolutely loved was Quidditch. He lived and breathed Quidditch. He slept on the bleachers more than he did his own bed. His extreme love for the sport could've been why he was chosen to be this year's Gryffindor Quidditch captain. Of course, the short, persuasive (threatening) note he sent last year's captain might've helped him a bit.
It was the first practice of the season and Ned was pumped. He had spent all night preparing his speech and what moves they were going to practice. At precisely 6 am, he was seen striding towards the pitch, a stack of papers in one hand, his broomstick in the other. Around 8, the rest of the team started to trickle in.
"Good morning, all," he greeted. Most of the team was fighting off sleep as they leaned drowsily against their broomsticks. Ned noticed this. "I said, GOOD MORNING, ALL."
"Good morning, Captain Wood." The team shouted back, looking less sleepy than before.
"Much better," he said brightly. "Today's practice is going to be excruciating at its least. Anyone who thinks they won't be able to handle it may leave now. I heard the Hogwarts Happy Squad is still looking for members."
Nobody moved.
Ned beamed, "Brilliant. I want 20 laps around the pitch – on foot."
Nobody moved.
"Am I speaking Mermish? I said on foot – GO, GO, GO, GO!" he blew his whistle around his neck shrilly and the team grudgingly took off, muttering their disdain.
"Where is he? He's supposed to be here!"
"Relax, Wormtail. It's part of the plan. I drugged him at breakfast – "
"WHAT?"
" – with sleeping draught. He'll wake up soon … hopefully."
"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."
"Stop breathing down my neck, Padfoot. It's irritating."
"Stop digging your elbow in my sides, Moony. Did anyone ever tell you they're unnaturally bony?"
"Wormtail, I really hope that was your stomach rumbling and not any other bodily function … oh man!"
The three boys shifted around under James' invisibility cloak they had nicked that morning. Suffice to say, they were not comfortable. The bleachers they were sitting on were cold and slightly damp from the night's rain, making it difficult for them to find a comfy position.
"Shut up, shut up! I see Prongs!" Sirius cried suddenly, and the boys seized their squabbling to peer down below.
James was sprinting across the field, looking slightly deranged as he tossed his broomstick to the side, attempting to blend in with his team mates.
Ned Wood was not fooled.
"Potter, come here!"
It was show time. Sirius trained his wand at James' hunched figure and muttered, "Oscitare Saepius."
The spell immediately took place.
"What did I tell you about tardiness? IT IS NOT ACCEPTED!" yelled the captain, glaring angrily at the twitching fifth year. "What do you have to say for yourself?"
James yawned.
Ned's nose twitched. "Come again?"
James yawned in response. "Sorry, captain."
"HOW DARE YOU? 30 LAPS AROUND THE PITCH, CHOP, CHOP!" Ned snatched the whistle around his neck and blew it in James' ear. The boy, alarmed at what he had done, but too scared to defend himself, ran off.
On the bleachers, the Marauders were practically howling with mirth as they watched their friend drag himself to a finish. They had decided to feel bad later, settling into watching the train wreck first.
"Okay, now that we've finished that little warm-up, let's practice a couple moves. I heard the Slytherin team shipped in a Keeper from Romania that's part vampire. If we have enough time today, we'll make garlic necklaces. Come on."
The practice started off normal enough; James tried his best to stay away from Ned, because he couldn't … stop … yawning. He'd gotten eight hours of sleep last night, like Ned had ordered, and didn't even feel an ounce of tiredness. His mouth just kept opening and making obnoxious yawning noises.
But one couldn't escape Ned for long. The blond boy flew over, watching James as he made an impressive shot through the hoops.
"Brilliant, Potter! But remember not to forget your surroundings; the Beater's can't be there for everything, okay?"
James tried to fight it. He really did. But his body must've hated him today, for he yawned … very loud. And in Ned's face.
A vein in the captain's head throbbed as his face turned red. "You think you're too good, eh, Potter? Think you're so tough with that gang you strut around the school with. What d'ya call yourselves, the Marsupials?"
"Oi, its Marauders to you, you twat!" a voice shouted from the bleachers. But no one was there. James put two and two together fairly quickly.
"Spies! I knew the Ravenclaws would pull something as low as this! Why didn't I schedule a night practice? Get down, Potter!" hissed Ned, hunching awkwardly on his broom as his head swiveled around wildly.
"I'll get rid of them, captain." James said, bravely. Ned saw this as a sign of loyalty.
"All right, Potter. And I'll just forget about that little stunt you pulled. Good luck," he flew off, screaming at the others to fetch some garlic from the kitchens.
James flew down, hopping off his broom as he ran up the bleachers. He pinpointed where he heard Sirius' voice and ripped off the invisibility cloak to see three sheepish faces.
"What the hell, you berks!" he snarled, pushing his glasses up his nose. "Ned could've killed me! I could've died! What do you have say for yourselves?"
"We're not sorry." Sirius said, before Remus could get a word in.
"Great, because that was wicked," he grinned, slapping them high fives. "Did you see how red his face got? I thought he was going to explode!"
"You're not angry?"
"Nope. I actually yawned a bit myself just to see how upset he'd get. How bout we pretend the Ravenclaws kidnapped me so I have a reason to skive off."
"Let's say we try this spell on McGonagall!"
"But she'll kill us!"
"I call dibs!"
A/N: This was incredibly fun to write! Thanks to skHermione for the idea!
Also, thanks to naien543, HoangMai, shadowkat678, xxSiriusxxforeverxx, Hpdwlotr24, and Remus' daughter for reviewing! And to anyone who's fave'd or followed, it really means a lot! :D
Oscitare Saepius - yawn repeatedly