A/N: Please note that this story is only supposed to be one big joke. XD Nothing is serious, so please don't take it as such. Also, each chapter is meant to be a separate "story," not a continuation of the previous chapter.

*WARNING! STUPID CHARACTER ALERT!*

~:~ Chapter Two – The iPod Shovel (LA-verse) ~:~

Link was hungry.

Very hungry.

"I'm so hungry, I could eat an Octorok!" he exclaimed for nobody to hear. He started skipping around Koholint Island like a little girl, or a hippo that got high on rotten mangoes.

All of a sudden, he bumped into a wall.

"HEY! When did this wall get here?" he questioned the Goddesses, licking the said wall with his hair.

Because some aardvarks got bored one day and wanted to play poker, answered Nayru.

Link ignored the almighty Goddess and took a few steps back, looking above him.

"SHOP," Link read aloud. He stood there for an hour. "OH! I get it now!" he exclaimed happily. "It's a shop! I bet they give out free food here!"

He ran back all the way to nowhere and found Marin.

"Marin! I found food! COME ON!"

—Link got Marin!—

He ran back to the shop in under twenty-two seconds. Since his hands were full of Marin, he opened it with his eyes and then stepped in, leaving Marin outside.

"WELCOME!" the shopkeeper greeted.

"WELCOME!" Link greeted back. He looked around the shop and eventually found a shovel.

With the shovel, I can do the duck walk! Link thought. With the duck walk, I can find elevators! With elevators, I won't be hungry anymore!

"How much is that shovel?" Link politely asked.

"Four million Rupees," the storeowner responded.

"Deal!"

Link grabbed the shovel and casually walked out the door. When he closed it, he heard something explode behind him. A cucco squawked and then swallowed an egg. On the other side of the dimensions, the Fierce Deity blew up a pineapple and laughed like a maniac.

"Marin, look at this awesome iPod I just bought!" shouted Link enthusiastically, holding up his shovel. Marin held her hands together and looked at it in awe.

"Oh! So that's what an iPod is!" she commented. "I've always been wondering! You know, there are these two guys that walk by in front of my house every night wearing strange clothes and talking about iPods—"

"CATCH!"

Link picked Marin up and threw her into the sea.

Poor Marin, Nayru said, shaking her godly head as she watched the poor girl begin to get ripped apart by the raging, salty tides of the five-inch ocean.

Meanwhile, Link dug the shovel (well, actually, the iPod) into a tree and began singing.

"I…

…just wasted…

…TEN SECONDS OF YOUR LIIIIIIIIIIFE~!"

Every window in the world shattered into a thousand little slices of pizza. Mice immediately scurried over and devoured them, thus ending world hunger for good.

"Hey, there's something right with this iPod!" cried Link, licking the shovel while hopping on one foot. He rushed back into the shop.

The shopkeeper greeted him with welcoming, joyful, and overly-sympathetic eyes.

"I wasn't kidding when I said pay!" he bellowed, a wicked smile plastered on his face.

"Aww, thank you!" Link replied, hugging his shovel.

"Now, you'll pay THE ULTIMATE PRICE!"

"YAAAAAY!"

He zapped him, and then Link fell into nothingness.

He saw Marin.

"That's what you get!" she yelled.

"…Where's my iPod?"

~x~X~x~

A/N: MWAHAHAHA!

-Eternal Nocturne-

Chapter Two – Completed September 27, 2010