A/N: Mwahahaha. :3

~:~ Chapter Three – Pinoez (TP-verse) ~:~

Once upon a time, there was a donkey. This donkey looked so much like a donkey that he was a donkey. One day, he realized that he was a donkey and died.

Fourteen days and ten dog years later, Link was running backwards with a pineapple on his head through Hyrule Field. Earlier, he had successfully trapped Midna inside of the pineapple so that she wouldn't have to hide in his shadow anymore and risk getting stepped on by him or poked to death with grass.

All of a sudden, Midna was released from the pineapple.

"NO," she yelled quietly.

"YES," Link muttered loudly.

And they lived happily ever after.

…

However, Ash Ketchum interrupted their "happily ever after" by throwing a Pokeball at Link and catching him. Doomed to forever replace Pikachu as Ash's loyal partner, Link traveled with Ash through vast lands far and wide and eventually helped him become the ultimate Pokemon Master [of the trading card game].

One day, Ash came out of a wall while Link was eating his foot.

"Link," Ash sweetly yelled while being constipated, "I'm going to become a muffin."

"NOOOOO!" Link whispered as he watched Ash turn into a zebra. He ran over to the new animal and hugged his leg. "Don't worry; I'll get you to the zoo where you can live with calculators for the rest of your life!"

And so they departed on an epic journey to the zoo. However, Ash the Zebra wanted to eat Link's hat, so he committed suicide by eating his stomach.

Link wanted to become a math professor with Midna all of a sudden. Upon traveling back to his homeland of Hyrule, he was appalled to find out that his companion had transformed everyone into geometric shapes.

"No! I hate math!" Link wailed blissfully while eating a bagel. Then Midna licked Link's boot.

"How are you?" she asked evilly, handing him a flower.

"FIRST I DRANK THE OCEAN AND THEN I SMOKED a lamp," responded Link. It was then that he decided that he needed an extreme wardrobe change. He also needed the narrator to describe his clothes in excruciating detail.

He was wearing a dark vermillion hat that changed colors depending on his emotions with luminous beads stitched onto the sides, all 3/4ths of an inch apart from each other, except for the last bead, which was exactly 1.232/4ths of a yard away from the last cross-stitched sapphire-blue-like-the-ocean bead, which was 3/4ths of an inch away from the emerald-green-like-the-eternal-forest bead, which was 3/4ths of an inch away from the ruby-red-like-the-flaming-hot-sun-that-will-kill-you-if-you-get-too-close bead, which glittered in all two colors of the sparkling iridescent rainbow that reminded him of a time when he licked a calculator and wanted to become a pair of scissors that loved to ride on pinoez all day long. Then he got tired of wanting to explain his clothing in great detail, and he also wondered what a pinoez was, so he jumped off of a cliff and died.

~x~X~x~

A/N: I got inspired all of a sudden and wrote this chapter in a few minutes! XD

-Eternal Nocturne-

Chapter Three – Completed May 22, 2011