It was a peaceful day, one of those rare days where the Marauders weren't terrorizing the whole of Hogwarts, when the portrait door blasted open.

Lily Evans looked like she'd been through a hurricane as she detangled herself from the entrance curtains. Her blouse was wrinkled and ripped, her robe was hanging off her shoulders, her red hair (which she took great pride in) looked like it was fixed in a blender and she was leaving a small puddle underneath her shoeless clad feet.

She burst into tears.

Her friends immediately swooped over, creating a small, protective circle around her as the normally no-nonsense girl hiccupped on their shoulders, and wailing incoherent phrases. "- swooped out of nowhere! Second – hic - floor b-b-bathroom… Grandma's – hic - bag – ripped! Homework – s-shredded!" They escorted her up the stairs, shutting their dorm door with a loud boom.

Peter wore a worried frown, "I hope she's alright."

"Me too," agreed Remus, taking out a fresh piece of parchment from his satchel, "Perhaps we should write a strongly worded letter to the student who did this. Girls these days are so petty, it's unbelievable. Who would rip one's bag? And homework, too!"

A bored voice answered, "You're so clueless sometimes, Lupin, it's unbelievable." Sirius took his boots off the round, wooden table and gave him a meaningful look, as if that would explain everything. Realising this fault, he added on, "It wasn't a girl that attacked Evans. See –"

"Who?" snapped James, patience wearing thin, "I bet you ten galleons they're from Slytherin. How dare they reduce my Lily-flower to tears! I'll hex them into the next century. And then I'll kill them. And then I'll hex their ashes. And then I'll bring them back to life just to kill them again. And then –"

"That would be pretty difficult considering they don't have a corporeal body." Sirius cut in, miffed about being interrupted.

"Blimey, somebody's already killed them?" gasped Peter, looking outraged. "Word sure goes out fast!"

"I don't how I put up with you three." Sirius bit out impatiently. "Follow me."

The door to the girls' bathroom budged open after an unnecessary kick delivered by James, and they stepped in. A group of stalls held one side of the wall, and there was a row of faucets decorating the opposite stretch of wall, a long, slightly chipped mirror hanging above.

Remus advised they make a plan before executing the deadly mission, and the others wholly agreed. Sirius, Peter and Remus would hide under the invisibility cloak, gathering Lily's things, whilst James would face off with the ghost.

It seemed to be a fair plan.

Moaning Myrtle, having realised she had company, straightened up from her position on top of a stall's door and gave James a questioning look. "You're not a girl." Her voice was high and shrill, like someone who inhaled a bit of helium, and she glared at him behind her wide, circular glasses. "Get out of here!"

"Aww, come now, don't be so mean. Let's get to know each other first, yeah? Then you can insult me however much you like."

Myrtle scoffed, and floated towards him. Her body was pearly white and a tinge transparent, and James could vaguely see right through her. She was wearing an old set of the Hogwarts uniform and the crest on her side said she was from Ravenclaw. Her hair was in pigtails, and her fringe looked like it was cut by herself using safety scissors.

She sniffed.

"Get lost!" she repeated, looking more agitated. "This is my bathroom, you got that? And I don't want to be friends." She huffed, and crossed her arms. "I know you're type; after you shower me with compliments, you're going to throw things at me. You probably have an audience hiding under an, oh, I don't know, an invisible cloak right over there." She pointed towards where the rest of the Marauders were hiding, and they stiffened immediately. "But you're a boy, and boys are stupid, so that's out of the question." They relaxed.

James frowned, "What? Why would anyone throw things at you? You're pretty, you're smart and you're a supernatural. You're every man's dream!"

Myrtle looked surprise. She giggled, "Really?"

"Of course," James wished they'd hurry up already, he didn't think he could hold on any longer.

The ghost drifted so close over to James, he could practically feel the cool, icy air shimmering around her. "Why don't we-" she giggled again, and James was tempted to just drop this operation and run for it. Not even Evans was worth being sexually harassed... by a ghost.

Thankfully, before James could even cry out for him mum, there was a loud stomp by the door, followed by rhythmic claps, a low whistle and a girlish giggle.

Their signal!

James stepped back from Myrtle, who was batting her eyelashes like it was her job, and smiled shakily, "I hate to cut this short, Myrtle, but I, sadly, have to go. School, you know? Prevents us from having fun,"

"Will you come back?"

"Do you even need to ask? Seriously, do you think I'm that much of a prat? Myrtle, I'm hurt!"

"But-"

"Shhhh!" James held a finger to his lips, and shook his head slowly. "We'll see what I can do. You're trust for me is shockingly nonexistent. It will take me some time to get over this." He pulled open the door and exited just as she called:

"Goodbye, my love!"

James glared at the rest of his friends, daring them to say a word.

A/N: Thanks to Hpdwlotr24, HoangMai, Remus' daughter, shadowkat678, snowflakecake and jedikhaleesi
for reviewing!

- James fumes -

James: And thanks for posting this. I thought you loved me.

Peter: Myrtle loves you.

James: AAAARGH!

- James throws computer monitor at Peter in a fit of rage -