Who: Steve, Natasha, some Tony

What: Steve and Natasha get married because of Tony's Super Potent Drinkage.

When: After CA2, no spoilers

Steve wakes up to a pounding head and what must be the light at the end of the tunnel. He finds, after looking around, that the room he is in is not his, nor is it any of his teammates' or even a guest room in the Tower. And... there's someone next to him.

Without turning his body, he sees that the person next to him is a, female, b, not wearing clothes, and c, Natasha Romanoff, aka his teammate, aka the Black Widow. Oh shit.

He contemplates getting up, getting dressed (he thinks he's naked too, but please god, don't let him be naked) and doing "damage control," but then decides that he'll, in Stark-like fashion, go back to sleep and let her deal with it (he's not sure how to, anyway).

So he rolls over. And then he's flat on his back again, a knife pressed to his throat.

Slowly, he opens his mouth. "Natasha," he says, "it's Steve. Steve Rogers? You know, your friend?" If he swallows, the knife will actually cut into his skin. He's well aware of just how little power he has in that moment.

Painfully slowly, Natasha blinks, and her eyes clear enough for her to realize that she is straddling Captain America, with a giant knife to his jugular, both of them naked. The pressure she's putting on the knife lessens enough that he can safely breathe, so he puts his hands on her waist. She jumps the slightest bit, and good god, he doesn't blame her.

"Natasha," he repeats, but his voice, this time, is 100 times hoarser. "We need to get dressed and find out where we are."

Steve doesn't remember going on a mission with Natasha that would ever require the to share a bed. Share a bed while butt naked. It just does not compute.

She nods, looking a little out of it still. There's a lot of awkward maneovering, and then they're both standing, hurriedly putting on their clothes. While Steve is still pulling up his zipper, Natasha hisses out a "shit."

Then, without a shirt to cover her impressive cleavage, she storms over to him and slaps a paper onto his chest. "Read it," she demands.

So he does. Then he reads it again. And again.

"God-damnit." Natasha says, once she's sure he's read it.

He reads it again, just to be sure.

"Is this a marriage liscense? With our signatures? Or am I losing my eyes with old age?" Steve really hopes it's the latter, to be honest. It's not that Natasha wouldn't be someone he wanted to marry, it's more Natasha is an assassin and he didn't even get to court her.

"Yes it is." She snarls. She's very angry, he notes. Like, more angry than she should be. "Next time Stark makes you a Super Potent Drinkage, turn him down."

And then she pulls on a shirt, and storms out. Steve looks back down at the paper that says he and Natasha were legally married. It says they were married in Vegas, in one of the many chapels. Fuck.

He pulls on a shirt and heads out after her.

Steve doesn't find her, but he does find out that Stark has called him 100,000 times since the previous night. He answers finally, and Stark chews him out. Steve winces, because he still has that hangover headache and Tony's loud voice is freakin' loud.

Tony's still ranting when Steve cuts him off. "Look, Stark, I don't care. I'll check in more, but call me again and I will do unspeakable things to you." Then he hangs up.

He's been spending too much time with Natasha. Natasha, his wife. He should probably feel something other than giddiness at the thought. He couldn't do much better than Natasha.

After hours of searching and thinking about how much he likes his bride, he finds her. She's drinking again, shots of something with no color but a strong smell, and when she sees him, she frowns. He already knows that she's not drunk - Tony's magic Potent Drinkage had been what got them both plastered.

Steve can't help but think she's beautiful.

It takes some serious cajoling and quite a few offers to owe favors, but eventually, Natasha goes with him back to the hotel room they'd woken up in.

"So," he says. He's got a plan on how he wants this conversatiion to go - of course he does. He's the Star Spangled Man With A Plan.

"So," she repeats.

"I have an idea, and I need your thoughts on it."

"Alright," says Natasha.

"We could stay married."