A/N: This chapter's plot brought to you by Sir Reginald Pantaloons 3rd! :D By the way, in your review for this chapter, let me know if you'd like a Skyward Sword chapter! I'll be sure to make it free of serious spoilers. I won't go further than what they showed to us at E3 2011!

~:~ Chapter Twelve – Sir Reginald Pantaloons the 3rd (ST-verse) ~:~

Nearly one hundred years ago, Link—the Hero of Winds—pushed a sword through a guy's head and was then scarred for life since he was only a little kid. The Goddesses loved him so much that when he died from inhaling a large pot twenty years after his great deed, they reincarnated him as a very damp and saucy fax machine that had magic powers so that he could pass himself off as an innocent Hylian studying to become an engineer in New Hyrule.

Link was staring out at the sun, thinking about how great it was to be a fax machine and also becoming deaf in the process, when a cloud of metal all of a suddenly paper plate thins SHOOTS OUT OF nose and eats water juice. Link gasped as he watched somebody step out of the cloud of metal.

"OH. MAH. GAAAAAAAAAADESSES," said Link, rubbing his cheeks. "Can. I. Eat. That. Cloud. Of. Metal."

"Why, yes you can! :D" said the guy, whose name was Sir Reginald Pantaloons the 3rd. "I cooked it with butter, BTW. :)"

"OMNOMNOMNOMNOM," Link said and he ate the cloud of metal.

"Let's go on an adventure to the world of potatoes! :D" Sir Reginald Pantaloon the 3rd suggested. "I'LL BRING THE POPCORN! 8D"

"OHOHOHOHO," laughed Link as he ate a fork. "Zelda. Needs. New. Underwear. Because. Somebody. Washed. It. In. A. Sewer."

"SIR PANTALOONSMAN AWAAAAAAAY~!" cried Sir Reginald Pantaloons the 3rd, flying away with the flaps of his maaaaagical pantaloons. He carried Link with him. However, since Link was afraid of heights (he suffered a horrible flying accident when his fax machine mommy dropped him off of a flying train), he started singing the Barbie Girl song, which made some guy named Mr. die of gull bladder implosions.

"Fufufufufu," laughed Link as he slipped on a chewy shovel. A distinguished Deku pie appeared in front of him. "MUST. EAT." Link devoured the Deku pie with his awesome fax machine powers and then went on a sugar rush. "WIGGLE MAH UGLY TOILET BOWL!"

"^_^" Sir Reginald Pantaloons the 3rd said. "If you'll excuse me, I'm off to rule the world!" He wore his pantaloons on his shirt and then advanced to a taxi. "I need a coffee," he said.

"NO," replied the taxi driver.

"D:" Sir Reginald Pantaloons the 3rd responded. He exploded, and then bunnies started falling out of the sky. Link rushed over to him, sadly happy, but then he was smacked in the face by a bunny with terminal fluffy butt disease.

"Sadly happy," said Link. "So so so so so so ERROR muffin cake."

He returned to Hyrule, crestfallen.

"Do I do now. Now," he muttered, wondering what he should do next. He just then realized that his speech patterns had improved drastically ever since he experienced that sugar rush. "Moldy shrimp flavor."

Link looked at the sky. It was very blue. Then he looked at the grass. It was very green. Then he looked at himself. He was very not purple.

"OMGZ," he gasped. "NOT PURPLE. PURPLE RED NO SUSHI ROLL GAAAAAAAAH."

He ran around in circles and then rammed into a tree. But it wasn't a tree! It was… THE THING. But it wasn't The Thing! It was… THE THING.

"Hello," said The Thing. Then The Thing turned into Weegee!

"Hello," said Weegee. Then Weegee turned into Weegee!

"Hello," said Weegee. Then—

"I SOCK YOUR JAW NAO," Link blurted. Weegee poked Link's eye, which made the fax machine rethink his outlook on life… It was then that Link received a fax from his old Aunt Zelda.

"Link. This is your old Aunt Zelda," the fax read. "Great news! In seven years, I'll be four years old. :)

I hope you get kicked in the wrong place today! LIKE A BOSS

Love, Zelda"

As Link finished reading the fax that came out of him, he turned to look at Weegee, who was getting stabbed with a dull piece of butter. Weegee dramatically fell down.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOyes!" screamed Weegee. Then he died because he didn't bleed to death.

"I'll kill you, and then you'll die," commented Link, flopping his hat.

Link died 2 nanoseconds later from boredom.

And the ceiling fan lived happily ever after.

The Goddesses above slapped Malladus for trying to microwave his hand.

~x~X~x~

-Eternal Nocturne-

Chapter Twelve – Completed October 20, 2011