Obsessive Crocheting Disorder

Crinkly autumn leaves crunched nosily underfoot the troublesome teenagers strolling along Hogwarts' grounds. It was the middle of October of their sixth year and they had quickly decided being cooped up in their common room with seventh years sweating anxiously about N.E.W.T.s wasn't the best place to hang around on a Saturday.

Remus reached into his satchel and took out a large bar of chocolate. Removing the wrapper, he was just about to take a great big bite of it until he noticed his friends' disbelieving stares.

"Yes?"

"You can't be serious."

"No, but I am."

James shoved Sirius away, who teetered dangerously close to the Great Lake, and turned to Remus. "Isn't that your fifth bar today?"

"Sixth."

"What?"

"This is my sixth bar today." Remus explained, wondering why in the world James cared about his eating habits. "I had one while Lily was screaming at you about something or another."

"Oh. Well, give it here."

"Why?"

"Because, Moony," James said using the tone he usually reserved for speaking to toddlers. "Too much chocolate consummation can do very bad things to your health."

"And besides, aren't you a werewolf?" Peter yelped as two hands collided with the back of his head. "Ouch! Relax. No one's out here." Rolling his eyes, he continued, "so, you know how chocolate is really dangerous for dogs? Like, they can die if they eat it? Well, aren't werewolves technically wolves who are technically apart of the dog family? Therefore, chocolate will kill you."

"I've been eating chocolate since I was a child and I've never gotten sick because of it." Remus noticed Peter's crestfallen face and tried to cheer him up. "But that was a good connection, Petey. I didn't think of it like that."

"I'm a dog and chocolate doesn't kill me." Sirius said, puffing out his chest proudly.

"Your animagus is a dog, Pads. You're not really a dog."

"I beg to differ," Peter snickered, dodging Sirius' punch.

"Anyway, we're straying away from topic!" James swiped the chocolate bar from Remus' grasp (he was already half way through it) and chucked it as hard as he could across the lake. It landed with a soft plop.

"PRONGS!"

"Remus, you have an addiction."

"Nonsense! I – I can stop whenever I want to."

"Really?"

"…It depends on how long we're talking."

"You see?" cried James, as if this proved everything. "Remus, mate, I love you like a brother, but you have a problem. A rather silly one, but a problem nonetheless,"

Remus huffed angrily, and turned on his heel, marching back towards the castle. "I don't have to listen to this anymore."

"Where are you going?"

"To get more chocolate!"

"Okay, okay," they caught up to him just as he reached the castle's steps, and James brightened up as an idea hit him like a Bludger during a Quidditch game. "How about this: if you go without chocolate for a week then we'll stop badgering you about this."

Remus contemplated this. "What's this going to prove?"

"That you're not as addicted as we think?" said Sirius.

He pondered on this some more, and then shrugged. I'll show them. "Fine. But what if I get the urge to, you know, sneak a bite in?"

"We'll find you a hobby."

"We will?" said Sirius and Peter together.

James grinned. "'Course we will! And I have the perfect one!"

"Crochet?" said Sirius disbelievingly. "You're making our friend – a boy, might I add – do old lady pastimes? What the bloody hell is wrong with you?"

It was the next day, and they were in their dorm room, surrounded by yarns of every colour you could think of on the large table by the window. Remus Lupin was sitting before the table twirling a wooden crochet hook in and out of a canary yellow thread of yarn, thoroughly engrossed.

James sighed (he seemed to be doing that quite a lot these days) and explained hastily: "Because, Pads, crochet is a distracting hobby and it'll keep him absorbed enough to take his mind off of chocolate. After a week or two he won't even remember how chocolate tasted like!" he glanced at his nails, and added, "And it's manly. I do it once in awhile… you know, to pump me up before Quidditch games."

"Speaking of chocolate; I'm starving! Let's go down to breakfast."

"Crocheting can get a little intense." James continued as if Peter hadn't spoken. "One time, my Great Uncle tried his hand at it and we nearly lost him. We had to call in the people my Aunt Mildred does business with." He shuddered as the memory came back to him.

Sirius was amused. "What's wrong with Aunt Mildred's friends?" But James had already walked off to Remus.

"We're going down to breakfast. You coming?"

"I'll be there in a few, Mum." Remus momentarily pausing from his crocheting to roll his eyes. "Promise."

Remus didn't meet them like he promised.

The Marauders were getting worried; this was so unlike the bookworm. He was always punctual and always made an annoying point of showing up at least half an hour before schedule.

Once they realised he wasn't coming to breakfast, the Marauders went upstairs to see what was wrong. They entered their dormitory to see that it was deserted. The balls of yarn decorating the wooden table by the window were gone.

And so, evidently, was Remus.

"What'd I tell you guys?" James ran a hand through his hair tiredly. "I told you crocheting gets intense! That's why you always crochet with a partner. But did Remus listen to me? Nooooo." He began to mimic Remus' voice, which really didn't sound like Remus at all but rather his cat Barnabas coughing up hairballs. "'I can do this by myself, James, he says.' 'I'm not a baby, he says.'"

"Let's not jump to conclusions." Sirius advised. "He could be somewhere else. Shame the map's not completed, though. It'd save us loads of time." The magical map of Hogwarts and its occupants were their latest project, and were immensely thrilled about it.

Still they left their dorm and began to search.

But seconds turned into minutes, and minutes turned into hours, and there was still no sign of Remus.

"We've missed lunch and dinner," complained Peter, as they past a painting of a bowl of fruit. This was the third time they had walked this route, and everyone was getting restless. "Perhaps we should take a break and go down to the kitchens?" The others still wanted to continue with their search, but they decided their grumbling stomachs would just be a distraction, so they tickled the pear and the kitchens' door appeared.

The first thing they saw were dozens of House Elves skittering around, carrying overfilled baskets of crocheted socks, and sweaters and scarves before placing it on a growing pile of similar-looking baskets. Remus was hunched over the kitchen bench, his wooden hook held tightly in one hand as he expertly looped through a ball of yarn, muttering under his breath.

"Moony?" James started tentatively, not daring to approach.

Remus grunted.

"Moony, are you alright?"

He grunted again

"Look at these!" said Sirius, plucking out a pair of socks from the basket. A tiny name was stitched on the side. "Who's Tom Pritchard?"

"Gryffindor, second year," mumbled Remus, never looking up. "I'm m-making them for everyone in our house." He was crocheting so fiercely that his fingers were blurs.

James, Peter and Sirius glanced at each other, and at once, they silently created a plan.

Remus was still crocheting like mad.

"Gerda, P-please p-place these w-woolen booties for D-Dumbledore - ack!" The werewolf struggled against the hold of Sirius and Peter. "Let me gooooooo!"

Meanwhile, James had somehow gotten Remus' crochet hook away from his vice-like grip, and said,"This is for your own good, Moony." And he threw the hook into the fireplace.

The room fell into silence as they watched the wooden stick burn slowly.

"You monsters!" Remus yelled, his face losing the little colour it had. "And that's coming from me! I thought we were friends!"

"We are! We're helping you, Moony! This isn't healthy. I bet you haven't eaten or taken a rest ever since I showed you this bloody thing. There's a fine line between love and obsession, and you, my friend, have just crossed it."

"That's rich coming from you, Mr. Go-Out-With-Me-Evans!"

I'm not that obsessed... am I? "Well, since you obviously can't handle the art that is crocheting, I suppose you can have your chocolate back."

"Brilliant." He shrugged away his friends and brushed his robes off. "But can I perhaps finish the mittens that I started - ?"

"NO!"

"I'm just glad our dorm won't be polluted with yarn anymore." Sirius sighed happily as he looped some scarves around his neck.

"Where's Wormtail?"

"Over here." Peter murmured by the kitchen bench as he slowly wrapped some yarn around the badly burnt crochet hook he must've salvaged from the fire, his eyes beginning to glaze over. "Remus w-was having s-so much fun. I just c-c-couldn't resist!"

A/N: Ackk! Sorry for the late update! I've tons of assignments (which I should be doing right now, but I'm not, mwhaha) I also changed my pen name as a result of my procrastination! I sense a problem here, says James.

RosesandThorns11: Thanks for reviewing! :))

Remus' daughter: I hope the lecture he gave you was convincing. I knew he wouldn't be mad! SPEAK BABY? I've been trying to learn that for ages! Hahahaa, cousins are the worse! *patiently waits for pictures*

shadowkat678: Thaaaanks for your lovely comments!

Chuggamuffin: It's fun writing about them, lol! I think it's something Lily'd do if she found out they lost them! Thanks so much!

MissDemigodWizard: Thank you for reviewing! They always make me smile! :)

Hpdwlotr24: I like writing Harry as a baby! He must've been super adorable, haha! Thanks for reviewing!

sparkie926: Aw, thanks! And who wouldn't? lol

skHermione: Can't believe they never told you what they got up to! It's just so like them! You ALWAYS help them with homework. Maybe they thought you'd use it for blackmail? But that's just so unlike you... is it? o.O Thanks thanks thanks for reviewing!

xxSiriusxxforeverxx: Thank you for your encouragement, you're really sweet! :D

NightenGale10: Thank you for reviewing! It means a lot!