A/N: So, here's the Skyward Sword chapter. A while ago I was busy doing all of this in-depth research and analysis on the game, picking apart every single little thing I could find in every video they would show us of the game.

I had to stop. I knew too much. But the spoilers kept on coming. I am now happy to say that I am no longer up-to-date on the latest Skyward Sword news, because if I was, that means that I would know the entire game's plot from beginning to end.

I'm referring to the text dump that was leaked yesterday. :(

Anyway, this chapter is pretty spoiler-free. There's basically no new information from what we've heard about the game since E3 2011, so it's safe to read. (Not to mention that this is a CRACK FIC and shouldn't make sense anyway. XP) Enjoy. :3

~:~ Chapter Fifteen – Oyster (SS-verse) ~:~

Skyloft was a chunk of land floating above the other land because of a mystical power called "Flushing the Toilet." Since Skyloft discovered automatic toilets long before anybody else did, the power of Flushing the Toilet was strictly theirs, and they used it to make their beautiful floating land float in the sky.

Every day, each Skyloftian would have to partake in a ritual where they would gather Flushing the Toilets so that Skyloft could remain airborne. This ritual could take as little as five minutes to complete, but sometimes, something very bad happens and the ritual ends up taking -14 tomatoes and 17 years to finish. In this case, anyone who goes through this kind of lengthy ritual would be called a "FUYHFAKUTDOGPOOPLU."

One day, Zelda, a regular Skyloftian, was gathering Flushing the Toilet when she heard her bestest friend in the world, Link, trip over air outside her home.

"Oh no, Link tripped over air again," murmured Zelda, shaking her head as she gathered all of her belongings and prepared to flee the confines of her house. "I need to go before it's too late!"

But it was too late. Link had already tripped over air .12 seconds ago, and since Zelda didn't make it in time, the air got mad at her and caused a tornado to stir. The tornado ate Zelda and started to digest her using the stomach acid that it had picked up from a cow earlier.

"Stop it!" wailed Zelda. "I'm an accomplished FUYHFAKUTDOGPOOPLU!"

"Zelda!" Link screamed, worried that the headmaster of his school would behead him with a calculator for letting his daughter get sucked away by a tornado. He grabbed his trusty bug-catching net and then did a backflip off of Skyloft, all while tripping mid-air on a zebra that was eating a leopard turtle.

"DANG, MAAAAAN," neighed the zebra, "THIS AIN'T YO' TURTLE. GIT OFF."

"Why do I keep tripping over things?" wondered Link, still falling through the clouds with the net in his hands. All of a sudden, the net turned into a steamy fresh oyster.

"Oyster," said Oyster. Oyster. But it was too late. Oyster.

"Help me!" wailed Link, looking at the oyster named Oyster. "I need to save Zelda, but I forgot how to fly, and now I'm falling!" Then, he paused before adding, "And I forgot how to use Flushing the Toilet, SO NOW NO MORE CRICKETS WILL BE BORN!"

Somewhere far away, Baby Cricket was about to exit Mommy Cricket, but then Baby Cricket could not get born because he did not have enough Flushing the Toilet, so he had to slip back inside Mommy Cricket, where he threw an Open House Party and served refreshments in the form of Mommy Cricket's inner juices.

"Oyster," said Oyster.

"You're right," replied Link. "Crickets can't be born! They hatch from eggs!"

Everyone at Baby Cricket's Open House Party attacked Link. When they jumped on him, the weight was so much that he was elevated back to Skyloft.

"Hmm," said Link. "I didn't know crickets could eat lions."

Unbeknownst to him, the crickets scurried off in a sudden plan to conquer Skyloft.

"What was I doing again?" Link pondered, looking at Oyster. He then felt very sad, for he remembered that Oyster was once his treasured bug-catching net that he had created out of twelve Flushing the Toilets.

"Oyster," said Oyster. Oyster jumped off of Skyloft and landed in Zelda's lap, since she landed just fine in the land below.

"OH HAI," greeted Zelda joyfully. "U LEIK MAH NOO ACCENT? THIS HOW DEY TALK DOWN HER."

Oyster exploded.

"NOOOUUUUUU," cried Zelda. "LINK NEEDS TO TAKE A SHOWAH."

Back in Skyloft, Link had just successfully captured a parsley Treeko. He attached a note to it and dropped it off the edge of the giant floating piece of land.

By the time the parsley Treeko landed in the world below, it was turned into a marshmallow and knew how to do complicated algebra. Zelda, who also knew how to do complicated algebra, found the marshmallow, turned it back into a parsley Treeko, and read the note that was attached to it.

Dear Zelda,

I am a donkey. Oyster.

Your donkey,

Link

"AWW," sniffed Zelda, tears streaming down her face, "DAT'S SOOOOOOOO SWEET. MUST SEND HIM A PRESSSENT BAK BCUZ I IS A FUYHFAKUTDOGPOOPLU."

Zelda attached a boulder to the dead parsley Teekro and threw it back up to Skyloft, where the weight of the boulder caused Link to fall into a gigantic hot bowl of soup in somebody's bathtub.

"Aww, Zelda sent me a gift!" Link said, not realizing that he was pouring blood all over some poor little kid's giant bowl of burning soup. He got out before it was too late and walked out the door.

Ten minutes later, the little kid came out from his room after collecting two-hundred and twenty-one Flushing the Toilets and sat down to eat his soup.

"MMOMMEH, this tastes like blood and a very big rock!" he said happily. After he finished eating, he became a vampire and used necromancy to bring back Robby from the dead. Then, he took over Skyloft with the aid of the crickets.

"Hey, you can't do that!" retorted Robby.

"Why not?" asked the little vampire kid.

"BCUZ I PWN LAMP," announced Link heroically, bursting into the room in a ray of rainbows and sunshine.

"Oh no!" wailed the vampire kid. "Sunlight! This means I'm going to turn into a disco ball! Noooo!"

He started glittering profusely.

"I HAV ZELDA WIT ME TO," Link said, lifting his arm to reveal Zelda.

"HAI GUYZ," she said, curtseying, "I TAWT LINK HOW TO TAWK LEIK DIS. :D"

"YAYAYAYAYAY," Link confirmed. Zelda and Link lived happily ever after until Robby came and told Link that there was a random sword girl named Fi that he needed to see. He obediently went to go see her. When he got there, Fi impaled him with her pointy head, just 'cause she could.

"Hehehehe," chuckled Fi. "I need a cat."

We are very disappointed, Fi, said a heavenly voice coming from the heavenly heavens in the heavens. As your punishment for murdering the one who was supposed to save the world and all of its Flushing the Toilets, we give you this.

A cat appeared above her, but since Link was still stuck to Fi's head, it landed on his limp body instead of in the sword girl's arms.

"Noooooo!" cried Fi. "I NEED A CAT! Now I can never get one!"

And so the cat spent the rest of its life living on Link's decomposing corpse on Fi's head. Zelda went crazy because she had nobody to brush her teeth for her.

~x~X~x~

A/N: I was hoping that this chapter would be EPIC and AWESOME like we all know Skyward Sword is going to be. But of course, it didn't turn out that way. *sigh*

At the time of writing this, we (North America XD) only have 11 more days until the release of the game! 8D

-Eternal Nocturne-

Chapter Fifteen – Completed November 9, 2011

Uploaded on November 9, 2011