Muggle Studies: Chat Room

Surprisingly, or unsurprisingly depending on who you asked, Remus had switched into Muggle Studies the second week of the term. Divination had proved to be a waste of time.

"What did we say?" James asked, as the four boys arrived to the queue outside the classroom. "Didn't we tell you Divination was a load of crap?"

"You think every class is a load of crap, James," said Remus. "And I thought Divination would be fun."

"Predicting the future while looking into a cheap glass bowl and wearing a sparkly shawl is fun?"

Remus' retort was cut off by the door to their classroom opening. Ms. Henley was balancing a big brown box in her arms as she locked up the classroom. "Good morning!" she said.

"What's with the box?"

"Are you quitting?" asked one student looking very happy at the idea.

"Wipe that smile off your face, Miss. Moore. I am not quitting."

"Damn."

Ms. Henley rolled her eyes. "We have a very important lesson we'll be covering today. Electricity - remember we went over that yesterday? It's the current of energy used by Muggles to power most of their technology – interferes with magic (Muggleborns and Halfbloods are always disappointed to find out none of their Muggle gadgets work in Hogwarts… I know I was) But today, Professor Dumbledore has created us a magic-free room in the school to be able to do what we're covering today."

"What are we doing?"

"You'll see in a moment." She wiggled the box. "Wands in here, please."

"What?"

"Is she mad?"

"Ain't nobody gonna touch my baby!"

"My father will be hearing about this!"

Ms. Henley sighed tiredly. "In order for us to continue, I need to have all your wands because magic interferes with electricity. Remember that? Now wands up front," she ordered.

Ten minutes later, Ms. Henley was leading the reluctant troop of wandless third years through the sixth floor corridor. Finally, she paused in front of one door, selected a key from her key ring, and twisted the knob open.

Rows and rows of plastic boxes with black screens greeted the guests as they cautiously entered the room. The peculiar objects were resting on long tables that had chairs tucked in neatly directly under each box.

"These," announced Ms. Henley happily, "are called computers." She beamed as her class developed astonished expressions. "Now, they are pretty new inventions – created about 10 years ago – so this is the latest model. Today, I simply want you all to try out the computer, play a few games, or type some letters. Have fun!"

Finding four computers by the edge of the classroom, the Marauders settled down. James began to fiddle with the small, bean-shaped object. There was a wire coming out from it connecting to the computer.

"What's this?"

"That's a mouse," Remus answered.

"A MOUSE?!" James, Peter, Sirius and the majority of the girls screamed bloody murder.

"Not a real mouse, mind you," Ms. Henley explained, and the class calmed down. "A computer mouse is a device you use to control the movement of the pointer on your screen."

"What'd she just say?" Peter whispered.

James shrugged. "No idea." He turned back to his monitor and asked, "How does it… work?"

Remus, who had some experience with computers because of his mother's job, said, "Just flick that button right there."

After doing so, James' eyes widened in wonder as the blank monitor suddenly came to life. A smiling green face popped up with the words 'LOADING…' right below. The green face disappeared and was replaced by a grey background lined up with tiny squares that had words or images on them. James moved the mouse ("Not real," he reminded himself) and pressed his index finger to select a random blue box on the left.

The grey screen changed to black again, and words appeared before him:

Welcome to the Public Chat Room! Please create a username.

James typed down a name and clicked on a Chat Room slot.

quaffleeater has entered the Room.

quaffleeater: hello

quaffleeater: my name is james

quaffleeater: i like quidditch

RJLupin has entered the Room.

RJLupin: You shouldn't reveal your real name where everyone can see it, mate.

quaffleeater: youre one to talk rjlupin er how do you make full stops

QuaffleEater: That's better. Tricky Muggles… what the hell does shift mean anyway?

S.O.B. has entered the room.

S.O.B.: HIGUYSCANYOUBELIEVETHIS?

RJLupin: Who are you?

S.O.B.: SIRIUS?YOURFRIEND?

QuaffleEater: Why is the text spaced together? Hold on –

S.O.B.: MUCH BETTER!

RJLupin: It seems like you're shouting… can you take it easy on the CAPs?

S.O.B.: THAT, DEAR REMUS, IS THE POINT.

RJLupin: …

QuaffleEater: What does S.O.B. stand for?

S.O.B.: SIRIUS ORION BLACK

RJLupin: Your initials are unfortunate.

S.O.B.: SHUT UP! WHAT DOES THE 'J' MEAN ANYWAY? JESSICA?

QuaffleEater: Janice!

S.O.B.: JUSTINE!

QuaffleEater: Juliet!

S.O.B.: JUDY!

QuaffleEater: Jily!

S.O.B.: JILY? I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THAT NAME BEFORE.

RJLupin: Same here. Besides, I don't have a female middle name. I'm a boy.

QuaffleEater: Sureeeeee you are…

S.O.B.: WE'RE JK THOUGH, WE KNOW IT'S JOHN ;D

QuaffleEater: JOHNNY BOY! COME HERE AND GIVE ME A BIG, FAT KISSSS!

Prof McGonagall has entered the Room.

Prof. McGonagall: 200 points from Gryffindor!

QuaffleEater: Huh?

RJLupin: Professor?

Prof. McGonagall: Don't act like you didn't hear me, you stupid loons!

S.O.B.: WHAT'D WE DO?

Prof. McGonagall: For breathing, arsehole. Why can't you be more like Peter? He's wicked.

Sabrina22 has entered the Room.

Sabrina22: Hey cool cats! How are the computers?

Prof. McGonagall: Errr, who is this?

Sabrina22: Minerva? What is going on?

Sabrina22: This is Ms. Henley, by the way.

Prof. McGonagall has left the Room.

Sabrina22: Hmmm…

Sabrina22 has left the Room.

RJLupin: That was random.

QuaffleEater: Yep.

Peter gall has entered the Room.

Peter gall: Hey guys! What's happening?

S.O.B.: PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL WENT PSYCHOOOO!

QuaffleEater: Peter gall, eh? Sounds familiar... *strokes beard*

RJLupin: Doesn't McGonagall have a 'gall' in her name?

Peter gall: It must be a coincidence. Gall happens to be my… nickname.

Peter gall has left the Room.

QuaffleEater: You scared him off, Lupin! And I was just getting to the good part!

S.O.B.: LOL

RJLupin: Huh? What does that mean?

S.O.B.: I MADE IT UP. IT MEANS LAUGH OUT LOUD.

QuaffleEater: LOL! Good one! LOLOLOLOLOL!11!

RJLupin: Why didn't you just laugh?

S.O.B.: BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I FOUND IT FUNNY

RJLupin: You could've just laughed. We would've heard you since we're sitting right next to each other.

S.O.B.: YOU GUYS ARE NO FUN! *POUTS*

QuaffleEater: ROFL!

RJLupin: CAN ANYONE SPEAK ENGLISH?

S.O.B.: *FACE PALM* IT MEANS ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING.

PeterP has entered the Room.

PeterP: So, McGongall went psycho, huh? That must've been terrifying.

QuaffleEater: Troll!

S.O.B.: TROLL!

RJLupin: Troll!

PeterP: I love you too!

PeterP has left the Room.

Sabrina22 has entered the Room.

Sabrina22: Very funny, boys. Impersonating a teacher? Bah! Detention!

S.O.B. has left the Room.

RJLupin has left the Room.

QuaffleEater has left the Room.

A/N: Computers at Hogwarts probably seems a little far-fetched (what with their era and the no-electricity thing) but I couldn't resist (as always, mwhaha) and this was born!

Hpdwlotr24: Ahahahaha, thanks! Pillow fights are always fun XD

shadowkat678: Thanks so much! And yup I did! Loved it, by the way!

Remus' daughter: Of course, how could I forget - youngest chaser in a century? (your godfathers are covering their ears and singing quite loudly when I say this... babies..)

skHermione: James - See, when you put it that way, there really isn't room for argument. But if you saw if from my way - oh, who am I kidding... BUT I STILL THINK CHOCOLATE IS EVIL!

NightenGale10: You're so sweet :) Thank you soooo much!

Chuggamuffin: Voldy-dude sounds much better than the Dark Lord, I feel. Thanks for reviewing! :DD

MissDemigodWizard: Aww, yeah I will! Thanks so much!