A/N: HEY

HEY GUESS WHAT

LINK IS SANE IN THIS CHAPTER! 8D

(Also, this story has reached 100 reviews! :D Yay!)

~:~ Chapter Seventeen – I'm Not Crazy (Modern-day) ~:~

"So, Link," said the therapist, pacing around the room, "they've told me that you've been seeing fairies, spirits holding lanterns, and a short man in green tights. Is this true?"

Link sat uncomfortably in his large small poofy red chair, constantly eying the therapist while also constantly eying the clock at the same time.

"It is true," replied Link. "They're everywhere!"

The therapist sighed, sat down in the chair directly opposite to Link, and held his chin on his fist.

"Link," he started, "fairies don't exist. Spirits are just figments of the imagination. And I doubt you've been seeing a short man in green tights absolutely everywhere you've been going."

"I'm not lying!" countered Link. "I'm serious! Every time my grandma wants me to catch fish for her in our lava pool in the backyard, I see a fairy! It's always this blue one that won't stop trying to get my attention by saying things like 'HEY!' or 'LISTEN!' or hovering over to random objects and changing color!"

The therapist shook his head disappointedly at Link.

"I'm afraid I'll have to send you to the asylum."

"WHAT?" Link got up out of his chair and backed away from the therapist. "I'm not crazy! You can't send me to an asylum just for saying I've been seeing fairies!"

"According to this pancake, yes, I can," responded the therapist as he sexily rubbed a waffle against his cheek. "Now hold still while I teleport you to the asylum using fairy magic!"

Link wouldn't take it and jumped out the window. He landed safely outside, where the citizens of Hyrule Castle Town gasped in awe.

"Oh my Farore! Did you see that? He just jumped out of a 50-story building and survived!"

"Luckily he was on the first floor when he jumped!"

"Harheharharharhahahaha!"

Link hitchhiked to Kakariko Village, where a woman in pajamas welcomed him into her house.

"WELCOME, LINK," she said as she turned around dramatically in her revolving chair as she stroked her fluffy cat. "I'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU."

"R-really?" asked Link nervously.

"YES," she said. "THERE'S SOME SOUP FOR YOU IN THE KITCHEN. WHEN YOU'RE DONE, I NEED YOU TO DRAW THE MASTER SWORD OUT OF THE OVEN."

"…Master Sword?"

The woman slowly got out of her seat. She dropped her cat, and it died.

"IT IS TIME YOU LEARNED ABOUT THE GREAT DESTINY THAT YOU ARE DESTINED TO FULFILL BECAUSE YOU ARE DESTINED TO FULFILL THE DESTINY YOU WERE DESTINED TO FULFILL WHEN YOU FULFILL YOUR DESTINED DESTINY." She walked towards Link. "ALSO, I AM LICKING YOUR FACE OUT TONIGHT."

"W-what?" He tried to step away from her, but he was already pressed against the wall.

"WAIT, WHAT I MEAN IS: I AM LICKING YOUR FACE OUT TONIGHT."

"Oh, that clears it up."

"LINK!" the woman screamed as she ate a kitten. "THIS KITTEN DOES NOT TASTE GOOD."

"You don't say?"

Link looked out the window and saw the blue fairy again. He gasped and ran into the kitchen. The woman followed him.

"DON'T YOU SEE?" she said. "YOU CAN NOT RUN FROM YOUR DESTINY. HERE WE ARE IN THE LEGENDARY KITCHEN, INCHES AWAY FROM THE MASTER SWORD THAT IS STUCK IN MY OVEN."

Curiously, Link opened her oven and saw the short man in the green tights staring at him.

"WHY HELLO THERE," he said.

"Stop stalking me!" yelled Link, slamming the oven door. The woman put her shoulder on Link's foot.

"YOU MUST DRAW THE MASTER SWORD," she said.

"But that guy is in there! STARING AT ME!"

"YOU MUST DRAW THE MASTER SWORD, OR ELSE I WILL NEVER STOP TALKING IN ALL CAPS."

The woman started to wash the dishwasher.

"…Fine," Link groaned. He opened the oven again. The man in green tights smiled with all the force of the mighty mountain llamas.

"WHY HELLO AGAI—"

Link quickly drew the Master Sword and pointed it straight at the strange man.

"Who are you? Why have you been stalking me?" he demanded to know. There was a moment of silence. "…And don't talk in all caps like that woman in pajamas."

"I am Tingle!" said Tingle. "I have been following you because you taste like catnip, and I like catnip."

"…Wait, how do you know what I taste like?"

"GASP! My secret is out!" exclaimed Tingle, dashing out of the oven. "That means that I must dance! Hit the lights!"

"What have I ever done to you?" yelled the lights angrily as the woman in pajamas obediently hit them with the dishwasher.

"Link!" called the woman as she continued to mistreat the lights. "Thanks to you, I no longer have to talk in all caps, and now I've been destined to serve Master Tingle for the rest of my life!"

"You make it sound like a good thing!" Link responded.

"It is!" said Tingle, hugging the woman's leg. "We were meant to be!"

Tingle started making out with the woman's hairy leg. Link turned away. Unfortunately, he was met face-to-face with THE FAIRY.

"Hello!" she said. "I am THE FAIRY!"

"No!" gasped Link. "Get away from me! I have a weapon!" He waved the Master Sword wildly. So wildly, in fact, that it turned into a stick of bologna and smacked him in the face.

"Hahaha!" THE FAIRY laughed. "That's what happens whenever I say 'THE FAIRY!'"

"What? Nooo!" All of the windows in the house turned into slices of ham and started attacking Link.

"Mwahahahahahahaha!" THE FAIRY laughed. "But actually, my name's not actually 'THE FAIRY.' I'm Navi!"

The woman and Tingle turned into pieces of angry steak and started to eat Link's shirt.

"WHY, NAVI? WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO ME?" Link yelled as the angry steaks pinned him down and began to nibble on his arms.

"For revenge! Don't you remember what you did to me all those years ago?" Navi replied, hovering around Link's head.

"Uhh… No."

"Well, it all started when I was a fairy!" began Navi, pacing around the room. "Back then, you were a Hylian. And I was a fairy. Because you were a Hylian and I was a fairy, I was a fairy! So when I was a fairy, I was a fairy. But there were other fairies too. Fairies come in different colors, like pink or green. I was a blue fairy. In fact, I was the only blue fairy! So that made me a special fairy. One day, when I was still a fairy, you were a Hylian. So because you were a Hylian, you were bigger than me. I don't like things that are bigger than me, because I was a fairy. Therefore, I need to get revenge on you for being a Hylian!"

"WHAT? That's racist!" gasped Link as the two rabid steaks began to chew on his hair.

"Omnomnomnom," said Tingle-steak.

"Omnomnomnomnom," said Woman-steak.

"Oh, so you think you're better than me?" challenged Tingle-steak.

"I do believe I am!" countered Woman-steak.

"Omnomnomnomnomnom," said Tingle-steak.

"Omnomnomnomnomnomnom," said Woman-steak.

"This is boring," said Tingle-steak.

"I agree," said Woman-steak.

"We should do something else," said Tingle-steak.

"I agree," said Woman-steak.

"To Skyloft!" said Tingle-steak as he jumped off of Link and rushed out the door.

"To Skyloft!" said Woman-steak as she jumped off of Link and tripped on a spaceship. Woman-steak died of heart failure after Tingle-steak left her for another Woman-steak.

Link took this opportunity to take a bottle and capture Navi.

"HEY!" yelled Navi. "That's not very nice!"

"It doesn't have to be!" replied Link, rushing out of the house with the speed of a camel. "Once I show you to my therapist, he can finally admit that I'm not crazy!"

Link arrived at his therapist's office two hours later because he took the Express Lane on a private jet that Princess Zelda personally sent to him after he had heard about his horrible problem. He slammed the bottle with Navi in it down on his desk.

"HA! Here's the fairy I've been seeing lately! WHAT NOW?"

The therapist smiled evilly.

"Oh, Link, you silly fool," he chuckled, lacing his fingers together as his facial features darkened. "Don't you understand?"

"…Understand what?" Link questioned.

"Well, you see…" started his therapist, "…you used to be crazy, but then you took an arrow in the knee."

"I what?"

Link looked down at his knee. There was a tape dispenser there.

"Oh no!"

The tape exploder dispensed and everyone died.

~x~X~x~

A/N: I DID IT. I made Link sane again. XD

Arrow-in-the-knee jokes annoy me to no end. ARGH!

-Eternal Nocturne-

Chapter Seventeen – Completed December 30, 2011

Uploaded on December 30, 2011