Sirius Black's Sorting

Oh, another Black.

What's that supposed to mean?

You're probably just like the rest.

Since when did one's surname portray how you act when I haven't done anything to make you think that way? You're awfully prejudiced for someone who claims not to be, Mr. Sorting Hat, sir.

You're very right, Mr. Black. Please do forgive me… now, let's see… you've lots of knowledge in here, yes, and a wonderful mind indeed. What of Ravenclaw - ?

No, thanks.

What was that - Dear Merlin, stop with the images! My job is hard enough as it is and I don't need you making it anymore difficult with threats!

Sorry, Mr. Sorting Hat, sir. I'm just very anxious.

Anxious enough to set fire to me, I'm sure. I was thinking Hufflepuff might straighten you out, but I have to take your housemates' safety into account -

There you go making assumptions again, Mr. Sorting Hat, sir. I thought I told you to get to know me first before reviling.

Where are my manners? Goodness, I'm not usually like this, believe me. But you remind me of myself when I was a little cap. Very bold… Gryffindor might suit you well, you know.

Are you mad? I may be daring but I'm not suicidal. Mother might disown me, and then what would Reggie do? He'll have no older brother to look up to, that's what. I can't let that happen.

Well this isn't about him. This is about you. You've plenty of self-preservation and a lot of ambition, yet you are a very brave and valiant boy. This is a very difficult decision for me. Give me some time.

…

I've made up my mind. Gryffindor is the house for you.

I said to myself that maybe I'll be different, but I don't think that's possible anymore... like you said: once a Black, always a Black.

Many apologies, again, Mr. Black... But I sincerely feel Gryffindor is the best house for you. A young boy remind me once that we've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are.

Mr. Sorting Hat, sir, please you've got to listen –

"GRYFFINDOR? HOW DARE YOU?"

Sirius closed his eyes, slamming his burning face on the cold, empty breakfast plate in front of him. Oh how he wished the ground would open up and swallow him whole.

"FROLICKING WITH FLITHY MUDBLOODS AND BLOOD TRAITORS, ARE YOU NOW? LOUSY ROTTEN CHILD! JUST WAIT – OH YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU RETURN HOME!"

Christmas at Hogwarts would be cool, he supposed. Summer break, on the other hand, would be tricky. Perhaps there was a camp for children from troubled homes nearby?

Hmm…didn't you have to sleep outdoors at camp?

"SLYTHERIN WAS THE HOUSE OF OUR FATHERS! YET YOU DISGRACE THEM BY SORTING YOURSELF INTO DIRTY GRYFFINDOR? FOR SHAME!"

On second thought, camping wouldn't be too bad. He could overlook the creepy-crawlies.

"AND WHAT IS THIS I HEAR ABOUT A FOOD FIGHT? WE ARE BLACKS! WE DO NOT THROW THE FOOD!"

And he always wanted to learn how to start a fire with flint.

"NOW YOU'VE IMPLANTED FOOLISHNESS INTO YOUR BROTHER'S HEAD! I SWEAR TO CIRCE, BOY, IF HE'S SORTED INTO ANYTHING BUT SLYTHERIN YOU WILL PAY!"

The Howler exploded.

Someone poked him. And poked. And poked. And poked -

Lifting his head, Sirius glared at the finger's owner. It was safe to say that he was not in a pleasant mood. "What?"

James looked back unperturbed. "Can you pass the syrup?"

A beat passed at the two boys stared at each other. Then the corners of Sirius' lips began to twitch up against his will. "You're barmy."

"Sorry, but I think your mother takes the cake on that one."

"I've never heard a person scream so loud before." Remus Lupin added, looking at Sirius with wonder and fright. "No offense, but I think she's part banshee."

"Nope," Peter Pettigrew said matter-of-factly. "Banshees would bow down in shame if they hear even a second of Mrs. Black's howls."

Sirius knew he shouldn't just sit there and do nothing while his friends insulted his mother. Sirius should have at least felt angry or ashamed. But he didn't and he wasn't. "You guys are the best." He found himself saying. And it was true.

A/N: Let the Sorting chronicles begin! Oh, and I disclaim that line from OotP! Guess which?

Thanks to awesomeness24601, shadowkat678, Hpdwlotr24, Chuggamuffin, MissDemigodWizard, Remus' daughter, Harry1675, skHermione, Our Mismatched Socks, and Red Moon Lollipop for reviewing! You guys are amazing and make everything worth it because you're all sweet and nice and... ack! Thanks a bunch! xx

And yes, I love Jily! I'll definitely do some with them later on! :))