Chapter 3: Dan's eyes
Phil came back to see Dan kneeling in front of him. He felt the warmth from Dan's hand on his, and he realised how cold he was. He looked at Dan, who seemed to be waiting for an awnser. "Oh, sorry" Phil murmured. He did that a lot these days, just blanked out for a minute or so, and he knew it worried Dan. Dan worried too much, mostly about Phil. Phil hated the idea of making him worry, and he was constantly telling him he was fine. He tried to focus on Dan's face, ignoring the only sensation his stomach felt these days. The butterflies.
Phil and Dan looked at each other for a long time, before Dan said quietly "I'm going to go get you a blanket, you're really cold" Phil didn't want to hurt him by refusing his help, so he smiled and said "Ok. Thank you" Phil had been refusing to even talk to Dan properly for a long time, and he saw Dan's eyes light up at his acceptance of help. He seemed almost like the old, happy Dan as he said "Be back soon, little lion." Before walking out. Phil sat, waiting, trying to ignore the voice screaming in his head. "You're hurting him! I'm hurting him! I need to stop being so selfish!".
Soon Dan was back, and he draped the thick blanket over him. He leant over the back of the sofa and whispered "Toast. Please." Before walking into the kitchen. Phil sighed and tried to stand up. It took him a while, but eventually he was able to hobble to the kitchen. When he got there he leaned against the door frame, catching his breath.
Dan was leant over the toaster, waiting for the toast to pop up. Phil had felt so cold, and it was the middle of June. He just didn't know what to do; he wasn't used to feeling so helpless. He just wished he could sweep Phil into his arms and everything would be ok again. He wanted Phil to tell him what was wrong; he wanted to help fix it. People didn't just stop eating. He remembered how Phil used to be, how innocent and sweet. He remembered the boy who had believed in a shadow world, the boy who would snuggle on the sofa surrounded by toy lions, the boy who upset himself if he didn't upload regularly. He hadn't uploaded a video in 7 months, and Dan hadn't uploaded one for a few weeks. He struggled with acting normal in his videos, and people were noticing. He just kept saying he didn't feel well. He missed Phil. He remembered his bright, happy laugh, his infectious smile, the way his used to light up as he meowed. He felt a few tears slide down his cheeks. He hated that Phil was in pain.
"Dan?" Phil asked quietly. He didn't know what he was going to say, but he needed to say something. He saw Dan move his hand across his eyes and his voice broke as he replied "Yeah Phil?" Phil felt as though his already weak heart had just been pulled out of his chest. He froze, unsure of what to say, what to do. He watched as Dan turned around to see why Phil wasn't talking. Phil looked at Dan's eyes, wishing he knew what to say. He saw the pain, the hope, the sadness in Dan's eyes. There were dark circles under his eyes. Before Phil knew what he was saying he had broken the silence. "I'm sorry". He hated that Dan was in pain.