Chapter 4: Escape
Phil was sat on the bed next to Dan. Dan had helped him there, and it took a lot longer than it should have. Dan sat next to him now, and all he could think about was how Phil had looked leaning against that doorway. He was struggling to support himself, and it had hit Dan how ill Phil actually was. When he was stood up, there was no kidding himself the Phil had lost a lot of weight, and it wasn't healthy. He clothes hung off him, almost as though Phil was just a hanger. Dan needed to know how bad it was. He was pulled out of his stupor by Phil leaning on him and muttering "I'm so tired Dan". Dan looked at him, and saw how the fatigue had finally overcome him. His eyes were drooping, and he was relying on Dan more and more for support. "Let's get you to bed" Dan said softly "I'll get your pyjamas" Dan felt Phil stiffen next to him, and he heard his yelp of pain. Dan reached around Phil and rubbed his back gently until he relaxed again. "It's ok" he murmured "I know your sick Phil, its ok. I'm not going to leave you and I'm not going to let you get through it alone. I need to see how bad you are."
Phil sighed, he couldn't stop him anyway. Not when he was in this state, it was taking all his energy just to stay awake. He felt Dan lay him gently down on the bed. His top was pulled slowly over his head, and then he heard Dan's slight gasp. He opened his eyes to see Dan's look of shock. He knew Dan would be disgusted. Phil was so fat; of course Dan would be disgusted. He watched as Dan struggled to undo his belt, and eventually he finally got it off. He closed his eyes again as Dan slowly removed his jeans, and he listened to the silence, giving Dan time to take it in. He waited for Dan's yell of disgust, but none came.
Dan looked down at Phil, his stomach churning. He really hoped he wouldn't be sick. Phil was just bones with skin, skin that was too pale. He could see the blue veins clearly under his skin. Dan felt tears prick the corner of his eyes, and he looked away before he started to cry. He didn't want to upset Phil.
Dan still hadn't said anything so Phil whispered "I know. It's disgusting. I'm improving though; I used to be so much fatter." He heard Dan sniff, and he opened his eyes. Dan was picking his pyjamas off the floor. He wouldn't look at him, and Phil knew why. He was disgusted with him.
Dan didn't know what to say, how could he reply to that? He wasn't prepared for this. He knew he couldn't stay silent though. Phil had to know that Dan didn't think he was fat. The longer Phil thought like that, the harder it would be for him to get better. "You're not fat, ok Phil? Never say that." He dressed Phil in his pyjamas, and he was about to sit on the edge of the bed again when Phil said "I want to sit up" Dan propped some cushions up and tried to prop Phil up on them gently. He could see that Phil was trying to be brave, but he let out a small hiss of pain. "I'm sorry" Dan whispered, and Phil just smiled at him. Dan quickly moved around to the other side of Phil's bed and sat next to him. He thought for a moment before saying "Why? Did you do this because you thought you were fat? Don't lie to me Phil" Phil opened his eyes slightly, and took a deep breath before saying "I am fat, Dan" Dan fought down the anger that was roaring in his chest and retorted "You were never fat. Something must have triggered this." He thought for a moment and then it hit him, and he couldn't stay calm anymore. "Did someone say you were fat?" he spat furiously. Phil flinched, and Dan suddenly felt guilt niggling in his mind. "Sorry" he said in a hushed voice. Phil smiled again slightly before replying quietly "It's Ok. Nobody had to tell me, it was obvious. I guess… I just wanted to be perfect, so people would like me." Dan was in shock, his mind frozen, but he managed to splutter out "People… liked you Phil. People still like you. Even if you had been fat we still would have liked you" Phil shook his head slightly before whispering "People pretended to like me. I realised that yo…everyone wouldn't like me unless I was… well perfect." Dan raised one eyebrow before saying "Tell me the truth Phil. I'm not an idiot, and you're a terrible liar" Phil sighed again before saying "Ok" he closed his eyes. He couldn't bear to see Dan's face once he had said it "I wanted to be… perfect… for you".
There was a long silence and Phil felt his heart plummet to the floor. He knew Dan would never feel the same way, even if he had reached perfection. His thought were interrupted however, when Dan whispered "You've always been perfect to me Phil, no matter how you looked" Phil's eyes snapped open "T-Thanks" he stuttered. He felt a warm pressure on his hand, and he realised Dan was holding it.
That's when he escaped. The old Phil, the real Phil. The Phil that used to believe in the shadow world, the Phil that was obsessed with lions, the Phil that had only ever wanted to be loved. That's one of the only things he had kept. His desire to be loved. That, and his love for Dan. This was the Phil that created the other, the Phil who made the first decision. The decision to get thin. He never knew he would end up like this, and he was still in shock. He didn't know what to do, what to say. He decided to just watch, and wait.
He watched Dan closely as he leant his head back and closed his eyes. He was obviously preparing himself to say something. Phil knew it, here comes the but… Dan sighed and said "Phil, you're sick" Phil didn't say anything. Dan waited, expecting an objection, but none came. Phil knew he was sick, and he was amazed that he had survived this long. He was lucky. "You need help" Dan continued. Phil squeezed his hand gently, telling him it was fine, he was listening. Dan took another deep breath "I'll help you, but I don't think I can fix everything, no matter how much I want to. You'll probably have to go to a clinic, have some sort of therapy. I'll be there every step of the way" Phil smiled at that, knowing he would be able to get better. The combination of his want and Dan's help would make him strong enough to do it. Dan waited for him to say something and Phil turned his head slightly towards him, smiling. "It's fine, Dan" Phil said, breaking the silence. "I know I'm sick. I just wasn't thinking before. I was in denial I guess. I will get better." He said strongly. Dan's face broke into a smile, his dimples showing. Phil realised it had been a long time since he had seen Dan not force a smile, and he couldn't help it. "Erm… Dan? Did you mean what you said earlier?"
Dan honestly didn't care anymore. It felt like he had his Phil back, but he wasn't sure how long it was going to last. He'd made a break through, but he didn't know if Phil would relapse. He realised how close he had come to losing his best friend, and he decided to be honest. "Yeah." He didn't feel like this was enough though. He had to make what he meant clear. "Little lion?" Phil smiled at his nickname "Yeah?" "I-um-I think I love you?" Phil raised his eyebrows and pouted teasingly "Think?" Dan laughed quietly and said "Fine, know." Phil yawned and said "Good, because I love you too." Dan smiled but before he could say anything. Phil continued, sounding slightly worried "Dan? Do you think you could take me to that clinic? Or a hospital or something? It's just that I don't feel too good."