Headmaster for a Day...or Two:

Part II

"I'm firing you."

The silence that followed was so oppressive you could almost feel it. Hundreds of mouths opened in shock. Minds were reeling. Some were shutting down. Most could only hear those three words playing back in their heads, over and over again.

Minerva McGonagall, the Head of Gryffindor for almost twenty years, had just been sacked - by James Potter.

And how could this be? McGonagall was the sternest, most nonsensical person ever. No one could faze her. She was practically the Headmistress herself, and she knew it, too. Heck, the whole school knew it. Dumbledore knew it. Bottom line - she was untouchable.

So when some wacko-haired, troublemaking teenager declares that the great Minerva McGonagall is fired, minds are going to get fuzzy.

That was until two other words were uttered that sent their minds spinning the opposite direction.

"And…scene."

McGonagall's face relaxed. Wearing murderous looks, while very handy with discipline, did hell to your facial muscles.

James bowed low, obviously expecting thunderous applause for his marvelous performance. It was very awkward, then, when not one soul clapped.

"It's over now," he said after several heavy moments of silence. "This was just a prank. Orchestrated by yours truly, and some other professors, but mostly me."

The stillness stretched on.

James looked at Dumbledore for assistance. Dumbledore nodded, and waved for him to take a seat. Luckily, explaining outlandish things happened to be his forte. "He is correct. Shortly after he was picked Headmaster, Mr. Potter, the staff and I decided after much deliberation to concoct this silly scenario for your entertainment. I think it's safe to deem it a success. I hadn't spotted a single yawn once. Though, I daresay it worked a little too well. I think I saw some wet eyes in the audience." Dumbledore acknowledged the younger years solemnly. "Please do forgive me."

Nevertheless, lunch picked up after that, and Hogwarts was restored…at least as much as it could have. It had never been quite the same since the Marauders began attending.

After he was finished with his treacle tart, James stood up from the teachers' table and left the Hall. Pretty soon, he heard footfalls behind him. "Yo," he said without turning around, for his beard was now disentangled from his face and looped around his neck. James didn't know how Dumbledore did it – it was scratchy.

The footsteps slowed. Sirius took the first swing.

"I – can't – believe – you – didn't – let us in – on the bloody – prank." He said between hits. James deflected them easily. Many years of living with his friends taught him about constant vigilance. It proved to be a desirable skill when situations like this occurred, for instance.

"And here I thought you finally grew up." Remus said angrily. "My fantasies of having at least one normal friend are squashed now. I hope you're happy, Potter."

"Well I thought it was pretty wicked." Peter said. "Did you see the look on my sister's face? I haven't seen her that scared since Mum sat her down for the…talk." He shuddered, as recollections of that fateful day played back to him.

"Article one, section sixteen of the Marauders' code: Thou shalt always inform fellow Messrs about potential/future pranks. Remember that, Prongs?" Sirius said disgustedly. He had now given up physically assaulting him for verbal barbs. "Do you remember that rule?"

"Of course I do, you baby. It's on the bathroom wall in front of the toilet so we can never forget even while doing our business." James stopped walking. They had reached the outside courtyard benches, and he sat down. "Well…I really wanted to tell you, but it was all last minute and I didn't want to get your hopes up if we couldn't pull it off."

"You did, rest assured. That was the most peculiar prank I've ever seen." Sirius said. "But why'd you pick to sack McGonagall? She doesn't seem like one to go for a laugh to me."

"Oh, she insisted." James smirked, and then tossed his head back, impersonating McGonagall's Scottish brogue. "'I'm only doing this to show school spirit. So if you think for one second this makes us friends, then you have another thing coming, Mr. Potter!'"

At that moment, two second year boys ran up to them. "HEADMASTER, HEADMASTER!"

James hastily stuck his beard back into place. "What's up?"

The blond boy pointed a finger at the brunette. "He took my Charms essay and won't give it back!"

"Only because you stole my ideas!"

"That's a lie!"

"Take that back!"

"Make me!"

"Hey, hey!" shouted James, and he stepped between them. "That's no way to settle things."

Remus' face lit up. Could it be…?

"You duel it out."

Nope.

"I'll be the Thief's second." Sirius said.

"I'm not a thief!" cried the boy.

"So that leaves Peter as the Whiner's second," Hey! "And me as the referee. Moony, you can be the audience, but just remember to alternate with your cheering. We don't want anyone feeling left out, now."

Peter and Sirius navigated their duelers to opposite sides of the courtyard, muttering encouraging words and battle tactics. Then the second years bowed (with some assistants from the two Marauders) and raised their wands shakily.

A beeping noise sounded from somewhere beside Remus, and the duel was halted.

Remus squinted at his wrist watch. "Jumping junipers, the Prefect meeting started twenty minutes ago!"

"It's cool," Peter said, kneading the Whiner's shoulders. "We didn't really need an audience, anyway. They only just distract the players."

Remus shook his head. "You can't play without a referee. And since this is a super important meeting and James is now the Headmaster, he needs to attend. Sorry, kids."

The boys scuttled away gratefully, as Remus yanked James away by the ear.

The door creaked open as the two fifth years entered the Meeting room. The Head girl and boy were sitting at the heads of the table, with the prefects lounging right around. A Hufflepuff prefect was just wrapping things up when they arrived.

"And this is why I think we should have no curfew at all. Thank you."

"Thank you, Heather." The Head boy yawned. "Okay, let's take a ten minute break to, uh, digest this information. And then we'll….v-vote." He fell back asleep.

James snorted. "What a freak show." His eyes widened behind his spectacles suddenly. "Ooh, biscuits!" He ran over toward the snack table and began inhaling the cookies.

Five or so biscuits later, he felt a tap on his shoulder. It was Lily Evans.

"I just wanted you to know that your little prank didn't fool me for one second, Potter. I knew it was all a set up. Your pigheadedness gave it away, you know. Even with acting, your petulant side still shows. How pathetic."

James tried to come up with a witty retort, but the many biscuits in his mouth proved to be a challenge to pass around.

Lily, however, seemed to take his silence as an insult. "Cat got your tongue, Potter? Or have you finally realised the world doesn't revolve around you and your inflated ego?"

Another beat of silence.

"Fine, Potter. You keep quiet. But this is far from over!"

"What did you say to her, Prongs?" said Remus, arriving by his side as the redhead huffed off. "She looked like you just kicked her pet."

"Nothing," came the meek response. "Blimey..."

After the prefect meeting had disbanded, Sirius and Peter caught up.

"How did it go?"

"It sucked, just like everything else in this world." James said, sordidly. He had succumbed into a gloomy mood after Evans had left, and found that it felt nice taking it out on others.

They rounded the corner, and James crashed into someone.

"Oi! Watch where … Well, well, if it isn't Snivellus! Haven't seen you in awhile, have we, mates?"

Sirius shook his head ruefully. "Too long, I'm afraid. I haven't hexed anyone in a long while. I fear I've gone rusty."

James sneered. "Are you proud of that, Snivellus? Are you proud that we've gone rusty?"

"Yeah, are you?" egged on Peter.

Snape glared hatefully, and they would have cowered if they weren't so immune to it. "Tell me, Potter, how go your futile pursuits with Lily? Have you finally gone past the 'shove off, toerag' stage?"

James' vision turned red. Snape was going to pay for that. "You know what you are, Snivellus? A hateful, little vermin and you know what we do to vermin, Snape? We exterminate them, because pests are just not tolerated in school. So I'm going to do us all a favour and…expel you." James grinned. What a great idea. Why didn't he think of it sooner?

"You can't do that!"

"I'm the Headmaster, I can do whatever I damn well please." James told him. "Although, since I'm feeling quite generous, I'll give you the rest of the day to pack up and say your farewells"

"You aren't getting away with this." Snape growled, and reached for his wand. Oh goody! A battle. James didn't have one of those in awhile.

But right before the jinxes went flying, McGonagall stormed up to them, two squirming boys in tow.

"What's this I hear about forcing children to duel?" she placed her hands on her hips and fixed them all a scathing look.

"Oh, Minnie, c'mon! They can't be wussy twelve year olds forever. They need to learn how to defend themselves. I'm just trying to spread a little education."

"Minnie? That's Professor McGonagall to you! And that's beside the point, Potter! Dueling is not allowed in Hogwarts – full stop." She looked at him, nonplussed. "Pray tell, though, why on earth is your wand aimed at the wall?"

Snape had slunk off. The bastard.

James chanced a glance behind him to see how his friends were taking it. He was met with just the empty corridor. They had slunk off, too. The bastards!

"Ever since you became pseudo-headmaster," McGonagall continued, "you've turned this school upside down. I think we've been through enough excitement to last us a lifetime. Therefore, I'm taking back your Headmaster rights and everything that goes with it."

"E-even the beard?"

McGonagall stuck out her hand solemnly.

James was suddenly overcome with the wild urge to Stun her and just leg it. Yes the beard was itchy, and it was long, and it smelled a bit dodgy. But the way James saw it, it was a free Halloween costume. Plus the resemblance to Dumbledore's was uncanny. It was one of a stinkin' kind. And it 'expelled' kids, too!

Although, after seeing the intolerant look on McGonagall's face, James quickly created a safer plan.

"Uh-oh," he tugged 'hard' on his beard in an attempt to dislodge it from his face. "This isn't good..."

"What?"

"It's - it's stuck! Guess it looks like I'm going to have to keep it! Too bad for y – Y-YOOOOOWCCCCHH!"