A few corridors away from the professors office, Ash looked down at the draught that Snape had given her. A calming draught, huh, she thought to herself, before letting her body lean against one of the cold stone walls in exhaustion. Letting her body slip down the wall until she sat on the floor she starred at the air in front of her.
"I can't believe this is happening to me," she said to herself aloud. "How can I let that ... freak... change me so much? how can I let him and his actions affect me like this?" she asked herself.
"Merlins beard... I'm even started to talking to myself!" she chuckled dryly.
"... how pathetic..." she added with venom in her voice.
Still sitting on the floor, she thought back at the start of this whole mess... The day her family had found her in the English Garden.
It had been night, the only time she trusted to get out of her little cave and breath some fresh air. The sky was clear, no cloud in sight that could have hindered the bright white moon to shine onto the earth and grace it with its beautiful light. The stars around the moon decorated the sky in a glamorous carpet of diamonds.
She had just crept out of her hole and stalked away form the group of still sleeping muggle kids that had found themselves in the same hopeless and homeless situation as she had. Everyone had their reasons for being here, but no one talked about it. It was the unwritten rule in their little community.
Normally she stayed very close to them, but tonight she needed a bit of time to herself, needed some time to think things through and plan her next steps. It had been three months since that fateful day and somehow she had managed to hide until today. But she knew that she couldn't stay hidden in the English Garden forever. One day someone would find her and she just hoped it wouldn't be the murderers of her parents.
Slowly she had made her way across the city park, until she reached the white Monopteros of the English Garden, that caught and reflected the moonlight so perfectly. Shining white, she slowly walked up the small hill and sat herself down on one of its gleaming steps. From here she could over look the majority of the park as well as see the silhouette of the Bavarian capital.
Here and there she saw a few fires warm groups of people near the river and she heard their silent giggles and loud talking as if she were standing next to them. During the summer time there were always a lot of people having midnight picnics and having fun in the English Garden once that sun set began and most of the time they only headed back to their warm homes and comfortable beds when the sun was about to lighten up the world again.
Not thinking, not knowing of the horrors that where spiking this world. Not knowing of the horrors that would await them once You-Know-Who reigned the earth. Not knowing, not thinking, not caring...
Freezing at the mere thought of You-Know-Who, Ash had slung her arms around her body and stared into the night. Thinking. Dreaming. Wishing.
Thoughts screamed at her so loudly, that she never heard the oh-so-familiar voice of one of the boys she had spend the last few months with, struggling to talk to a few people in his newly acquired English, nor did she hear the heavy foot fall of the two elder people he was escorting up the hill towards the the skinny girl who was gazing at the sky with dreamy eyes. Only when two strong arms slung themselves around her body and help her tightly as the owner started to cry into her shoulder, was she ripped out of her minds sanctuary and back into reality. The reality of horror and pain, the reality of loss and fear, the reality of life.
While remembering the moment that her uncle had found her and hugged her closely, she snuggled herself into her own arms, hugging her knees tightly to her body, trying to feel the warmth of that moment, not the cold. When she figured that her arms weren't enough to give her warmth, she took a hold of her Quidditch cape to throw across her body, before allowing her mind to wander into the past once again.
Two weeks had passed since her Uncle and Aunt had found her in Munich and had brought her to the Burrow. Two weeks had passed since she had uttered a word.
She didn't want to be found, she told herself and hoped that her glares at the cheerful red headed family conveyed that message fittingly, but she knew that it was a lie. If she didn't want to be found, she'd have apparated into a different country. No body would have looked for her in Africa of Asia. Hell, even another German city would have cut the deal. But no. She had stayed in Germany, she had stayed in Munich, a city only 30 minutes away from her old home and a city where her British relatives knew she would be if she wanted to be found.
Her cousins had all tried their best to make her laugh again, or maybe say a word, but so far they had all failed. Until Ron had enough.
"Ash, cut the crap," he had yelled at her and slapped her face hard when she didn't even look at him. "You know what? I'm sick and tired of your silence and gloomy attitude!" he screamed.
"Ronald Bilius Weasley!" his mother had yelled at him, but he had just ignored her.
"I know you feel crappy, I know you hate life right now, but GET OVER IT!" he screamed at her and took a hold of her shoulders shaking her small frame thoroughly.
That brought Ash to forget her vow of silence for the first time. "Get over it, you say? Get over it? You know nothing of the way I feel right now! You know nothing of the pain, nothing of the horror, nothing of the loss that has taken over my heart!" she said silently, but fiercely making everyone strain to hear her words.
Ron smiled at her words as he kneed down in front of her, so that he was on the same eye level as she was. "Then tell me about it, I want to know, I want to help you," he said quietly, looking into her eyes.
Ash could still picture her cousins blue eyes perfectly, as they had stared at her with such a great warmth and acceptance. She had lost herself in those eyes. Fell into a deep sea of warmth that she had missed so greatly while she had been away from her family and friends.
Ron she thought to herself silently as the reality of the cold stone against her back and she was once again sitting in one of the many corridors of the Hogwarts castle.
Ron had been there for her the last time she had become a wreck like this. Ron had been the one to pull her back to life. Ron had been the one to make her accept reality once again. Ron had been the one to get a grip of her mind again.
"Ron," she repeated his name, only speaking out loud this time.
"Ron," she said again and again and again as she pushed herself of the ground and hurried down the corridor in the search for her cousin.
She was running through the castle, her eyes frantically moving around, left and right, up and down, in the search from her beloved cousin.
Every now and again she stopped to ask some of her peers if they had seen the red haired boy, but most of them hadn't seen him, or couldn't remember when they saw him last. Cursing, Ash continued her search for him. Looking in the Great Hall and the Library and whatever other location she could think off.
Lastly she found herself stuck outside of the Gryffindor common room, arguing with the Fat Lady.
"Let me in there! I need to see Ron!" she screamed at the painting for the hundredth time already, but the Lady stayed stubborn.
"You can only enter with the password, tell me the password and I'll let you enter!" she told the blond girl for the zillionth time.
"Can you at least ask one of the other paintings to check if my cousin is in there?" Ash begged, slowly getting sick and tired of the repeated argument.
"No can do, sorry dear."
Ash screamed in frustration and stomped up and down in front of the portrait in anger. Cursing the painting, cursing the houses, cursing Hogwarts, cursing herself and Ron, Ash continued her rant with the painting and her way back and forth in front of the painting.
All of a sudden, a small voice sounded behind her. "Excuse me... I need to go through" the voice of some first year sounded and made her jump.
"Oh, yes, of course. Sorry," she said and moved to the side, allowing the kid to pass her. She didn't hear the password the first year muttered, but when she saw the portray swinging to the side, she quickly grabbed a hold of its edge and said, "Kid... could you get Ron Weasley to come out here? Say that Ash wants to see him," she yelled out the last part because the Fat Lady was forcing the entrance close again, to stop her from entering.
"Now all there is to do is hope that kid does what I asked him to do and wait," she muttered and sat down on one of the stairs that lead to the common room.
Time went by and it seemed like hours passed before she saw the portrait swing to the side again and reveal a flustered Ronald.
"Ron!" Ash cheered happily and hugged the boy tightly.
"Ash!" he said surprised. "What are you doing here?"
"Ron... Help me, please," she whispered into his ear and hugged him even tighter to her body.
"Ash? What happened?" he asked, concern lacing each word.
"Can we go somewhere else?" the Slytherin asked, eyeing the portrait warily.
"Oh, sure..." he said and turned to face the Fat Lady. "Maple Syrup," he said and the Lady swung open. Next he pulled Ash through the hole into the Gryffindor common room. The small passage brought them to a large comfortable room with a fireplace and couches spread along the interior. "Sit down," he said gesturing to one of the large red couches where she saw Harry and Hermione sitting and looking up at her.
She also heard a couple of gasps at the fact that she - a Slytherin - was sitting in the Gryffindor common room, as she sat herself on the opposite end of the couch, waiting for Ron to start questioning her.
"What happened?"
"How do you know something happened?"
"First you beat up Applebee and now you've scared half of the Gryiffindor students by the fact that you were hammering on the Fat Lady and glared at her for the last hour or so."
"If you knew that, why did you only come now?"
"I didn't, the kid you send for me told me."
"Oh OK."
"So, tell me. What happened?"
Ash sighed and looked at her hands. "I'm a mess," she said softly after a few minutes of silence.
"Tell me something new," he joked, but motioned for Harry and Hermione to leave them alone for a second, before crouching in front of his cousin and talking a tight hold of her hands. "Is it because of Malfoy?"
Ash's jaw hardened as she nodded her head yes.
"What exactly did he do?"
Ash frowned a bit before shrugging her shoulders. "He cheated on me."
Now it was Ron's time to frown. "But that was a month ago! Why are you coming to me with that now?"
"I'm a mess," she repeated in a sad tone of voice.
"You said that already"
"I can't think strait. I'm not rational any more... I let my emotions get the best of me... I'm a simple and complete mess."
"No, your just a girl!" he said with a chuckle, making Ash glare at him.
"Not funny."
"Yes funny."
Ash looked away from her cousin.
"But really, why did you come to me?"
"I'm a mess."
"Had that already," he sighed. "But why do you think I can help?"
Ash stayed quiet for a few moments before repeating, "I'm a mess."
"OK, now this is getting stupid," he grunted and waited for the next words the girl had to say.
"I'm a mess."
With a frustrated sigh, Ron took hold of Ash's shoulders and asked her to tell her the whole story. About how she had seen him in the bedroom with Pansy. How she had a fight with him in front of the Zabini Manor. How she tried to get revenge on Draco but couldn't and everything else that she could think of that had to do with the fact that Draco cheated on her.
When she finished her story Ron shrugged. "Told ya to stay away from him," he said with a sigh and shrugged again. "But I still don't see the problem. Why can't you just let him be, ignore him, push him out of our life."
"Because..."
"Because?"
"Because I still..."
"Because you still?"
"Love him"
Rons grimaced for a second, "do you really?"
Ash looked at her cousin confused, "what do you mean?"
"Do you really love him? Did you ever truly love him?"
Ash was confused at his words. "I don't - ?" she said the voice filled with questions.
"Do you, Ashlin Weasley, really love him, Draco Malfoy?"
"I still don't..." she said starring at Ron.
"You don't love him, Ash. You just don't want to let go of the past. You were always like that. Keeping grudges for the longest of times, never forgiving, never getting over things that went against your believes. Its about time you let go of the past and live for the future!" Ron told her, while his tight grip on her arms bruised her skin. "Its time to let go, to forget about that git" he said softly, his warm blue eyes once again gazing deep into her heart.
"Let... go..." she muttered as she let his words run through her mind and as she tasted every aspect of the thought carefully. "Let go and forget..." a smile crept onto her face just by the thought of the simple idea.