Pomprey VS Pince

Remus loved the library. Along with its vast collection of books that he had yet to read, the library had a quaint ambiance that was very pleasant. It was his go-to place whenever his room got too rowdy, which happened a lot. And he didn't have to worry about his friends following him, because James was scared witless. He couldn't even touch the door handles without breaking into a cold sweat.

Remus also had some of the best times in the library. The essay Professor Flitwick dubbed 'one of the best I've ever seen!' was written on the very table he was occupying. Madam Pince, the librarian, had given him unlimited access to the Restricted Section since his second year. And on some nights, Remus was given the honour of locking up. It was every bookworm's dream.

And now it was ending.

Peter slammed the doors open first. It cut through the silence like a gunshot. He giggled. After Peter came Sirius, who was dragging behind a very tied up James behind him. James appeared to be knocked out, and his mouth was taped shut with spellotape. His eyeglasses was missing a lens.

They spotted a reddening Remus and made their way over. Halfway through the trek, Sirius clicked his tongue in irritation because James' unconscious form kept on entangling itself around the legs of wooden chairs, so he slung him over his shoulder.

"Wotcher, Moony," greeted Peter cheerfully once they finally arrived. Sirius dumped James onto the table. It teetered under the sudden weight.

"Are you mad?" hissed Remus, snatching his homework out from under James in an attempt to salvage it. "You're going to get us kicked out! I've never been kicked out before! And who took James out of the infirmary? I thought he was bedridden after the Bludger incident?!"

"Relaaax, mate," pacified Sirius.

"Yeah, we got this thing all under control," added Peter.

"We've had it up to here with James' stupid fear," said Sirius, raising his hand up to his neck.

"So we came up with a plan," said Peter. "Once James regains consciousness, he'll quickly come to realize this place isn't so bad, after all and poof! Phobia vanished!"

"Besides, I don't want to be seen hanging out with someone scared of moldy old books anymore. I mean at 13, I couldn't care less. But I'm 14, now. Almost a man! And men aren't afraid of anything."

The doors crashed opened once again. Madam Pomprey, the school nurse, stood there, hands on her hips. She scanned the library with narrowed eyes. Sirius squeaked and ducked under the table. So much for being a man.

"What is the meaning of this?" came Madam Pince's irate voice. She entered the library after the Healer and fixed her with a disapproving look. "Is there something you need?"

"Yes, my patient. I suspect he's here. His name is James Potter."

"Let's see here…." Madam Pince rotated a big book on a dais and ran her finger down a page. "Negative. Not here. Everyone who enters the library is obligated to sign in, and the last person to do so was Hernshaw Adam who scrawled in at ten. Sorry."

"Codswallop," snapped Madam Pomprey. "Nobody signs that thing."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Nobody signs it," the Healer repeated brusquely. "It's just a complete waste of time."

Remus and Madam Pince gasped.

"I want you out of my library! OUT!" shouted the librarian, her parchment coloured face red with rage.

"Not until I find my patient!"

"What makes you think he's here, pray tell?"

Madam Pomprey held up a single eyeglass lens. It had a hairline fraction on it. "These are from his spectacles and I found it right on the threshold of your library."

"Too bad, so sad," bit Madam Pince coldly. "I'm in the middle of some very important alphabetization! Don't make me physically take you out, now!"

Madam Pomprey scoffed. "What makes you think you can take me out, Irma, dear, when you can't even take out the trash?"

"You mean you, right?"

James groggily woke up, blinking slowly. He felt like his mouth was stuffed with cotton swabs. His hands were aching like crazy and he couldn't even feel his legs. I don't remember going to sleep like this…

"Nice comeback, darling. Healing school has obviously taught you well."

"At least I went to school! Otherwise you wouldn't be a washed out librarian surrounded by books all day and night, squawking at innocent children for breathing too loudly over your precious babies!"

"Yeah? Well Richard certainly doesn't think so!"

Madam Pomprey's voice suddenly went deathly quiet. "You talked to Richard?"

"Honey, we still talk. As a matter of fact, he's taking me out to meet his parents next Saturday!"

"You bitch!"

Certainly not in the infirmary… thought James. He tried to sit up but found that he was restrained. What the heck…? Wait a minute! That's a shelf! Filled with books! And the only place that has those is the…

A long, strangled scream pierced through the air. James struggled against his bonds like a fish out of the water, knocking off books and spilling ink as he did. The sudden commotion brought the two squabbling ladies to a halt.

"You took my patient!" screeched Madam Pomprey, flinging an accusing finger under the hawkish woman's nose.

Madam Pince glared balefully. "Even if I did, why in the world would I leave him in plain sight?"

"Because I caught you just before you could stash him away! You evil, conniving wench!"

"HOW DARE YOU!"

"Five galleons that Madam Pomprey will kick Pince's arse," said Sirius, peeking out from under the table.

"Are you blind? Madam Pince all the way!" said Peter, ignoring James' flailing limbs and ripping the tape off his face. "What do you say, James?"

"HELPMEPLEASELETMEGOIDON'TWANTTOSTAYHEREARRRGH!"

Sirius nodded and picked up a fallen quill and parchment. "He's for Pomprey, too. What say you, Remus?"

Remus didn't respond instead going for a nonverbal gesture.

"MUMMYWHEREAREYOU?"

"Mother loved me more. She said I was her favourite," sneered Pomprey. "You were always too timid to do anything and you burst into tears whenever someone looked your way. She always wished you were more outgoing like me."

"Oh yeah? Well, Father called me his pride and joy!"

"Only because he felt sorry!"

"Like all the times your little boyfriends dumped you?"

"At least I had boyfriends!"

"So what is Richard? A door frame?"

"STOP BRINGING UP RICHARD!"

"Can I change my bet?" asked a Hufflepuff. "I wanna go for Pince, now."

"Too bad, so sad," mimicked Sirius, waving the tallied parchment in the air. "The betting booth is closed. But don't get too worked up about this. It's virtually anyone's game."

Pince suddenly took out her wand from her holster. "You've done it now –"

"Hold on a second…" said the Healer. She eyed the Librarian's wrist. After Pince had gone for her wand, her sleeve had fallen away to reveal a string with a single bead tied around her wrist.

Pomprey looked up confusedly. "You still have it? After all this time?"

Pince pulled down the sleeve.

"Always," she mumbled, ducking her head.

The Healer wordlessly rolled up her own right sleeve and exposed the exact same bracelet. A beat or two passed before the two women abruptly burst into tears and threw their arms around each other over, blubbering I miss yous.

Everyone in the vicinity watched the weeping women before shaking their heads in disgust. The bet was clearly off and so was the prospect of witnessing two grown women go at it like alley cats. Even James stopped wriggling to stare.

". . . guys?"

"Yeah, James?"

"I think – I think I'm not afraid of libraries anymore."

"That's great, man."

"Yeah . . . great. Hey, guys . . . ?"

"Yeah, James?"

"I – I'm a little scared of crying women, now . . . "

"We are, too, James. We are, too."

In a dark, secluded spot near the back of the library, Severus Snape scowled in disgust, listening in to the ditzy librarian and mental nurse's conversation. Stupid fools. What do they know about love? Love is about utter devotion. Love is about keeping track of them every second, of every day, for the rest of their lives. Love is about saving clippings of their hair in a jar on your dresser. That is what love is about!

Although . . . he mused, that 'always' line was pretty good. Perhaps, I will use it . . . Yes, yes I will.

A/N: Sorry this is megaaa late! I had this already written and everything but I was too busy to post. Let's give a round of applause to school everyone!

School: Thank you! Thank you! You're too kind! QUICK QUICK WHAT'S THE SQUARE ROOT OF 2?!

I'll update really fast if people want me to. The next chapter's pretty crazy, I say.

Anyway, thanks to Chuggamuffin, Hpdwlotr24, Harry1675, chaosshotgun, bubblecloudz, and Remus' daughter for reviewing! :D I agree with all of your preferences, anything with a tense is great for me, lool :) Oh and thanks for the suggestion Hpdwlotr24! I love Jilly so can't wait to reaaaad it! :))))