Chapter 19
Damon's Point Of View
I was lying on Elena's bed with her head on my chest. She was fast asleep. It had taken ages to calm her down last night. She cried for about an hour and then spent the next hour retelling me everything that had happened with a painful number of details. I managed to get her up to her room and into bed after she had got everything out but she lay awake, worrying, for quite some time.
I, however, hadn't been able to sleep at all. Firstly, when Elena fell asleep, she was lying in such a way that put me in a very uncomfortable position. I was afraid to move lest I woke her. Secondly, I couldn't stop thinking. On one hand I was angry at Stefan for making Elena get so upset. He should have known better than to push his luck with her. They were together for two years and he should have realized that her anger was just being suppressed. Though on the other hand, I understood why Stefan told her what he did and I couldn't fault him for wanting to confess his feelings. I would have done the same if the roles were reversed. In fact, I had done it once a long time ago. Only I compelled her to forget it. It dawned on me that she must have remembered it when she transitioned. I wondered why she had never brought it up.
I had promised Elena that I would talk to Stefan first thing in the morning and I planned to do just that. I didn't care if Stefan and I were fighting. Right now, I think our current issue trumped that. I just prayed that he had not decided to take off in the middle of the night.
I tried to stretch slightly to relieve some of the pressure on my arm but I ended up waking Elena up.
"Damon?" She asked, her voice thick with sleep.
"Hey there angel. Sorry I woke you." I murmured as I gently ran my fingers through her hair before kissing her head.
"It's okay. What time is it?"
"Almost six."
"Ugh" she groaned as she twisted to the side and flopped on the pillow. I sighed as her weight disappeared and my throbbing arm could be free. I stretched my stiff joints and muscles gingerly.
"Was I sleeping on your arm?" She asked with wide eyes.
"Just slightly."
"Oh no. I'm sorry. You could have moved you know."
"And woken you up? I don't think so."
She smiled and reached around to kiss me. "I love you. You know that right."
"As long as you know I love you too." I replied.
All of a sudden, she tensed up. I immediately knew that she was no longer cloudy with sleep but that the events of last night had come back to her.
"Stefan..." She whispered.
"Relax. Relax. It's okay. I'm going to talk to him now."
"Hurry. He might have...you know..."
"I know sweetheart. I know."
I kissed her on the cheek before getting up and straightening my clothes.
"I'm heading there now. I'll call you once I'm done," I told her as I picked up my jacket off the floor.
"What? No. I want to come."
"I don't think that the best idea Elena..."
"I still have things to say to him," She protested. "I need go apologize."
"After I talk to him, you can say whatever you want to him okay?"
She pleaded with me with her eyes but I was not going to let her screw it up again."No Elena. It's for the best. I'm sorry."
She sighed and nodded. Obviously she saw reason in my argument.
I left immediately after that and went back to my house. I was nervous. Part of me knew that Stefan was capable of picking up and leaving in the night so when I turned into the driveway and saw Stefan's car still parked there, I breathed a sigh of relief.
I entered the house without any hesitation and quickly walked upstairs to his room. I relaxed as I saw him sprawled on his bed with a bottle of bourbon in his hand.
"That's my bourbon." I commented lightly.
"Yeah well I need it more than you," He replied. "I'm guessing Elena sent you?"
"Yes she did. She thought you might have left." I said as I moved to sit next to him.
He sat up slowly. "I am going to leave. I can't stay here anymore. I can't make her or you any more miserable."
"C'mon Stefan. Be rational. Where will you even go?"
"I don't know. Somewhere far from here. Far from you. Far from her," He stared at a spot on the wall as he continued, "I'm leaving tonight. I've already decided."
"You don't have to do this you know. She came home yesterday and sobbed all night about how bad she felt. She doesn't want you to leave. If you go, you'll crush her."
"Well that's not really my problem anymore now is it?" He asked as he looked at me pointedly.
"Stefan..."
"Just stop it. I'm not welcome here. Elena hates me. And don't deny that secretly, you hate me just a little too. I'm no longer part of her life. It's time I move on."
"Dammit Stefan!" I growled as I stood up, frustrated. "She does not hate you! She got angry. Can you blame her? She still needs you. You already screwed up once. Don't screw up again. Don't leave. Just talk to her. Talk to her and you'll see that she still wants you around. Just think about what you'll be leaving behind. She's a vampire. She will forgive you eventually. She's already in the middle of forgiving you. Give her time."
"It's been months. I've given her space and time. I can't do it anymore. Anyway, she's not the only reason I'm leaving. I'm leaving because Caroline, Bonnie, Matt, Tyler and even Jeremy still hates me for what I did. They will never forgive me. They will never forget. I'm sorry. I can't stay here any longer. I won't," He said quietly before standing up and walking to his closet where he pulled out a suitcase. "Tell her I said that love her and that I'm sorry." He finished softly.
"Tell her yourself! I can't believe you're willing to pick up and leave like that. Especially without talking to her first. The Stefan I know wouldn't give up so easily." I replied roughly. With that, I turned around and stormed out of the house.
As I drove back to Elena's house, I racked my brains trying to come up with how to tell her that Stefan was leaving. I had no idea what to expect but if last night was any indication, there would be a lot of crying. With a sigh, I turned into her driveway, turned off the engine and sat back with a deep sigh. This was going to be very long day...
Stefan's Point Of View
I threw clothes into my bag hastily. I wanted to get out of Mystic Falls as soon as possible. I wanted to leave before the guilt overcame me. Yes. I was guilty. I knew deep in my heart that Elena had not meant what she said to me the night before. The very fact that she had sent Damon to talk to me was evidence of it. However, I also knew that I was making life difficult for her by staying. If I left, she would be upset for a while but then she would get over me. She had Damon here. She had her friends, her brother. She didn't need me anymore. If I stayed, I was just going to be a constant reminder of what had happened. Both of us needed to move on. It was time for that.
It would be in the best interest of everyone if I left. Just as I was about to finish packing, I noticed my phone on the table. I had two missed calls from Elena and she was calling me for the third time. I sighed as I picked up the phone and stared at it in my hand for a few seconds. I knew I had to talk to her. It was not fair to just pick up and leave without even saying goodbye to the girl that had kept me here for three years. Damon was right.
"Yes Elena." I said as I pressed the green button.
"Stefan?" I could hear the panic in her voice. "Stefan where are you?"
I softened my voice to a level that was soothing and replied, "I'm still at home. Don't worry."
"Okay good. I'm coming over now."
"Elena, no. Don't do that. Please don't make it harder then it has to be."
"I didn't mean what I said last night Stefan! Please! Please believe me. I'm so sorry." She begged.
"Don't apologize. It was about time someone said what you did to me. And you meant it. Don't deny that."
She seemed to realize that she was fighting a losing battle. "Please just come over before you leave then. I need to say goodbye properly. Please Stefan."
"Elena..."
"Please. You owe me that much."
I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath. "Maybe. Maybe I'll stop by before..."
"Thank you," she said in relief. "I'll see you soon." She affirmed before hanging up.
Mentally kicking myself, I grabbed my suitcase, went to my car and roughly threw it in the trunk. I turned around to face my home and looked at it for the last time. I could never come back. I knew that. As long as Elena or one of her friends were still in Mystic Falls, I could never return. It used to be so easy before I met Elena. Every few years, I could drop back into Mystic Falls and pretend to be yet another great nephew or something. I could stay for a while and then pick up and leave as I wished. Elena had rooted me here. She had made Mystic Falls important to me. Sure, in her own twisted way, Katherine had done that too but she stopped mattering the second I laid eyes on Elena in that car accident.
I brought forward all the memories I had with Elena in this small town. The day the comet went over town and she came to me in the night and we had our first kiss. The time she had come over to demand to know what I actually was. The night we made love in this very house. The countless number of times I saved her life and the lives of her loved ones. Finding out that Katherine was back in town. Keeping Damon on track together. Alaric. Caroline becoming a vampire. Having Elena and Damon there when I became a blood junkie again instead of being alone with Lexie. Klaus. Finding out about Isobel and John. The sacrifice that killed Jenna. Elena going over that bridge for the second time. Elena in transition. Helping Elena become a vampire. Damon coming home. The breakup. The memories overwhelmed me and crowded my brain. I couldn't think straight anymore.
I slowly lowered myself to the ground and with my back pressed to the trunk of my car and my knees drawn up to my chest, I put my head in my hands and started to cry. I cried for Elena. I missed her so much. I still loved her with all my heart and every time I saw her with Damon, it felt like yet another knife being plunged into my heart. I did this. This was my fault. I lost her. It was my mistake. I didn't know what I would do with my life if I never saw her again. Already I was having trouble keeping a handle on myself. What would become of me if I could never hear her melodic soft voice again? What if I could never see her beautiful smile? What if she wasn't there to pull me back from the edge? What if her faith in me was gone? What would happen to me? What would I become?
I cried for my brother. My dear brother who drove me crazy but I still loved anyway. The man who had been my best friend. The man who was now responsible for keeping Elena safe and happy. What if he was no longer there? What if I was truly alone in the world? What if he wasn't there to roll his eyes and tell me to snap out of it when I start spiraling down? What would a life be like hiding from my brother? I had gone decades without my brother after Katherine but that was because he was a different person back then. He was a person that I couldn't bear to be around. Now, everything was different.
How could I leave? No. I couldn't think like that. I loved them. I loved them so much and that was why I had to leave. So that they would have a chance at being truly happy. So that Damon could experience what I did when Elena and I first started dating and so Elena could move on and give herself completely to my brother. I had to leave so that I could move on. I would never truly be happy if I had to stay here and watch Elena and Damon. I could never be the friend she wanted me to be because when I look at her, all I see is the girl I love. The girl I would die for. The girl who made me who I was. I had to leave for myself.
I took a deep breath and wiped my face with the front of my shirt before standing up. With one hand on the car door handle, I closed my eyed and let the reality that I was leaving sink in. Then, I pulled the door open, got into my car and began to drive.
Elena's Point Of View
I was sitting on the front porch with Damon and I had my senses on high alert for the sound of Stefan's arrival.
"He's here." Damon murmured.
Stefan pulled up in front of my house and got out. I quickly stood up and went to him. Winding my arms around his rigid body, I began to cry. I felt him relax in my hold and he encircled me with his comfort.
"Shh...don't cry. Don't cry." He chanted in a whisper.
Stefan's Point Of View
Over the top of Elena's head, I could see Damon standing there watching us with a grim expression and his arms crossed. Shame and guilt bubbled up and began to overflow. All the reasoning I had done seemed irrelevant as I hugged Elena and watched my brother. What was I even doing? I should never have agreed to say goodbye to Elena. This was a mistake.
Damon's Point Of View
I watched Stefan and Elena's tearful embrace with a sinking heart and and aching chest. I knew that look my brother had. It was the look that said that he was confused but that he had already made up his mind. Watching Elena crying again was painful. Anger started to rear it's ugly head as I told myself that this was his fault. This was all his fault. If he would just get over himself and realize that the trail of destruction he would leave behind him if he were to go was irreparable, everything would be fine. Elena would be fine. I would be fine. But no. He had to be selfish one again. I closed my eyes and turned away.
Elena's Point Of View
Stefan began to pull away and I started to panic again.
"No. No don't go. Stefan please." I begged as I fought to hang on to him.
I thought the fact that he relaxed slightly meant that his resolve was wavering but I was wrong. He just pushed me back. The cold wrapped its icy fingers around the places on my body that had once been touching him. He turned away, got into his car and began to drive away. I was left standing at the sidewalk, staring grief-stricken at his car.
An inhuman whimper escaped me and I dropped to my knees as I began to cry harder. I felt warm arms encircle me but they were not the arms I craved. Damon sat down behind me and forced me to sit on his lap. He stroked my hair and whispered words that held not meaning to me at this point. I turned my face into his chest and cried like the day Stefan told me that Damon was dead.
I don't know how long we sat there in that position but when I finally found the strength to look up, I saw that it was dark. I looked up and met Damon's tear-filled eyes.
"I...I can't...He can't be gone." I whispered.
Damon just continued to look at me sadly. "Let's go inside." He said softly.
He stood up, picking me up in his arms at the same time and brought me into the house and laid me on my bed. He gently pulled my shoes off and climbed into bed with me. Tenderly draping my quilt over us, he cuddled me close.
I looked up at him through my tear-filled eyes. "He's really gone." I murmured.
Damon sighed, his breath blowing strands of my hair. He stared at the wall thoughtfully for a few moments before he hugged me tighter, looked into my eyes and said determinedly, "We will get through this. We will survive. You and I. We will be okay."
I smiled through my tears and nodded just as determinedly as him. We would survive. We always did.
THE END
Author's Note: Thank you guys so so much for coming with me on this wonderful journey. I love each and every one of my readers. I couldn't have done it without your support. Thank you for the reviews, follows and favorites. I might do an epilogue soon. Depends. But keep an eye out. Also keep an eye out for a new story. For the final time, ladies and gentlemen, goodbye!