Engorgio Skullus
Detention Slip
STUDENT(s): James Potter and Sirius Black
DATE ISSUED: 13/02/75
TIME: 8:30 PM – 10:30 PM
REASON: Apprehended using an illegal hex upon Bertram Aubrey. Aubrey's head twice normal size. Double detention
PUNISHMENT: Polishing school's candelabra
ISSUED BY: Professor Flitwick
James Potter grounded the sunflower seeds with his pestle so hard, he managed to crack the Potion's mortar. He placed the chipped bowl on his desk in disgust. He was livid. James Potter couldn't remember the last time he was this angry. Not even the time when Wormtail threw up into his new Quidditch boots was he this pissed (he just kind of wanted to strangle his friend until he turned blue).
But now – oh, now - all he wanted to do was crush Bertram Stupid Aubrey's head with his pestle.
(Now some people might say James had an 'anger problem', but he just called it wearing his heart on his sleeve.)
Bertram Aubrey was leaning against Evans' station, a bouquet of poorly conjured flowers in one hand, and a cheap box of sweets in the other. The funny thing was, Evans didn't even spare the gifts the amount of attention she was giving Aubrey's ugly face. James was certainly better looking than him. Stupid Aubrey didn't have glasses, or slightly deranged hazel eyes, or spiky black hair.
No, he was just blond and boring, but apparently Evans liked that sort of look.
"Sure, I'll go to Hogsmeade with you, Bertie," she answered with a friendly smile.
BERTIE?
Remus rushed back to their workstation, a look of contempt on his face. "What did you DO to my mortar? My mother gave me that!" He picked up the cracked bowl and gazed sadly as it broke away. He looked up, suddenly noticing that his mortar wasn't the only thing falling apart. "What's up, mate? You don't look too good."
"Evans is going to Hogsmeade." James clenched his jaw. "With Aubrey."
"The Ravenclaw?" asked Remus, cracking a smile. "I like him, he's great at chess." Upon noticing the scowl on James' face, Remus tried to backtrack. "Did I say great? I meant terrible."
"I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who thinks he is," replied James, his voice practically oozing with venom as he watched Evans twirl a finger around a strand of hair, giggling at Aubrey's stupid joke. He turned back to his worktable, and tended to the neglected potion, bubbling vigorously away.
Sirius Black emerged from the potion's cupboard, then. His hands were in his pockets and he was not carrying any potion ingredients he was sent for in the first place. However, there was an oddly shaped object bulging from beneath his school shirt, and he made sure to walk with his back facing Slughorn when he arrived at his and Peter's workstation.
"Where's our stuff?" asked Peter, looking incredulous. "We have half an hour left and we didn't even start. Do you want to fail?"
"Forget about failing! I found the greatest thing you could find in that cupboard!" Sirius lifted up his shirt and took out a giant tome. It was purple with green ribbons and moving, glittering letters that said: 1001 Jinxes & Curses for the Wicked Soul.
James forgot all about Evans and Aubrey. He sucked in a huge breath and said with widened eyes. "Is that what I think it is?"
Sirius nodded slowly, a smile threatening to split his face as he opened his arms for a hug. James fell into it, and the boys stayed there for a few moments amidst stares. Remus and Peter were confused.
"What? What is it?"
"You mean you don't KNOW?" squawked James, moving away to pick up the book with an almost light, feathery touch. "This is the limited edition joke book from the 50s. There were only ten copies, and nine of them were bought by one bloke from Canada and he just wanted them to kindle his fire. No one knows who bought the last copy, until now." He gazed at their professor, who had biscuit crumbs trailing down his front, with respect.
Sirius took the tome away and leafed through it. There were curses that made the victim think they were seeing upside down, jinxes that elongated the victim's teeth, curses that caused the victim to have tentacles and pumpkins for heads, and jinxes that even made the victim think their brain was melting out of their ears. This was heaven.
"Excuse me, boys," interrupted pompous Aubrey. The Marauders were evidently blocking his path to his worktable. He grinned at them when they begrudgingly moved away, whistling happily to himself as he continued his way.
Pulling the book over, James flicked through the pages with his eyes closed. His finger stopped at a random page. Opening his eyes, he read: "Engorgio Skullus – swells the victim's head to extreme proportions." He looked up with a nasty grin. "Guess we're trying this one out today, mates. Who's in?"
"Not me," said Remus, quickly. "I haven't gotten detention all week and I don't want to break the streak."
"Me, too," added Peter.
"You know I'm in," Sirius said. "I want to break this streak. I feel unclean."
When the bell finally rang signaling that it was time to go, James and Sirius were the first ones to out the door. Aubrey finally emerged with Evans by his side. They walked to Charms together, unaware of the two boys following them until it was too late.
"Engorgio Skullus," mumbled James. A bright green jet flew from his wand's tip and hit the back of Aubrey's head. The Ravenclaw kept on walking, and the two friends thought for a second it wasn't going to work.
Suddenly, Aubrey's head began to inflate at an alarming rate. He was struggling to keep it upright. "HELP!" he shrieked. "I'M DYING!"
As if a signal had been blown, Professor Flitwick appeared from the opened classroom door, with his wand in hand. "Redactum Skullus!" Bertram's head deflated slowly, but he still had trouble balancing it. "Miss Evans, please escort Mr Aubrey to the Infirmary."
Evans scowled at James with so much hate, he almost turned to stone. "C'mon, Bertie, Pomprey will fix you up in a jiffy," she put his arm around her shoulders and the two walked away.
James watched them with jealously. The curse had worked sure, but only for a short time, and now stupid Aubrey was getting sympathy from Evans and it wasn't fair!
"OOOW!" howled Sirius suddenly.
James looked at him in confusion before he howled as well. "LETGOOO!" he yelped at the professor that was currently trying to yank off their ears.
"What's that you have, Black?"
Sirius tried to conceal 1001 Jinxes & Curses in his shirt but Flitwick was too fast and snatched it away.
"Where did you find this?" asked the professor in surprise. He was looking at the book as if it was a long lost child.
"Mother got it for my birthday."
"Try again."
Sirius shrugged at James. At this point, they had nothing else to lose. Except the book that would solidify their careers as the greatest pranksters to ever walk these halls! "In the potion's cupboard, sir."
"Horace had my book along, eh? He said he had lost it! Why, I can't wait to see him try to get out of this one!"
James didn't know if it was from the unexpected ear yanking that he was hearing things or not, but he had to make sure. "Your book, sir?"
"Of course," replied Flitwick heartily. "I was the former dueling champion, you know, and all thanks to this right here!" He tapped the cover with a fond finger.
The boys looked at their tiny Charms professor in wonder. All this time, they had thought it was Slughorn who was the trickster – not Flitwick! Moony and Wormtail would never believe this!
"The trick, see, is to slip your wand up your sleeve after a jinx. No one would ever know it was you. It helped me when I was a boy, it did! But – you never heard this from me."
James and Sirius were too surprised to even nod. Flitwick took the advantage and reached for their ears again.
"Since you are caught, however, you will be serving detention with me tonight! What say you boys – polishing the candelabra sound good to you?"
"HEEEELPPP!"
A/N: Ahhhh! It's been too long! I'm sorry, it's exam week, and I really shouldn't be on the computer, but you guys are too wonderful. Sorry this chapter might seem disconnected compared to the others, my brain is too jumbled with chemistry equations to think straight!
Many thanks to: shadowkat678, Harry1675, Chuggamuffin, Remus' daughter, MissDemigodWizard, chaosshotgun, Crystalline-Enchantix, Our Mismatched Socks, TheDarkKunoichi and Guest for reviewing!
Who's your favouite Hogwarts Professor? (Bet I know what most of you are going to say! :DD)