A/N: Choices for the songs I all picked except the one that Cody sings. All of my characters are based on real people and Cheynne (my real life bestfriend) loves the band that sings Cody song. Thank you sooooooooooooo much to all the people who have read my story so far.

It had been about a week since the night Ian had told me how he really felt. I felt bad for not giving him an answer and avoiding him a little but I was just so confused. There wasn't another man but I just wasn't sure about my feelings. Bringing me out of my thoughts was a knock at the door. I walked downstairs and opened the door to Cody.

"Come in."

1 When we got back up to the living room I took off my Beats exposing "Take all your big plans and break 'em, this is bound to be a while. Your body is a wonderland. Your body is a wonder I'll use my hands. Your body is a wonderland. Damn baby you frustrate me. I know you're mine all mine all mine but you look so good it hurts sometimes…."

"Is there something wrong?" I asked turning down my phone

"Nah just wanted to see how you were doing."

"Did Ian send you?"

"Not really."

"So in a way he did."

"He was talking about you to me and how he thought you were going to tell him no."

"I really do wish I could give him an answer but it is difficult. I kind of want to be with him but I can't there's too many things against us."

"He loves you and you love him it's so obvious and it is also obvious that you are fighting it."

"I don't have a choice."

Cody looked at me realizing my dilemma then nodded his head. "Go to Ian and tell him. You both need to figure this out."

"Fine tomorrow I'll talk to him at work."

"You better."

I come in from my lunch break with a peach tea in hand. Janice greeted me as usual, as I walked into my office. I sat down and took a deep breath trying to gather my thoughts. I got up, walked into Ian's office, and sat down.

"Hi."

"Hey I thought I would never see you again."

"I would never do that."

I felt my heartbeat speed up and Ian noticed giving me a sympathetic smile. "Just open up to me."

"I… um… I just… I'm confused."

"About?"

"My feelings for you I want you but I'm not sure how."

"Are you choosing between boyfriend, friend, and fuck buddy?"

I smiled a little, "Just boyfriend and friend."

"Which one are you leaning more towards?"

"I'm teetering one moment I'm saying okay boyfriend then I think some more and then I'm like we can only be friends."

"Tell me some of those reasons."

"You're gorgeous I see Christian Grey when I look at you I feel like I should be saying yes sir and no sir and that is a reason for you to be my boyfriend. You are my boss that's a reason you should be a friend. You are very mysterious as if you're hiding things behind your blue eyes and that's a boyfriend reason. I'm afraid to love you and I know you will make me love you you're infectious I think that's a boyfriend reason. I have trained myself to cut off my emotions so I don't get hurt and I think that sadly I'm blocking a good thing off… you. I cannot wake up and say oh I trust Ian easily completely. My problem with you is I can't love you the way you want me to the way you need me to. I think it's impossible for me to love anyone the way they deserve including myself and I'm sorry that you have to suffer because of my insecurities. If I knew a way that could make me love you just a fifth of how you feel about me I would tell you."

I got up and fixed my skirt ready to leave, "I want you to take from all of this that I care about you I really do but I don't love you. I'm sorry maybe you should have just stayed with Nina or Alexis. I don't love you and I can't… I'm sorry."

I walked out his office, through the lobby, and to the bathroom. I leaned back on the wall of the stall with tears slowly falling down my cheeks. What did I just do? I probably just broke the heart of a man that has the qualities that I have always said I wanted. It's too late to turn back now I can't go back in there and take it all back. I put my head in my hands waiting for my life to crash down. I heard a knock on the door and saw men's dress shoes.

"Janice told me that you might need me."

"Why are you in here Cody?"

"Cause my friend and boss is weeping on the floor after coming out of her boss' office. I know that you went in there and didn't talk about business."

I got up and opened the door. Cody gave me a sympathetic look then pulled me into a big hug. "He still loves you and you love that man get it through your hard head. I know it's scary for you because of your own reasons but take down those walls and open your heart up. Embrace love and the chance to be swept off your feet by Ian. He cares about you so much he told me he would wait for you no matter how long it took. He said that if he were on his death bed and you finally said yes he would be content."

"I'm dumb," I mumbled into the bottom of his chest between sobs.

"No you're not dumb you're scared and that is perfectly fine. I believe that Ian is the guy to help tear down those walls you have but for him to do that you have to let him in."

"That's nearly impossible for me. I'll get hurt I know I'll get hurt."

"No its not and I'm not going to lie maybe you will get hurt but after a fight wouldn't you rather come back to Ian than an empty bed with tear soaked pillows. I know he can be cold but never that cold."

"You're right and I'm dumb."

2 Cody chuckled, "Still being hard headed. You should go home and relax or take a nap maybe even get a tub of ice cream and watch The Parent Trap. Go to your car and I'll bring your stuff."

I looked up at him, "Thank you."

I plopped down on the couch and kicked off my shoes. I looked around for something to do other than crawling into a corner. I turned on the TV you've got to be kidding me the homecoming episode with Ian and I dancing. It was my first time seeing it and I could tell he cared about me then.

"Why are you crying?" Cheynne asked.

"I don't know."

"Well that's a big lie."

"It's my first time seeing this episode."

"What about it? You did good."

"Ian loves me he's loved me ever since he met me and seeing this episode shows it."

"I told you that but you didn't believe me did something happen at work? You're home early."

"I told Ian that I don't love him that it's impossible for me to love him."

"Why would you do that? You do love him you keep pushing it away just how you're trying to push Ian away so you don't have to admit that you actually love someone. I've known you for years you haven't loved anyone simply out of fear. You loved all the douche bags and assholes but now that you have a man that will treat you right and is absolutely perfect you don't want him."

"I do want him but it's just so complicated."

"It's only complicated if you make it that way."

"It's not that simple.

"It is if you want it to be."

About a week later:

Everything at work had been silent and very awkward. When Ian and I would step out of our offices people would stare and give me a look that said, "Sorry for the broken heart." People thought that the day I left early I had told Ian I wanted to be with him but he turned me down. Ian didn't say anything about it I guess because he didn't want more attention on me directly. There would be times where he and I would exchange strange looks across meeting tables, through transparent walls, and too perfect of timing bathroom trips.

Tonight was a party at a local restaurant to celebrate our constant success. Everyone was going including Cheynne but Ian wasn't expected to be there. I picked out an orange tank top, dark blue jeans, and tan wedges.

"Are you sure you want to go in we can turn around and go home?" Cheynne said.

"Yeah Ian isn't even supposed to be here so let's have fun and get wasted."

Cheynne smiled, "Sounds like a plan."

We walked into Colombia Street Tap Room arms intertwined. Somehow, we had the whole building reserved so we had the back patio and the inside to ourselves. There wouldn't be any drunken crazy people unless they were co-workers, which I really wanted to see.

"Two piña coladas please." I demanded

After about an hour of mingling, dancing, and sipping, the room stopped. I was in the outside crowd so I walked into the bar and froze.

"Don't let the party stop on my account I'm not your boss tonight. Let's get these lovely people a drink in their hand on me!" Ian announced.

Everyone hooted and hollered as I stood in the doorway frozen. Blue met brown once again too intense for me to keep eye contact. I turned around, drink in hand, and sat down outside. Could this get anymore awkward? Cody came outside and raised an eyebrow at me.

"The party is inside not out here with you all in your lonesome."

"I like my lonesomeness."

"It's a celebration just put Ian on the backburner. Oh sorry I forgot that's impossible to do when you love him."

"Asshole."

"Such foul language."

"He's right." Ian said strolling up to us.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes even when he is apparently heartbroken he looks sexy. With two Adonis' standing in front of me, I felt extra unattractive. Cody and Ian shared that bro hug every guy knows.

"You look nice… gorgeous," Ian said.

"They're just clothes." I had no idea why I was being a bitch towards him but it was just easier to do that than try to act friendly without awkwardness in the air.

"Well they look spectacular on your body."

I looked down at my hands feeling the color rise up to my cheeks. I looked back up at Cody and Ian both smirking at me because of my blushing. I rolled my eyes once again and walked between them, "Assholes."

"Liquid courage!" Cody called out causing me to throw up my finger at him as I kept walking inside deeper in the crowd.

"Thanks for leaving me alone to get ambushed." I told Cheynne

"I had a free beer to get thank you very much."

"Oh whatever."

The tension dissolved for everyone in the room other than me. We all sat in a big circle for what the bar called Music Secrets. The rules were that if you were picked you had to sing part of a song describing how you felt in the moment. The one person who volunteered was of course Cody.

"Hmm well there is a special girl I noticed tonight but she shall remain anonymous so this goes out to her.

3 He grabbed the guitar and began, "Let's go crazy, crazy, crazy 'til we see the sun. I know we only met but let's pretend it's love and never, never, never stop for anyone. Tonight let's get some and live while we're young. And girl, you and I we're about to make some memories tonight I wanna live while we're young. We wanna live while we're young. "

Everyone applauded for him as he did a dramatic bow. "Hmm I don't who I want… Tiara your turn."

"You've got to be kidding me."

After I got tired of everyone pressuring me I took the guitar and thought about a song. "Uh I'll let the song speak for itself."

4 "You appear as though you're from Columbia. You keep it tight for me like Ziplocs. I just got high when we lip lock... and you just got high when we lip lock. So you search for me with a flashlight, in the daylight... cause I'm you're get right. See no one serves you up boy like I can. I'm your Mrs. Midnight pusher girl. Ooh, I'm your drug and you can't kick it. You gotta have it cause you're so addicted. Cause I'm your drug but it's a two-way street, your my drug my addiction, my weakness and I can't kick it. You got me so addicted see you're my drug my Love Drug."

Everyone looked at me in amazement seeing that I had kept a secret then applauded loudly until Ian raised his hand, "I' d like to go next."

I looked at him then walked over and passed him the guitar. "No anonymous note from me this goes out to Tiara." Every person turned to me and ooed since they could tell this was going to be good.

5 "We got the afternoon you got this room for two. One thing I've left to do discover me discovering you, One mile to every inch of your skin like porcelain. One pair of candy lips and your bubblegum tongue. 'Cause if you want love we'll make it. Swim in a deep sea of blankets. Take all your big plans and break 'em. This is bound to be a while. Your body is a wonderland. Your body is a wonder I'll use my hands. Your body is a wonderland. Something 'bout the way the hair falls in your face. I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase. You tell me where to go and though I might leave to find it. I'll never let your head hit the bed without my hand behind it. You want love? We'll make it. Swim in a deep sea of blankets. Take all your big plans and break 'em this is bound to be a while. Your body is a wonderland. Your body is a wonder I'll use my hands. Your body is a wonderland. Damn baby you frustrate me, I know you're mine all mine all mine but you look so good it hurts sometimes Your body Is a wonderland. Your body is a wonder I'll use my hands. Your body is a wonderland. Your body is a wonderland."

My face was red as a tomato and I had no problem with it because I knew it was the effect of love finally showing. Ian looked at me and said, "Hope you liked it." He then got up to put the guitar on the stand but once it was down, I got up and went over to him. He looked at me a little shocked and before I had the time to talk myself out of anything, I slowly kissed him savoring every second. I had my arms around his neck and he had his hands on my lower waist holding me against his body. It felt like an electrical shock that was passed on from Ian and spread through my body. I never wanted to pull away but when the bitter moment came for my lips to be alone, I was wishing that I had gave in sooner so I would've had more extraordinary kisses.

"You really are my addiction," I said.

Ian smiled, "I can't wait to explore the wonderland that is your body."

1 & 5: Your Body is a Wonderland by John Mayer
2: The Parent Trap (1998) Written by Nancy Meyers & Charles Shyer
3: Live While We're Young by One Direction
4: Love Drug by Raheem DeVaughn

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