Disclaimer: I don't own The Exorcist.

Muggle Studies: Movies Pt. II

The Marauders had quickly realized why The Exorcist had been rated R.

Peter was loudly sobbing into his hands, his popcorn left forgotten on the floor, which showed how distressed he must have been. Peter never let food go to waste.

James must've been a fan of self-torture, because he kept peeking between his fingers where his hands were covering his eyes under his glasses. Peek…shut…peek…shut…it was a never ending cycle.

Sirius, who at the beginning of the movie had his feet smugly reclining on the seat in front of him, was slouched in his seat, his hood covering his face. "Demons," he was muttering to himself. "Demons everywhere…!"

Meanwhile, Remus was bored. He was the only one of the four who was not even a tiny bit scared. On the contrary, Remus thought the movie was downright mediocre. The effects were juvenile, the lines were cheesy, and frankly, the demon had a thing or two to learn from the Marauders about vulgarity. It was like giving a first year a list of swears and telling them to use it the most creative way possible. Pathetic. How anyone could take this movie seriously was beyond him.

On screen, the little girl puked up pea soup all over the priest.

Oh, yes. This was going to be a long night.

In the bathroom of Sunshine's Movie Emporium, with his entire head beneath the stream of water gushing from the sink's taps, Severus Snape was livid.

His day had started off quiet pleasantly, believe it or not.

He woke up like a man with a plan – to go to the movies with a certain redhead across the street.

The redhead in question opened the door just before he knocked on it. "Hey," said Lily Evans, surprised. "I was just heading over to your house right now."

Severus was lost for words. She looked quiet pretty today. She was wearing a beautiful loose top that made her green eyes pop.

Severus gulped. I love you, you're so beautiful, marry me – ?

"You want to go to the movies today?" he asked instead. "They're showing Willy Wonka."

Lily shrugged, "Sounds good to me. I'll grab my bag, and then we can go." She disappeared inside, and Severus was awestruck.

He had just asked Lily Evans. And she had said yes.

(Technically, it wasn't really a date, because they went out to the movies all the time, and Willy Wonka wasn't romantic enough for a date, but it was Severus' favourite film and he was going to watch it with the girl of his dreams, so didn't that count for something?)

So they went to the movies (Lily insisted on buying the tickets, and he was relieved because he didn't think he had enough, anyway, and Severus bought the snacks, remembering to include the jelly beans Lily always liked), and they found perfect seats, and everything was just perfect.

Until that no good, bloody Potter and his posse arrived.

Potter, Black, Lupin and Pettigrew: The most arrogant arseholes in Severus' grade. They infuriated him so much, especially that no-good Potter, who was always showing off something or the other, and sweet talking the teachers into letting him go five minutes before the bell rang.

But the worst thing?

He fancied Lily, too.

Out of all the girls in the castle, Potter had to pick his!

(Technically, Lily wasn't Sev's yet. But she was going to be soon, if that 20 step plan he devised was working its magic. They were still on step 3 – sitting close enough together that their shoulders brushed – but hey – slow and steady wins the race.)

Anyway, the Marauders (or The Morons, as Severus had spitefully dubbed them) left him and Lily alone for most of the movie, but the Slytherin didn't miss the way Potter was making eyes with his girl. Lily certainly didn't. She had paid Potter no heed, and blissfully ignored him, watching the movie.

This was all very disconcerting to Severus. Normally, Lily would make a big fuss if Potter even breathed near her, but now, she was ignoring him as if he were a mere house fly! What had happened to her?! Had she finally succumbed to Potter's advances and given him a chance? Had they secretly gotten together behind Severus' back? What if they were already married?

Severus cast a fleeting look at Lily's left hand and breathed a sigh of relief.

Steady on, Snape, he berated himself. You're getting ahead of yourself. Lily would never do that without telling you first. He tried to calm himself, but he still couldn't get rid of his edgy feel.

Potter had become immersed with the Oompa Loompas on the screen at this point. Severus looked over at Peter, blubbering into a tissue. Severus grinned to himself. He needed some way to distract himself, and what better way to take your minds off things then humiliating another human being…

A knock sounded on the bathroom door, and Severus was taken out of his reverie.

"Are you decent?" asked Lily, but didn't wait for his answer and pushed open the door.

Severus didn't miss the fact that she was in the mens' room…with Severus…alone.

No! snapped Severus' conscious. No matter how convenient this is, a Muggle loo isn't the place to declare your feelings for Lily. You'll regret it for the rest of your miserable life!

Though harshly true, his conscious could be a pain in the arse sometimes.

I guess you're right, he agreed. But then Lily twirled her hair around her finger and Severus was transfixed. She's so beautiful…surely the loo isn't the worst place to do this, is it?

No, you filthy mongrel! his conscious yelped.

"So, I was thinking," Lily said, having not realized the internal argument Severus was having with himself. "We need to find a way to get back at those pinheads. I don't want them thinking they can walk over us anymore – we need to fight back."

Severus stepped under the hand dryer to dry his hair, just so he wouldn't have to look at her. "What do you suggest?"

She frowned, having now realized the major flaw in her plan. "Erm…maybe we could trip them up when they leave the theatre?"

"They haven't left yet? How do you know?"

"I caught sight of Pettigrew entering a room showing a different film with a bag of popcorn just now." Lily's eyes lit up. "And if they're watching the movie I think they're watching, then I think I just figured out how we're going to get even!" Without another word, she grabbed his hand – much to his immense delight – and yanked him out of the loo.

"What an excellent day for an exorcism," said the little girl/demon on-screen.

"You would like that?" asked the priest.

"Intensely."

"But wouldn't that drive you out of Regan?"

"It would bring us together."

"You and Regan?"

"You and us." said the demon, and it gave a creepy smirk, looking straight into the camera, almost as if it were looking right into their souls.

"THAT'S IT!" shrieked Peter, shooting from his seat. "WE ARE GETTING OUT OF HERE!" And with a strength he couldn't believe he mustered, Peter dragged his three friends out of the theatre. No one had complained. Even Remus, who was just about to form his own excuse to get out of there, anyway.

But it looked like fate was not on their side this time.

Lying unconscious on the lobby floor, was Lily Evans.

"Lily?" said James, momentarily shocked to call her by her surname. He tried to walk over to her, to make sure she wasn't dead, or anything, but Remus grabbed his arm.

"Does this seem a little bit suspicious to you?"

"What d'ya mean?"

Remus said, "As much as we hate Snape, do you really think he's going to leave his friend alone unconscious like that? I know he's a Slytherin, but they can't all be that heartless."

Sirius' face darkened. "Blasphemy! Of course they're heartless!"

A sharp breath sounded, and Evans' eyes fluttered open. She blinked confusedly, taking in her surroundings, and sat up with her elbows. "Where am I?"

"At the movies," explained Peter, helpfully. "Why are you on the floor?"

"I don't know," Evans replied. "All I remember is trying to find the loo, and then nothing."

"C'mon, then," said James, sticking out his hand. "We'll walk you home. Where do - ?"

All of a sudden, Evans shut her eyes hard, her face twitching.

"Run," she managed to get out between clenched teeth. She sounded scared. "Run before he gets you too."

"He who? Who's going to get us?"

But Evans ignored them, falling onto her back again, convulsing maniacally. "He's coming…" she hissed. "…you're…too…late!"

The Marauders were frozen with fear as they watched their boring, stick-in-the-mud classmate jitter about on the floor like a possessed mutant. This was just like what happened to the little girl in The Exorcist…but that was just a movie, and this was real life…right?

Evans finally stilled. She stood up robotically, and opened her eyes. They were not green, anymore. They were red. Blood red.

"Well," said the voice that was clearly not Evans'. This one was deeper, more raspy. "Are you just going to stand there or are you going to welcome me home, suckers?"

Peter screamed and screamed. Everyone patiently waited for him to stop. When he was finally did, he nodded his gratitude, like thanks, guys. Needed to get that out of my system, and then he fainted.

If the wizard thing wasn't working for Peter, acting was his calling.

James summoned up the remnants of his Gryffindor courage he still had after watching the movie, and said (albeit in a squeaky voice), "What have you done to Lily? Who are you?"

"They call me Pazuzu."

Sirius gasped, "Hey, that's the name of the demon in that Muggle girl!"

"Correct, pretty boy." said Evans/Pazuzu. "Tonight, I will have my revenge. I will start by taking you hostage, and making you my slaves. Then, slowly, we will gather a following and take over this town. Eventually, I plan on taking over the world, after possessing one of you, of course. I haven't possessed a boy's body in such a long time…"

No one threatened Remus' friends and got away with it. He took out his wand, aiming it at Evans/Pazuzu. A flicker of fear flashed across her face, but it was gone as quickly as it came.

"You wanna play, Goldilocks?" Evans/Pazuzu opened her hand and a ketchup bottle from the snack bar flew into it. "Let's play." Instead of squirting it at them like they expected, she squeezed it into her mouth, swallowing the ketchup whole.

Remus' nose wrinkled, but his wand did not waver.

Evans/Pazuzu gave him a ketchup-y smile.

"Did I mention this was blood?"

This was all it took for the Marauders to bolt out of there, lugging an unconscious Peter behind. Fighting Slytherins? No problem! But freaky demons with blood fetishes? They reckoned they would sit out on that, thank you very much.

"Coast is clear, Sev!"

Snape stood up from behind the snack bar. "Did you see their faces?" he said, laughing. "I think I'll use this memory if I ever need to make a Patronus."

"Ditto," Lily agreed, then grimaced. "Lemme just wash the ketchup from my mouth, and take these contacts out - they're so itchy! - then we can head back to my place. Mum's making chocolate cake."

Severus grinned as he watched her walk to the loo. Guess it turned out to be a great day, after all.

Snily, 1; The Morons, 0.

At Hogwarts, in the Muggle Studies Dept., Ms. Henley frowned as she read over Remus Lupin's paper.

In conclusion, The Exorcist has helped me realize that demons can be disguised as everything and anything (like that nice, smart girl in class). They are not to be trusted, and should be kept at arm's length because they are pure evil.

Also, I refuse to attend anymore classes with Lily Evans because she's Pazuzu in disguise and is trying to take over the world –

Ms. Henley put the paper down. Maybe this summer assignment had been too much of a leap for her students. Perhaps next year she'll make them draw Muggle objects, or something. Anything that will prevent them from stepping outside on her accord.

She shook her head as she read the paper again. I should've become a Healer…

A/N: Random Question: If you could have a job in the Wizarding world, which would it be?

Guest: Thanks so much! Hope you liked this one! :))

Remus' daughter: I've never watched that one yet *please don't kill me* but yeah, i'll check it out! Thanks for reviewing! Your dad will be eternally grateful if you don't call him a chicken for what he did, hahaa

Crystalline-Enchantix: I hoped you like it! I like writing Lily's devious side! I'll definetly have to make more Lily pranks the Marauders...any ideas? Thanks for reviewing!

TheDarkKunoichi: Thank you so so so much! Your review def brighten up my day! AND YES, OF COURSE I WATCHED TMNT! I loved it! Thank you for reviewing, hope you like this one. :D

Guinastasia: You're awesome! Thanks so much!

Our Mismatched Socks: Hahaahaa, yeah it was! It just seemed like a Remus-thing to do. Thanks for reviewing!

BELVISPRESLEY: Thanks so much! And I will!

Chuggmuffin: Thaaaanks for reviewing!