Note: Thanks again to all the people who've taken time to encourage me by adding me or my story to favorites. Also, a huge thank you to Ryoko Metallium for this story's first review; I hold that entirely responsible for how quickly this chapter was written. So, as always, any and all constructive feedback is appreciated. ;-)
Chapter Specific Note: Takes place shortly following Garrus' recruitment mission and directly prior to Mordin's recruitment mission.
Chapter Title: "We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons." -Jim Rohn
"It's up to you, Commander," Garrus said, but he knew what he wanted and he figured she did, too. Shepard always took the opinions of her crew into account when she made her decisions. "If you need me, I'm not going to let a cough keep me back," he said anyway, just to make it clear. He had little doubt of what would happen, because it was what had always happened. What would always happen. Just like old times.
Shepard's eyes met his for moment, steady and assessing. She tilted her chin slightly, almost imperceptibly, a gesture he'd long since come to recognize as a sort of affirmation. A sign of agreement. But when she moved, she stepped forward, brushing past him as she stepped away from the quarantine zone and back toward the dock.
Garrus stared after her, unmoving, confused. Something was wrong somewhere. This wasn't right. She'd never left him behind before. A small, traitorous part of his mind whispered that she'd never walked into a situation in which he might be in more danger than any other member of her crew before, either, but he scarcely noticed behind the roaring surge of his own breath. Never. Except...he turned away from that current before thought could take wing.
The human in the Cerberus uniform-Jacob?- cast Garrus a glance that might have been sympathetic, or maybe just bemused, and strode after Shepard.
They were nearly around the corner when Garrus realized Shepard either hadn't noticed his hesitation or was just ignoring it. The latter, if he knew her as well as he thought he did. She wasn't going to stop, wasn't going to turn back. Well, that was like her, even if her sudden about-face was completely alien.
Grudging, he moved, his long legs closing the distance easily. "Shepard-"
"EDI," Shepard said as if she hadn't heard him, though he knew full well she might be speaking to the ship, but she was responding to him, "inform Operative Lawson of the situation, and ask her to be ready and waiting when we arrive. Officer Vakarian will serve as acting XO in her absence."
Garrus huffed in exasperation. Shepard ignored him. Studiously. He felt a surge of something very much akin to rage. He was vaguely aware of Jacob eyeing him warily, the muscles in his arm tensing slightly, preparing to pull his shotgun in less than a heartbeat, if necessary.
Any other time, Garrus would have been approving, if mildly amused. Now he was simply annoyed. He would never hurt Shepard; he damn well wanted to protect her, that was the problem.
As if catching wind of his thought, Shepard turned her head toward him and smiled, just a fraction. It was a sad smile, but there was something else behind the sadness, something Garrus didn't quite recognize. "Chin up, Vakarian, you won't be missing much. Just the Blue Suns and some vorcha-nothing you haven't seen before."
The tall, graceful woman in white was walking toward them, her heels clicking on the plated floor of the dock. Coming to take his place.
Garrus bit down on his irritation, determined to keep his attention on the root of the problem. "Shepard. All the more reason-"
Shepard's grey eyes flashed like lightning across the heated summer sky on Palaven. "Dammit, Garrus," she said, forgetting to be the Commander, forgetting to be formal, "where I come from, no means no! I-we-can't afford to-" the words twisted and clogged in her throat, finally breaking off completely.
"Too close," she whispered, so faintly he wondered he doubted the Cerberus Operatives, both waiting at the end of the corridor, pretending not to stare as politely as they could manage, could hear. In fact, he wondered if she could. And if she couldn't...did she even know she what she was saying?
She cleared her throat and squared her shoulders. "-to be slowed down by some stupid disease," she continued more audibly, as if she'd never hesitated. Never interrupted her own sentence. "Especially one that can be easily avoided," she added pointedly. "We-I-need you. So get on the damned ship-and that's an order, Vakarian."
He was left without a weapon to bring to the fight. "Fine,"Garrus snarled and sprang toward the ship, "if that's the way you want it."
"Back before you know it," Shepard called after him, brightly, but a dark, lingering note of doubt touched the words like tarnish.