you are my life, my love, my only

"How's your friend?"

Serena drops down next to him on the couch, her body loose and buzzing with alcohol. Dan pulls her legs over his lap and she folds herself into his side, head resting heavily on his shoulder. His fingers slip under the hem of her pant leg, tracing gently over the sharp jut of her ankle.

"She's fine. Just needed to have a couple bottles of wine and a few hours of bitching about her luck with men."

"I thought it was going well with this business man?"

"It was," Serena sighs, her fingers plucking at the buttons on his shirt, "until he said his ex-wife's name while they were in bed the other night."

"Oh, ouch," Dan hisses, the faintest trace of amusement in his voice. "And the police is not going to have to arrest her for murder?"

"No. She just broke up with him and told him to call her when he figures out what he wants."

"That is a surprisingly reasonable response."

"Yeah, well, then she called her ex-boyfriend, so-" Serena trails off, her train of thought lost to the hypnotic dip and twirl of his fingers over her side.

"Oh."

"Mmm-hmm."

She lets herself drift, the buzz of alcohol and the feel of his body making her warm and comfortable, her muscles and joints loose. The silence stretches between them and she revels in it, loves that they can have these moments where they sit quietly, simply enjoying the pleasure of being together. They're nine months into this again and the excitement lingers, refuses to fade. Her heart still flips when he kisses her good morning, she still gets butterflies when he pulls her close and chants his love for her into the curve of her neck as he slowly peels off her clothes.

"Have you ever done that?"

"What?"

"Said the wrong name."

Her body tenses involuntarily at the memory, the embarrassment and pain of that night flooding through her. Dan tightens his hand around her waist, brushes a soft kiss over the top of her head. "You don't have to answer that. I was just thinking out loud."

Serena swallows hard, her fingers curling tightly into the front of his shirt, the buttons pressing hard into the palm of her hand. She can tell him this now. It's okay. She doesn't have to hide it anymore.

"Once," she whispers. He doesn't respond, just keeps sweeping his finger up and down her side, his other hand still caressing the curve of her ankle. "It was- It was the night you guys showed up at the wedding; I had this fight with you and with Blair and then there were Georgina, Chuck and Nate; I was a mess." She turns her head, rubbing her cheek over his shoulder, the tip of her nose skimming along his neck. "Steven was waiting for me in the bedroom at the end of the day. He was pissed that I hadn't told him my real name and everything. We fought and, like almost all our fights, it ended in sex."

Dan nods, the steady movement of his hands never ceasing. They'd settled their jealousy issues months ago during one long night of wine and talking. She'd told him about how she basically broke up with Max because she realised that she had feelings for him, how much she hated seeing him with Blair; he'd told her how it had hurt him so deeply to see her with Aaron and Ben but that he had been willing to let her go if that was what would make her happy. They spent the wee hours of the morning absolving each other of their sins, their slick bodies rolling and sliding across the bed, against each other.

"Anyway, I said- I said the wrong name and then we ended up fighting more. That was pretty much the beginning of the end of us. He didn't even know that I had dated the guy."

"He knew what Nate meant to you," Dan whispers. "You were upset that we all just showed up."

Serena leans back as she arches her eyebrows in confusion, finds him looking down at her with gentle compassion etched into the soft curve of his smile. She searches his face for a moment before pressing out a long sigh. He really doesn't know.

"It wasn't Nate, even though he had technically been the last guy I was in a long-term relationship with." She forces herself to meet his eyes, wants him to see the truth written in hers. "It was you."

She feels the moment her words sink in, his fingers digging hard into her ribcage and clamping around her ankle, stopping the flow of blood to her left foot. "Me?"

"Yeah, Dan. You."

"Why- why? You hated me."

"Did you really believe that for a second?" He nods, mouth falling open as he stares at her. "Dan, I was still in love with you. I was mad at you for rejecting me, for telling me that you'd never have to see me again, but it was there. And everything we went through the months before, how I confessed my love for you, how you dated my best friend, how we ended up having sex at a divorce party. I just couldn't stop thinking about you, no matter how hard I tried.

"I- I had no idea."

"Yeah," Serena sighs softly, her eyes falling away from his. "I was pretty good at hiding it."

"Serena."

"I know. We weren't ready to swim yet. But-" she looks back up, feels the words pressing up her throat, scrambling to finally be free, "that night, Dan, I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so very badly."

He crushes her to his chest, claiming her lips roughly. She can feel his heart thundering against her ribs and breathes in deeply as her own picks up a matching rhythm, a frantic tattoo that drives her forwards, pushes her into his lap.

"I wanted it to be me too," he pants between kisses, his breath hot against her skin.

"Really?" she asks, her fingers working at the buttons of his shirt.

"Really."

A/N: Oops, more than 500 words. I'm not even sorry though. Also, this totally happened in the show. At least in my mind and no one can take that away from me ;) Also, that thing with Nate doesn't really fit, but I needed another name because I wanted Dan to be surprised, so yeah.