A/N: Another week and another update! This is so much easier to write when I don't have to feel guilty about not getting to the gym myself! As ever, thanks for reading and for the feedback!
"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" My arms feel like they're about to drop off; given that I've got a barbell the weight of a small child hanging over my head right now, that would definitely be a bad thing. My arms are locked and they start to shake as the weight becomes too much. I can't lift the barbell that little bit further to reach the rack at the top of the bench. Emily must have warned me not to try and lift weights without a spotter at least a dozen times, but it's not like there's much on the bar and I managed the first few reps fine. I figured it wouldn't be a big deal to lift on my own.
"Whoa there! Easy love!" Oh thank god! I've never been so relieved to hear a scouse accent in all of my life as Rob Fitch takes hold of the bar and places it back down on the cradle. I let my arms flop down on to my chest and breathe a sigh of relief. "What were you doing lifting on your own? You need a spotter there for you in case you run in to trouble!" Rob chastises me with a shake of his head.
"Well he was doing it!" I object, aware I sound like a petulant three year old as I point at the bloke a few benches down who is lifting on his own too. He looks like he's got to be at least sixty. I mean Christ, if he can lift a few weights on his own then I should be able to.
"That's Bob; he used to be British weight lifting champion back in the seventies. You can lift by yourself when you become Mr Universe." He teases me, still wearing his usual enormous grin stretched across his face.
"I'll get right on that." I snap at him. I know he means well and he did do me a favour by stopping me from dropping a ton weight on my face, but that doesn't stop me from sulking. I hate being told what to do.
"Emsy said you were a firecracker!" Rob doesn't seem fazed by my attitude. I guess having Katie for a daughter has prepared him for anything.
I'm a bit surprised to find out Emily's talked about be me at all and it must show on my face because he quickly covers his bases. "Don't look so nervous; she's only got good things to say about you." He claps me on the shoulder after helping me to my feet. "Speak of the devil." He nods at Emily as he spots her coming in through the door and heading to her office with her arms full. Her hair is tied back, the deep red looking muted under the fluorescent lights of the gym. She's wearing her staff polo shirt, but for once she's got jeans on instead of trackies. She looks like she's running late, but she stops as she spots me and her dad.
"Naomi? Am I late?" She turns her wrist to check her watch and almost drops the paper bag she's cradling in her arms.
"No, I'm early. I thought I'd warm up." I work a half day Fridays so I decided to come to the gym early for our afternoon session. It looks like Emily's on her lunch break or something.
"This one was trying to bench press on her own. You might want to keep a closer eye on her." Rob drops me straight in it and Emily's still lecturing me as we go in to her office.
"You could have been seriously hurt Naomi! Someone with your decreased muscle strength-"
"Yes Mum, I know." I snap at her. She takes the hint and lets it drop. It's my turn to lecture her though as I notice what she's been carrying. "Is that a McDonalds?"
"I'm on my lunch." She shrugs at me, though her cheeks start to go a bit red at being caught out. She's been lecturing me on the importance of nutrition to go along with my exercise regime.
"How come you get to have a Big Mac for lunch, yet you bang on at me to avoid, and I quote, 'processed crap'? Isn't that like all of your calories for today?"
"Alright, I spent half of lunch going over a sodding stupid seating plan with my mum and I had to grab something quick on the way back in. Besides, I burn through a lot more calories than most people. I'll have this worked off in an hour." She winks at me as she unwraps her burger. I've got a few ideas how she can work off her lunch and they're all a lot more fun than the prospect of an hour in the gym. I feel bad about intruding on what's left of her break, but she's the one who insisted I could wait in her office with her.
"I always get a craving for chicken when I've been here. I think it might have something to do with that KFC down by the bus stop." I muse as I steal a few of her fries. She doesn't object, she just caries on sitting crossed-leg on her desk making her way through her lunch.
"It's your body's way of telling you that you want more protein. It's a macronutrient, your body needs it to repair damaged muscle tissues. You should invest in a high protein recovery shake for after you workouts."
"I tried one, it tasted like cardboard." I scrunch my face up at the memory of the less than pleasant milkshake I picked up in Tesco the other day.
"Munch much cardboard do you?" Emily teases. She catches my eye and we both can't help but to burst out in hysterics.
I still can't believe how easy things are between us after that kiss. I'm surprised Emily's even let me back in her office after what happened. Most girls wouldn't want me anywhere near them. I just don't get her sometimes. She's impossible to read.
"Here, try this." She leans over to grab her shaker out of her kitbag and her shirt rides up, treating me to a view of her stomach. I'd love to do body shots off those abs of hers. The shaker she hands me is one of those expensive looking ones that I've seen in sports shops; the ones that are BMA free and have specially moulded grips. The liquid inside looks just the same as the protein shake I tried last time. It's a bland pale creamy colour that does nothing to capture my interest like the cheeseburger does. I sniff at it dubiously. "Just try it! I promise you won't be disappointed!"
"That's what all the girls say." I remark dryly as I bring the beaker up to my lips.
I've got to say I'm pleasantly surprised by the taste of the milkshake. It's not as bland as the last one I tried. It actually tastes like white chocolate rather than stale milk or soggy cardboard. "Well?" She asks, keen to hear my opinion.
"Not bad." I shrug as I try to hand it back to her. "It's got nothing on KFC though."
"Keep it for after your workout, you'll see the difference. You know a good diet can be just as beneficial as exercise." She smiles patiently at me. "Eating the right stuff can make a world of difference."
"Says the girl scoffing her face." I tease.
"What are you doing tonight?" Emily quickly changes the subject and catches me off guard. It's Effy's night off so I'll probably end up going out on the piss with her, Freddie and Cook. It's not like I can share my plans with Emily, so I end up stumbling over my words as I make something up.
"Not much. I'll probably just go see my mum or something."
"Why don't you come over for dinner? I'll give you a few lessons in proper nutrition." The invitation is right out of the blue and I don't know what to say to it. So I end up saying the stupidest thing I possibly could have.
"Won't your fiancé mind?" Freddie would kill me if he caught me in the house he shares with Emily. We haven't really spoken since our last little chat in my kitchen; when he told me that he's sure Emily doesn't love him anymore. I've got to admit I think he might have a point; Emily doesn't exactly go on like a blushing bride should, but at the same time it's no excuse for him to be going off with Effy. If he's that unhappy with things he should just grow some balls and leave her already.
"He's out with some of the lads from work." She shrugs. She always looks so uncomfortable whenever Freddie is mentioned. It makes me wonder; if she really doesn't love him anymore, then why is she staying too?
"Oh, ok. Sure." What the hell am I doing? I'm supposed to be getting some distance from Emily, not going over to her place for dinner. Her face lights up at my response though and I can't bring myself to change my answer.
So after my session with her, which is particularly gruelling after I teased her about her unhealthy lunch, I find myself standing in my room and ripping my wardrobe apart looking for something to wear. I don't know whether to go for casual or smart. Should I look like I've made an effort or not? Just what the hell do you wear for dinner with your straight, sort of friend, who you kissed less than a week ago? Should I wear my hair up or down? Makeup or no makeup? Usually I'd ask Effy for her advice, but that's definitely out of the question. I passed her on the way in to the flat as she was leaving to drop some stuff off at work. I'm going over to Emily's for seven, so I'm hoping to be out of the house before she gets back.
I eventually settle on my favourite white shirt under a blazer. I pull on a pair of jeans and my Converse to keep the look smart yet casual. I keep my hair down and curl it a little bit before putting on some makeup; I keep it light, just a bit of foundation and some eyeliner. I look presentable at least. My taxi turns up at ten to seven, so I quickly grab the nicest bottle of wine I can find in the fridge and my house keys off the table. I think about leaving Effy a note, but decide against it. I'm a big girl. She doesn't need to know where I am every second of the day.
I give the taxi driver Emily's address and he takes me to a nice estate full of identical posh houses. They all look like they've just been assembled from some sort of Ikea catalogue. The house the driver stops in front of has two cars in the drive; Freddie's Corsa, with its racer boy stripes on the bonnet and mud all up the side, and an immaculate white Prius that must belong to Emily.
She welcomes me at the door as I walk up the garden path. She's wearing a navy blue summer dress that stops just above her knees and has a matching bow in her hair. She looks stunning. "Hey, you found the house ok then?" She greets me as she steps aside to let me in the house and I hand over the bottle I brought. Emily looks impressed. It's something expensive, Effy doesn't drink cheap wine.
"I didn't know what we were having so I just brought white. Is that ok?" I follow her in to the kitchen as she goes to get two glasses out of one of the cupboards.
The kitchen is bright and modern, like what I can see of the rest of the house. The cupboards are solid oak and the benches are black marble. The fitness business and the financial sector must pay pretty well if the house is anything to go by. "That's fine. I haven't made up my mind what we're having yet. I thought I'd let you choose." She tosses me a handful of takeout menus from a drawer with a smirk.
"I thought you were giving me a lesson in nutrition?" I ask sceptically, wondering if this is some kind of test
"I am. I didn't say anything about cooking though."
She fills our glasses and hands one to me as I look through the menus. We end up ordering Chinese and Emily talks me through all the various proteins shakes, recovery shakes and food supplements that can help me with my training. She's talking about Glucosamine supplements or something when the food finally arrives, not that I've actually been paying all that much attention. It's the first time I've seen her wearing lipstick and I can't keep my eyes off her lips.
Emily answers the door to get our food and insists on paying since she invited me over. She takes it in to the kitchen to plate up, leaving me alone in the living room. The walls are all plain cream and the single lamp on in the corner gives the room a soft glow. I stand up to take a look at the picture frames sitting on a floating shelf above the fireplace. I take my wine with me and sip at it as I pick one of the photographs up for closer inspection. It shows a much younger Emily with dark brown hair and a wide-eyed smile. She's wearing a school uniform and her arms are wrapped around an equally juvenile Freddie. He's wearing the same uniform and goofy smile. He looks happy. They both do. I've struggled to picture Freddie and Emily as a couple, but I could easily see the two kids in the photograph getting engaged. They look like completely different people to the adults that I know them as.
"We were fifteen in that." I jump as I hear Emily behind me. I didn't notice her coming back in the room. She sets the two plates she's carrying down on the coffee table and comes over to join me by the fireplace. Her hand finds the small of my back as she leans over my shoulder to look at the picture. "Just a couple of stupid kids with no idea how we were supposed to feel."
"You look happy." I put the frame back down, using it as an excuse to step forward and claim back some personal space.
"We were…" Emily answers and the sadness in her eyes is enough to break my heart. What the hell happened to her and Freddie to make them how they are now? How can a seemingly happy could get so messed up?
We sit back down to eat and I consider whether or not I should bring up her impending nuptials. In the end, she does it for me as her eyes track back to the photographs on the shelves. "Freddie asked me out on the last day of college. He said he'd been in love with me for years, he'd just been too frightened to tell me."
"What changed?" I really shouldn't be asking. It's like poking a nest of wasps with a stick. This is all going to end in tears, so why do I keep putting myself through this? Why can't I just stop going to that damn gym? Why can't I just give up seeing her altogether? Why can't I just get up and walk away?
"I was going away to Edinburgh for uni. We were going to be apart for the first time in years and he got scared. He wanted to tell me how he felt before I left." I can just imagine a teenage Freddie declaring his undying love for the beautiful girl sitting in front of me.
"I thought you studied here?" I remember her mentioning she was working at the gym through school, so she mustn't have gone away to study.
"I did. I didn't go. After Freddie told me how I felt, well I couldn't just leave. I took my third choice and stayed in Bristol. The day I graduated he got down on one knee and proposed." She's smiling as she talks about him proposing, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. "So we set a date… two years seemed like a million miles away back then. More wine?" She doesn't give me a chance to answer as she hastily gets up and goes to the kitchen. She comes back in with the bottle and sits it down on the table in front of us. We're both sitting on the sofa, which is little more than the size of a loveseat, facing each other with our legs tucked under us. Our knees are just about touching and my jeans brush against her bare leg as I move to pick up my wine glass. She dips her head, focusing intently on her wine instead of looking at me.
Ok, I'm not crazy. There is something there between us. I can feel it! I'm not making this shit up! "Do you still want to marry him?" I already know the answer. It's written all over her face as she finally looks up at me. She shakes her head and I don't miss the way her eyes drop to my lips. My heart is pounding so loudly in my chest that I almost miss what she says to me next.
"I lied to you." She admits in little more than a whisper. I have to lean in closer to hear her and that is the absolute wrong thing to do as our arms brush up against each other. The smell of her perfume is intoxicating and the warmth of her body pressing against my side is too much. I'm going to do something stupid again; I just know I am.
"When I said I was straight, I lied. I used to be bi…I guess I still am. It just doesn't matter anymore, because I'm with Freddie and I'm getting married next month…" She swallows hard as she carries on staring at me. I have no idea what I'm meant to say to that. My mouth opens and closes but I can't get any words to come out. My mind is reeling from what Emily's just told me. She's not straight.
She's not straight and that changes everything. I'm suddenly reconsidering every light touch and every friendly smile she's ever given me. I kissed her and instead of running a mile afterwards she seeks me out and she invites me over for dinner when she knows her fiancé is going to be out. I thought her asking me over was just her way of telling me that things were fine between us and she still wanted to help me, but now I don't know what to think. I don't know what to think about anything anymore. Me, Emily, Effy, Freddie; none of it makes any sense anymore. It's all just one big mess that's going to blow up in our faces.
Emily lights the fuse as she leans in so close to me that our noses are touching. Her eyes drops back down to my mouth as her tongue darts across her lips. I feel like I can barely breathe as she lifts her gaze again and our eyes lock. If I move my head just a little our lips will be touching; Emily's lips move first though and we're sitting so close that they graze against mine as she finally confides in me. "I'm getting married, but I can't stop thinking about you."