A/N: So I kind of completely forgot about this fic, until today. Sorry for the long wait for an update! There are only a couple of chapters left, and I'm determined to finish them in the next few weeks. As ever, thanks for reading.
Tan.
"She thinks I'm the one who's been fucking Freddie, you cock!" I start to slam my balled fists against Cook's chest and just don't stop. I could see it on Emily's face. The way she looked at me. What else was she supposed to think? She knows Freddie has been having an affair, and neither of us admitted to knowing each other when she introduced us; people with nothing to hide don't have to lie. I have to fix this! I have to tell Emily the truth, all of it. Even if she still hates me afterwards, she just needs to know what's been going on.
"Naomi!" Cook finally gets fed up off me hitting him and grabs hold of my wrists to stop me. "We'll fix it. I'll tell her-"
"You've fucking done enough!" I shove him away from me in disgust. I don't want Cook anywhere near me right now. "I suggest you go warn your boy that his dirty little secret is out; Emily's dad is probably going to have his nuts on a plate!"
I don't have to worry too much about Rob Fitch, he's not the type of bloke who would hit a woman. I've just got Katie to worry about. When she hears about all of this she's probably going to come rip me a new one.
I leave Cook outside of the gym and take a slow walk home. My legs are still aching from running over and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be paying for my impromptu marathon tomorrow; I'll be paying for my lies for a hell of a lot longer though.
I trudge through the front door of the flat and spot Freddie's shoes in the passage. He must have picked Effy up from work. A deep sigh escapes my lips as I head in to the living room. The happy couple are curled up on the sofa, oblivious to the shit storm going on outside. Effy's the first one to look up and notice me hovering uncertainly by the door. "Hey, Freddie's staying over tonight. Is that okay with you?" Since when does she have to ask me if he can stay? All of the arguing we've been doing lately must finally be taking its toll.
"It's fine. He can stay as long as he wants...he might need to."
Freddie looks up at that, a slight frown playing on his face. His eyes are bleary from sitting in front of the telly in the dark and from the stubble on his chin it doesn't look like he shaved this morning. He looks as run down as I feel; all of this lying is getting the better of us. Maybe we'll both sleep better tonight, knowing the truth is finally out there.
"What did you do?" His eyes narrow on me, taking in the absolute state that I must look like. I cried most of the way home, so my mascara is probably running down my cheeks.
"Nothing. I didn't do anything!"
"Naomi?" Effy calls after me as I turn around and head off to my room. I hear raised voices behind me as Freddie shouts at me and Effy chastises him. I really don't care though. I don't owe him any explanations. He can call Cook if he wants some answers.
I flop down on to my bed and curl in on myself, hugging one of my pillows to my chest as I try not to let out the scream that's building up in my chest. Everything's so fucked up. I've lost Emily, but Freddie gets to keep Effy. He gets to be happy. Once all of the dust settles, he'll still have her and I'll be alone.
"Naomi?" My door opens a crack and light from the hallway spills in to the room as Effy slips inside. I feel the bed shift as she perches on the end of it and starts rubbing my back. "What's going on?" I shake my head, not ready to
talk about it. I just want to be left on my own. In fact, right now I just want the ground to open up and swallow me whole. Effy doesn't try and push me to talk. She just curls up next to me on the bed and continues to softly stroke my back as I try not to start screaming in to my pillow.
At some point I must have fallen asleep, because when my eyes crack open I'm all on my own. Effy must have thrown the blankets over me before she left. I feel groggy from falling asleep so early and the room is far too hot, so I kick at the blankets until they fall away from me. Letting out a heavy sigh, I lie on my back and stare up at the ceiling, counting all of the ways I managed to screw things up with Emily. I had chance after chance to tell her about what was going on with Freddie, but I bottled out every time; it really comes to something when Cook is the one taking the moral fucking high ground.
A glance at the clock on my bedside table tells me it's a little after five. It's far too early to be getting ready for work, but to be honest I don't really feel like going in to the office today. I make up my mind to call my boss later and tell him I'm working from home today. He'll probably bitch about me taking more time off, but he can fucking sack me for all I care right now.
I pull myself out of bed and stumble over to the door. The muscles in my calves are tight and my left knee is throbbing like a bitch, a painful reminder of yesterday afternoon's run. I've worked up a pretty good pace on the treadmills at the gym, but running on a machine is nothing like pounding the pavement. I manage to drag my aching body in to the living room and find it thankfully empty. Freddie's shoes are still out in the hallway so he must have stayed over. He'll probably be staying over a lot more now that his fiancée knows for sure he's being playing away; I just wish Emily knew the whole truth.
There's a deep ache starting behind my left eye, a sure sign that I've got a migraine coming on. Usually I would just go back to bed and try to sleep it off, but I feel too agitated for that, like I've had too much sleep already. That's one of the many joys of the Fibromyalgia; the endless battle between feeling exhausted and having insomnia at the same time.
Things have been so much better for the last couple of months, thanks to Emily. I've been sleeping better, and actually feeling like I've had some sleep. I've had more energy in the mornings and the simple stretching exercises she taught me to do at my desk have stopped me from seizing up while I'm at work. Emily's done more for me in a few weeks than any doctor's been able to do in a lifetime. Maybe some of it's just psychosomatic, like being around her helps me to focus on something other than the pain running throughout my body. Right now the pain in my chest is worse than anything I've ever felt before. I don't know how much longer I can feel like this without completely losing it.
I curl up on the sofa with one of the cushions tucked protectively in front of me. I'm not sure how long I lie there, just staring up at the ceiling and waiting for it to be a more respectable hour for me to try calling Emily. She never replied to any of my calls or texts yesterday, but I'm hoping she might have calmed down enough to listen to me now. If I can just make her understand that I wasn't involved in the way she thinks...
"Hey." Effy appears out of her room, closing the door quietly behind her so as not to wake a sleeping Freddie up. "Can't sleep?" She asks as she takes a seat on the end of the sofa, throwing her legs up over mine. We've lived together long enough for her to know my habits. I usually get up and wander around the flat in the middle of the night when I'm stressed, or too wired to sleep.
"I had a few hours." I shrug at her. I don't feel much like talking right now. We lapse in to a strained silence; which is all the more awkward because silence has never been forced with Effy. We've been friends for years and we've always been comfortable with each other; but right now I don't think I want to be anywhere near her or Freddie. "I think I'm going to go to the gym. I need to speak to Em. I need to tell her the truth."
"If you think that's a good idea." Effy shrugs, not really offering her own opinion on the subject. I don't care what she thinks. I need to make things right with Emily. I can't lose her from my life, not like this. Sure, I might have lied to her about a few things, but it's not like Iwas the one fucking her fiancé.
My mind is made up, so I go get showered and changed. It's too early for the bus, so I take a slow walk in to town and reach the gym not long after it opens. My favourite receptionist is sitting behind her desk, just inside the door. I feel a lump forming in my throat as I approach the turnstiles, wondering if my wrist fob will even work. What if Emily already told her parents? What if they've revoked my membership? What if Katie Fitch tries to attack me with a kettle-ball?
All of these thoughts are racing through my mind as I approach the check-in. The bitchy receptionist doesn't even bother to glance up as I scan my fob and the turnstile beeps. A little green light appears and I'm able to walk through. I breathe a heavy sigh of relief as I make it in to the gym without being stopped.
My elation doesn't last very long though. "Naomi!" I'm barely through the door when I hear Rob Fitch calling out to me. He jogs over and there's no trace of his usual jovial smile. "Hello luv, if you're meant to be meeting Emily she's called in sick today. I'm not sure what's up. She didn't say much over the phone."
"Oh. Right." So she hasn't told her dad then. I've still got a chance of making it out of the gym alive. I start trying to back up, but Rob's not about to let me go so easily.
"Hold up, I've got an hour free if you want to come work out with me? Em's been telling me how well you're coming on-"
"Oh, thanks Rob, but I haven't got my stuff. I just came by before work to see Emily." I'm glad I threw on some dress pants and put on a shirt underneath my long black work jacket, so it at least looks like I'm on my way to work. "I'll give her a call later."
"You know, Em doesn't have many friends. Keeps herself to herself that one; she's lucky to have you." Rob offers me a warm smile and I feel my insides twisting in response. I'm not sure Emily would agree with him right now.
"Thanks Rob. I'll see you soon." I walk out of the gym, knowing I'll probably never come back. I won't be welcome once Emily's family find out the truth. I can't believe I'm actually going to miss dragging myself to the gym three times a week; though if I'm honest, I'll miss Rob more than I'll miss his morning Boot Camp class.
My head is all over the place as I cross the car park. I'm too distracted to notice the pint sized tornado heading my way. It's almost too late when I look up and come face to face with Katie Fitch. "What did you do, bitch?" She shoves me back, hard. I stumble back as I try to keep my footing.
"What the fuck?" I snap back at her, taking my foul mood out on Emily's slightly older sister. My shoulders are aching from the shove, but I don't let it show. Katie Fitch is like a fucking grizzly bear, you can't show fear in front of those things.
"What did you do?" She demands again, standing in front of me with her hands on her hips. I'm not sure how much she knows, so I'm not about to hang myself by answering her. "Emily didn't show up for work today, and I know it's got something to do with you! She's been fucking weird since you started showing up. So what's going on? Are you perving on my sister, is that it? Well?" She's right up in my face and I can't take it. Not right now.
"Just fuck off, Katie. I'm not in the mood." I try to make myself bigger as I stand up straight, square my shoulders and go to shove past her. The oldest twin doesn't budge though.
"I know you're a dyke!"She spits at me as she grabs hold of the top of my arm, and I seed red; I fucking hate that word.
"And Emily isn't?" I snap back, without really thinking.
Katie stumbles back, like I've just physically slapped her. Her eyes go wide and her lips purse like a floundering fish. "Emily's not gay! She had a phase-"
"Oh for fuck's sake, Katie! When are you going to see how fucking miserable your sister is? She's trying so hard to be the person everyone else wants her to be that she's staying with a man she doesn't even love! She doesn't want to be with Freddie! She wants to be with me! At least, she did..." I feel hot tears stinging at my eyes as I let it all out.
Katie is completely silent; and that worries me more than having her screaming at me. She doesn't say a word, and she doesn't make a move to get out of my way either. I'm actually worried that her head might be about to explode. "Katie-"
"Do you love her? Are you in love with my sister?" She's staring at me with a blank expression that is impossible to read. I'm worried to answer either way, but lying hasn't exactly gotten me very far lately.
"I am... I'm in love with Emily."
Katie seems to deflate right in front of me. She lets out of a huff of air as she shakes her hear and looks down at the ground in defeat. "I don't know what's going on. She called this morning and said she wasn't coming in. There's something up with her and Freddie. She wouldn't talk to me about it, just asked me not to speak to you if I saw you."
"Good to see you listened, as usual." It's a cheap shot, but I've never been any good at holding my tongue.
Katie shoots me a sour look, but she stops herself from going off at me again. It seems like we've found ourselves in some strange kind of truce. "She's at home right now. Can you just go and sort out whatever the hell is going on?"
"I'm not sure I can." I admit in a quiet voice. Emily thinks I've been playing her while having some kind of affair with Freddie. I'm not even sure where to start when it comes to making all of this shit right.
"Fucking try!" Katie growls back at me. "If you're so in love with her, prove it! Fucking sort it out, yeah? Or I'll be sorting you out!" She shoves me again before stalking off towards the gym; I guess that's the end of our truce then. She's right though. I have to at least try and explain everything to Emily. I need to tell her the whole truth. She can decide whether to talk to me again once she knows all the facts.
It doesn't take me long to get to Emily's place. I'm pretty sure she's still home, seeing as her car is on the drive, but she doesn't answer the door. I ring the bell a couple of times, and even try knocking with the letterbox, but she doesn't answer. I don't blame her. I wouldn't want anything to do with me either. That doesn't mean I'm about to give up though.
"Emily..." I call out, hoping she's can hear me from inside. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm so sorry! I know what you think, but you're wrong! I wasn't seeing Freddie, I could never do that to you. I knew he was cheating, but I swear it wasn't with me... Please Em, just open the door and let me explain." I slump forward against the front door and rest my forehead on one of the glass panels.
A shadow moves in the hall and catches my attention as I hastily step back. The door opens, revealing Emily behind it. She stands there in her pyjamas, her face free from make-up and her eyes red raw from crying. She's still as stunning as ever. She crosses her arms over her chest and stares me down with big brown eyes that are harder than I've ever seen them. "I'm listening." I wasn't exactly expecting a heart-to-heart on her doorstep, but it doesn't look like she's about to invite me inside.
"I knew Freddie before I met you. I didn't knows you were his fiancée until that first time I saw him at the gym-"
"That was over two weeks ago." Her expression doesn't soften in the slightest as she carries on glaring at me.
"I know, and I'm sorry." I shuffle nervously from one foot to the other, expecting her to slam the door on my face at any second. "I know you won't believe me, but I was coming to tell you the truth yesterday, before Cook opened his big mouth...I don't know what else to say to you Em; other than I've been crazy about you since the moment I met you. You're all I can think about, and it will kill me to walk away right now, but I will. If that's what you want." I choke up, my chest tightening with anxiety.
She doesn't say anything for the longest time, and I'm terrified that she's going to tell me to go. Eventually she lets out a heavy sigh as she steps aside and opens the door wider. "It's not...that's not what I want."