California Girl

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Chapter Song Jason Mraz

13. If It Kills Me

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And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me, if it kills me, if it kills me
I think it might kill me...

Carmen POV

Call me crazy, but was... was Embry's butt...

Familiar?

God.

I'm a psycho!

And he noticed me looking, too!

I originally just wanted to see if you could read the writing I did on his back while he was sleeping.

'Carmen Margarita Bird is the greatest, most prettiest babe ever and I looooove her!'

God, I hope his mom didn't see that.

Then, my eyes wandered to his boxer shorts and I just...

Don't get me wrong, his butt is nice and all... but...

It's fricken familiar.

I haven't seen his butt before, I'm sure. I mean, I only saw his abs today-

His abs.

*Swoon*

That was a nice surprise.

I opened his window easily and climbed inside. I looked up to see him lying in bed, his pecks and abs just... there.

I just stood there staring forever. He was SO hot! It exceeded all of my expectations! Embry was too good looking.

I mean, come on, I'm trying to be his friend. I kind of have a boyfriend.

Mr Wolf-

Wait a fricken second...

I have to see Embry's butt again.

And Mr Wolf's.

"Carmen?" I turned to see Embry walk into the living room. Shirtless. "You okay?"

Pecks.

"I'm fine..."

Abs.

"You sure?" He chuckled, before walking over. "So? Beach?"

"Y-Yeah... I left a bag in your truck." I murmured, walking passed him, doing my best to avoid touching him, because I was sure I'd jump him.

On our way to the beach, walking through the woods, I thought back to what had happened right after Mr Wolf had left after we'd kissed.

God, my wolf was hot.

After whistling as loud as I could to grasp at some sort of my usual badass-ness, I carried the blankets and the plate up to my house, the joy of finally kissing such a beautiful wolf (and man from what I've seen (ass)) was replaced by confusion.

Why the hell had kissing Mr Wolf felt so... familiar?

I couldn't figure it out.

Maybe it felt familiar because...

No.

It couldn't be.

I wouldn't accept it.

I would not accept that Embry was...

No! He would have told me...

But...

Would it be nice for Embry and Mr Wolf to be the same person...

Maybe...

No!

Yes.

Sort of.

"Whatcha thinking about?" He asked, holding a branch out of the way so that I could walk passed him.

You being the wolf I'm in love with.

"Nothing... you?"

"Nothing."

It seemed like we were both lying about that.

Maybe he was as concerned as I was about people thinking we were dating.

Oh god.

We did act like a couple.

We went to see chick flicks together and shared desserts at the diner.

We kissed. A lot. (Though we hadn't really in a while).

The only thing that wasn't couple-y about us was the fact that I was torn between him and Mr Wolf, because, oddly enough, I felt the same way about both of them, despite knowing more about Embry.

Maybe that meant that me and Mr Wolf were more made for each other.

I don't know.

I. Don't. Know!

I sat with Jared and Kim, playing with a ball I stole off a group of twelve year olds when no one was looking. I was trying to give them a bit of privacy, but they were practically doing it (and it was hilarious when Kim realized people were around and blushed)!

I watched as Embry played football with all of the Pack, looking hot. Ugh. Again, I need a cold shower.

I shook my head, trying to get rid of the thoughts of Embry that would make Nessie scream, and watched as Quil tackled Logan, then, as Logan tried to fight Quil, Embry helped to take Logan back down. I laughed and turned my head to see Seth and Scarlett walking out of the woods.

"Hunter!" I threw my ball as hard as I could, hitting Scarlett. "Can you pass me my ball?" I smirked when she scowled, before picking it up and chuckling, whispering something to Seth. Before he could respond, Embry walked passed them and said something to her, taking my ball.

"Hey." He whispered, sitting beside me. I took my ball and threw it up into the air, catching it as it came back down, desperately trying to distract myself from his beautiful body.

"So, you been kicked out of the Cullen house? Can't say I blame them." I smirked, playing with my ball.

"No, actually, Carlisle just didn't trust himself around me anymore." She said, and I put my ball down. I shook my head.

"Liar."

"Cat fight!" Jared laughed. Kim hit him, which made him laugh. "If you got involved, I might bring myself to watch..."

"Jared!" Her blush was so adorable that I felt myself 'aw-ing'. "You're so embarrassing."

"You love when I embarrass you." He kissed her cheek, then whispered, "I love everything about you."

"Please stop being cute." Scarlett groaned as she and Seth sat down. I glared at her, before looking back at Jared and Kim.

"It's sweet!" I informed them.

"Call!" Quil yelled, waving his arms at Embry. "You can't just ditch like that!"

"Go." Embry ordered Seth. Seth shook his head, looking heartbroken, making me laugh.

"Why me?!" He sounded like a four year old, which made me giggle.

"Because I've had to deal with Quil all day and Kim and Jared are too cute to separate." Embry told him. I felt myself grin as he looked at me. He did that for me.

"Yay!" I made a point of cheering and pressing my shoulder into Embry's, before I went back to watching Kim and Jared being precious.

"Stop it, please." Kim mumbled. Jared just chuckled and kissed her again.

"Aw!"

"We're cute!" Seth whined, making me laugh. Scarlett shook her head. I laughed again.

"Not as cute as Kared."

"Kared?" Scarlett laughed.

"Well, Jim's already a name and I didn't want to be that freak that combines names to create new names." I turned to look at Jacob and Nessie as they sat down the beach, glaring at me, as if they could hear me.

It's not my fault. I mean, come on, Renesmee? Her parents want me to make fun of her.

"Sceth or Selett. I like Sceth." I nodded my head, confirming my choice.

"Me too." Embry grinned at me. I pressed my shoulder to his again, nodding at his choice.

"So... Carmbry?" Scarlett said, and my head snapped forward. WHY DID EVERYONE THINK WE WERE A COUPLE?

"Or Embren..." I HATE SCETH.

"No." I said as calmly as possible.

"...But... Aren't you two dating? Embry, did you lie to me?" Scarlett said, honestly. My jaw dropped, and I felt myself glare at Embry.

HE WAS NOT TELLING PEOPLE WE WERE DATING!

"We. Are. Not. Dating!" I stood up and walked down the beach, straight to Leah, who was watching the football game. I sat beside her, my arms crossed.

"What's your problem?" She said with a knowing smile, as if she'd heard what we were saying, which she couldn't have from way over here.

"Embry's telling everyone we're dating and-!"

"Yeah, he told me that." She nodded her head, turning her head away from me.

"That jerk!" I whined. Leah smirked, but then her eyes fell back to the game, and they glazed over.

"Carmen!" Embry said as he stood next to me. I kept my face forward, 'watching' the football game, my arms crossed. "I didn't say that, she was lying-"

"Go away." I told him. He sighed and sat down.

"Uh, Leah?" He said, looking at her. She turned her head back to us and simply shook her head.

"I was here first."

"Fine." Embry sighed again. "Carmen, will you-?"

"I'm not moving either."

"Sure, you are." Leah said, glancing at me. Her eyes told me that she wanted me to leave.

"Fine. I'll go." I stood up and dusted the sand off of my dress. "Just when I thought we could be friends."

"I'll live."

I glared at the top of her head, before turning to Embry, who was now standing. I glared at him, before walking back up to the trees.

"Mr Wolf?" I yelled, looking around. I'd began looking for him when I hit the trees, since Embry had hung back to talk to Jared, before turning his head, trying to see his back.

"Carmen?"

"Mr-!" I spun around, but only Embry stood there. He smiled gently, and I suddenly felt stupid.

He heard me yelling for Mr Wolf.

Unless he is Mr Wolf.

"Go away." I crossed my arms and turned back around. Suddenly, heat covered my back, and hot arms went around my waist.

"The woods are dangerous." He mumbled, lifting me up so that my feet dangled in the air. I kicked them back and forth, trying to get him to put me down.

"Let go!" I yelled, trying to pry his arms open, but he wouldn't release me.

I stopped fighting as we walked out of the woods and he put me down, keeping an arm around my waist, pulling me with him. When we got to his house, I stopped moving my legs, trying to stand still, but he kept pushing my waist, and I almost fell down. He picked me up in bridal carry and took me inside.

"Embry, this is kidnap." I informed him, but he stayed silent as he walked up the stairs and into his room. He put me down on his bed, sitting next to me.

"Sorry." He mumbled, looking down. I sighed and took his hand. He inhaled deeply, looking up, surprised. I smiled at his expression, before shuffling closer.

"Embry... I-I don't want to..."

"It's okay. I know." He whispered, lightly brushing his lips against my cheek, before putting his arm around my shoulders and pulling me onto his chest and he lay down. "It's okay."

"Well, I'll call you." I lifted his arm up from around my waist and sat up. I glanced out of the window to see that it was still dark out.

We'd fallen asleep, and I'd suddenly realized how awkward it was that I was I lying on him, in his bed. He probably didn't want me there, especially not sleeping over, plus, he'd see me at my worst.

"What?" Embry's arm moved back around my waist and pulled me back to him. "Stay." He mumbled into the pillow, his eyes closed. I smiled at how cute he was, and leaned down to kiss his cheek.

"No, I have to go home." I tried to pry his arm away, but this time he had a firm hold.

"Why? Grammy won't notice... if she does then I'll make Quil go and get in your bed and pretend to be you."

"It's not just that..." I mumbled, trying to pull his arm off again, but he merely held tighter. "I mean, your mom..." His eyes opened and he sat up, his arm staying around my waist.

"What time is it?" He rubbed his eyes. I grabbed my bag from the floor and snaked out my phone.

"One AM."

His eyebrows furrowed.

"She should be home by now." He stood up from the bed, walking to his bedroom door and opening it, sticking his head out. He walked out into the hall, and I quickly moved to follow him.

We went downstairs, and I let out a small scream when Embry stopped dead in front of me, making me crash into his rock hard back. I went on my tiptoes and looked over his shoulder to see his mom sitting on the couch, her back to us.

"Mom?" He said, quietly, walking in.

"Oh, you're awake." She said, her voice flat.

"Mom... we weren't..."

"Just go back to bed, Embry."

"Ms Call, I-"

"No. Don't. Just go."

Embry grabbed my arm, pulling me back out of the room and up the staircase.

"Is everything okay?" I murmured as Embry closed the door to his room. He shook his head before pulling into a hug, his face in my neck. I put my arms around him and rubbed his back. "Embry?"

"It's fine." He mumbled into my hair. I breathed in his scent, trying to act calm as I took in his amazingly perfect woodsy smell. He smelled like something familiar, but I couldn't quite place what.

"I... I think I should go." I said, quietly. He sighed into my hair, then pulled away, keeping his arms around me.

"Yeah... I'm sorry about tonight."

"It's fine... really..." I leaned up and, without thinking, brushed my lips over his jaw. "Just make sure you call me tomorrow."

"Of course!"

"You have to promise."

"Promise."

The next two weeks were, in short, perfect... In a weird way.

I spent half my time with Embry and the other half with Mr Wolf. He never turned back into a human, which was kind of weird. I wondered if it had something to do with when I told him about how familiar Embry was looking to me.

Of course, I left out the whole 'I was totally perving on him all day, you wouldn't believe it' part...

But, anyway...

"Hey sweetie." Grammy smiled gently as I sat on the couch. "Your mother called earlier."

I frowned a little. I'd not spoken to my parents a lot since they shipped me off here. We talked on the phone once a week, but other than that, we didn't speak. I was still hurt, even though I loved La Push (oh my god, I can't believe I'm actually admitting that).

I knew they'd probably be calling to see when I would be going home for the summer, but to be honest, I didn't want to leave.

I didn't want to leave Grammy, a woman I'd not spoken to for years, but was now someone I didn't know if I could be without. She was so... understanding. So... friendly. So... much like what family should mean. Her little house was more home than I'd ever felt in our apartment.

I didn't want to leave my friends. I loved my friends here, even if a large handful of them were weird freaks and an even larger handful didn't really like me. I loved them no matter what... More than my friends back home.

I didn't want to leave Mr Wolf or Embry. I loved them both... differently than my other friends... I couldn't imagine spending time away from them. I never had, and I sure as hell didn't want to.

Ever.

God, you sound like a clingy virgin.

I laughed at the thought of once thinking of Embry like that.

Firstly, he wasn't clingy-

Well, he was, but so was I, now. We spent a lot of time together and he was my best friend, more so than anyone I'd ever known.

Secondly, he was a virgin, but if he wasn't... I had the strangest feeling that I'd punch the bitch who he'd slept with.

Like I said, I was clingy.

"Mmm." I cleared my throat, avoiding her eyes.

"They miss you, Carmy. I don't blame them." When I looked up she was grinning. "I'll miss you when you go home."

"I don't really think I should... I mean, I'll get a taste for it... and I'd have to come back here."

"Sure." She laughed, before going back to her TV show. "Are you going to call them back?"

"I will tomorrow..." I murmured.

"Are you going to call Embry?"

"Why would I call Embry?"

"That boy is quite taken with you, Carmen, and you with him, don't wait too long." She turned to look at me in that moment, and her eyes seemed so intense that I shivered.

"Um... I'm gonna..." I trailed off, nodding my head at the hall to my room. She nodded and turned back to the TV. "Night..."

"Night, dear."

I walked to Embry's, my hands in my pockets as I turned up his street. I was almost at his house when I saw something at his open bedroom window.

Embry fell out of his window.

I felt my jaw drop as I sprinted up to him.

"Embry!" I grabbed his shoulders, checking his body for any signs of injury. He was fine, standing on two feet. "How the hell did you do that?"

"What are you doing here?" He asked, ignoring my question. I wondered if he was in shock from falling down...

Or if he'd jumped.

It kinda looked like he jumped...

But no one's that stupid, right?

You don't jump when there's a tree right by your window...

"I came to see you!" I hugged him close. "I thought you were gonna die or something!"

"I'm fine." He laughed.

"You fell out your window." I mumbled, chuckling slightly.

"Fell? Oh, oh, yeah... I fell..."

"You're an idiot." I pulled back from his burning skin to realize that he was, again, shirtless. "Wanna hang out?"

His face brightened, then fell, and he looked down. "I can't."

"What? Why?" I felt so stupid for being so hurt.

"I have to... be somewhere..."

"Where?" I was prying, but I didn't care.

"Nowhere."

"Embry!"

"It's nothing..." He murmured. I didn't believe him, which pissed me off.

"Why are you lying? Where are you going?" I didn't know why, but I felt... jealous... "Are you going on a... date, or something?"

"What? No-!"

"Where are you going, then?"

"Just the Cullen house-"

"Why wasn't I invited?" I didn't mean to let the hurt come out in my voice, so I cleared my throat and flipped my hair back over my shoulder. "I mean, I wanna see the hot doctor."

"What?" His eyes shot to mine, now he looked hurt.

"Take me with you?"

"No..." He sounded pained, but I didn't care.

"But I wanna go."

"I think you should stay here, in La Push."

"I wanna go."

"Carmen-!"

"I wanna go!"

Well, I don't know what you guys will think of this, but I can't wait to find out! Please review, let me know what you think! I'll update ASAP! :D thanks!