So this was going to be a one chapter fic but I decided to write a second chapter. I dont know if i will continue this or not but after i wrote this i decided i wanted to put it in. Please Review. Tell me if i should continue.
Mordred awoke to the sound of an argument. "Merlin what do you mean you 'just found him in the woods'" Arthur growled. You keep saying the same things. You won't tell me why you or Mordred were out there but claim Morgana did this to him. How do you know it was her if you weren't there when it happened?"
"Arthur you dollop-head just listen." merlin grumbled.
"I told him" Mordred interrupted. "I told him it was Morgana when I woke up earlier." He could feel Merlin scowling. "What story did you tell him?" Mordred mentally asked Merlin.
"Not anything really, just that I found you in the forest and that Morgana did it." Merlin said.
"Why were you outside the walls?" Arthur asked. Mordred sighed.
"I'm a druid Arthur. I've spent my entire life living with nature. I've been busy the last few days and needed some time to myself. The forest relaxes me. I know it was late but I left before the sun went down and lost track of time. I was on my way back when I ran into Morgana." It made Merlin uncomfortable that Mordred was such a good liar.
"You should have told someone you were going" Arthur scolded.
"I mean no disrespect sire but I didn't want to have someone come with me. We are at war and people fear the forest. I needed this time for myself. Unfortunately it appears I made a bad choice in the matter." Arthur seamed to remember his knight was badly injured, crippled and blind.
"I'll let you rest" Arthur said. "I'm leaving Merlin to help you for the next few days." He paused. "I have seen what injury can do to a knight. I've seen great men lose themselves because they lost the ability to fight. Do not go down that road. If you ever need to… talk… I'll be here for you."
"Sire are you offering to talk about feelings?" Mordred asked in a teasing tone normally reserved for Merlin. Sure enough he heard the other boy trying to stifle a chuckle.
"You're right" Arthur said in a manly voice. "If you need to talk about feelings it's best to talk with a girl. Merlin will be the one to listen."
"Hey!" Merlin shouted. Mordred chuckled. This was good. As long as he kept himself distracted he wouldn't need to think about the things going through his mind. The door shut as the king left the room. "I will be here for you" Merlin said lightly, placing a hand on Mordred's shoulder. It was a kind gesture even if there was still some hesitance. Merlin did not trust him yet. He said he'd give them a try but it would take time. That Mordred knew.
"Thank you" Mordred said. Merlin began to stroke Mordred's hair, humming softly. It was soothing almost like a lullaby.
"What are you humming?" Mordred asked, yawning.
"It's a song my mother used to hum for me when I was sick." Merlin said, a smile in his voice. Mordred smiled back. He didn't want to admit how hard this was. He wanted so badly to look at Merlin, to see his beautiful smile or even a glare. But his world was black and he knew no magic could fix him, not when he was this far gone.
"What was she like?" Mordred asked.
"She was kind" Merlin started. "She loved me like any mother should. She was there for me when things got bad, when I couldn't control my magic. It was hard for me when I was young. I used to have nightmares that I killed everyone in my village because of my magic. It was terrifying. But when I woke she would hum and run her fingers through my hair and I would fall back to sleep." Merlin sighed.
"Tell me about your home" Mordred said, smiling in Merlin's general direction.
"Why?" Merlin asked.
"I want to know why you're this way." Mordred said. Merlin removed his hand. "NO I didn't mean it in a bad way." Mordred stuttered out. "I just meant, you grew up alone and scared. I know that much but somehow you became Emrys. You selflessly fight for a kingdom that's laws state you should have been executed the moment you were born. You didn't even know the prophecy. You came to Camelot and fought. You're a good man. Not many people could go through what you did and stay kind."
"I think it was my mother" Merlin sighed, going back to petting Mordred. "She always made me know I was good. I thought myself evil for so long but she didn't believe that. I grew up having to hide what she called a gift. I didn't think it was a gift but she said it was beautiful. I used to grow flowers in our house. I was two years old and little yellow flowers kept popping up in our dirt floor. My mom had no idea how it was happening until one day she saw flower popping up wherever I crawled." Merlin chuckled. "She loved me. That's what kept me good."
"Tell me a story" Mordred said lightly.
"Only if you tell me one too" Merlin chuckled. Mordred frowned. He made it a point not to think about his past. It was too painful. But he nodded. If anyone would accept him it was Merlin. Most people wouldn't think it'd make sense, the one person who would accept you is the one that doesn't trust you. But Merlin didn't need to trust him to sympathies.
"What do you want to know?" Mordred asked, his voice rough from his screams.
"Where did you go after…Camelot?" He asked, feeling awkward.
"That's a long story" Mordred whispered. It was also a hard story to tell.
"You don't have to tell me" Merlin said sadly. Mordred shook his head.
"It's ok. I'll have to talk about it eventually." Mordred said. He paused thinking of where to begin. "After I got away I just ran. I don't know for how long. Days and nights shifted together. I didn't eat or drink, I just ran. Those first few weeks are blurry, I didn't have enough energy in me to understand where I was going. I was so angry. I blamed you. You almost let me die. It was irrational but I blamed you for my father's death." Mordred breathed in deeply. That was the first time he'd spoken about that out loud. "It wasn't until I collapsed in a river that I finally drank. I finally started to care of myself. I knew to survive I'd need to push aside the pain. It went well for a few months. I lived in a little cave up in the northern mountains. I hunted small animals and drank from a lake only meters from my cave.
But then bandits came through. They took refuge in my cave. I was so scared. I didn't use magic anymore. Every time I used it I thought of my father. IT didn't even cross my mind to escape using it. Instead I hid behind a bolder in the very back of the cave. They stayed for two days. I never moved once. When the finally left I decided I needed to move. I needed to go somewhere no one would ever find me. I spent the next year walking, just walking. I stayed away from towns. I never stayed in one place more than three nights. I drowned my sadness in rage. I wanted so bad to kill you." A whimper sounded in the back of his throat. "I'm sorry" Mordred whimpered.
It tore Merlin apart to see such a strong man reduced to a crying mess. "Shhh, it's ok" Merlin whispered, kissing the other boy on the cheek. Mordred grunted and continued talking. Merlin could tell he wasn't talking to him anymore. He was reliving it.
"A druid camp found me and took me in. They threw me out a few months later…"
"Why" Merlin asked shocked. "Druids are a kind people.
"I scared them" Mordred said lightly. "They felt my anger. It radiated off me with my magic. They feared I'd hurt the other children. I don't know why they'd think that though. I never spent a moment with the other children. I spent most of my days alone near the river. The day after they banished me I was picked up by some bandits. They were drunk from nearby town. They pushed me around. They were upset they hadn't gotten woman at the bar… They used me instead." Merlin gasped. Mordred just kept talking. "They must have liked it because they kept me. I lost it after the second time. I couldn't fight anymore. I didn't try to run. I let them drag me wherever they went. There were so many. I remember every part of them. It was the worst three years of my life.
"Three years" Merlin whispered. Mordred didn't seem to fell Merlin's hands shaking.
"But I got too old. I began looking more like a boy. I wasn't so soft and malleable anymore. I don't think I would have made it through that winter if I hadn't spent so many years on my own. I didn't have anything. They left me in the snow to die. They even took my clothes. They thought they could get a bit of money selling the cloth. I found shelter with some wild dogs. They could sense my desperation. I killed a dear and made my clothes from its fir. My father used to sell furs at markets. I knew how to properly clean and prepare them. When winter was over it was safe for me to leave the den and find civilization. I didn't need the warmth of the dogs to keep me from freezing to death.
When I found a town I must have looked feral because the residents acted frightened. Finally I spoke to someone who didn't just run away. They got me proper clothes and I stayed with them for a while. He and his wife were old. If they had been druids it would have been the young's job to take care of them. Those were happy times. I had a family again. I wasn't being abused or living with animals. I hadn't been that happy since before I came to Camelot." Mordred sighed and looked up at Merlin.
"Lay with me" he whispered into the darkness. Merlin frowned but nodded. Mordred's gray eyes still looked up at him. With a shock Merlin remembered he was blind. This was terrible.
"Ok" Merlin said softly. He lay next to Mordred who rested his head on Merlin's chest. Merlin found his arms automatically circle the druid. "Tell me more" he said softly. He wanted to hear about something happy in Mordred's life. Mordred sniffled into Marlins shirt and began to speak again.
"I stayed with them until a sickness hit. I tried to save them. Everyone in the town was dying. I thought I could save them with my magic. I healed them but it was still Uther's land. They called me a monster. I didn't know until it was too late. The town came for me but I ran. I saw my pyre as I escaped the town. I traveled alone again, mourning the loss of more people I cared for. I was ambushed a few months later, captured by slave traders. They dragged me and several others south. They tried to sell us. The others sold. The men were strong and the women pretty. No one wanted me. They saw me for what I was, broken. I would have been no use as a slave. I had nothing left in me. I begged them to kill me. I wanted it to end but they didn't want to lose possible profit. They decided if they couldn't sell me they could use me." Mordred shuttered. "I thought they meant the way I was used when I was younger. I thank the gods they didn't but maybe if they did I would have found the courage to end it, to finally die.
I lived though. I worked with them. I think I lost who I was. I didn't see people any more. I saw the prisoners as things, nothing more." The shame in his voice was evident. "That changed though… when you came. I knew the two of you the moment I saw you. I saved you and gave you food. Arthur reminded me of the person I wanted to be and the person who I never wanted to become. I hate myself that I allowed myself to become the thing that I hated the most. When I was knighted I felt like I had a purpose again. I wasn't just someone's property. I was Mordred. I was free. It hurt me the way you looked at me. It hurt me even more when my feeling began to change.
I hated that I fell for you. But I couldn't help it. Your smile is more beautiful than any sunrise. You lips looked so soft. Your eyes were a blue as the sky and shone like the crystals in the cave of magic. But even more so you were brave, honorable, selfless and funny. You truly were the Emrys of legend." Mordred stopped and closed his eyes.
"I had no idea" Merlin gasped. Mordred finally noticed the other body shaking. He couldn't hear it but he realized Merlin was crying.
"Don't cry" Mordred said softly, placing his hand on Merlin's cheek. A smiled wiping away the tears. Everything turned out ok." Merlin tensed up.
"Everything did not turn out ok" he growled. "You're blind and burnt because of me. I caused you so much pain. I ruined your life."
"You did not cause morgana" Mordred said sternly, remembering the conversation Merlin and Gaius had had not long ago.
"I should have stepped in" Merlin cried. "I just watched as she hit you with spell after spell. Could have saved you."
"Not without revealing yourself" Mordred stated. "Not without putting Camelot in danger. You didn't hurt me Merlin you saved me. IF you hadn't been there I would have died. She would have done what she did ether way."
"I think you should rest" Merlin sighed "I'll stay if you want.
"That would be nice" Mordred mumbled. I am tired." They lay for a few minutes before Mordred spoke again. "I know there's nothing I can say to stop you from blaming yourself but I want you to know I forgive you. I forgive you for nearly letting me die. You didn't cause what happened after that but if you had I'd forgive that too. You're a good man Merlin. Never forget that."