A price to pay
When they get back to the castle, Francis sends his page to inform everyone that the queen is safe and back. He can see his mother at the other end of the hallway walking briskly towards them with an angry look on her face. So he just shouts out, "The queen is perfectly alright, no one can disturb her tonight". And with that he escorts her back to her chambers. Once the door closes behind them, he realizes that they are alone, in her bedchamber. She goes and sits on the couch and he awkwardly shifts his weight between his feet. He decides that he might also be disturbing her, so he says, "It has been a tiring day, Mary. You should get some sleep. Good night." Just as he turns around to leave,
"Why didn't you tell me about the blackmail?" Mary asks in a soft voice.
Francis stops in his tracks but doesn't turn around. He replies just as softly, "I've already told you. It was my crime, I couldn't let you be punished for it."
"Except that it wasn't just your crime was it?" Mary pushes on.
Francis turns around, shocked. He then looks at her and starts slowly, "I know you can't forgive me, and I have to accept that. I will spend the rest of my life trying to gain your forgiveness, your love, your trust again. What I can't accept, what I will not accept is you trying to lessen my guilt to try to convince yourself to forgive me." Mary begins to argue but Francis cuts her off, "I know you, Mary. I know that's exactly what you are doing. This is MY fault. I have destroyed us! Please stop confusing yourself about these things. All of this, whatever has happened, it's my fault."
"You weren't going to sign the edict were you?" Mary continues quietly.
Francis is baffled at her insistence to continue this conversation. What he says next is not a question but a statement, "You've spoken to Bash… That's what you were doing near the blood wood… I don't know what he told you but—"
This time Mary cuts him off, "He didn't know what to say… All he said was that you were going to take a stand against Narcisse about the edict, but then your hands were tied once he found evidence against Catherine and me as well." Francis grows quiet and looks down.
"He found out about our attempt on Henry's life during mass, didn't he?" Mary asks.
"Failed attempt." Francis adds bitterly, still looking down.
"I've been so blind… and foolish!" Mary gets up and shakes her head furiously.
"Mary, please stop doing this—", he insists as he takes another step back.
And so the dance begins. It was their usual fight dance, one they had gotten so used to that even now, unconsciously, it had started. Whenever either of them knew the other was close to breaking, they would move closer to the other, knowing full well what the resulting effect would be. And the other one would have no other option than to step backwards, forcing some physical space between them to uncloud their judgment.
Mary looks at him with tears in her eyes, but is actually speaking to herself "Going over our past conversations now, I can pin point exactly when Narcisse blackmailed you. All the going back and forth on your decisions… Why did I not see it then? Why did I just accept that you had changed? Why did I not trust you, trust us, enough to know that something else was going on?"
"It wasn't your fault, Mary… I was very convincing" he says with a hollow laugh but Mary looks far from amused. "I'm going to say this again and again, because you aren't listening to me, Mary. This was NOT your fault! None of it was your fault, or anyone else's. MY mistakes, MY choices, caused you this unimaginable pain, and I have to live with that. Stop trying to convince yourself, or me, otherwise."
"You should've told me" Mary cried out.
Francis sighs, "You know why I didn't tell you. Later on if you would've had to take an oath before God—"
Mary cuts him off impatiently, "I understand why you didn't tell me before. But, Francis, after Narcisse found out about Catherine and me, you could've told us… We would've worked together to—"
"Which is precisely why I didn't tell you" Francis says quietly. Mary is taken aback at this. "You think I didn't know, that if I had told you, you would have insisted on staying by my side." Francis sighs and continues "But that was the last place you should've been… That's why I didn't tell you, Mary… That's why I tried to push you away—"
"To Scotland" Mary finishes sourly. Francis looks down, ashamed, and nods. "So, what was your plan exactly? If I had agreed to go to Scotland, away from you… Did you even have a plan?" Mary demands.
Francis throws his hands in the air, frustrated beyond words "Why are we talking about ifs and buts, Mary? If I were given another chance to do things, don't you think I would take it?! I would've done ANYTHING to have prevented what happened to you! But I CAN'T change it! No matter how much I want to. So what's the point of this?"
Mary is not giving up on him, not this time "Because I need to know what you were THINKING?! Whether you were even thinking… about yourself, about France, during any of this?"
"I was thinking about YOU! About my son, my mother, my brothers! About what I had to do to keep you all safe." Francis says running his hands through his already disheveled hair.
"So you decided to send us somewhere, Scotland even, far away from Narcisse's grasp… And then what, Francis?" Mary asks incredulously.
Francis grows quiet and looks down.
Mary shouts at him, again "And then WHAT?"
"Mary… you would've lived" Francis whispers.
Mary takes a step towards him and screams at him in despair "Without YOU?! You can't do that, Francis… You can't just offer yourself up to save me anymore… You did that once before and I still shiver when I think about what might have happened that night if it wasn't for Catherine."
Francis looks at her mirroring her expression, "You think I don't think about that? YOU went into that room to save ME! Thank god for my mother, because if it wasn't for her that night, that count would've…" They both look down, but Francis continues, "I wasn't the one who protected you even then. My mother and you protected yourselves. Do you know how ashamed I am of myself, to even call myself your husband? I have done nothing to deserve it. Not only did I completely fail to protect you, I ended up being the one who caused this. And not only this time, Mary. For as long as I can remember, regardless of my intentions, I've always been the one who has hurt you the most."
Mary completely ignores his rambling and shouts at him "Francis, he could've KILLED you!" and her voice falters slightly in the last part. Francis smiles and sits on the couch lightly, not looking at her
"My life was a very cheap price to pay, Mary, if it meant you could keep yours."
Mary is stunned into silence. She just stares at him with a scared expression on her face. She realizes how right she was when she said he was not the man she fell in love with. This is the man who fell in love with her.
Francis quietly continues "And anyway, Mary, I would've deserved it."
Mary gets very scared at this and sits by his side "Francis, how can you even say that?"
"I killed my own father, Mary!" Francis whispers urgently.
Francis isn't looking at her, but Mary takes a good look at her husband, after what feels like years. His gaze is fixed on a particular tile on the floor, his shoulders slouched, hair disheveled. Defeated! That is the word she decides on. Her husband is utterly and completely defeated. Just as she extends her hand to reach for his hair, he looks up at her, tears welling up but not falling, and she can see the guilt and regret in his eyes. Guilt for all his mistakes… Guilt for all the pain he has caused her unintentionally. Regret for not being there for her these past few months… This guilt, it has been cutting him sharp from the inside and Mary can't bear to see her husband so broken anymore. She doesn't even think twice before enveloping him in her arms, his head on her chest, her hands stroking his hair and repeatedly whispering "It's alright, it's not your fault, you had to do it". He finally lets his tears fall and they cry together. There is no shame in it, only peace. After what seems like hours, he lifts his head up, her hands still caressing his face, her thumbs rubbing his cheeks like she used to before, to reassure him that everything is going to be fine. And then his pair of bloodshot eyes meet hers and his hand stops hers, "Mary, did I really think God wouldn't punish me for it? He should've punished only me, not you…"
"Enough of this, Francis. Enough of punishing yourself, and us. Yes, you've made mistakes, and yes they have caused me a lot of pain… But what you said was true." Mary says while tentatively taking his hand in hers. Hope flares up in Francis' eyes as Mary continues "I am strong, I will heal, and I will survive this. Do you know why? Because of you, Francis. Because it is your love after all that gives me strength. It has always given me strength, Francis, even when you didn't know, like a silent compass directing me to the shore."
Francis is shocked at his wife's words and can't help but gasp in wonder "Mary…"
"We have been apart for far too long. We are merely existing in this world, Francis, and I don't like it. Because a world in which we aren't together, well, honestly doesn't make sense to me." Her hand goes back to scratch his beard.
"Does this mean you forgive me?" his voice dripping with hope.
Mary gives out a small laugh "Only if you forgive yourself, my love." and Francis can't help but smile.
And suddenly they find themselves in a position they know all too well. His hands are cupping her face and her one hand is on his chest and the other in his hair, where it belongs. It's the first time in weeks that Francis dares to look at her lips. He starts to move forward but stops himself with a catch of his breath and Mary knows exactly what he wants to do. She can see the love flare up in his eyes and she feels her fears melt away. He still wants her! After all this, after everything that has happened, his love for her, his need for her hasn't reduced one bit. It gives her enough courage to close the gap between them and brush her lips softly against his. She can feel him freeze, shocked that she too wants to kiss him. But of course she does, she just didn't know if she was ready to. But Francis isn't kissing her back, at least not the way he wants to. His lips are pursed against hers and she can feel him restraining himself, not wanting to scare her away. As she draws back, she can see his face bursting into a smile and his eyes look so thankful, thankful to actually have her in his arms and feel her lips against his.
But Mary looks cross and puts her hands on her hips "Our first kiss in such a long time, and that's all you give me? Kiss me, Francis. Kiss me the way I know only you can" Francis looks at her open-mouthed. Mary grins slyly "Now, that's much better" and moves in again, and this time Francis can't help himself. His wife is kissing him after so long and so he kisses her right back. His one hand reaches behind her head and the other finds her jaw to support the kiss. They kiss for what seems like hours, just pausing midway for taking short breaths, neither of them wanting to break this new found peace. Then Francis breaks the kiss and rests his forehead against hers and takes in sharp breaths of air. Mary is still in a daze when Francis strokes his thumb on her cheek and parrots his earlier sentiment "It has been a tiring day, Mary. You should get some sleep." Mary is about to argue when Francis swoops her up in his arms and carries her to her bed. Mary can't help but smile as she folds her arms around his neck and rests her face in the crook of his neck. He deposits her on the bed and starts moving towards the couch when a sudden fear rises sharp in Mary's heart. He is moving away from me again! "Hold me?" she whispers out urgently. Francis couldn't believe his ears! Not only was his wife ready to forgive him, she was inviting him into her bed, allowing him to hold her while she slept! If this was a dream, he never wanted to wake up. He crawls into bed with her, spreading his left arm open for her. She eagerly enters his embrace and rests her head on his chest. This was their heaven, this was their haven. Francis whispers "I love you" but he knows Mary is already asleep, in his arms, and soon he lulls into a deep sleep, after months of restlessness. Husband and wife, asleep in each other's arms, together again, against anyone, even against the world, if need be.
Author's notes: Hope you all liked it as much as I enjoyed writing it! I thought we all needed a frary fix it, ASAP. Cheers!