Chapter 19
Schadenfreude, Envy, and Mudita
-~:{+}:~-
The dark-haired girl walked in a daze. She felt that strange sensation where everything felt almost in third person. The tactile nerves in her wrist barely responded to how the rook dragged her throughout the gardens of the White Queens palace. This outsider had just witnessed something, wondrous. Wonder can be a curiosity or a doubt. And Elise wondered. It was remarkable how entrenched her mind became, the indecisive girl, incapable of focus. But she knew herself. She wouldn't accept it, but she knew it. Her hand slipped out of her escort's grip, eyes staring blankly at a glassy pond. Still and reflective.
"You were probably going to find out eventually…" The tone of voice was undeniable. Edwin's voice carried a sad truth. "Our hearts are clocks…"
{Clocks. When they die they stop ticking. And…}
"…And when we die, they can be repaired. When our role is vacant, someone else is given a face and takes on the duties."
Eyes shot up. Elise didn't know if she should have felt appalled by this, or accepting. She didn't even know how to respond. Where those shadows like ghosts? Trainwreck syndrome. That's what it is. Like driving pas a car accident. People can't look away. Even the squeamish glance from the corner of the eye, looking out for bodies. Why do people enjoy tragedies so? Why is a struggle so compelling? You can't watch. You can't look away. But something made this entertaining, like a story. People's lives the plot threads. That is beyond a detachment. This story was wrong. Something was wrong with this story. For some, the most interesting tale. But with that way of thinking, sometimes it's as if "understanding" was not meant for man, and those closest to knowing are closest to madness. Still, some continue to have that desire to understand. What was she supposed to think at this point? Her brown eyes were staring at him, darkening. Reaching out, attempting to reaffirm his claim, hearing the mechanical pangs of a clock replacing the drumming she would hear in her own chest.
{It really is a clock, isn't it… How is that possible? Here, an answer only calls forth more questions.}
And yet, even a tragedy would rarely phase her, no matter how far she would try to reach into the incident. Sometimes digging deeper to comprehend how saddening it is, and to relieve something. Why go looking for something so unpleasant? She had to force herself to talk.
"…Don't say you're replaceable. I don't believe you are replaceable because of this stupid game, or whatever this world operates on…"
"But these clocks can be repaired, and life restored to them. The roles are always to be filled as well."
"With someone else! Someone with a different personality, different memories, a different history, differentvision! Regardless of what purpose the roles serve, there is no way they are all that defines a person!" A fire returned to her voice. There are somethings she could never accept, no matter how many times it battered her surroundings. She truly believed people could not be replaced. Perhaps even rebirth could cause one to be a different person, in a sense, so even then irreplaceable. A person is often considered the sum of their memories, a record of both their experiences, and a collection of delusions and other mental fallacies. To her, there is so much more to a person.
"At least none of you are replaceable in my eyes! Not a single one…"
"You say that, but you're different. You don't come back when you die-"
"And who's to say that!? I-I don't know what happens to me after death. Am I reincarnated!? Do I become a ghost!? Is there an afterlife, and if so, which one… The Happy Field of Food? Valhalla!? Will I be judged after death upon my life!? Or do I just fade away!? Into nothing, just an empty oblivion!?… Where I come from, death is something the living will never, ever truly know. So don't give me that shit… I have heard enough of this for one day."
Elise stormed off in whatever direction would remover her from people. Aimlessly wandering the castle halls, she hoped to slip out of sight if a person would be nearby.
{This entire situation is just… unpleasant. I don't like it…This is just remarkable though. Absolutely amazing. What people do is just amazing. Why they do these things is just as amazing. This world really is a wonder.}
"Elise..?"
Turning a corner, Elise just nearly ran someone over.
"L-Lily?"
Notes: Soooooo... It's been a while since I've updated anything. Eheheheh. Sorry bout that. Life happened. But at least I've been given the opportunity to improve, so I am re-doing the earlier chapters.
References:
Schadenfreude, a word of German origin, means pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others.
Envy is unhappiness in another's good fortune, and is often considered a counterpart of schadenfreude.
Mudita is the Buddhist concept of sympathetic joy or happiness in another's good fortune.
Trainwreck syndrome is a real thing, as mentioned above.