Author's note: As you can no doubt tell, this chapter is much shorter than the last few. It's kind of a breather for me, a chance to get ready for the next big one. Nevertheless, in a way this chapter was... difficult... to write, mainly due to some of the content. You'll see soon enough. Don't worry, nothing that's beyond the 'T' rating I gave this story, but... well, it ain't for the faint of heart. You'll know which part I'm referring to when you come to it.
Well, enjoy.
Episode Eight: Ash Like Snow
Murrue was standing outside the Archangel, along with Heero and Lieutenant Commander La Flaga. In front of them were Sahib, Kisaka, and Cagalli.
"I want to thank you again for all of your help," said Murrue, "I don't know how we would've gotten the supplies we needed without you."
Sahib chuckled. "Don't mention it. You people have more than repaid us; I can't believe you guys were able to beat both the Tiger and the Valkyrie." He looked over at his companions. "That being said, I'm afraid I have one more favor I'd like to ask of you."
"We're not doing anymore fighting for you," said Heero firmly, "I think we've more than fulfilled our end of the bargain."
The resistance leader raised his hands. "Easy young man, it's nothing like that." He looked at Murrue. "Captain, do you think you could take Cagalli and Kisaka with you? They're actually from Orb, and if you're heading to Alaska then it's on the way."
Murrue smiled. "I don't see why not. We can radio Orb when we reach the edge of their territory and tell them we have two of their nationals on board. I'm sure they'll send someone out to pick them up."
"Sahib!" said Cagalli, "I don't want to go back! I want to stay with you guys!"
"No!" he yelled, "You've done enough here!" Then his voice softened. "Go home… and talk to your father."
Mu La Flaga raised an eyebrow. "Family issues?"
Kisaka chuckled. "A father-daughter conflict. The old man's a friend of mine, so I volunteered to keep an eye on Cagalli while she was away."
Cagalli sighed. "All right, fine." Together with Kisaka, she walked over and joined Murrue, Heero, and La Flaga.
The Lieutenant Commander smiled. "Well, at least we'll have some entertainment on our journey."
"Oh, shut up," grumbled Cagalli.
Not to mention, thought Murrue, a pilot for the second Skygrasper if we're attacked along the way.
The blonde girl looked over at Heero. "Hey, Heero?"
He looked over at her. "Yeah?"
"Thank you," she said, "for all you did during the battle. Things would've been much worse without you."
Heero shrugged. "Don't mention it. I wasn't fighting for you guys anyway."
Cagalli's eyes narrowed a bit, but she held her tongue.
"So long, Cagalli," said Sahib, "you too, Kisaka. Take care you two." With that he turned and headed back towards the rebel camp.
As the five of them began walking towards the Archangel, Murrue turned to Heero. "I know I already said this earlier, but I want to say it again. Thank you. What you did… was incredible."
He gave her a small smile. "You're welcome, Murrue."
….
"Whew," said Nicole as he exited the shuttle. The green haired young man wiped sweat from his forehead. "The Earth is really warm!"
Behind his friend and fellow pilot, Athrun nodded. They had just touched down at the Gibraltar spaceport. It was the first time both of them had actually been to the surface of the Earth. "Unlike the PLANTs," he said, "there are no climate control systems. We'll have to get used to that."
They saw a soldier wearing the green uniform of the regular ZAFT soldiers come running up from the larger shuttle that had touched down next to them, which was carrying the Aegis and the Blitz. "Sirs," he said, "base personnel will show you to your temporary quarters. Your machines will be loaded onto transport planes later. You'll be flown to Carpentaria tomorrow. En route you'll meet up with pilots Joule and Elsman over the Red Sea."
"Understood," said Athrun. He saw a jeep driving across the tarmac towards their shuttle. "That's probably our ride."
"Yeah," said Nicole. As the jeep pulled up and the two teenagers hopped in, he spoke again. "It's too bad that we don't have any time to look around. I've always wanted to see the Earth from the surface."
"I wouldn't worry about it," Athrun replied, "I'm sure we'll have plenty of time to do that once the war's over."
"Do you think it'll be soon?" asked Nicole.
"Probably," said Athrun, "I heard my father saying that Operation Spitbreak would be the decisive blow. The Earth Alliance will have to sue for peace afterwards."
Nicole nodded. "I heard my parents say something like that too. I hope they're right."
So do I, thought Athrun, then I won't have to fight Kira anymore.
Of course, that was if he didn't wind up killing his old friend before then… or vice versa.
…
Meanwhile, in the officer's lounge of the Gibraltar base, Commander Rehema and her subordinates were all kicking back, waiting for a shuttle to be fueled and ready to take them up to space.
Shemei had been surprised when, upon her return to Banadiya, she had received a message from the Defense Council that her team were to return to the PLANT homeland. She had actually been planning to file a request to return there for shore leave, though that had been more of an excuse for her to get to the capital and check up on some contacts she had in ZAFT's Research Department. The Commander had heard from an old friend of hers that several projects were in the works, all heavily influenced by the capture of the Alliance's prototype mobile suits. I can't wait to see what they're building!
Still, she had expected her request to be met with protest, on account of the buildup for the coming Operation Spitbreak. The Commander had figured that the Defense Council would want their best team to remain on the surface in preparation for the offensive. The fact that they had actually ordered her to return without her even filing a request set off some quiet alarm bells in her head. Something's up, she thought, but I can't really say what. It's just a gut feeling right now.
She looked over at her fellow three pilots, who were watching the T.V. A major debate in the electoral campaign for the Chairmanship of the PLANT Supreme Council was on at the moment, with Patrick Zala and Siegel Clyne going at it with gusto. Shemei noted with some amusement that Lan and Adaline, who normally didn't get into politics, were watching nearly as intently as Priscilla was. Glancing at the screen, the Commander wondered if her sudden transfer had something to do with the two men who were arguing at the moment.
Though Shemei had tried to stay out of politics, it was an open secret that her views were more in line with those of the moderate faction, and that she had some contact with Chairman Clyne. She wondered if the transfer was Zala's way of quietly getting her out of the way so that his favorite Commander, Creuset, could claim the lion's share of the glory in Operation Spitbreak.
I don't mind sitting out a campaign, she thought, I've seen more than my fair share of action, and the same goes for the girls. But to be sidelined because of petty politics… If it hadn't just happened to coincide with her sudden desire to get back to space and make contact with the Research teams, it would've irked her a lot more.
As she looked on, the debate drew to a close, and a pair of commentators appeared on the screen. Shemei paid little heed to what they had to say, but when a graph appeared on the screen showing the latest poll numbers, it grabbed her undivided attention.
No way…she thought …I knew things weren't going well for the Chairman, but I never thought…
Zala now had a clear lead over Clyne, fifty-eight percent to forty. A paltry two percent remained undecided. How, Shemei thought, how did Zala pull ahead so dramatically?
After a moment though, Shemei realized the answer was painfully obvious. People were getting tired of the war, and Zala seemed to be the best figure capable of bringing it to a quick and decisive end. But, thought Shemei, do the people realize what the cost could be? No, I guess they don't…
She sighed. The rumors she had heard about Operation Spitbreak seemed to point to the major Alliance spaceport at Panama. While she knew that the facility was a major strategic target, the fact that word of the target of the coming offensive was circulating so easily made her nervous. The Alliance wasn't stupid, and Shemei knew that they had their own intelligence sources. I have no doubt they'll learn what the target is soon, if they haven't already. If Panama truly is the operation's objective, then they'll be ready for us. And things will get very bloody…
...
On one of the outer decks of the Archangel, Heero took a deep breath. How long, he thought, has it been since I've felt the sea breeze on my face? Not since my days in the Sanc Kingdom, at least.
The white warship had passed out of Egypt about an hour ago, and was now heading south through the Red Sea. Heero smiled as he remembered when the ship passed from sand to water. He'd been up on the bridge with Murrue, as had become his routine, when she'd turned to him and smiled. "Heero," she'd said, "why don't you take a breather? Go outside, enjoy the sea air. I'll join you later when Lieutenant Badgiruel takes over."
"Are you sure?" he'd asked.
"Yes," she'd replied, "besides, you've more than earned it."
So here he was, out on the deck, wind tussling his hair, the smell of the ocean wafting up from below. The sun was slowly getting lower in the sky, afternoon giving way to evening. Leaning back against the railing, he couldn't help but smile. I don't know why, he thought, but ever since I first came to Earth during Operation Meteor… I've been fascinated by the ocean. Perhaps it had been because there were no vast expanses of water up in the colonies, maybe it had something to do with how calm and soothing it seemed; he really couldn't say. The solitude was actually welcome as well. Though he liked being up on the bridge with Murrue, he was beginning to hear whispers among some of the crew members. Apparently, they'd come up with a nickname for him; The Reaper of North Africa. Though he supposed it was natural that his piloting skill and combat prowess would draw that kind of attention from others, he didn't like the title. I know full well that I'm a gifted killer, he thought ruefully, I don't need my face rubbed in it.
He was glad they were out of North Africa, but that didn't mean they were completely danger free. ZAFT had widened its reach across the ocean, with Vosgulov-class submarine-carriers launching out of Carpentaria over in the Oceania region and Gibraltar and Tobruk in the Mediterranean. They carried not only underwater mobile suits but also could launch aerial units as well, making for a potent threat. The 270 meter long vessels themselves were armed with both torpedoes and anti-air missiles. I haven't seen them in action yet, he thought, but the data in the Alliance files was troubling. A single vessel won't be too difficult to deal with, but if we encounter a wolf-pack, then things could get tricky.
For the moment though, ZAFT's navy was a distant threat in his mind. Turning back to look out over the sea, Heero found himself experiencing a strange feeling; inner peace. He was content, for now, to simply look at the water, feel the light breeze on his face, and relax.
But, he thought, do I deserve this peace? Events had kept him busy since his arrival in the Cosmic Era, but now that he actually had some time to himself, he found his mind wandering back to the past. There's a swath of destruction in my wake, he mused, thousands dead at least. The solders of ZAFT are only the latest to die at my hand. After taking so many lives…
…do I have the right to the happiness I've denied so many others?
While he was determined to live on, he was unsure exactly how he should live his life. Ultimately, that had been why he'd adapted so easily to his new situation in the Cosmic Era. While he didn't like war by any means, it was what he was familiar with. Until the end of the Eve Wars, fighting was all he had ever known, and the peace that had followed had troubled him far more than he thought it would. Maybe it's because, he thought, of all the people I've denied the chance to experience the peace we fought so hard to achieve. That peace had given him free time that he was unaccustomed to, and every time he'd had that time to himself his mind had ultimately gone back to all the lives he had taken in the name of it.
Life aboard the Archangel was a welcome reprieve from his own thoughts. He once again felt as if he had some kind of purpose, though it wasn't the one he was searching for. Murrue had said that the war would eventually come to an end, and he believed her. That meant that the purpose he had found in fighting to protect the ship was only a temporary one, and he would be adrift at the end of the conflict if he could not find a role for himself in the long term.
And yet, he mused, now that I think about it… it's not this ship and its crew I've been fighting for. Rather, only one person on this ship…
Murrue Ramius.
It was a startling realization. Of course, he had come to suspect much earlier during the North Africa campaign that she was the reason he was fighting so hard to protect the Archangel, but this was the first time he'd had enough time on his hands to actually think in length on the matter and come to that conclusion.
Of course, it was easy for him to understand why he was so willing to fight for her. Since he'd arrived on the Archangel, she'd treated him with a kindness that he hadn't experienced since Relena. She had come to trust him in a remarkably short amount of time, and he realized that he had come to do the same just as quickly. He admired the strength she showed in the face of her ship and crew's seemingly constant desperate situation, along with her determination to get them all out of it alive. Her intelligence was equally impressive, as was her willingness to bend or outright break military regulations in order to do what was best for the people serving under her.
And, he thought, another small smile on his face, she's incredibly beautiful. Her deep brown eyes, long and flowing brown hair, tall and curvaceous figure, light skin, full lips… she was breathtaking. He'd never met a woman like her.
"Something on your mind?" said a familiar voice from behind him.
Speak of the devil, he mused, or in this case, angel, and she shall appear. He turned and saw Murrue walking up towards him, a smile on her face. He felt his own smile grow a bit bigger in response. I can't help it, he thought, I like seeing her like this.
She leaned on the railing next to him, the blue stone on her necklace shimmering in the sun, and the two of them looked out at the ocean. "Nothing important," Heero replied.
"Heero," she said, turning to him, "you know you can talk to me about anything, right?"
"Of course," said Heero, "I just don't want to worry you."
"I appreciate your concern," she said, "but please, tell me what's on your mind."
He sighed. "Remember what I told you when I first joined you guys? About finding my purpose in this world?"
She nodded. "Have you made any progress on that front?
Heero shook his head. "No, not really. There's just no clear answer, at least none that I've been able to find."
Murrue put a hand on his shoulder. "It's alright to be uncertain. Sometimes the hardest questions to answer have to do with ourselves. Who are we, where are we going, what is our reason for living… you don't have to find the answers right away."
"I know," he said, "but still… I feel like I should have at least some idea."
"Look at me," said Murrue, and Heero did so. "You're pushing yourself too hard in this. I know this is important to you. Believe me, the last thing I want is for you to only be able to find meaning in your life through fighting; you've gone through far too much already. But you need to slow down." She smiled. "You can't just force something like this. You'll find the answers when you're ready for them. At least, that's what I believe."
He gave her a small smile of his own. "What do you suggest in the meantime?"
"Relax," she said, "enjoy this lull in the fighting we seem to have gained for the moment. I imagine it won't last nearly long enough."
Heero laughed softly. "You have a point there."
They were quiet for awhile, content to simply stare out at the sea and the setting sun. Heero was once again struck by how at ease he felt with her. Looking down at the railing, he saw her hand scarcely an inch away from his own. Without thinking, he slowly moved his hand over to hers and gently intertwined his fingers with hers.
Alarm bells began going off in his head. What the hell am I doing?, he thought. Then he felt her give his hand a squeeze, and he slowly looked up at her. Once again she was smiling. At that moment all his doubts just seemed to wash away, and he turned back towards the ocean, a small smile on his face. He still didn't know why he'd done what he just did, but he didn't care. Just being there with her, holding her hand and staring out at the sea, dusk slowly setting in… that was more than enough for him.
….
Night had fallen as the Archangel cruised through the Red Sea. A skeleton crew manned the bridge, but the majority of the ship's occupants were getting some much needed sleep. Or at least, trying to…
For the Perfect Soldier, peaceful slumber would prove to be… difficult… to come by. For the ghosts of the past had come to call…
….
He ran. Ran as fast as he could. Rushing towards a pile of crates next to a four meter fence topped with barbed wire, the fourteen-year-old quickly ascended the artificial hill and leapt from it, easily clearing the chain-link and spiked barrier. Bending his knees to absorb the impact as he touched down on the grass outside the facility, the brown haired, Prussian blue-eyed teenager immediately sprang up into another run, putting as much distance between himself and the facility as possible.
After what seemed like forever, he finally allowed himself to collapse atop a hill. Feeling the grass through his shorts and green-tank top, the boy was suddenly overcome with laughter. A part of his mind supposed that it was him releasing excess adrenaline. Perfectly natural, considering he'd just completed his mission. The explosives were planted, and the Alliance base that had come to symbolize the corrupt government's iron grip over the colony would be destroyed come nightfall.
He eventually felt the laughter fade after a few minutes, and simply laid there on the hill, looking up at the sky. Or rather, another part of the colony. Up in space, unless one was looking out a viewport, the typical 'sky' would be buildings, streets, parks, and other parts of the colony they were on, all held in place by the massive space-station's rotation, the key to the artificial gravity and the survival of human beings out in space.
The young man suddenly felt drained. The adrenaline rush had passed, and he just laid back. An artificial breeze tussled his hair, and felt remarkably cool on his sweaty face. He closed his eyes for a moment, breathing in the smell of grass and wildflowers, whose ancestors had been brought as seeds from Earth.
"Hello!"
Opening his eyes, he was surprised to find a young girl standing over him. She looked little more than eight or nine years old, had long brown hair, and was wearing a simple white dress and a white large-brimmed hat. The girl held a leash in her left hand, with a small dog on the other end.
"Are you lost?" she said as the young man sat up.
"What?" He wasn't quite sure how to respond.
"I said, are you lost?" the girl repeated.
The young man thought for a moment. In a strange way, he realized he was. He had no family, no friends, no real home…
… he didn't even have a name.
"I've been lost since the day I was born," he finally replied.
"Oh," said the girl, "That's so sad." Then she smiled. "Well, I'm not lost. I'm taking Mary for a walk." The dog looked up at the girl at the mention of her name, and then went back to sniffing the grass.
"Here," she said, holding out a small flower, "I'll give you this flower."
The teenager's eyes widened slightly as he reached out and accepted the impromptu gift. He wanted to ask 'why?' but for some reason the word wouldn't come out. Then the dog let out a bark, and began to run off, pulling the girl along with her.
"Hey," she said, laughing, "Wait for me Mary!"
He watched the girl and her dog head towards the base. He assumed that they lived in the apartment complex that was next door to the facility. The young man then looked down at the flower in his hands. Such a small thing, a common wildflower… and yet, it symbolized much more to him. No one had ever just… given him something… without reason or expectation of something in return. It was a simple act of kindness that the boy couldn't help but marvel at.
….
Night had fallen in the colony. Or at least, the lights had been dimmed, creating the illusion of night. The boy stood outside the Alliance base. He was on a different side of it, standing on a road leading towards the facility. He held a small detonator in his right hand.
The fourteen-year-old raised the device and pressed the button at the end. A series of explosions ripped through the base, shattering the peace and tranquility of the night. Fireballs engulfed the main mobile suit hangar and the barracks, the munitions depot went up like firecrackers, the command and control tower was ripped in half…
…the entire base was ablaze.
The boy lowered the detonator. "Mission complete," he said.
He turned to leave when a series of secondary explosions shook the base. The boy looked on in horror as one of the surviving Leos on the tarmac was thrown clear of the facility by the blast…
…and right into the residential complex.
The boy's eyes widened in shock as the suit crashed into the apartments, then exploded, taking out not only the immediate building, but setting off secondary blasts as furnaces, water heaters, and gas mains all ignited…
…the entire block had become an inferno.
Smoke rose high into the night, sirens blared, fire crews and rescue personnel rushed to the scene. Screams of people both injured and unhurt carried over all else, like a chorus of the damned. All the while the boy looked on in absolute terror, shock and revulsion paralyzing him where he stood.
'No!' he thought, 'I didn't…' He had only meant to destroy the base. He hadn't counted on the secondary explosions, he'd thought he'd placed the charges in such a manner that would limit the destruction to just the Alliance facility.
'What have I done?' he thought numbly, capable of only watching as the tragic scene unfolded before him.
'What have I done?'
….
'Dawn' came early to the colony. The lights were turned on early in order to assist with the recovery efforts. Amidst the chaos, the boy walked through the ruins. He felt something touch his face, and looked up to see grey and white flakes falling from the 'sky'.
'Snow?' he thought, holding out his hand. Was the colony's climate control systems malfunctioning? But it wasn't snow, he soon realized.
It was ash.
Moving numbly through the ruins, ash falling like snow all around him, the boy saw something that hit him harder than anything else over the past few hours. Lying against a concrete support, obviously dead…
… was the little girl's dog.
'Mary', he thought, 'she called her Mary…' Kneeling, he picked up the body of the dog in his arms, unable to do anything other than look at the poor creature. He saw no sign of the girl, but he had no doubt what her fate had been.
Clutching the body of the dog tightly, the boy began to tremble. His whole body shook until finally he couldn't take it anymore. Raising his head to the sky, he let loose a scream. In it was the anguish of innocence lost, the despair of having unintentionally wreaking such carnage…
… the sorrow of a boy confronting his own worst sin.
He screamed until he ran out of breath, paused to catch it, then screamed again. He cried out into ash-choked sky until his throat was raw, then screamed again…
…while the ash fell like snow.
"Heero…" said a voice, muffled and distant but clearly female, "Heero…"
It sounded familiar, and with a shock he realized it was Murrue.
"Heero!"
….
Heero Yuy opened his eyes. He was in his quarters on the Archangel. It was still night, but of more pressing concern was the woman before him. Murrue was leaning over him, dressed in a white bathrobe, still wearing the necklace he'd bought her, even in her evening attire. Her hands were on his shoulders, and he realized that she had been shaking him.
"Murrue?" he said blankly, wondering if he was still dreaming.
"Thank god, you're awake!" she said, and he then saw that her eyes were wide with concern.
"What's going on?" he asked, though now that he was awake he was starting to guess why she was here. He briefly wondered how she'd gotten in before remembering that as Captain she had access to all the door override codes.
"What's going on?" she said, eyes widening further, "Heero, you were having a nightmare! I could hear you screaming through the walls!"
That's right, he remembered, our quarters are right next to each other.
"I woke you up," he said quietly, looking down, "I'm sorry, I know you need the rest."
"What?" said Murrue, surprised. "Heero, I don't care in the least that you woke me up. I was terrified that something had happened to you!" Her voice softened. "And in a way, I suppose something did."
She sat down on the bed next to him. He felt her put her hand on his left cheek. Startled, he looked up at her. Her beautiful brown eyes were not incriminating, but full of concern. "Heero… tell me what happened. The way you were screaming… it must have been a horrific nightmare."
"I…" he began, hesitantly. While he trusted Murrue, the fact was that he had never told anyone about what had happened on that night one year prior to Operation Meteor. He struggled between his instincts to clamp down, to once again bury the memory, and the desire to tell her, to finally let loose what he'd been holding back for two years.
"Heero," she said softly, "Please… let me help you."
Keeping her right hand on his left cheek, she put her left on his opposite shoulder. "I care about you."
That was it. Those four words were enough to make up his mind. She deserves to know, he thought.
He sighed. "Not just a nightmare… a memory."
"Heero…" she said, "What happened?"
He told her everything. About the assignment, the girl and her dog, the disaster… everything.
When he finished he looked at her and gave her a grim smile. "Now you know," he said, "I never told anyone else, not even Relena, what I did that night." He chuckled ruefully. "They called me the 'Perfect Soldier'. They all thought I was a hero. What a joke! They had no idea what I'd done before Operation Meteor. I'm no hero… I'm a damn murderer."
"No!" cried Murrue, and before Heero could react she took him into a tight embrace. "You're wrong, Heero!" she said as she held him tightly, "A murderer would have deliberately targeted that residential block. A murderer would have reveled in that destruction, would have enjoyed it. Believe me, I've seen people like that in this war; beasts in human form. The power of life and death is the reason those kinds of monsters fight; human life is simply something to snuff out on a whim, for their own amusement."
She drew back slightly, looking him in the eyes while still holding him. "You are not that kind of soldier. You are not that kind of man!"
"Murrue…" he said, unsure of what else to say.
"Heero," she said, "remember when you told me about how you killed Field Marshal Noventa and the other Alliance's officers who were about to make peace with the colonies? You told me that you were beginning to forgive yourself for that… can't you do the same for this? Do you think that little girl would want you to torture yourself like this?"
"This is different, Murrue," said Heero, looking down again. "Noventa and the others may have been working for peace, but they were still Alliance officers; military personnel who knew that their chosen profession could mean their deaths. Not to mention I had been misled by Treize's deception. But this… the girl and her dog, the residents of that apartment bloc… they were innocent civilians. They had nothing to do with the struggle between the Alliance and the colonial rebels. They were just… ordinary people… living ordinary lives… and I killed them because I screwed up, didn't take into account just how powerful those explosives would be."
"Yes," said Murrue, "but, like you said, it was a mistake. You never meant to kill them."
She paused for a moment. "Heero, look at me. Please."
He did so, and she spoke. "What you've told me, and how you're still tormented by what happened, shows me all I need to see. You're a good man, one who would never take innocent life if he could help it. What happened was a tragic mistake… but it wasn't on purpose; you did not go out of your way to target those civilians. The fact that you still show such remorse after two years is all I need to be able to tell you that you are not a murderer."
"Murrue…" said Heero. Then he smiled. "You know… you truly are an amazing woman."
"Oh, I don't know about that," said Murrue, and Heero thought he saw her face flush slightly. She smiled at him. "I know it will still take time, and that you will never forget that tragedy… but please, find the strength to forgive yourself. I know you have it within you."
He nodded. "Perhaps… I'll let you know when the time comes."
"That's all I can ask for," she said. She paused for a moment, and then spoke again. "I could stay awhile, if you want to talk some more."
It was a very tempting offer, but as much as he wanted to be with her at the moment, to hear her voice, to feel her arms around him… Heero felt that he had kept her up long enough. "I'd like that, but we should both get some rest. I have a feeling we'll need our strength sooner than we'd like to."
"You're right," she said. She stood up, and Heero got up as well to go to the door with her.
The door slid open, and they stood facing each other for a moment. Heero was struck by how close they were… their faces were mere inches apart.
They looked into each other's eyes, and then Murrue did something Heero did not expect; she leaned in and gave him a quick kiss on the left cheek.
The young man felt an unfamiliar surge of warmth go to his face. Murrue then smiled at him. "Goodnight, Heero… sleep well."
He nodded. "Yeah… you too, Murrue."
As the door closed and he went back to bed, he could still feel the warmth in his face, still feel the phantom touch of her warm, moist lips on his skin… it was unlike anything he'd ever experienced before.
And yet, as he turned off the lights and laid back down, he realized that it didn't bother him in the least. In fact, he found himself smiling as he drifted off to sleep.
He would dream again, but this time the dreams were quite different… though they all featured the same brown haired, brown eyed woman.
….
As the door of her quarters closed behind her, Murrue felt a swarm of conflicting thoughts running through her head. What the hell was I thinking?, she thought as she shut the lights off and laid back down.
Why did I kiss him? It may have just been a quick peck on the cheek, but still… she definitely hadn't planned on doing that when she had run to his quarters to see what was going on.
A thought struck her: Do I… like him?
Oh, it was a definite possibility. She had no problem admitting that she found herself drawn to the young man. His quiet demeanor, his inner compassion, his battlefield cunning, his astounding piloting skills, his courage, a sense of wisdom that was far beyond his years, his willingness to do anything to protect her…
… not to mention the fact that he was very handsome.
Get serious, Murrue, she thought, he's sixteen years old for goodness sakes!
And yet…
She realized that his age didn't bother her as much as it should have, under the circumstances. In fact, even before their conversation out in the dunes of North Africa she had found it harder and harder to see him as his age. The way he carried himself was that of someone far older, wiser, and more experienced than that of a teenager, or even someone her own age. In his case, she mused, age is little more than a number, a biological gauge. Emotionally, mentally… he's far more mature. I'd say as much as any adult, in fact, if not more.
As she slowly drifted off to sleep, she continued to wonder if her feelings for Heero might be evolving in a more… affectionate direction.
….
It was the next day, and Murrue was once again sitting up on the bridge. She looked over her shoulder to find Heero there as always. She smiled at him, and he gave her a small one in return.
The ship had passed out of the Red Sea just before dawn and was now making its way through the Arabian Sea towards the Indian Ocean. So far there had been no contact with enemy forces, though Murrue knew that ZAFT had increased the amount of submarine-carriers in the region. It would only be a matter of time before the Archangel was attacked. However, the possibility of battle was not what was currently on her mind.
She had been worried when she woke up that there would be some awkwardness between them after she had kissed him last night, but when they'd met in the corridor outside their quarters that morning he'd just smiled and thanked her for the previous evening. Murrue had been greatly relieved that he hadn't been bothered by her actions, though she had little doubt that he had his own thoughts and questions running through his mind after what had happened. He hides it well, she thought, but I'm sure they're there.
However, for now it was enough just to have him with her on the bridge, a source of comfort and reassurance that she was coming to rely on.
Still, she could not deny that she was beginning to feel something more towards him, something deeper than just a friendship forged in the fires of war. A warm feeling was beginning to develop within her, one that she had only felt in the past when her personal relationships had taken a more… romantic turn.
Am I beginning to fall for him? She suspected that that could well be the case, though she would need a little more time before she could be certain that this new feeling was indeed a more romantic desire on her part.
I wonder, she thought, looking back again at Heero, how does he feel about me?
She looked down at the blue stone of the necklace and remembered something Heero had said when he'd given it to her. "…you give these to someone you share a bond with, one that you're willing to protect with all you've got."
To him… could that bond be growing… into something more?
….
Meanwhile, on one of the Archangel's outer decks, Kira Yamato was lost in his thoughts. He was glad that they had managed to survive the battles in North Africa, but that relief was offset by something else; grief.
Kira couldn't stop thinking about the Desert Tiger and the woman who'd fought alongside him. The young man's mind kept wandering back to the meeting in Banadiya and the conversation they'd had. Yes, they were the enemy, he thought, they were going to attack the ship, and my friends, but… they weren't bad people. Why…
…why did it have to end the way it did?
It wasn't just those two, either. Now that he thought about it, he realized something that should have hit him much sooner; all the soldiers and pilots he had fought against were probably like them. Decent individuals who were simply doing their jobs, people who would probably rather not be at war in the first place.
People much like him.
He'd tried to talk to Flay about it, hoping that she would understand and be able to help him. But all she'd said was that they were the enemy, and that it was good that he'd killed them, because otherwise they would've killed everyone else. Those were not the words he'd needed to hear though, not what he'd wanted to hear, so he'd excused himself and made his way outside, where he now sat alone…
…tears beginning to form in his eyes.
Kira had always been more emotional than other boys, ever since he was little. He remembered how Athrun used to call him a crybaby, but it was always in a lighthearted manner. Still, there had been some truth to it; he did cry more readily than one might expect of a young man. Though in this case, one definitely couldn't say he didn't have reason.
He could feel the tears begin to stream down his face. I don't want to kill…, he thought, I don't want to hurt or kill anyone. I never wanted this! He started sobbing uncontrollably.
How long… how long will I have to kill?
Eventually Kira calmed down somewhat, though his face was still wet with tears that he didn't bother to wipe away. No matter what he thought of the situation, he couldn't just leave. His friends were still on board the ship, and he was the only one that could protect them. Well, not the only one; there was Heero, but Kira got the feeling that the quiet yet fearsome pilot had his own reasons for fighting.
I don't want to kill, but I have to in order to protect my friends. There has to be another way! Try as he might though, he couldn't find one. Frustrated, he could feel fresh tears begin welling again as he despaired at his seemingly hopeless situation. What am I supposed to do?
Then he heard a voice coming from behind him. "Huh. I didn't think there'd be anyone else out here."
Kira quickly wiped his eyes and face on his sleeve, and turned to see Cagalli coming out onto the deck. "Oh," he said, "hey."
"Hey," she said. Then she looked closer at him, and Kira realized his eyes were red. "Were you… crying?"
Kira looked down, thinking for sure that she was going to give him some talk about how he should 'be tougher' or something along those lines. Instead, he was surprised when she simply walked up to him and pulled him into a warm embrace.
"There, there," she said softly, "It's alright." She pulled back slightly to look at him. "Tell me, what's wrong?"
There was something in the way she said it… Flay had said those words too, but to some part of Kira's mind it had sounded…hollow… though he really didn't know why. Cagalli, on the other hand, sounded sincere.
"I…" he began, unsure of where to begin.
"Here," she said, letting go of him and sitting down, patting the deck plating next to her, "sit down. You can tell me all about it."
He sat down with her. "I'm… I'm just tired of all this fighting. I never wanted any of this."
He paused for a moment, and then continued. "Do you remember… our meeting with Waltfeld and the others in Banadiya?"
Cagalli nodded. "Of course. Pretty hard to forget, really."
"Yeah," he said, "I… I know you didn't like him, and I can't blame you for it, but… you have to admit that he wasn't really a bad guy."
Cagalli sighed. "I know. I hated that he'd conquered the region and had killed my comrades… but when we finally met him, I realized that he wasn't the monster I'd made him out to be. He was human, just like us… same with the rest of the ZAFT soldiers."
"Exactly," said Kira, "I mean, I knew in my head that all the mobile suits I'd destroyed up until now had people in them, but… meeting Waltfeld, Aisha, and the others… it drove things home in a way I'd never imagined it would."
"There's probably another reason why you're bothered so much," said Cagalli, causing Kira to look at her in mild surprise. "You'd actually met him," she continued, "talked with him, gotten to know him a bit… that made it all the harder to actually fight him."
He nodded. "You're right. I know it shouldn't matter; I don't want to kill anyone. But it's even harder…"
"…when you know the person whose life you've taken?" she finished for him, "Yeah, I can see that…"
The two of them were quiet for a moment. Then Kira spoke. "Why… why does it matter what we were born? Coordinator, Natural… it shouldn't matter!"
"I agree," said Cagalli, "and I imagine many others would as well. Unfortunately, those in positions of power have decided that it does matter… and is worth killing over. No one will out and say it, but the roots of this war ultimately lie in discrimination and racism. The geneticists who helped give birth to Coordinators opened a Pandora's box. Whether by the desire to accelerate the progress of mankind or simply to create a 'perfect being'… who can say? In the end, I suppose it doesn't matter."
Kira's eyes widened slightly. That was pretty profound, he thought, I didn't think she had that sort of thing in her. Never struck me as the type.
He couldn't help but laugh. "What?" said Cagalli, a bit confused. "What did I say?"
"Nothing," said Kira, "don't worry about it." He smiled at her. "Hey… thanks. For talking to me like this, I mean. I feel a little better now." It was true. He still hadn't found the answers he was looking for, but for some reason that didn't really matter. Just talking to Cagalli had given him a sense of relief that Flay had been unable to provide this time.
She put a hand on his shoulder. "You're welcome, Kira."
….
Unbeknownst to either of them, Flay was watching from the doorway. Her eyes narrowed at the blond girl as she put her hand on Kira's shoulder.
This wasn't good. That desert rat was undermining the hold she had established over Kira. At this rate, the tool of her revenge could eventually slip out of her control. At the same time though, Flay felt something else within her, something she refused to admit was there; jealousy. She wanted to be the one Kira confided in. Instead, he was finding comfort in that damn blond girl.
Time to fix this, she thought. She removed her outer Alliance uniform, revealing a pink tank-top that was snug in all the right places and a black skirt that was shorter than the normal one she wore with her uniform. She folded the uniform up and hid it away in a nearby storage closet. I'll come back for it later.
She ran out onto the deck. "Kira!" she said, causing the two of them to turn around. She smiled and grabbed his arm. "Tolle said there were dolphins on the other side of the ship! Come on, let's go see!"
She pulled him to his feet and gave Cagalli a glare as she began to take him back inside. He's mine, she thought, know your place, you shrew.
All mine…
Preview for next time!
Cruising through the Indian Ocean, the Archangel finds itself under attack by a ZAFT submarine-carrier group. While they are able to repulse the enemy, Cagalli's fighter is damaged and goes missing. Little does she realize that the island she's crashed on is occupied by another stranded pilot; Athrun Zala. How will the two adversaries react upon their encounter? Next time, on "Journey to a New Battlefield", Episode Nine: Treacherous Seas.
Author's notes: Again, short chapter this time, I know. Next one will take longer to do, sorry. On another note, we are now about 1/3 of the way through this story. Man, what a milestone! At least for me...
Well, you know the drill. Please review!