I groaned from the pain. Dumbass. smacking my head into the floor like that. For sme reason I didn't blame him. How can I hes so hands.. I slapped my self and interally screamed from the pain. He was drunk dammit. He doesn't like me like... like that. He never will. Maybe if I ask... a knock on the door interrupted my thoughts.

"Felici? May I come in?" a deep voice that I knew well asked making me cringe. Speak of the devil and he shalt come forth and reveal himself to thee.

"Sure." the door creaked open and Ludwig stepped in a breakfast tray in hand. He placed it on the bedside table and sat down on the edge of my bed. An akward scilence fell over the two of us. He sighed.

"Felici-"

"Lud-" We both started talking at the same time. I chuckled softly and he gustered for me to go first. "A penny for your thoughts?" I questioned.

"About last night-" he started

"You were drunk. you were drunk." the second time I said it it was barely loud enough to be a whisper. "It was probabally the alchohol talking. I understand." the bed creaked as Ludwig stood up sighing. he sounds angry... or furstrated...

"Yeah the alchohol talking. Nothing more." through the emotional pain I was in from the realiztion that he didn't love me I percived that his voice was hoarse, almost... upset? I stood to comfort him but ended up crumpled on the floor. I gripped my head in both of my hands. Everything else was blocked out except for the massive pain I felt in my chest. I could hear Ludwig calling my name but I couldn't respond. I couldn't speak or see and it was getting harder and harder to breathe...is this what it feels like to die from a broken heart...?

I began to be able to make out what Ludwig was saying."Felici! Felicano! Whats wrong? A-Are you okay?...Answer me goddammit!" his voice was frantic, like my brother's had been when we were caught... I tried to smile to calm him but I grimaced instead. I began to shake. He grabbed me gently and pulled me into him, into his warmth. My shaking stopped as he rocked back and forth trying to soothe me. He ran his nose over my forehead, holding my closely but tenderly. I felt warm drops on my eyelids and realized he was crying. because of me.

I have no idea how I found the strength to do so but, upon this ephinany I started running my hand thourgh his hair attemting to comfort him. We stayed like this for what felt like forever.

Suddenly I felt him getting closer to my face. I gripped his shirt on impulse to comfort myself, because I still couldn't see yet. Just as his nose brushed against mine, when he was so close I could smell oranges on his breath, he stood. I flailed a little not wanting him to drop me. Gently he rolled my into my bed and tucked the covers around me.

"Sweet Dreams." he whispered as he left the room.

-Ludwig-

I closed the door behind me. Slilently I slid down it and placed my head in my hands. Mein Gott... Why do I feel like this... I sobbed clawing at my face. After awhile I lowered my hands and stood, walking slowly away feeling a very large amount of guilt.

Its my fault hes on bed rest... again. Its my fault he cant take a single step without... without collapsing. thats when the tears began. I stumbled blindly to my room and flopped down on the bed.

I was a coward. I hurt him without meaning to.

And I kissed him.

Forcefully, without consent.

then I lied to him. the alchohol hadn't been talking by itself.

I hate myself.

Why do I have to hurt everyone I care for? I screamed profanites into my pillow until the sobs shank to whimpers. Eventually I fell asleep.

I regret nothing. Germany would kill me though