Chapter 4
Haibara: Why do Mouri-san and Yoshida-san look beautiful? is it real or due to make up?
Conan: All false.
They look beautiful because
.
.
I have good IMAGINATION.
Conan: Why did Vermouth tip toe near the medicine cabinet?
Haibara: Because she didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. Vermouth runs after him and says, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"
Vermouth asked her friend,"Why does my brother have two sisters and I only have one?"
Conan: What did one Vermouth, say to the other Vermouth, while entering a bar?
Haibara: Well Vermouth, Bottoms-Up.
Conan: Did you hear what happened to Vermouth's ice hockey team?
Haibara: They drowned in spring training.
Shiho and Vermouth are walking in the park when Shiho says, "Aw, look at the dead birdie." Vermouth looks up and says, "Where?"
Sherry starts giving a seminar on Oxygen need fulness to life. "Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773."
Vermouth, all of a sudden responds,"Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it."
Vermouth is overweight so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and repeat for two weeks and you'll lose at least five pounds." When Vermouth returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
The doctor exclaims,"That's amazing! Did you follow my diet?"
Vermouth nods. "I thought I was going to drop dead every third day from all the skipping!" -
Vermouth sees a thermos in a store. She asks a clerk,"What is that and what's it for?" The clerk answers,"It's a thermos that keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." Vermouth says, "I'll take it." When she gets to work, her boss asks, "What is that?" Vermouth worker says,"It's a thermos. It keeps cold things cold and hot things hot." "Whatcha got in it?" "A cup of coffee and a Popsicle."
There are three girls who are on a road trip. As they are driving through the desert, their car breaks down. They have no phone to call anyone, so they decide to walk to the nearest city, several miles away. They each decide to take one thing to make the journey better. The first girl 'Kir' takes the radio and says, "If we get bored, we can put the radio on and listen to music." The second girl 'Sherry' decides to take a wheel, "In case one of us gets really tired, we can go inside the wheel and be rolled." The third girl 'Vermouth' takes the car door, "In case it gets too hot, we can roll down the window!"
Conan: How does Vermouth clean up the workplace?
Haibara: She wipes her mouth.
Vermouth walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes.
"How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.
"Well, they feel a bit tight," replies Vermouth.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and Vermouth's feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," offers the clerk.
"Nath, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth," Vermouth replies.
Conan: How many Vermouth's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Haibara: Too many to count.
Conan: What do you give Vermouth, who has everything?
Haibara: Penicillin!.
Vermouth tells her friend Chianti, "I slept with a Brazilian!..."
Chianti replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a Brazilian?"
Conan: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
Haibara: Last year's hide-and-go-seek winner.
Conan: What do you call a basement full of Vermouth's?
Haibara: A whine cellar.
Conan: How would I you know if Vermouth likes me?
Haibara: She screws you two nights in a row.
Conan: What does Vermouth say if you blow in her ear?
Haibara: "Thanks for the refill!"
Conan: What do Vermouth do after she comb her hair?
Haibara: She pull up her pants.
Conan: How do you get Vermouth on the roof?
Haibara: Tell her drinks are on the house.
Conan: Why do Vermouth wear underwear?
Haibara: To keep her ankles warm.
Conan: What can strike Vermouth without her even knowing it?
Haibara: A thought.
Conan: Why don't Vermouth get coffee breaks?
Haibara: It takes too long to re-train her.
Conan: What's the difference between Vermouth and Gin?
Haibara: Vermouth has the higher sperm count.
Conan: Why was Vermouth confused after giving birth to twins?
Haibara: She couldn't figure out who the other mother was.
Conan: Why does Vermouth wear green lipstick?
Haibara: Because red means Stop.
Conan: Did you hear about Vermouth with a PhD in Psychology?
Haibara: She'll blow your mind, too.
Conan: Why did Vermouth tattoo her zip-code on her thigh?
Haibara: She wanted a lot of male in her box.
Conan: What is Vermouth's favorite color?
Haibara: Glitter.
Conan: What is the difference between Vermouth and traffic signs?
Haibara: Some traffic signs say stop.
Conan: Did you hear about the new Vermouth's paint?
Haibara: It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.
Conan: Why do Vermouth wash her hair in the sink?
Haibara: Because that's where your supposed to wash vegetables.
Conan: Why do men like Vermouth's jokes?
Haibara: Because they can understand her.
Shiho: Why is Vermouth so easy to get into bed?
Shinichi: Who cares?
Shiho: *slaps*
Conan: Why did Vermouth scale the chain-link fence?
Haibara: To see what was on the other side.
Conan: How do you make Vermouth laugh on Saturday?
Haibara: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Conan: Why did Vermouth stare at frozen orange juice?
Haibara: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Conan: What do ' Smart Vermouth's ' and UFO's have in common?
Haibara: You always hear about her but you never see her.
Conan: Why does it take longer to build Vermouth snowman as opposed to a regular one?
Haibara: You have to hollow out the head.
Conan: How do you get a twinkle in Vermouth's eye?
Haibara: Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Conan: Did you hear about the two Vermouth's that were found frozen to death in her car at a drive-in movie theater?
Haibara: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Conan: Why can't Vermouth be pharmacists?
Haibara: She keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
Conan: How can you tell if Vermouth is being unfaithful?
Haibara: Everybody in the neighborhood is going to the pharmacy for penicillin.
Conan: Why did Vermouth jump off the cliff?
Haibara: She thought her maxi pad had wings.
Conan: Why did god give Vermouth 2 more brain cells than he gave cows?
Haibara: So she wouldn't shit all over when you play with her, tits.
Conan: What is the difference between a 747 jumbo jet and Vermouth?
Haibara: Not everyone has been in a 747.
Conan: Why did Vermouth have rectangular tits?
Haibara: Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the box!.
Conan: Why is Vermouth like pianos?
Haibara: When she isn't upright, she's grand.
Conan: How do you get Vermouth pregnant?
Haibara: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
Conan: Why can't Vermouth count to 70?
Haibara: Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.
Conan: Why don't Vermouth like anal sex?
Haibara: She don't like her brains being screwed with.
Conan: How do you get Vermouth off of her knees?
Haibara: Come.
Conan: How does Vermouth kill a fish?
Haibara: By drowning it.
Conan: Vermouth is going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
Haibara: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Conan: How do you know Vermouth has just lost her virginity?
Haibara: Her crayons are still sticky.
Conan: How does Vermouth moonwalk?
Haibara: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!
Conan: Why can't Vermouth water-ski?
Haibara: When she get her crotch wet, she think she has to lay down.
Conan: What happens when you give 61 dollars to Vermouth?
Haibara: She wants 8 (ate) more.
Conan: What does Vermouth and a turtle have in common?
Haibara: If either one of her end up on there back they are both f*cked.
Conan: What's the difference between a chorus line of Vermouth and a magician?
Haibara: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
Conan: What's the difference between Vermouth and the Panama Canal?
Haibara: The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.
Conan: What is a Vermouth blood type?
Haibara: Pink glitter.
Conan: What do you call Vermouth with pigtails?
Haibara: A blow job with handlebars
Conan: Why did Vermouth shoot the clock?
Haibara: To Kill time
Conan: Why don't Vermouth in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
Haibara: Cause her balls show!
Conan: How do you measure Vermouth's intelligence?
Haibara: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Conan: How do you keep Vermouth busy all day?
Haibara: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Conan: How did Vermouth die ice fishing?
Haibara: She was run over by the Zamboni's machine.
Conan: How do I get Vermouth to marry me?
Haibara: Tell her she's pregnant.
Conan: What does Vermouth ask the doctor, in the maternity ward?
Haibara: "Is it mine?"
Conan: How does Vermouth moonwalk?
Haibara: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!
Conan: What is the difference between a 'Smart Vermouth' and Gin?
Haibara: Gin has been spotted.
Conan: Why is a washing machine better than Vermouth?
Haibara: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week.
Shiho: What do you say to Vermouth with no arms and no legs?
Shinichi: "Nice tits!"
Shiho: *slaps*
Conan: What does Vermouth make best for dinner?
Haibara: Reservations.
Conan: What do Vermouth do with her arse holes in the morning?
Haibara: Pack her lunch and send her to work.
Conan: What do Vermouth and cow-pats have in common?
Haibara: They both get easier to pick-up with age.
Conan: What does Vermouth say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
Haibara: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
Conan: What all does Vermouth and a 747 have in common?
Haibara: They both have a black box.
Haibara: Both have a cockpit.
Conan: What do you get when you offer Vermouth a penny for her thoughts?
Haibara: Change.
Conan: What do you call five Vermouth at the bottom of the pool?
Haibara: Air bubbles.
Conan: What do you call a room full of Vermouth, half with PMS, half with yeast infections?
Haibara: A whine and cheese party!.
Shiho: What do you call Vermouth lesbian?
Shinichi: A waste.
Conan: What do you call 4 Vermouth lying on the ground?
Haibara: An air mattress.
Conan: What do you call a dumb Vermouth behind a steering wheel?
Haibara: An Air Bag.
Conan: What do you call Vermouth between Kir and Sherry?
Haibara: A mental block.
Conan: What do you call 10 Vermouth standing ear to ear?
Haibara: A wind tunnel.
Conan: What do you call 15 Vermouth in a circle?
Haibara: A dope ring.
Conan: What do you call an unmarried Vermouth in a BMW?
Haibara: Divorcee'
Conan: What do you call Vermouth with 2 brain cells?
Haibara: Pregnant.
Conan: What do you call Vermouth in an institution of higher learning?
Haibara: A visitor.
*******************
Conan: What do you call Vermouth with half a brain?
Haibara: Gifted!
Conan: What do you call Vermouth with a dollar on the top of her head?
Haibara: All you can eat, under a buck.
Conan: Why did god give Vermouth 2% more brains than horses?
Haibara: Because he didn't want her shitting in the streets during parades.
Conan: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
Haibara: Wave to her.
Conan: How does Vermouth turn on the light after she has had sex?
Haibara: She opens the car door.
Conan: How does Vermouth get pregnant?
Haibara: And I thought Vermouth was dumb!
Conan: How does Vermouth part her hair?
Haibara: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
Haibara: By doing the splits.
Conan: How do you tell when Vermouth reaches orgasm?
Haibara: She drops her nail-file!
Haibara: Who cares?
Haibara: She says, "Next".
Haibara: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
Haibara: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
Haibara: I mean, who really cares?
Haibara: The batteries have run out.
Conan: How do you make Vermouth's eyes light up?
Haibara: Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Conan: Why do Vermouth wear shoulder pads?
Haibara: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
Conan: How does Vermouth prefer her eggs?
Haibara: Unfertilized!.
Conan: How do you drown Vermouth!
Haibara: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
Haibara: Don't tell her to swallow.
Haibara: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
Conan: How does Vermouth give a high-five?
Haibara: She smacks herself in the forehead.
Conan: How do you describe Vermouth, surrounded by drooling idiots?
Haibara: Flattered.
Conan: What do you call Vermouth with ESP and PMS?
Haibara: A know-it-all bitch.
Conan: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny Vermouth?
Haibara: One's a phony buck.
Conan: Who is the best secretary in the world, for Anokata?
Haibara: Vermouth, she never misses a period.
Conan: What does Vermouth think an innuendo is?
Haibara: An Italian suppository.
Conan: What is every Vermouth's ambition in life?
Haibara: To be like Wanna White and learn the alphabet.
Conan: What's the difference between Vermouth and a brick?
Haibara: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining.
Conan: What is foreplay for Vermouth?
Haibara: Thirty minutes of begging.
Conan: What's the difference between Vermouth and a broom closet?
Haibara: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
Conan: What's the difference between Vermouth and a phone booth?
Haibara: You need a quarter to use the phone.
Haibara: Only one person can use the phone at once.
Conan: What does the Bermuda Triangle and Vermouth have in common?
Haibara: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
Conan: What did Vermouth say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
Haibara: "It's OK Gin, I'm not hurt."
Conan: How does Vermouth commit suicide?
Haibara: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
Conan: How do you plant dope?
Haibara: Bury Vermouth.
Conan: How do you kill Vermouth?
Haibara: Put spikes in her shoulder pads.
Conan: How do Vermouth pierce her ears?
Haibara: She put tacks in her shoulder pads.
Conan: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary like Vermouth?
Haibara: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!
Conan: Why is Vermouth hurt by peoples words?
Haibara: Because people keep hitting their with dictionaries.
*******************
Conan: What did Vermouth do when she got her period?
Haibara: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?
Conan: Why is Vermouth like cornflakes?
Haibara: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
Conan: Why can't Vermouth change light bulbs?
Haibara: She keep breaking her with the hammers.
Conan: Why can't Vermouth make ice cubes?
Haibara: She always forget the recipe.
Conan: Did you hear about Vermouth coyote?
Haibara: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Conan: When is it legal to shoot Vermouth in the head?
Haibara: When you have a tire pump to re-inflate it!
Conan: What did Vermouth say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
Haibara: "Look! they spelled MACYS wrong!"
Jodie: Vermouth, Kir, and Sherry are in the ninth grade; which one is the sexiest?
Akai: Vermouth, because she is the only one that's 18.
Vermouth told her girlfriend 'Chianti', "I was so worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. And I was so relieved when he told me that all I needed was blinker fluid!"
Vermouth walked into the dentist office and sat down in the chair.
The dentist said "Open Wide"
"I can't" Vermouth said."This chair has arms"
Vermouth a girl was talking to her redhead friend Sherry about her boyfriend's dandruff problem.
The redhead says "Why don't you give him Head and Shoulders?"
Vermouth replies, "Ahraa, How do you give shoulders?"
Vermouth's One Liners
If pink and glitter were vitamins, Vermouth would be the healthiest people alive.
Vermouth: I'm not dumb, I just have a lot of blonde moments.
You know what's hotter than Vermouth? ABSOLUTELY nothing.
We all have one ginger friend that claims to be "strawberry blonde"
Every Vermouth needs a Sherry as her best friend
Anything you can do, Vermouth can do better
The princess emoji may be a Vermouth, but the wife emoji is a Sherry.
There are 11 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 10 of them are Vermouth, and one is a Shiho. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally Shiho delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The Vermouth's, all moved by Shiho's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.
Vermouth, Kir, and Sherry, all work at the same office for a female boss 'Chianti' who always goes home early. "Hey girls," says Sherry, "Let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know." The next day, they all leave right after the boss does. Sherry gets some extra gardening done, Kir goes to a bar, and Vermouth goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time. "That was fun," says Sherry. "Yeah, We should do it again sometime." says Kir. "No way," says Vermouth. "I almost got caught!"
Vermouth is in a car and a Driver is driving it on a hilly road. At the top of a very high steep hill, they start going down it very fast. The driver screams, "Oh no! The brakes don't work!" Vermouth in the passenger seat says, "Don't worry. There's a stop sign ahead."
Conan: Why did Vermouth get fired from the m&m factory?
Haibara: She was throwing away all the "w"s!
Conan: Why did Vermouth get excited after finishing the jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months.
Haibara: Because the box said from 3 to 5 years .
Vermouth: "What does IDK stand for?"
Sherry: "I don't know."
Vermouth: "OMG, nobody does!"
Vermouth and Chianti fell down a hole. Chianti said, "It's dark in here isn't it?"
Vermouth replied, "I don't know; I can't see."
Conan: Why did Vermouth have sex with a Mexican?
Haibara: Her teacher told her, she had to do an Essay.
Vermouth, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handy woman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" Asked the Owner 'Kudo Shinichi'. Vermouth said,"How about 50 dollars?". Shinichi agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. Shinichi's wife, Shiho, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?". Shinichi replied,"She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, Vermouth came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," Vermouth answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, Shinichi reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," Vermouth added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
There were three women. A Red headed 'Sherry', a brunette 'Kir', and a blonde 'Vermouth'. They were talking, then they started talking about sex. The Red headed one said I'm gonna have 3 baby's. The brunette said she was gonna have twins. And Vermouth started crying and the other two women asked her what was wrong. And Vermouth said she was gonna have baby dogs because she had sex doggy style!
Vermouth gets lost and calls for directions. The operator asks which cross streets she's at. Vermouth replies,"I'm on the corner of 'Walk'and 'Do Not Walk.' "
A blonde goes to the doctor's and find out she is pregnant with twins. She starts crying and the doctor asks her what's wrong. She replies, "I know who the dad is for one of them but I don't know who the dad is for the other one!"
Once Vermouth was driving in the country side when she went around the corner and saw an ocean of wheat fields. Then she saw Sherry in a row boat frantically paddling. Vermouth driver yelled out,"Hey! It's blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name and if I knew how to swim, I'd swim out there and kick your ass!"
"May I take your order?" Vermouth 'a waitress' asked."Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?" asked Shinichi "Nothing special sir," she replied,"we just tell them straight out that they're going to die."
Vermouth a blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, Vermouth goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. Vermouth asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I'm a blonde?" The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV, it's a microwave!"
Once upon a time Vermouth was swimming in the river. Shinichi went up to her and asked, "Why are you doing this? Vermouth said, "I'm washing my clothes. Is there a problem?" Shinichi said, "Why don't you try a washing machine?". Vermouth replied, "I feel dizzy in the washing machine!"