1 Year Later

Diane

Everyone I once loved is gone. Charlie, my best friend in the world, finally had enough and took his own life. I stayed home for a week. I was a fucking mess. Every time I'd wake up I'd check my phone to see if he'd texted me and of course, he never did. Campbell and I became closer after Charlie's death. We'd talk on the phone everyday until one of us fell asleep, too scared to go it alone. He became my security blanket. I was so scared living in this world where I had no one. My family doesn't care about me. I don't have many friends and the one's I do have pitied me. I couldn't escape my own head. I'd always come back to a vision of charlie, Campbell and I together, wishing life could still look like that.

Then, a few months later, Campbell took his own life. I flew out to Toronto to go to his wake. I met his girlfriend and his hockey team. This one guy, Dallas, was a wreck. He had his head in his hands and just kept sobbing. His girlfriend looked like she couldn't give two shits but I know that's not the case. I wanted to talk to her. To tell her what he probably didn't. But, as with many things in my life, I gave up and walked away.

Campbell was my first crush in grade school. He was the only one who wasn't afraid of the rumors people spread about me. Everyone said that I lived in the streets and that's why I dressed so poorly. I lived in a little suburban house and wore my sisters hand-me-downs that were still too big. We were a normal family, but I was the black sheep. Relatives avoided me at parties while I sat in a corner and read a book. That's why my mom said I could invite Campbell to them. He was personable and charismatic. People loved him. He had this infectious smile and could make anyone laugh. He brought me out of my shell. I just wish it had stayed that way.

When he moved to Toronto I was beside myself. I had no one. Charlie was in rehab and I was alone. I didn't have anyone left. I made friends with some of the girls in my grade. But, in reality I just sat at their table so I wouldn't be alone.

I'm getting better though. Campbell and Charlie are gone and I'm beginning to accept it. I actually went to a medium to talk to them. Campbell and I talked for awhile, but Charlie watched, according to the psychic. It was like they were still here with me. But, I still talk to them every night, right before bed. Tell them what's happening and how much I miss them both. I think part of me knew that Campbell was on his way out. He was under so much stress and felt like he was disappointing everyone, not to mention having to cope with Charlie's death. It was just too much for him.

And me? Well, I'm taking it day by day. Seeing my therapist again and making sure that I'm okay. I know someday I'll see them again, when we're old and cranky, but it doesn't make it easy, just manageable. I talk to Maya sometimes. I found her number on Facerange. She'd wanted to meet me too. She reminds me a lot of Campbell actually. She's really passionate but also reserved.

I know I'll be alright. I just have to take it as it comes.

Maya

It's been one year and 8 months since Campbell's death. I've cried, I've wallowed, I've lived, I've learned. He was a big part of my life but the world had different plans for him. He was taken far too early and I hate myself for not catching it sooner. I didn't find out about his friend Charlie until after Cam's death, when I talked to Diane. If she can make it through this, so can I. She's had to cope with the deaths of two of her best friends. I don't think I could ever do that. She's much stronger than I am. We started talking a few months ago. She'd found my number and wanted to meet me. I went up to Kapuskasing with her to get a reading from a medium. And, Cam came through! He told me not to worry. He was okay and he was watching out for me. He misses me very much, but he knows we'll see each other again someday. He forgives Zig, seeing as being homeless really humbled him. He just wishes that I'd stay away from Miles.

I asked him if Miles wasn't telling me anything. He'd told me that Miles was going through more than he admitted to but was more or less telling the truth. He also said to go easy on Zoe, because she's had it harder than any of us.

There are days that I try to call Cam by accident, but there are also good days. There are days when I'm happy and I don't think about Cam's death. He says that's what he wishes most for me. That I keep living my life and keep doing the things that I love.

I've made a new life. I have my Rubber Room friends (Tiny, Grace and Zig) and my other friends (Winston, Miles, Tristan and Zoe) and I feel like I'm in a good place. I'm playing cello again and doing pretty well. I've made some mistakes (Harry) but I've also learned to accept my mistakes. They're just another part of my life.

I wish Cam was still here but I know the stress he was going through. Someday we'll meet again. Someday.

Zig

A year or so ago, Campbell Saunders took his life. For awhile I blamed myself. I thought I made him do it. It took a lot of counseling to find out that it wasn't my fault. Cam was really sick. If it wasn't me that set him off, someone else would have. Gee and I found him in the greenhouse and I still can't get that image out of my head. My therapist says it takes time to heal and part of me knows that but another part just wishes I wasn't the one to find him. I really really like Maya and I didn't think about Cam when I kissed her. I didn't think of how I was stepping in and taking away not only his girlfriend but his best friend. He didn't have very many people in Toronto, other than the Ice Hounds and I took her away.

Gioia and I broke up after Cam's suicide. We had to take some time to get ourselves right again. In my own sheer stupidity I joined a gang. I felt like I was finally part of something. Then my Mom kicked me out. I was squatting at houses, trying to keep up with everything. Now I live with Maya, weird I know, and we're both in the Rubber Room with Gioia. It's weird to think that the death of one person could change my life so much but it was more than that. Once Cam left so did Tori, I mean, she didn't kill herself but she left me and everything else in Toronto. She wanted a fresh new start. But. I met someone new: Zoe. Everyone thinks she's a huge bitch but I don't see it that way. She puts out this image of herself with a hard outer shell. In reality she's just like me. We're broken, but we're breathing.

So I take it as it comes. Trying to get better for myself, for my family, and for Gioia. One day at a time.

Gioia

I had a dream about Campbell. Zig and I were going into the greenhouse and he was gardening. All smiles. But then. he pricked his finger on a thorn and fell, the whole scene collapsed and he was gone. The sky was gray and thunder roared through the air. Then we were in a classroom. Zig and I. We sat in the room talking, and crying, and laughing. Cam's death still has an affect on me. We were together for a bit in the summer and I guess that's what's messing with me most. I have this fear that everyone in my life leaves me. Brian and now Cam. I just hope that I can keep getting better.

In the fall I was moved to the Rubber Room after I kept skipping classes and my grades were dropping. I like it in there. I met this girl named Grace who's really nice. She's sarcastic and bitter, but can also be caring. I talk with her a lot about my life and she's helped my through a lot of the repressed feelings and my emotional baggage. She knows about Brian, Julia and Gabe and about Cam and Zig. She says that I put up this wall when I meet people for the first time. This image of someone who is so perfect and has it all together. I just hope that I can make it through and try to break down that wall.

I'm getting better. I've learned how to cope with it all and I've made some new friends. Grace is my best friend. We hang out after school and do our homework together. Its weird. I never thought I would be friends with someone like Grace. We're polar opposites. But, I think that's why I like her so much. We even each other out. I've been hanging out with Zig too. We're both getting better. Cam's death took a toll on all of us. I'm just glad we're getting past it. I've rebuilt my life and I'm learning how to cope. I've been clean for nearly a year and It's amazing. Each day I get stronger and stronger. I mean yes I've had slip ups but I've learned how to move past them and keep working.

I'm still living with Maya and... so is Zig. We've gotten to be a much tighter knit group. We're coping and I think that's what Cam would want.

Tristan

I thought I had no one left. I felt like I was going in a downward spiral again. So afraid of what might happen. I've made new friends: Zoe Rivas (yes, Gatsby from West Drive) and Miles being my closest friends. I miss Cam a lot. He was always so sweet to everyone and had a big impact on my life. He was one of the first crushes I ever had. I don't know why but I keep going for the straight boys hahaha.

Maya and I are still pretty good friends. Not as tight as we used to be but we see each other pretty regularly. She's in a better place in her life now. She's been able to help her self first and others second. The Rubber Room really changed her life. She made her peace with Zig and has met some new people. I'm so proud of her.

As for me? I'm alright. I miss Tori everyday and we see each other pretty frequently but she's moved on with her life. She has new friends (and I do too). Zoe, Miles, Chewy, Gioia, and Maya are my closest friends. Miles and I have an off again on again relationship that, in retrospect is going nowhere but whatever. I'm taking a break for now. I need to learn how to take care of myself before I go off in another relationship.

We're all getting better. We're all moving past it... Together.

Campbell

They don't know it but I watch. I've seen them laugh, cry, smile and breakdown. I miss them so much.

I watch Maya everyday. She's getting better. She's getting back to her cello and is moving on. I want her to know that I love her. That I've always loved her and the feeling won't go away.

She's an amazing girl. She's beautiful, smart, funny and witty. I just hope she knows that too.

I've learned to forgive Zig. He didn't know what I was going through. He didn't know about Charlie or about hockey or anything. He saw in Maya what I see and he just wanted to be with her. I get that. He's got his new life and seems to be doing better. The Rubber Room seems to be helping everyone lately.

I watch Tristan. He way be the most distraught one. He's going it along even with so many people around him. He and I were never very close but I always enjoyed his company. He was sarcastic and funny and amazingly talented. I hope he knows that he deserves better. They all deserve better.

Charlie and I are doing well up here. We watch Diane from up here and she's better. I wish I could go down and hug her, tell her that it's alright. But, I know that would never work out.

I know someday they'll be up here with me and we can talk about it all and catch up. I want them to know how much I love them and how much I wish I could be with them. Especially Dallas. He was like a brother to me. I hope that he's doing better. I mean loosing both Adam and me can't have been easy for him. I know he'll go on to big and better things. He's a really great captain and an even better person. He's rough around the edges but he really does care about everyone.

Someday they'll be able to see why I did what I did. I hope they know how much I love them all and how much they mean to me. Someday, it will all make sense.

Hey guys. I know I said I was done but I couldn't leave it the way it was. It needed a proper ending. The characters need to be wrapped up. I hope you guys enjoyed this story. It was a little rocky but I like it a lot still. Have a great day and stay strong

~ Squeegee G