Chapter Three – High on Life, Low on Love
She was not avoiding them today as she stood in front of her locker in the cheer outfit that Brooke mandated they all wear in support of tonight's game. She would so sell all of her siblings though for the chance to avoid them, avoid everything, but she knew better than that. Avoiding would only serve to call more questions into play about her change of employment status.
Brooke bugged her the whole way to school about the new job, but Haley wouldn't give up any information on it. She just shrugged and told her it wasn't a big deal and promised it wouldn't interfere with cheerleading in any way, shape, or form, which pretty much shut Brooke up.
Once they got to school, Brooke rushed off to find Luke and yell at him again, and for once Haley was grateful to have someone monopolize her best friend's time. Maybe that would be one confrontation she could put off until at least second or third period. Luck didn't hold up with Nathan, though, and he was jogging down the hall to catch her here before she even had a chance to react. Tim was in tow, and she really had to let herself hope that his presence would keep the heavy conversation to a minimum.
"Tim, scram," Nathan ordered when he realized he'd been followed. Sighing and pouting quite admirably, Tim did what he was ordered. "It's like I have a Snausage© in my back pocket or something."
Haley laughed at that, glancing nervously at him as she hung up her bag in the locker. "He does seem to think he needs to be right on your heels, doesn't he?" Haley commented lightly, bracing herself for the inevitable questions. "If you ever need a second for a duel, you've got your ma – uh, boy."
He chuckled lightly, but she could see that his mind was elsewhere. And she didn't need three guesses to figure out where, either. He didn't say anything about it, no questions, no comments, and it threw her for a loop.
"Well, um, I should get going," she said slowly. "Um, unless you wanted to talk or something."
"Why do you have this look on your face that says you'd rather get that bird flu than talk to me right now?"
She smiled genuinely at that, blushing a deep red. "Nathan, there aren't many things I'd rather have than you talking to me. You can mark that down as fact. It's just – there's this whole awkward thing with the job situation, and you know."
"Job situation?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at her. Oh, what a glorious way to start the day: a mouthful of foot. "What job situation? You aren't having trouble with my mom, are you? She said that everything has been really great."
"No, they have," Haley jumped in quickly. "She's been really nice to me again. It's been really nice. I should've told her that."
"Hey, you're shaking, are you sick?" He looked her over with concern, and she let herself laugh when he reached a hand out to check her forehead.
"I'm not sick, Nathan. I think this blue kind of emphasizes my pastiness thus creating the look of illness – flattering, right? – but I'm not sick."
"Then what's wrong?" he asked, placing his hands on her shoulders and turning her around to guide her into an empty classroom, shutting the door behind them. "What's the job situation, Hales?"
"I – I quit the café," she mumbled, moving to sit atop a desk in the front row. "There's – I found something that can pay better, and it's – I need that right now. It's not a big deal, I just really feel bad about the short notice."
"Okay," he drawled out slowly, staring at her as he tried to figure out why this was so upsetting to her. "They weren't mad, were they?"
She shook her head, embarrassed when a lone tear escaped and made it way down her cheek. "They were really nice about it. I just feel awful; I hate that I had to quit."
He sat down in the chair of the desk that she's perched on. "Did you talk to Karen first? Ask her about a raise."
Sighing, she turned so she could look down at him. "I wish it were that simple, Nathan. It just, it isn't, and I hate it, I hate that it's like this."
"Hey, shh," he murmured, pushing the chair back far enough that he can drag her down onto his lap. He was not sure what he was doing exactly, just knew that he needed to be here for her now, wanted her to know that he was. "It's okay, baby."
Even though 'okay' was the last thing any of this was, she let him hold her, too upset to really even revel in the feeling of being in his arms again. She knew she'd kick herself for that later, too.
"Thank you," she whispered when she gets herself a bit more under control. "I guess I needed for someone to do that for me today."
"Hales, I'm always here if you need me," he told her honestly. "I guess maybe it doesn't seem like it, but I am." He brushed an errant strand of hair off her face. "If you need anything, you should tell me. I can help you; I want to help you, Haley."
"It's not like I'm going to starve because I can't buy groceries," she smiled faintly. "Because if that were the case, yeah, I'd learn to ask for help. This is – I'm thinking of college right now, and no one else is doing that for me, so it's my responsibility to find a way to pay for it."
"And this new job is going to help with that?"
"Yeah, it will," she nodded, praying he doesn't ask what she'll be doing or where she'll be doing it. "I've messed up a lot of things that were fundamentally important to me. You know that better than anyone, right? Well, I don't want to mess up my dreams of going to college."
"You won't," he smiled, grimacing inwardly to himself. She was thinking college? And hadn't talked to him about where he was going, where he'd like to go, whether or not he even wanted her to consider those things when she's making her decision.
Drying her eyes, she stood up. "Everything is in limbo right now, and I hate it. Ugh, ignore me, I'm being a baby."
"Where are you going to college?" he asked abruptly, sounding almost accusatory. He cringed at that, but le it go, needing to know her answer.
"I haven't decided yet. Mrs. Pierce in the counseling center talked me into applying to a couple of Ivy League schools just for the heck of it, but other than that, I've been waiting to even think about it."
"Why?"
"Why?" she repeated, staring at him incredulously. "Um, maybe because my husband would barely say 'hi' to me for five months, let alone have a conversation about our future. I gather you don't want to hear this right now, but you factor pretty hugely in where I'll be going, Nathan! I'm not deciding anything until I know what's going to happen between us."
Something between the warmth of relief and the ice water of pure terror ran through his veins at her proclamation. He still had no promises to give her, but he knew that he didn't want her running off to a college that wasn't anywhere near him. There were some things he could handle, but that was not one of them.
"It's – I'm trying, Hales," he told her, standing up so she couldn't tower over him like she'd been doing. "I am trying."
"I know, Nathan. That wasn't a dig at you. Me not choosing a college until I know what you're doing and what you want is just a fact. Something that has to be."
The bell rang before he could respond, and they both groaned, looking at each other with small, shy smiles. They weren't in a place that either of them was really comfortable with, but it wasn't a bad place. Maybe it was even getting a little bit better all the time, too.
Sighing, he grabbed his bag and walked to the door. "I'll see you around, Hales."
"Wait, Nathan," she called, stopping him in the doorway. "Are we still on for studying on the bus tonight?"
"I'd like that," he smiled. "I'll see you then."
"Yeah, see you then," she echoed, letting a smile of her own grace her face. Not everything was coming up roses, but at least Nathan was finally talking to her again. And hadn't mentioned the much dreaded and reviled D-word again. Thank goodness for small wonders.
Another small wonder? Luke hadn't caught up with her yet. Maybe her Karma wasn't entirely wrecked after all.
When he couldn't find Haley before school, Lucas began to assume she was avoiding him again. But when he saw her in class and she flashed a dimmer than usual version of her smile at him – still her smile, though – he knew she wasn't avoiding him. Unfortunately, he'd had to go to a team meeting during third period, which he had with her and they usually got to talk in, so he still had no idea what was going on with her.
At lunch, she was sitting at a table with Nathan and Tim, and he'd love to know how that came about. Approaching her when Nathan was around pissed him off for several reasons, the two most prevalent being that he didn't want to mess things up for her and he didn't want to give Nathan more reasons to be angry with him.
He gave them most of the lunch period before he approached them anyway, consequences be damned. "Hales, can we talk? It's kind of important," he said, shifting uncomfortably as Nathan glared up at him.
Glancing at Nathan, Haley nodded, standing up. "You can walk me to the tutoring center. I have to grab something before next period." Smiling at Tim and mostly Nathan, she nodded. "Thanks for sitting with me. Another lunch with the cheerleaders, and my head would've exploded."
"Mine, too," Tim grinned cheerfully, earning three confused looks. "What? Seeing you with them, Haley, gives me some dirty thoughts."
Luke glared at him and Nathan actually slammed his fist onto Tim's shoulders. Haley just laughed, though, patting him on the head. "I'm sure the dirty thoughts aren't half as good as the real thing, though."
"Hales, please don't encourage him," Nathan sighed at her, and she patted him on the back with a grin before giving Luke a shove towards the doors.
"See you on the bus, Nathan. See you in your dreams, Tim," she laughed, waving at the two, trying to ignore the not-so-nice vibes rolling off of Luke right now. Bracing herself for his questions, when they were a little ways down the hall, she turned to him. "What's up, Luke?"
He gave her the 'what the fuck, are you kidding me' look, rolling his eyes. "Uh, you quit your job, get one somewhere else that pays twice what you're making at the café, and you wonder what's up? Don't mess around right now, Hales."
"Luke, come on, it's a job, it's not a big deal," she tried to downplay it. "I didn't do this to upset you or hurt you, and definitely not your mom. I just need the extra money."
That lie was starting to stretch thin, even for her. Sure, it wasn't actually a lie in the purest sense of the word, which is partially why she decided it was the best reason to give. She could use the extra money, both for day to day living expenses and also to save more for college. It still felt like a lie because it isn't the real reason and when she accepted, it wasn't even something she considered. Not really.
"Yeah, a job. A job doing what?"
"Just stuff," she sighed. "Secretarial stuff. You know, filing, phones, whatever."
"Stuff? You're telling me that you're doing stuff? You can't even tell me what you're doing, oh, my God, this is ridiculous!" he burst out.
"It's just a job," she countered through gritted teeth, irritated with the attention they were drawing. "Let's talk about this after school."
"Oh, but you have to go kiss Nathan's ass on the bus ride to the game," he sneered. "All of a sudden you can talk to him, but not me? It's – this – "
"What, Luke?" Haley asked, cringing at the way his face falls.
"I thought it was going to be different," he sighed. "I thought that maybe you'd have time for me again, you'd be my friend again. And you are, since you've been back, you've been great. A little bit of a nag sometimes, but overall, great. The writing's on the wall again, though."
"What does that mean?"
"You love Nathan, and he loves you. It's only a matter of time before it becomes like it was before you left, when it's just you and him."
"It wasn't like that!" Haley protested heatedly, vaguely recognizing the sound of the bell ringing. "It's never been like that. And it definitely isn't like that now – do you think I spend much of my time worrying about much other than you, if you're okay? Because if you do, you're crazy. And you don't know me at all."
She snapped that out, and the wind fell out of her sails. Suddenly the people around them became painfully clear – Nathan, with Tim next to him looking like he's expecting a fist fight, Brooke, looking confused and upset and mad. Shaking her head, she sighed, glaring at the rest of the gathered students.
"What? Haven't you ever seen a cheerleader yell before?" she snapped, rolling her eyes before pushing through the crowd past Nathan and heading towards her class. To her relief, no one ran after her. That was the last thing she needed right then, having to explain herself to Nathan or Brooke.
Lucas looked across the crowd, ignoring Brooke who was making her way past him, to find Nathan, motioning him over. "Did you do something to her?" he growled out, glaring at his younger brother.
"When would I have done something?" Nathan snapped back. "She was perfectly fine at lunch. Obviously whatever the problem is has to do with what a jerk you are."
"Oh, this is productive," Brooke bitched at them both. "Why don't we focus on the real problem here, and someone tell me why Haley's so worried for you, and why you don't know her, Lucas?"
"That's none of your damned business," he answered, ignoring her startled gasp and the subsequent look of fury that crosses her face. "It isn't any of your business."
"You being a jerk to her is my business," Nathan told him. "Maybe you're the one getting into things that you shouldn't be in."
"No, it isn't your business!" Luke exclaimed, staring at Nathan incredulously. "You've brushed her off a hundred times! You don't get to insinuate yourself into my relationship with my best friend."
"Oh, my God!" Brooke screeched, stomping her foot on the ground, reaching out to pinch Tim when she caught him look at her ass when the cheer skirt flips up. "You two are such assholes. Haley should do herself a favor and tell both of you to go to hell. I thought this stupid pissing match over her ended, like, a gazillion years ago. Do we have to retread ancient history?"
"Jealous no one is pissing over you?" Tim laughed.
"Shut up, Tim!" all three burst out. A teacher popped out of her classroom, clucking her tongue at the commotion, shuffling the students watching off to their classes. Ending the showdown, Brooke spun on her heel and headed towards her class, Tim shrugging and following behind her. Nathan and Luke stared at each other until Luke shook his head in disgust, heading down the same hallway that Haley had towards class.
"Fuck," Nathan muttered to himself, shaking his head as he headed toward the library. Nothing ever could just be simple around there.
Drumming his fingers on the dash as he drove along, he was about whiz past the stranded motorist, even after he saw who it was. Actually, when he saw who it was, he tapped his foot on the gas pedal, all ready to speed right on by her.
So why he found himself stopping, he didn't know.
"Can I help with that?" he asked gruffly, and he knew by the look on her face that she found his offer as foreign as he did. "I – uh, I do know something about cars, Karen."
"How to gouge people for the most money when selling them?" she retorted tartly. "Come on, Dan, you and I both know that the mechanic aptitude abilities all went to Keith. So if you stopped to taunt me, go ahead and commence so we can get this over with."
"I – actually, was going to offer you a ride the rest of the way to the game, unless this is a simple out of gas scenario. And if that's what it is, I'll take you to the service station. There's one a couple of miles up the road," he told her, not sure where the offer to help was coming from. Certainly not him.
"Is this where you kill me and dump my body in some remote part of the woods?" she asked warily, arching a brow at him.
"You've figured out my evil masterplan," he deadpanned, and she actually has to fight a – a smile. Brought on by Dan. Dan Scott. Oh, what is the world coming to?
"You'd really give me a ride?" she asked, completely dubious. What other choice did she have? She'd been out here for over a half hour, and he was the first person to stop. Of course, tonight was the night she forgot to charge the battery in her phone, so she was SOL there, too.
"Only if we agree not to talk about anyone under the age of 18," he bargained, for some reason feeling a need to keep the drive peaceful. Leaving out mentions or raging tempers about Lucas, Nathan, and now Haley seems like the way to go to achieve that.
"Well, I suppose I can manage that. It's not much farther, right?"
"Haven't even got in the car yet and already trying to get away from me? I'd be hurt if I'd expected anything more from you," he sighed, gesturing for her to get in. "Don't worry, you don't have to sit near me at the game."
"Thanks for your permission to enact my right to freedom of seating," she sighed, buckling her seatbelt and turning her head to stare out the window. There was nothing out there to see. To top it off, the sky was the inky black of night, but looking out the window seemed the pragmatic choice. Easier to focus on what was going on outside the car than inside of it.
"Oh, I do what I can," he smirked, starting the car and driving them off into the night.
She was sure that he did.
Looking at Nathan as he tapped his pencil in triumph of mastering the math they were working, Haley had to shake her head and laughed. "Sometimes I swear you are a secret math star and you just pretend not to know."
"Now why would I do that?" he smirked. "It's not to get in your pants, because hey, been there and done that, right?"
"Hey!" she exclaimed, looking offended even as she laughed along with him, "And I don't know why. It just seems like you know more than you let on sometimes, that's all." Smiling at him wryly, she shrugged. "Then again, maybe we all do, right?"
"Right," he nodded. "So, you going to tell me about the thing in the hall with Luke or am I going to have to tickle it out of you?"
"No!" she protested. "I am not ticklish, so that wouldn't even work!"
"You are so delusional," Nathan laughed, smirking at Luke when he turned in his seat to see what had them laughing. He was pretty sure the dust up between the two had something to do with Haley's quitting the café, but sticking it to Luke seemed like a good idea somehow.
"Come on, you have math to do," she whined, trying to reopen the book he'd slammed shut. "And I should start working on this essay for Civ."
"Or you could tell me why Luke's so mad at you," he tried again, smiling his most charming smile. She was a little pissed at herself that it made her feel so melty, but hey, it was one sexy, charming smile. Resistance was pretty much futile.
"Actually, I'd rather that you astound me with your mad trig skills, Nathan," she teased, shoving the book to him.
"Are you flirting with me?" he grinned, batting his eyes at her. "Or are you just trying to avoid my questions?"
"No! Nathan, I'm serious, this is supposed to be a study session, right? So we should, yeah, you know, study." She threw a smile his way, laying her hand on his arm. "There's no need to talk about stupid things like that, right?"
"Stupid?" he repeated disbelievingly. "Now there are a lot of things I'm sure you think whatever this thing is are, but stupid isn't one of them. We both know that. Tell me what's going on, Hales."
She hated that he was pressing her like this, and she hated even more that he was using her desire to be with him, to have him treat her like he did before she left Tree Hill against her. That hurt, but at the same time, felt deliriously good.
She hated that she couldn't tell him the truth about any of this. It was like realization dawned, and the full magnitude of what this plan, this annoying alliance was going to do to her life. How it would cause the most important people in her life to look at her in doubt when they suspected her of lying. Which she would inevitably be guilty of.
"It was just a fight," she said with a deep sigh. "He's mad that I quit the café. I was kind of expecting it, to tell the truth. I – I guess he'll get over it soon enough."
Seeing the drawn look on her face, he immediately set himself out to reassure her. "Of course he will, no one would think otherwise. We all know better."
"Well, I'm thinking otherwise," she admitted, and his gut clenched at the worry and pain evident to him in her eyes. It struck him that he was not sure if it was because he hated to see her hurt or if it was because he hated her hurting over Lucas. That damned Green-Eyed Monster, always rearing his ugly head.
"Stop thinking it," he commanded her with a reassuring smile. "Listen, you and Luke are a constant. No matter what, you two will work things through always."
Yeah, definitely jealousy. Just saying that out loud to her made his blood boil like crazy. The 'they're just friends' mantra didn't even seem to be helping.
"You ever going to tell me where you're working or what you'll be doing at this new job of yours?" he asked, abruptly changing the subject.
Attempting a coquettish smile, she shrugged. "You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you, Nathan Scott."
"Uh, what does that mean?" he asked as a million thoughts raced through his head. "This isn't illegal, is it?"
It should be, she couldn't help but think. Really, working for Dan Scott was at best a crime against nature. Indulging him in any way was a total disservice to all of humanity.
"Yeah, you got me," she laughed nervously. "I've finally gone into the 'family' business. I've become a borg-like enforcer to the local grease ball mob boss. How ever did you figure it out?"
"Well, at first I just thought you were happy to see me, but now I'm think that might've been a gun in your pocket," he joked back at her.
"Isn't something along that train of thought my line?" she interrupted, amused.
"Maybe, but I'm not the one working for a mob boss," he smiled, looking down at her and watching her carefully.
"Yeah, that's me, little mob princess," she laughed, rolling her eyes dramatically. "Don't I just look the part?"
"You're too sweet looking for that, Hales," he smiled at her, the hint of shyness immensely endearing to her.
"Oh, please," she snorted. "Sweet? That's crazy."
"You are sweet," he insisted. "It's nice, you know?"
"No, I really don't." She rolled her eyes, turning to face forward. "Do you ever feel like something that everyone thinks you are, that they seem to think is a good thing, is really a bad thing?"
"You think sweet is a bad thing?" he asked, raising his eyebrows in surprise. "I don't mean it as a bad thing."
"I know you didn't," she agreed, throwing him a smile. "It's just – people think I'm this sweet, demure girl that doesn't have any sharp edges, that doesn't make mistakes. And you know where that leads me?"
"Where?"
"It leads me to disappointing them. Because people think that I'll never cause conflict, that I'd never do anything rash or stupid, and when I do, I've hurt everyone. Not just myself, but everyone."
He rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "Is that your way of excusing yourself for taking off with Chris? Because that doesn't really make it okay, Haley!"
She blinked, trying to comprehend his words. "Oh, my God, I didn't even mean that! Fuck," she cursed, almost letting her guard down to giggle when he gaped in surprise at the choice of words. "I wasn't even thinking of that when I – oh, never mind."
She grabbed her bag and clutched her books to her chest, getting up to change seats. He grabbed her by the wrist, pulling her back down to her spot next to him. "What the hell are you talking about then? And why are you acting like you have the right to storm off?"
"Why don't I?" she muttered quietly, not wanting to attract attention to them. "I have done nothing but bend over and take it from you since I've been back. And you know what? I'd do it all over again, a thousand times. And I'll keep doing it now because I'll do anything for you. That just doesn't mean it hurts any less, or that it is any less frustrating."
"Hales," he sighed, feeling guilty. She was right; like he'd joked a few days ago, she'd given him a free pass to treat her like she was dirt on his shoe, and he had. The thing was, he stopped being mad, for the most part, awhile ago, but he still couldn't let it go. He couldn't bring himself to let her back in fully.
"Don't, it – it – I'm sorry," she sighed, leaning her head back and closing her eyes. "I just thought – yeah, I don't know what I thought. I wasn't talking about that mistake, though. I know that sharp edges don't excuse that, that nothing excuses what I did."
"Okay," he nodded, relaxing beside her when he trusted that her urge to get away from him has passed. "Then what the hell is it about?"
"Me, it's about me," she shrugged, her gaze flitting passed him to look out the window. "I don't want to be only shy, quiet Haley. Nathan's wife, Haley. Lucas's friend, Brooke's roommate. The 'sweet' girl that is just there. There's more to me, you know? But those are always the only things that people see. And that's hard; harder than maybe you realize."
Holy fuck. He stared at her in open-mouthed amazement, clueless as to where this was coming from. Had she felt this for a long time? Since before she left on the tour? Was this why she left him, because she didn't know that she did have her own identity, that people didn't see her as just those things?
"Anyway, I'm probably being ridiculous again," she smiled wryly. "It's not like being any of those things is bad. Well, except maybe Brooke's roommate, but that's only because it doesn't have to be that way. It could've been better, it could've still been me and you."
"Oh, Hales," he sighed, feeling like his heart was shattering all over again.
"Hush," she admonished him gently. "Let me have my regrets. They don't exactly keep me warm at night, but it's something to hold onto."
"Please," he groaned, "Don't joke like that."
"I could joke about Brooke keeping me warm at night, if you'd like," she smirked. "Fuel your girl-on-girl fantasies or something."
"Brooke is never in my girl-on-girl fantasies," he laughed, choking when he realized what he let slip. There was no way she would let that go, no way. He knew her too well.
There's a twinkle in her eye as she stared at him, and while he was glad to have put it there, he really hated how he managed it. Foot, meet mouth. Great.
"Uh huh," she nodded. "You know what? I don't want to know."
"You don't?" he cringed.
"Nope, I really, really don't. No matter what you would say, I wouldn't want to know," she laughed, smiling at him. "I'm sorry I got all huffy there for a few minutes."
"You're allowed," he shrugged. "It's not like I don't have my moments. You know that better than anyone else does, too."
"Your moments are justified, Nathan," she reasoned. "I don't – there's no way I can justify getting pissy with you."
Shaking his head, he cringed at what he was going to do. Cringed to give up some of the power that had defined the dynamics of their relationship over the last few months.
"You're saying I can do or say anything I want pretty much, and you'd let it slide on the account of being 'justified'?" he asked.
She nodded distractedly, drumming her fingers on the book she was holding. "I – I deserve a lot from you. And I can take it, you know? I want to, I want to pay for what I've done and be held accountable and do whatever it takes to make things right."
"This is probably not the best place for this conversation, I guess," he sighed, catching the way she'd look around nervously before she said anything, "Want to get together tomorrow? I think that we have a lot to talk about. We should've talked before now, I shouldn't have been so standoffish."
"You had reasons," she excused him. "Good ones. Valid ones. I didn't expect more; hoped, yeah, but I didn't expect it."
"You must've, on some level," he countered. "It's not – that's understandable."
"This is all about me accepting responsibility for my actions. And in doing that, I'm realizing that there is no excusing them, either." She smirked at him. "Do the crime, do the time."
"It wasn't a crime."
"Metaphor," she retorted, "And wasn't it, though? What I did upset and enraged the person I loved most in the world, I was locked out of his heart, I've been found guilty by the jury of my peers, and now I'm stuck in prison with Brooke Davis as my jailor."
"Loved?" he choked out, not hearing anything past her use of past tense there. "Loved as in used to?"
She looked confused, trying to figure out what he meant when it dawned. "It'll never be a 'used to' thing; I'll always love you."
He relaxed a little, letting his gaze drift around the bus as he took a minute to calm back down. "You – you said, and I thought, and – "
"I know," she nodded. "Don't worry, you've got the cake, and you can still eat it, too." At his blank look, she clarified, "I mean I'll probably always be pining over you, even if you don't want me anymore. Can't help it."
As he opened his mouth to respond, the bus squeaked to a halt at their opponent's school.
"Guess we'll talk about this later," she smiled sadly as Brooke began giving orders to the cheerleaders despite heckling from the guys on the team and Whitey's put-out eye rolls.
As everyone else was filing off the bus, he stilled her with a touch on her back. She looked up at him questioningly, and when he just stared back, she waited.
"We will talk later. Tomorrow, not on a goddamn bus, not when there are twenty people we go to school with less than ten inches away, and not when we have limited time."
"I have to work tomorrow," she groaned. "I wish I could, Nathan, but it'll be my first day."
"I'll pick you up afterwards," he suggested, suddenly convinced that he wanted to do this, that he was ready to start trying again. "Just tell me when and where, and I'll be there, Hales. This is important to me, to us."
Once again, she was mentally cursing Dan for being a selfish, vindictive, crap fathering, jerky, hateful bastard that would tangle her into a web like this. She didn't doubt that he had hoped things would go like this, but even he couldn't have predicted how quickly it would start causing problems.
"I'm working until 8 or 9," she sighed. "Worse, I've got so much homework to do this weekend, and since I'm working a long day on Sunday, I should just go back to the apartment and do it."
"You'd rather do homework than do something with me?" he asked, clutching a hand to his chest. "Jesus, Hales, that hurts."
She laughed at the dramatics, fighting the urge to pull him down for a kiss. "Well, what did you have in mind?"
"Maybe – maybe we should try another date?" Oh, God, he was trying to drive her insane. The second she became less available, he's ready to come out of his shell and start asking her for things. How had she not known that ploy really worked?
"Could it be something low-key?" she asked, quietly, unable to say no. She was not that foolish. "No parties."
"No parties," he agreed. "How about food and a movie?"
"At Brooke's apartment?"
"Why do you keep calling it that?" he asked curiously. "Every time you mention it, it's either the apartment or Brooke's apartment."
"Well, have you seen it? It's…purple. And it really is her place, you know? It isn't the same as when we – well, it's not the same, and it is just easier to think of it that way."
"I'm sorry," he muttered, feeling like a jerk. He knew that living there without him had to be at least somewhat hard on her – hell, it was hard on him and he didn't have to see it every day and remember – but to hear her say it really made him feel badly.
"It's fine," she laughed wryly, taking him aback again with her self-deprecating attitude. "Don't worry about it. Maybe I'll be able to afford a small place of my own soon anyway. Perk of the new job."
"Speaking of, want me to pick you up and get you home tomorrow night?"
"Nah, you can just meet me there," she smiled. "Brooke is never there on the weekend, but I'll double check with her. With my luck, this'll be the exception to her weekend party habits."
"Oh, she'll be out," Nathan assured her. "Tim's brother has moved into a house with about six guys that graduated last year, and they're having some giant blow-out. She never misses things like that."
"Especially if she and Luke are still being stupid," Haley sighed, pushing it from her mind. Honestly, what should she care if those two wanted to play games? Wasn't she playing the biggest and most dangerous game of them all?
"That's good," he grinned, and she looked at him in confusion. "It'll be just us there, we won't have to worry about an annoying and snappy Brooke interruption."
"Oh," she laughed, "That's a bonus. Speaking of, I'd better go before she comes back on here and drags me out by my hair. Good luck tonight, Nathan. I know you'll be great."
"You will, too," he assured her with a wink, letting her go.
Maybe after tomorrow, things would be looking way up for him. It was a nice thought to hold onto, at least.
Maybe if she tried hard enough, she'd suddenly be invisible. A long shot, but it was the best Karen had to hope for right now. If she didn't suddenly become invisible, people – including her son – might see her walk in with Dan. She didn't care what these people thought of her, but she knew what the vicious gossip could do to people, had seen what it had done to Lucas in the past. She didn't want that again.
"I'm going to take in some air," she told him stiffly, sitting down on the edge of a planter before he could say anything.
"Scared to walk in with me?" he asked with a knowing smirk, quickly catching onto the exact cause behind her reticence.
"I'm not scared of anything that has anything to do with you," she retorted, the lie obvious and painful to them both. "However, I won't do anything to hurt my son."
She stood up, walking down the breezeway away from him. She didn't hear his whisper as she went. "He's my son, too."
He watched as she walked off, trying to think of something to say that wouldn't do irreparable damage to either of their egos, but he came up with nothing. There was nothing he could say to her, and maybe there was nothing to say in general.
It was funny; in the car, when he asked questions about Lucas, she answered. It was as if they were in a whole other world there, just the two of them. A world where it was safe to talk, safe to ask questions and to give answers. Inside his car, they had that safety.
Things weren't comfortable, not for either of them. To be fair, there was really no way they could, though. Too much water under the bridge, too many matters never discussed, too many questions left unanswered.
But...he wished things were different. Wished that he didn't have to admit to himself that he was the one who made them this way. He hated it, hated admitting his errors, even if only to himself.
Saying the words to Karen or Lucas would go a very long way, he knew that. Both of them - they placed a strangely foreign value in admitting mistakes and honesty. He hadn't been sure what to make of it when he was dating Karen in high school, even though he was decidedly different than he is now, and he didn't know what to make of it in either of them now. It disarmed him, made him question things, question himself. That wasn't fair.
The thought was so sudden and powerful that it felt like a blow to the gut: he had to sign Deb's divorce papers. Holding on to torture her wasn't doing either of them any good, and it was probably only making Nathan miserable. Plus, it was just another black mark against him in Karen's eyes, and damn it, why did he care what she thought?
Why did he suddenly want her to see him as single?
He didn't go in the building; he waited for her. He shouldn't, he was pretty sure he didn't want to, but he did. Maybe it was to annoy her, maybe it was to see the look on both of his sons' faces when they walked in together. Maybe it was to knock his younger son's high and mighty wife – man, that word hurt to even think – down a few, or twenty, pegs.
Just seeing the looks on those kids' faces would be priceless. God, this was like his own private Mastercard commercial:
Cost of gas to drive to game: $30.00.
Cost of a program and snacks at the game: $10.00.
Seeing the look on the kids' faces when he walks in with Karen: Priceless.
Of course, Karen would never go for it. He was many things, but stupid wasn't one of them. Taking off for 'air' was a pretty clear indication of that, not to mention her high horse spewing of how she loved her son too much to do that to him. What would it do? The kid can't see his mom walking next to him now?
He supposed that maybe he should wait to push Luke's buttons until after Haley had given him the money for medicine and a doctor's visit. No sense in driving him to a cardiac event; the world would find a way to blame it on him.
At her deep sigh of annoyance, he looked up to find Karen again standing in front of him. The angry spots of color on her cheeks caught his eye, and he had to shove his hands in his pocket to keep himself from reaching out to touch them. To see if they burn.
"Why are you still out here, Dan?" she snapped as she eyes him warily, unbalanced as always around him.
"Getting some air," he threw at her mockingly, completely unable to stop himself. "Is that a crime now, Karen?"
"Almost everything that you do is a crime, Dan," she assured him. "Why would this be any different, right?"
"Ah, so you can do it, but I can't?" he retorted.
"Never said I was perfect, Dan," she said, trying to step around him. He wouldn't let her, and she glared up at him as she tried again. "I think you know that better than most people, right?"
"No, you just pretend at it with the rest of the world," he snitted. "Don't worry, Karen. I remember, I know who you really are."
Shaking her head, she shoved him out of her way. "You don't, though. You don't know anything about me anymore, Dan."
He let her go, for which she was grateful. The proximity she kept winding up in to him was strange and unsettling. It reminded her of easier times, when she was innocent and naïve and only had herself to worry about. It wasn't like that anymore, and she resented that he had the power to make her feel anything other than anger or hate.
The anger was still there, but she wasn't so sure about the hate.
Where did the hate go?
"Go Luke!" Haley screamed from the sidelines, sharing an excited look with one of the girls as the Ravens pulled further ahead, closer to victory. She still had little interest in basketball as a sport, but supporting Lucas was always a good thing, and she also had a definite interest in seeing Nathan in the uniform. That counted, she was sure of it.
As the game wound down, Haley began to relax a little more. If possible, she'd grab a seat of her own on the bus and just try and finish up her homework and then relax the rest of the way home. Things with Nathan were looking up finally, but the guilt of lying to him was hanging over her head and preventing her from enjoying it fully. She wanted so badly to tell him the truth and swear him to secrecy, but she just couldn't bring herself to betray her promise to Luke like that. No matter how bad she wanted to and how positive she was that Karen and Nathan deserve to know the truth.
She was pretty sure that she wouldn't manage to have the ride to herself, though. Dan and Karen walked in together, and even now were only sitting a few seats apart. She'd kept her eye on them, and they didn't seem to be interacting at all, but Haley's no fool – just walking in within two minutes of each other was enough to set Luke off. Walking in at the same time would get Nathan. And sitting by each other got her.
She didn't want to know anything about it. They'd all be better off just letting it lay, in her opinion. But neither Nathan nor Luke were capable of that, and they'd both be all over her looking for her reasoning and explanations for the new occurrence.
And what could she say? 'Oh, well, there's this whole unholy alliance between me and Dan, and now it looks like Karen has been dragged into things somehow. Go figure.' She was screwed. They were all screwed, even Dan, and surprisingly that didn't give her as much of a thrill as it should. Damn it, why couldn't life be black and white, nothing in between. Things would be so easy if Dan was purely evil, if there were no shades of gray. She hated shades of gray now, she really did.
When the final buzzer sounded, she joined the rest of the squad in the victory cheer, and then rushed off to the locker room with Brooke, who was surprisingly eager to leave the gym in her own right. "What's going on?" Haley asked as her as they changed out of their cheer uniforms.
"Luke," she muttered tersely. "He thinks that I'm being stupid about this, that it doesn't matter what Peyton feels for him. Well, of course it matters, hello, best friend, right? Why are boys so stupid?"
"They just are?" Haley asked, feeling lame. "Brooke, it isn't his fault what Peyton feels. You shouldn't punish him for it."
"This isn't a punishment!" she exclaimed. "This is me backing off so I don't step on Peyt's toes. I couldn't stand doing that." Giving up with changing, she pulled a sweatshirt over her head and stomped towards the door. "I'll be on the bus, sulking."
Haley rolled her eyes, but wisely kept her mouth shut. There was no use in talking to Brooke when she got like that; living together, that was the first lesson Haley learned. As soon as she got her things together, she headed back through the gym, smiling at Skillz as he flirted with Bevin. Not exactly a pairing she would've endorsed a year ago, but they were sweet in a way.
"Hales, oh thank God," Luke groaned, grabbing her arm. Apparently all thoughts of their earlier disagreements had fled. "My mom's car broke down," he whispered urgently. "She is getting a ride home from Dan. Dan!"
"Luke, it's a ride in a car, not – well, you know," she tried, crinkling her nose. "She'll be fine. If anyone can handle that jackass, it is definitely Karen."
"She shouldn't have to," he argued stubbornly. "She deserves better than ever having to speak to him or of him."
"Stop it," Haley urged him gently. "Luke, stop freaking out about this. All it will do is upset your mom, and you don't want that."
Nodding wearily, he leaned forward, his head dropping down to rest on hers. "Thanks, Hales. I just don't like seeing her in – "
"Hey, I know," she interrupted, hugging him tight before pulling back from him. "I don't either. But she's so strong, Luke, you have to keep that in mind. She's a big girl, and she knows what she can and what she can't handle. Give her some credit."
"Yeah, I know I should," he smiled wryly, "But you know I'm not so great at that."
"Yes, I do know that," she laughed with him, shaking her head. "Come on, let's go. Sooner we're all on the bus, sooner we can get the heck out of here."
They turned to leave, Luke pointedly ignoring Karen and Dan as they marched over towards them. "Lucas," Karen sighed, grabbing his arm and pulling him to the side. Haley cringed when he rolled his eyes at his mother, knowing he'd get an earful for the disrespect that night.
"And once again, it's just us," Dan quipped. "Excited to see me on a daily basis?"
"Why would I see you?" Haley asked, slightly bewildered. "You don't work on the weekends – that would cut into the time you spend sharpening the points on your horns and spit-shining your tail to make sure it stays that nice, devilish red."
"How well you know me," Dan chuckled, more than a little amused by the girl before him. "We'll just have so much fun working together." She opened her mouth, probably to protest again how often they'll be working together, but he cut her off. "See, the thing is, you and I will be working very similar hours. I'd just hate to give you such a great job only to find out you were using it to steal from me."
"Steal? From you?" she gasped. "Are you kidding me?"
"Well, honey, you don't exactly come from the right side of town, now do you? Assuming the worst might not be fair, but it is certainly not out of line."
"Yeah, nothing is really out of line for you, is it, Dan?" she sighed, looking around the gym for the closest exit. "And whatever. You know, I ought to refuse to start working for you at all until I know for fact that you are paying for Luke's meds and he's seen a doctor."
"Getting him my money is your responsibility," Dan smirked dismissively. "That gives you no leeway on the job thing, Miss James."
"Oh, no," she countered angrily, "You'll give him the money or you'll give him the meds. One way or another, these things will come from you. And you will act like you care about someone other than yourself when you see him."
"And where is this defensiveness when it comes to Nathan, your supposed husband?" Dan retorted. "I haven't seen you get your hackles up about him at all lately."
"Don't bring him into this," she snapped back at him, her tone dropping to a low whisper. "This has nothing to do with him, do you understand that? This is about Lucas, this is about what I can do to make sure he is happy and healthy. And I know that caring about people in that way is a foreign concept to you, but don't you dare act like he's not the only reason I'm doing this."
"You're quite the martyr, aren't you?"
"No, I'm not; I'm nothing like that. This isn't about playing martyr or anything else. God, I don't even care whether or not you believe that, Dan. All I care about is making sure Lucas gets the medicine he needs."
"I'm sure that's true," Dan smiled in his most condescending manner. "Because you're so selfless and wonderful, right?"
"It's absolutely true," Karen said from behind her, and she tensed up in fear and worry over what Karen heard, and Dan does the same, causing no small amount of surprise for Haley. They both relaxed when it became obvious she didn't hear any mention of Luke needing medication. "Why are you harassing her, Dan? I thought we'd discussed this already."
Haley watched them wide-eyed, her gaze drifting back and forth between the two as though watching a tennis match. The sparks shooting off between them fascinated and horrified her, as she'd been through enough in the last year to recognize what they meant. It was nothing short of horrifying to bear witness to the chemistry between Karen and Dan, chemistry that she could only imagine no one else had seen in seventeen or so years.
Backing away, Haley stared at the ground, trying not to think of how Nathan and Luke's heads would explode if they ever caught wind of this. Secrets, around here, were never in short supply. "I – um, bus. I'm going to the bus," Haley muttered, her eyes on the ground still as she backed away.
"That is just – I think I'm going to hurl," she muttered to herself as she scrambled down the hall toward the sweet freedom the doors provided.
"You sick?" Luke asked from behind her, concerned.
"Nah, just caught sight of you coming out of the locker room," she teased him. "That ugly mug is a hazard to eaten lunches everywhere."
"Brutal," he muttered, pouting at her. "What are you doing out here? Shouldn't you be on the bus letting Nathan jerk you around some more?"
"Luke," she drawled out, "It isn't like that. He's been – we've been – I don't know, better lately. Things are calmer, more comfortable. Maybe like we're taking a step in the right direction."
"Oh, is that so?"
"Yes, it is," she chirped, her heart stopping when Dan and Karen walk out of the gym together quietly. "Um, I'm going to go get on the bus. Luke?"
"No, no one is getting on the bus," Karen said flatly. "We're all riding home together."
Luke opened his mouth to speak, but started coughing frantically instead. Haley whacked him on the back, groaning when Nathan came out of the locker room, warily eyeing the four of them.
"What's going on?" Nathan asked.
"We're all riding home together," Luke sputtered with forced false cheer, glaring at Karen. "Like one big happy family."
"Well, like I said, the bus is calling. Good seeing you all," Haley said quietly, trying to sidestep away from the group, but Karen clamped her hand down on her shoulder, shaking her head. "But I – "
"Ride with us for me," Karen said, bringing out her trump card of guilt and respect. Haley groaned, crinkling her nose at Karen. "I'll take that as a yes."
"You are really mean sometimes," Haley sighed, laughing when Karen linked arms with her, pulling her towards the parking lot."
"No, no, no," Nathan said slowly, "This thing, this does not work for me. I'm riding the bus with Haley. Come on, Hales."
"She doesn't have to ride the bus just because you say so, Nathan!" Luke yelled angrily. "She's got a mind of her own, she'll ride in the car with the rest of us."
"Oh, so I can't make a decision that goes along with hers, but you can order her around?" Nathan growled. "That's bullshit, Luke."
"Both of you shut up and get in the car," Dan ordered, annoyed with his offspring for jumping at any chance to start a pissing match. Uh, not that he helped foster that trait in both of them or anything. Nope, not him.
"You can't tell me what to do!" Luke yelled, wrenching away from Haley who'd grabbed onto his arm. "You aren't my – you aren't anything to me!"
Haley's eyes widened as Dan steps back like he was slapped. Even Nathan had fallen silent, abandoning his taunting of Luke, as he watched his dad's face contort into a fascinating mix of hurt, horror, and anger.
"Everyone just go get in the car," Karen said quietly. "No arguing, no snotty remarks, no sarcasm. Just sit in your seat and be silent."
As they drove home in the dark, from her position squished into the backseat between Nathan and Luke, Haley could only think of one car ride that was even half as uncomfortable as this. And that was a long time ago, and really, it didn't compare to the agony that this was.
This was awkward. Uncomfortable. Awkward and uncomfortable in ways that she couldn't even begin to describe. Horrifying.
And this was her family. For better and for worse.