Before Christmas of second grade, Dean had already been in three different schools, starting the fourth in Gary, Indiana. His first day there wasn't too bad; schools were starting to look the same to him. The teachers were never as great as Miss Sherry, they didn't take the same kind of interest in him that she did, and he hadn't stayed at any of these schools long enough for anyone to find out he didn't have a mom, or a real house.

He came in to the little one bed room apartment they were staying in after his first day to see Sam standing on the sofa screaming his little head off and their dad in the recliner trying hard not to laugh and sipping beer.

"You ruined my whole life!" Sam yelled. "I am mad and sad!"

"It'll be okay Sammy," John sighed. "I'll get you a new one."

"I don't want a new one!" Sam screeched.

"What's going on?" Dean asked closing the door behind him.

"Daddy ruined my whole life, Deans!" Sam explained. "Now I am mad and sad."

"Yeah," Dean nodded. "I got that part." He placed his book bag on the kitchen table and walked over to his brother helping him down off the couch. "How?"

"Daddy losed Cow," Sam huffed, throwing his arms in the air dramatically. "Now I can never sleep again because I can only sleep when I has Cow to cuddle."

"You can cuddle me until we figure it out, okay?" Dean soothed.

"No!" Sam yelled. "You is not as soft and cuddly as Cow. I want my Cow back."

"It was an accident, Sammy," John sighed. "We'll fix it."

"It will be okay," Dean pulled Sam close into a hug and ran his fingers through is hair; then turned to his dad "Are you gonna get him a new one?"

"Do not talk to him!" Sam yelled, pushing Dean away. "He ruined my whole life!" Sam pushed past Dean and padded in his stocking feet to the single bedroom of the apartment he was sharing with Dean and slammed the door with as much authority as a three year old could.

"It just got left behind in the move," John shrugged. "We lose stuff every time. If he wanted to keep it he should have kept it in his duffle bag. It's simple."

"He's three, Dad," Dean sighed. "He can barely keep track of the pants he's wearing."

"Don't sass me," John hissed. "You know better."

"You made Sam cry," Dean spat back.

"Do not talk back to me," John growled standing up from the chair quickly, making Dean flinch. "I'm going to the store. I'll bring back something for dinner. Fix your fucking brother while I'm gone."

"Yes sir," Dean said to the floor as John pushed past him fishing for his keys in the pocket of leather jacket.

Dean went into his bedroom to find this little brother sobbing into Dean's pillow.

"Sammy," Dean said softly sitting next to him on the bed, rubbing small circles into his back, like he remembered his mom doing for him when he was upset. "Everything's going to be fine."

"No it is not!" Sam yelled, voice muffled by the pillow. "Cow was my bestest friend asides you. I telled Cow everything, and now Cow is gone. Daddy just left him somewheres. Now I never see Cow again."

"I'm sorry Sammy," Dean said softly. "It was an accident. Things like this happen when cuz we move all the time."

"What if it was your fire truck?" Sam said rolling over to his back, his face streaked with tears. "What if Daddy leaved me next time?"

"Dad's not gonna forget you," Dean sighed. "You're too important."

"Cow important to me!" Sam pouted. "Cow the most important. And Daddy just leaved him. He's probably scared and all alone and I can't protect Cow like you protect me cuz I don't know where Cow is and he's probably really, really, really scared."

"He'll be fine," Dean nodded. "Maybe another little boy with find him. Then Cow can protect that guy and be his friend."

"I don't want that," Sam sniffled. "I want Cow to be my friend forever."

"I'm sorry," Dean said softly. "But you still have me. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be your friend forever. You can't get rid of me if you tried. Nothing's gonna keep me away from you, ever."

"You promise?" Sam said.

"I promise," Dean nodded.

"Deans?" Sam whispered. "Can I really sleep in your bed until Daddy gets me a new Cow?"

"If I said no would you listen to me?" Dean smiled.

Sam shook his head. "I sleep in your bed anyway."

"Then I guess I can't say no, can I?" Dean chuckled.

"Nope," Sam pouted. "You can't get rid of me either."

Dean kissed Sam on the cheek and climbed over him sit next to him on bed. Sam would be okay eventually. Dad would probably forget to pick up a stuffed animal at the store. He probably wasn't even going to a store where they sold stuffed animals. Dean thought about whether or not they had food in the house, because Dad would probably forget that he told Dean he'd bring home dinner too. He did that sometimes when get too mad at them, come home and go to sleep and sleep most of the next day, telling Dean he had a headache and to watch Sam. It wasn't a routine he liked, but it was the only one his broken little family had.

The heat didn't work very well in the apartment they were renting, and Dean over heard his Dad telling someone on the phone that he wasn't sure if he'd have enough money to pay the rent the next month. Dean made sure that Sam never heard anything about the struggles. He's skip meals to make sure that Sam had enough to eat when Dad was away. He made sure that Sam didn't know about what their dad did, and if he had his way, Sammy never would. When it got real cold he'd let Sammy sleep in his bed, even though he knew his dad thought that Sam was too big to do so. He had to make sure that Sam never found out that there was anything bad out there. Dean knew how important his dad's work was, but Sammy didn't need to know about that. Sammy deserved to be a kid.

Sam was wrapped in a blanket on the floor coloring in a coloring book while Dean read about the solar system in his science text book. He'd told his little brother they were going to play in a blanket fort that day. It was the best way to keep Sam from complaining he was cold and occupied at the same time. He'd become quite the caretaker for an eight year old.

"Hey Dean," Sam said not looking up.

"What?"

"Who's that lady?"

Dean looked around the empty room. "What lady?"

"The one in the doorway," Sam said, putting down a red crayon and picking up a blue one.

"There's no one in the doorway, Sammy," Dean said confused.

"Yeah-huh," Sam said looking over to his brother. "The pretty lady with the yellow hair and the dress."

"There's no one there," Dean repeated. "What are you talking about?"

Sam looked back over to the open doorway, then back to Dean.

"She's gone now," He stated and went back to coloring. "I'm hungry."

"Okay," Dean said confused. "I'll go see what Dad has planned for dinner."

Later that night, Sam was playing with John's wallet on the floor in front of where Dean watched television while Dad was writing in his journal at the kitchen table.

Sam stood up all of a sudden and shoved something into Dean's face. "Who's this?"

Dean grabbed Sam's hand and pulled it down to a less directly in his face angle. John had what looked like their mom's senior picture inside his wallet next to Dean's first grade school photo.

"Why?" Dean asked.

"That's the lady!" Sam said excitedly. "That's the lady I seed in our room. I seed her in our room all the time."

"No you didn't," Dean argued, prying the wallet out of his brother's hand. "Why are you playing with Dad's wallet anyway?"

"I seed her Deans," Sam said seriously.

"Sammy," Dean said trying to keep his voice even, trying not to get angry at his little brother. "You couldn't have seen her. She's in Heaven with the angels."

"No Deans!" Sam yelled. "I did!"

"Boys!" John boomed from the kitchen. "Knock it off."

"I's gonna ask Daddy," Sam said sticking his tongue out and taking the wallet back from Dean, before running into the kitchen.

"Sam, no!" Dean said quickly, getting up and chasing after his brother. "Don't."

"Daddy?" Sam said sliding up between his dad and the table so he was practically in John's lap. "Who's this lady?"

Dean let out a slow breath. He knew what his dad did to ghost. He knew that even if the ghost of his mom was watching Sam that Dad would try to get rid of her. That was his job after all. If Sammy was really seeing their mom watching over them Dean didn't want her to go away.

"Why?" John asked with little patience in his voice.

"A cuz I seed her in my room," Sam said matter of factually.

"Dean," John said turning to look at the older boy, who was leaning against the doorframe between the living room and kitchen. "Is that true?"

"I didn't see nothin'," Dean answered, shrugging noncommittally.

"I seed her!" Sam yelled. "I knowed I did! I's not lyin'. Why does no one believe me?"

John didn't take his eyes off Dean as he tried to explain to Sam. "You didn't see her, Sammy."

"But I knows it," Sam insisted.

"Why don't you get Sam ready for bed, Dean?"

"Yes sir," Dean mumbled. He took Sam's hand and pulled him to the bathroom.

Sam looked up at Dean while he started the water for a bath with tears forming in the corners of his eyes. "Why no one believe me?"

"Can I tell you a secret?" Dean whispered. "I believe you. Just don't tell Dad."

Sam nodded and held his arms over his head so Dean could take off his shirt.

"You can't talk about her around Dad," Dean continued. "She'll just be our secret. I'll tell you as much as I can about her. I don't remember much, but I'll try."

"Does Daddy not like her?"

"She makes Dad sad," Dean explained. "Daddy loved her more than anything and then she went away so he's really sad."

"Like when Daddy lost Cow?" Sam said. "Daddy's that sad."

"Yeah, just like that," Dean nodded. "Remember how sad you were? Dad gets even sadder when you talk about her, that's why it has to be a secret. Okay?"

"Okay," Sam whispered back. "I think I can do that. But who is her?"

"Someone real special," Dean answered turning on the tap. "You'd like her."

That night while he was sleeping, Dean felt a familiar poking against his arm.

"Deans," Sam whispered. "Deans… Deans… Dean… De… Deans…"

"What," Dean groaned. "I'm sleeping."

"Need you," Sam said poking more.

"What's wrong Sammy?" Dean said sleepily. "It's two in the morning and I got school in the morning."

"The lady," Sam whispered. "She's looking at me. I don't like it. I wanna sleep in your bed."

"Sleep in our own bed," Dean sighed. "You'll be fine."

"Na-huh," Sam said stomping his foot with as much authority as a three year old could have. "You's say-ed I could sleep in your bed when I's scared. Now I's scared."

"Whatever," Dean sighed sliding over. "Don't kick me."

"Thank you Deans," Sam said climbing up into the bed and burying his face into his big brother's armpit. "She keeps watching me. It's weird."

"Where is she now?" Dean asked.

"At the end of the bed," Sam explained, behind him pointing into the darkness. "She's still looking at me."

"She's not gonna hurt you," Dean said drowsily. "She loves you, making sure you're safe."

"Oh," Sam said. "Well, it's still weird."

"She did it when you was a baby," Dean said as he started to fall asleep again. "Just watch you sleep, make sure you were still breathing and stuff."

"Oh," Sam said softly. "Maybe it's not too weird."

Dean listened to Sam's breathing even out against his chest, worrying about his brother and looking around the room for woman he claimed to see. Maybe Dean couldn't see her because she was still mad at him from not doing his best to save her. Sam wasn't old enough to remember her, had to ask who she was. Dean missed her more, Dean knew what was missing, Sam, Sam had no idea. Another unfair piece of life for the eight year old. He ran his fingers through Sam's hair, testing to see if he was awake before he started whispering into the dark.

"Mom…" he said as quietly as he could. "Mommy... It's Dean. I wanna see you too. It's not fair that only Sammy sees you. Me and Daddy miss you the most. Sammy doesn't understand. Next time you come to see Sammy, can I see you too? I'm sorry I didn't do better. I wish all the time on eyelashes and in wishin' wells and on my birthday cake that you'd come back. I even tried to get a time machine one time to fix it, but Daddy said no. I'm gonna go to sleep now, but think about it please. I wanna see you too." Dean rolled a little so he was cuddling up with Sam to keep him warm and closed his eyes. Maybe he'd get to tell his mom he was sorry, that he didn't mean to make her go away. Maybe she'd come back to them if she knew how sorry he was.