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Chapter Six – The Devil You Know
Haley was humming to herself as she wiped out the last drawer of the last file cabinet, finally completing the mega-task that Dan had unloaded on her when she started. It only took a week, but she was sure it had to be one of the longest, most tedious weeks of her life. Happily, the only thing left to do was call the document specialist company that would come and shred the papers for them.
Practically skipping, she headed out towards the showroom to find Agnes, and tell her about her accomplishments. She knew the older woman was going to be thrilled, as Dan had conned her into working extra hours in the evenings and on the weekends until Haley was free to take over the reception duties for her.
"Agnes! I finished," she grinned, laughing when Agnes let out a whoop of joy, hurriedly grabbing her purse from under the counter.
"Young lady, you are now on your own then," Agnes smiled. "I'm just going to check out with Mr. Scott, then I am off to the dance hall."
"The dance hall?" Haley echoed, bemused.
"Yes, that's right, this old bod can still move!"
"I don't doubt it for a second," Haley giggled, laughing again as Agnes threw out a few dance steps as she made her way towards the offices. She emerged a few minutes later, not even stopping to say goodbye to anyone, just waving over her shoulder as she headed for the exit. "Talk about leaving in a hurry," Haley muttered to herself as she flipped through some of the unfinished paperwork left by Agnes, "And now I can see why."
She'd left a whole stack of papers that needed to be taken to and signed by Dan. Haley had been hoping to avoid him for most of the day, as he'd come in grumbling about working on a few speeches for his campaign, and that he didn't want to be disturbed. Of course, that was no skin off her nose, but now it would be a no go.
Heaving a huge sigh, she asked one of the salesmen to cover the desk for her if necessary, and gathered up the papers and slowly trudged down the hall to his office. They'd barely spoke since Monday when he drove her here after practice, which has more than suited her. She never knew quite what to say to him unless it was a criticism of how he treated Nathan and Lucas, or for that matter, Deb and Karen.
News of his divorce from Deb spread quickly. When Karen had given her a ride home after Wednesday's game, she'd told her about how happy and relieved Deb was, even though there was a part of her that felt as though she'd failed. Several of her new co-workers had mentioned, in front of her, apparently not knowing that she was his daughter-in-law, that they'd never seen their boss as relaxed as he had been since the divorce was announced.
She tapped on the open door, waiting for him to look up and motion her in. "Agnes left some papers sitting on her desk that need to be signed," she said to explain her presence. "They'll need to go out in tomorrow's mail, so I thought you'd want them now."
"Thanks," he nodded, looking back down at what he's working on. "You can leave them here on the desk."
"Okay," she agreed, setting them down. She'd been a little freaked out about how quiet he'd been all week, but this is the first time she'd had to seek him out for something, and that he still hadn't said anything? Was really starting to make her paranoid.
There were a few things she wanted to ask him about, like whether or not he was definitely going to follow through on what he'd agreed to with Lucas, which was covering all his medical necessities in exchange for dinner together twice a week. Luke was still pissed about that, but there wasn't much he could do except say yes, unless he wanted to chance Haley telling Karen the truth.
"Was there something else?" he asked, not bothering to look up, when she lingered in the doorway.
"Oh. Well, no, not really," she stammered, turning to go.
"Come on, if you have some other problem or problems with how I'm doing things, why don't you just go ahead and get it off your chest, Haley?" he sneered. "It's not like you've ever had the courtesy to bite your tongue before. I hardly see a reason to start now."
"I – I was just wondering if things are going okay with Luke," she muttered, blushing furiously. She'd held her own for the most part against him so far, but times like this, she still felt dreadfully out of her league.
"Why don't you ask him?" he retorted, again not bothering to look up from his paperwork. "I'm sure the answer he'd give you would be much more interesting than what I have."
"I have asked him," she said, steeling herself for whatever nasty response he has to throw her way. "And now I just wanted to know what you thought about it. Sorry I asked."
"He doesn't talk," Dan said after a moment. "No matter what I say, he doesn't respond. Granted, it gives me the opportunity to say whatever I want to him, but it's like talking to a stone statue. Not so great."
She nodded thoughtfully, trying to come up with an appropriate response to that. "He doesn't know what to say, I guess. And he's waiting for the other shoe to drop, you know," she reasons, looking at him expectantly.
"What does that mean?"
"That he's afraid you're going to ask for more from him. That you'll hold this over his head, and demand something from him." She looked him in the eye. "It's not that unreasonable on his part, if you think about it."
Dan nodded thoughtfully, appearing to think it over before his face hardened and he looked up at her with a sneer. "And you're pretending to care, why?"
"I – never mind," she sighed, smirking sardonically. "I should know better than to bother with someone like you."
"He's supposed to be your friend, right? So wouldn't want for him the things that would be in his best interests?" Dan asked, eyeing her as she inched backwards.
"What do you think this is? I'm not here for fun, and you know it. Of course I have his best interests in mind, and that's exactly why I'm so wary of you."
"I'm his father, Miss James, and I think you would do well to remember that," he warned her again. "You'd do well to remember that in regards to Luke and Nate."
"And you'd do even better, wouldn't you? You have no clue what a father is, Dan! You don't treat them like they're your sons, ever, and it still surprises you that neither of them trust you or want anything to do with you! How dense can you be?" she retorted, glaring at him.
"I've told you this before, but apparently your learning curve is particularly steep: you don't know anything about how I feel about my sons, and you should stay out of it. No one needs to hear your opinions on the matter. No one needs to have you pushing your ideas and prejudices off on them. This is my family, and you don't need to interfere in it," he ordered.
"See, there's a really fundamental problem with all of this," she was quick to point out. "Technically, I am your family, too. And you know, Luke would claim me over you in a heartbeat, and we both know that. And what really kills you, what you really dread, is knowing that Nathan already has. Several times. So why don't you give up this stupid, worthless stance where you treat me like I have no place or bearing in their lives?"
He was quiet in a way that set her teeth on edge, but she stood her ground, waiting for his response. "You'll never tire of throwing that in my face."
"If I tell you it isn't about that, would you believe me?" she asked, shaking her head. "Of course not, so why bother?"
"I'd almost believe you, but you just seem to get so much pleasure of putting me in what you perceive as my place. And you really don't need to bother denying that, we both know the truth."
She managed to laugh at that. "You wouldn't know a truth if it jumped up and bit you in the ass! Who do you think you're kidding here?"
"The high and mighty act is very unappealing," he informed her stiffly, and she knew he'd caught on and realized he didn't have a leg to stand on in this argument. "Why don't you go do some work now?"
Nodding, she turned to go, stopping herself abruptly. Turning back to him, she met his questioning gaze. "Thanks, for following through with Luke. Just so you know, he had his first appointment last night. The doctor was concerned that he had been untreated all this time, but luckily didn't find anything abnormal or worrisome on the tests they ran."
He raised his eyebrows, too surprised that she was sharing this information with him to immediately form a reply. It took a second, but the relief – a surprisingly strong sense of relief – coursed through him. He was happy the kid was okay. "Thank you, for telling me that. I don't expect Luke would have."
"Probably not," Haley conceded, looking down at her hands. "But you have a right to know. And I know it's weird, but since he won't tell Karen about any of this, there should be at least one adult who knows how he's doing with all this."
"Yeah," Dan nodded thoughtfully, gazing down at his desk as he thought of his older son. "Alright, well, I – you should go do your work," he told her gruffly, trying to clear the emotions out of his voice, knowing he'd failed when he caught her knowing look. "Great," he muttered to himself as she turned to go, "Just great."
"You look really pretty tonight, Haley," his voice came from behind her.
A wide grin on her face, she turned to beam up at him. "Nathan! Aren't you supposed to be warming up with the team right now? I can't imagine Whitey would have anything good to say if he saw you here!"
"Yeah, the, uh, ball slipped," he winked, bending down to pick up the ball that was sure enough at her feet. "Can I help it that it slipped right on over here where I'd have to stop and say hi to you?"
The heat in her cheeks took her by surprise, still not used to receiving compliments or flirting from him again yet. It was sweet and comforting and the tiniest bits scary and overwhelming, but she did love and cherish every second of it. After being on the receiving end of his temper so often, she had to admit that this was the nicest of changes.
"I'm glad you did," she admitted, staring up at him. She knew she must look like a lovesick fool, but she couldn't help it. Besides, she pretty much was a lovesick fool when it came right down to it.
"Scott comma Nathan!" Whitey's voice boomed across the gym causing Haley to jump and Nathan to grimace. "You either put on a skirt and pick up your pom-poms, or get over and join your team, captain!"
Nathan rolled his eyes at her, mocking hurt when she laughed at him. He lifted a hand to trail down her arm before turning and jogging back over to Whitey and the team. Haley looked around, blushing to see Bevin, Brooke, and Rachel all watching her. "He never says goodbye anymore, just leaves," she shrugged.
All three girls laugh, but Brooke and Rachel stopped immediately when they realize the other was in on the joke, too. Haley rolled her eyes, turning away and concentrating on watching Nathan warm up. Definitely more pleasant than anything those two had to say to each other.
The game passed uneventfully, the Ravens getting into a groove and handily beating their opponents. The most interesting thing that happens was yet another Brooke/Rachel fight over Luke, who looked mortified when he heard his name, but once they were dragged out of the gym being threatened with suspensions from school and removal from the squad, all was quiet.
Dan was sitting in the stands, and she watched him warily, never sure what he would, or could, do. To her surprise, most of his attention was focused on Luke, concern evident. What worried her is that she knew Karen had noticed it, too. Karen was never one to hesitate to say something about things like that, and she couldn't help but worry what Dan would give away in response. And perhaps more to the point, she couldn't help but fear how Luke would react if he saw them talking.
After the final buzzer sounds, she gathered up her things, surprised when Brooke appeared at her side, her makeup a wreck from crying. "You won't believe this, Haley! I've been k – kicked off the cheer squad!"
"What?" Haley gasped, her mouth dropping open. "How could they – you can't be – I don't believe this!"
"Well, you better start believing, because it is true," Brooke cried. "And I'm suspended a week from school, too, for fighting at a school event. Plus, now I'll probably lose the class presidency position, and then what?"
"Then what, what?" Haley asked, confused.
"Then – then I'm screwed! No school, no cheerleading, no class presidency, and worst of all, no boyfriend!"
'No boyfriend'? Haley rolled her eyes. Leave it to Brooke to have been suspended from school, but to be more worried about the fact that she had no boyfriend.
"You're priorities are skewed," Haley informed her, feeling awful when Brooke's face fell. "Oh, Brooke, I'm sorry. You know what? We'll figure this out, we'll talk to the school board, we'll get you back in school and make sure you don't lose – "
"It's too late," Brooke sniffed, on the verge of tears. "Rachel and I were caught fighting in the locker room last week. Whitey had to come in and break it up. They told us then that if it happened again, both of us would be gone."
"God, Brooke, I'm sorry," Haley sighed, feeling badly for her friend. "But it's only temporary, and maybe they'll change their minds on the extracurricular stuff."
"No, they won't," she denies\d, starting to cry in earnest. "They already said, this is it. That was our warning. I'm so screwed, Hales."
"Oh, Brooke, you know what, no, I'm sorry, they can't do that," she insisted. "We are going to figure out something, I promise. You and Rachel fight twice, and they try and cut you out of all school-related activities, but there are guys who fight all the time, and they never get punished like this! God, look at Nathan and Luke!"
"I don't know," Brooke whimpered, trying to wipe her eyes without smudging her makeup. "This is so messed up, Haley. My parents, oh, my god, they are going to kill me!"
"No, it's not fair!" Haley burst out as if Brooke hadn't said anything. "You know that I love both of them dearly, but they – they can't get away with this if you can't! That's – oh, that is sexist, and I am not going to stand for it. I won't! And you!" Brooke looked up at her appraisingly. "Oh, you won't stand for this either. And neither will Rach-ho."
"Haley, I don't know if this is such a good idea," Brooke tried to warn her. "I mean, if you – hey, Rach-ho, I like that!"
"Brooke, shut up! This is an injustice; you don't deserve to be treated differently than the boys in this school who fight! I can't believe you'd just give up and whine about it," Haley muttered, glaring at her friend and roommate. "This is truly ridiculous."
Brooke looked too shell-shocked to properly respond, so she just stared with her mouth hanging open. She almost laughed as Haley began pacing back and forth, muttering to herself. "Haley, stop it."
"No! I really don't get you," Haley accused. "You make such a big deal about things like Peyton still liking Luke, which isn't even his fault, but you don't want to make this a big deal? That makes no sense!"
"I can't, Haley!" Brooke exclaimed around her tears. "Don't you get it? This isn't easy for me, this is hard. Too hard, and I don't want to make it bigger than it already is. I'm not like you, I can't deal with something like this by fighting it."
"First of all, fighting it is the only way to deal with it. Second, it's the right way, and third, what the hell does that mean, not like me?"
"You – you know how to like, I don't know, do stuff! I don't know how, I don't know how to fight," she admitted, dejected. "That's not my thing, I never, ever fight for anything. You should know that, I – I walk away. I'm a leaver, Haley, a freaking leaver."
Haley stared at her wide-eyed, trying to formulate words that make sense to rebut that. When she thought about it for a second, it was clear that Brooke's assessment of herself was spot on, but Haley didn't want her friend to think that way about herself. And she wanted her to know that she could change, and that she should change.
"You'll fight this if I have to drag to a school board meeting myself," Haley told her. "Brooke, I totally understand where you're coming from. Hiding from things is easy, and there are a lot of times when we've all taken that easy route. But this isn't something you should hide from! This is hypocrisy, sexism, pure and simple. It's crap is what it is!"
Brooke stared at her, trying to figure out if she was right or not. The fight wasn't in her, and she knew that, but seeing Haley now, her friend so riled up over this, maybe she could find a little of that fight. Maybe Haley was right, that this wasn't fair, and that she didn't deserve to be treated any differently than the boys did.
"You – you're right," Brooke conceded. "I just have no idea what I'm supposed to do, but you're right."
"Well, that's not a problem at all!" Haley beamed, "Because I am going to help you! In fact, all the girls on the squad are going to help – you might piss them all off a lot, but there is no way that any of them would want you or Rach-ho off the squad. We'll fix this, Brooke."
Drying the last of her tears, Brooke nodded, moving to throw her arms enthusiastically around Haley. "You're right! You are so right. And now – now I'm going to – to – to, oh, damn, I don't know, bake cookies! Yes, I'll bake cookies, and then I'll – "
"Whoa, slow down there, Martha!" Haley chuckled, inwardly shuddering at the thought of the last cookies Brooke 'baked'. "Just go home tonight and take it easy. We will work on this first thing tomorrow, I promise."
"Thank you, roomie."
"You're welcome," Haley smiled, hugging her back. "Go, get out of here, forget about this mess for a little while."
"Thanks, Haley, I mean it," Brooke told her sincerely, pulling out of the hug to smile at her. "See you back at home?"
"Yeah," Haley sighed, a little bit of her mood dampening at the thought of going home to Brooke and not Nathan. "You will."
"Bye!"
Haley waved back to her, sighing as she kicked at her pom-poms.
"That was quite the scene," Karen said lightly as she walked up to her. "What's going on? Or is this super-secret cheerleader stuff?"
"Brooke is suspended," Haley sighed. "Worse, she's kicked off the cheer squad and probably losing her position of class president."
"Oh, that's terrible, the poor girl. I'm so sorry to hear that," Karen sighed. "How are you holding up, Haley? With everything?"
Haley smiled nervously, shrugging. "Things are alright," she assured her. "It just feels sometimes like an awful lot is happening at once."
"Haley, what's wrong?" Karen asked, noticing the sudden downturn in Haley's expression. "You know I'm not going anywhere until you tell me."
Haley shook her head, sniffling. "It's nothing," she managed to laugh, "Or, I don't know what it is, at least."
"Is it Dan?" Karen whispered harshly. "Oh, what has that jerk done now. You know, I have ways of making him pay, and pay dearly."
"It's not – Karen, I really don't know," she repeated, laughing harder, a little less forced this time. "Maybe I've finally lost my mind."
"I'm sure your mind is just fine," Karen chuckled, still looking worried. "Really, what is going on? You know you can tell me anything."
"I know," Haley agreed immediately. "I guess the problem is that I really don't think anything is the matter other than being overwhelmed and worried." She shrugged delicately. "So I spazzed out for a minute."
"It is okay to, as you put it, spaz," Karen agreed, wrinkling her nose. "But if you aren't okay, you should tell me."
"I promise, I'm fine," Haley smiled. "Scout's honor, and all that."
"You were never a scout!" Karen reminded her, laughing. "Actually, that's not quite true, is it?"
"You know that story?" Haley gasped, completely forgetting her maudlin mood swing. "It was my mom who told you, wasn't it!"
"Of course, Lydia and I used to share stories over coffee while you two were up working on the golf course," she smiled.
"I miss her," Haley sighed, fiddling with the ring on her left hand. "Half the times I call them, their cell phones aren't on or charged, so it goes straight to voicemail. It was like that before, but now it's really irritating."
"Honey, it doesn't mean – "
"Oh, I know," Haley interrupted with a wry laugh. "It's just sometimes I want to hear their voices, and all I get is their goofy message. And it's nice, but it isn't quite the same."
"No, I suspect it isn't," Karen sighed. "I'm sorry, honey. I try and be here for you, but I know that – "
"Oh, Karen!" Haley interrupted again. "I don't mean anything by that, not against what you've done for me, been to me. You're wonderful and I appreciate and love you so much. If I didn't have you here, I don't know. I might've given up, quit."
Karen stared hard at her for a moment, assessing her. "No. Sorry, but there is no way I believe that. There are no scenarios in which I can imagine you giving up on Nathan, Haley James-Scott. With or without me or anyone else, honey."
"Maybe not," she conceded with a smile, "But you help. You do, Karen. You don't let me get all crazy about things, or…at least not quite as crazy."
"Not quite," she laughed, her smile fading when Dan approached them. "Dan, what do you need?" she asked as coldly as she can muster, which to her disconcertion, wasn't as much as she'd supposed. Haley blinked at her in surprise when she winced at the sound of her own voice.
"I can't say hi to the mother of one of my sons, not to mention," he sighed, pulling a disgusted face at Haley, "The girl who managed to finagle marriage out of my other son?"
Haley managed to choke out a laugh at that. "And you wonder why no one wants to sit by you at the games?"
"They're just intimidated by the aura of greatness around me," he smirked, rolling his eyes at her. "That was a joke, ladies."
"Very funny," Karen noted dryly. "Well, Dan, as fun as this always is, you really do not need to feel like you need to hang out here with us."
"Well, we all have so much in common, and the last time we were in the same place, everyone seemed to enjoy it so much," he mocked, giving up and sighing. "Sorry, I was just going to make a little small talk. Didn't realize it'd send you into apoplectic fits, Karen."
Haley sighed, shaking her head. The last thing she wanted was to get into it with Dan tonight, and she wanted even less to be in the uncomfortable and unenviable position of watching Karen argue with him. And yet here she was, stuck as the feigned politeness wore off and their snipes at each other become progressively sharper.
Running her hand through her hair, she considered butting in and trying to get them to stop when Karen made a remark that one would generally consider rude about Dan's virility, and she decided that this was just a little too amusing to put such a quick end to.
"You're childish, Dan," Karen griped. "Childish and selfish."
"Oh, how wounding," he snickered. "You really have a way with the hurtful words, Kar."
"Don't call me that! You don't have the right to call me that," she snapped, her jaw clenching as he stepped closer to her.
"Why not?" he asked softly. "Afraid it might make you remember? That it might make you want something other than that little boy you were seeing?"
"Leave him out of this," Karen ordered, and her voice becomes hostile enough that Haley again took notice, turning away from waiting for Nathan.
"Why?" Dan continued to taunt. "Hitting a little close to home?"
"Oh, my god," Haley burst out nervously. "Just stop. I doubt either of you want to deal with Nathan or Luke coming out here and seeing you fighting right now."
Karen had the grace blush over their antics, while Dan could barely manage to hide a smirk. Neither said anything, just keep stealing glances at each other when they thought the other wasn't watching. All Haley could think of was the fit that Luke would have if he saw them like this.
"Um, Karen," she babbled out nervously, smoothing her shirt down over the edge of her skirt. "Maybe, um, we could stop at the café on the way home and get some hot chocolate. Oh! Or some mac and cheese!"
"That's fine, honey," Karen agreed absentmindedly, still studying Dan. God, it was like she was seeing him for the first time. Haley's nervous gaze kept darting back and forth between Karen and the door to the guys' locker room.
"Yeah, and maybe we – we could have a movie night or something," Haley felt compelled to plough on, not wanting to let Dan and Karen start talking, period, to each other again. The insults were bad enough, but the blatant interest in the way they were eyeing each other was really freaking her out. "Oh, thank God," she muttered when she saw Nathan come out of the locker room, Luke right behind him.
"Hey," Nathan smiled at her as he approached the group, one eye on his father. "What are you still doing here? I figured Brooke would drag you out for a party or something."
Sighing at the mention of Brooke, Haley looked down at the ground. "Brooke is not up to partying tonight. She and Rachel were caught fighting, like with fists, apparently, and have been suspended."
"What?" Nathan gasped, Luke stopping in his tracks at the news. "Are you kidding?"
"No, and it gets worse, too," she warned. "She's off the cheer squad and student council."
"Oh, damn. She's going to need a friend tonight," Luke muttered. "Mom, do you care if I go over and see if she's okay? She must be freaking out."
"Of course not, Lucas, just don't stay too late, please," Karen capitulated immediately. "Just let me know if you go anywhere other than Brooke's."
"Yeah, of course," Luke agreed, turning and jogging out of the gym without a backwards glance.
Nathan nudged Haley on the arm. "A 'friend'?"
She shrugged in response. "That's what both of them are saying. I don't know, and that is one aspect of both their lives that I'm trying not to know much about."
"Excuse me," Dan interrupted, clearing his throat. "Nathan, I was wondering if you'd like to come to dinner with me."
Nathan raised his eyebrows at his father after glancing quickly to Haley. "Actually, I think I'm going to have dinner with Haley tonight. If that's okay with her."
"Oh, well, of course," Haley beamed at him. "I mean, I was planning on mooching dinner from Karen anyway, so maybe we could both mooch!"
"Of course you can, you're both always welcome," Karen smiled at them both. "In fact, I'm on my way there now, so if you two want to meet me, that would be lovely."
"Well, it sounds wonderful!" Dan grinned, insinuating himself into the picture. "I'll just go ahead and meet you there as well. The more the merrier, right?"
Haley cringed, trying to think of a polite way to keep him from invading what could be a nice dinner with two of her favorite people, but Nathan grunted his displeasure, ruining any chance of resolving this calmly.
"Yeah, Dad, like you're invited. Go back to the beach house, and heat up a Hungry Man," Nathan spit at him.
"Nathan, part of me moving out was contingent on still being a part of your life. I hardly doubt that one dinner is going to cause you some kind of mortal peril," Dan retorted, causing Karen to roll her eyes and Haley to sigh.
"Maybe you two could have dinner together another night," Karen suggested quietly.
"No, Nathan has been putting me off long enough, haven't you, son?" Dan disagreed, eyeing Nathan, daring him to argue again.
"Fine, Dad, why don't you come along? It'll be a nifty family outing, don't you think? Maybe if we call Luke, he and his ex-girlfriend can come and make things just that much more awkward. Oh, and we can't forget Mom. Too bad Uncle Keith bailed, that would've really been the icing on the cake," Nathan baited him with sarcasm. "You're just full of great ideas, Dad!"
"Nathan," Haley interjected quietly, trying to ignore the way the defiance slides off Dan's face, replaced by hurt.
"No, Haley," Nathan continued, "I don't want to have dinner with him. And why should I? I owe him nothing!"
Sighing, Haley looked up at him. "I'm not saying you do. It's just, it's dinner, that's all." Dan looked at her in surprise, but to his credit, kept his mouth shut. "And Karen's chocolate layer cake will make it totally worth it, I promise."
"You still make that cake?" Dan asked in surprise, coughing to cover his embarrassment when all three heads swivel to stare at him. "What? That cake is good enough to remember years later!"
Karen was staring at him with something that Haley couldn't identify in her eyes, and Nathan was muttering under his breath about how weird this whole thing, and Haley somehow agreed with both of them, and she didn't even know what Karen was thinking. Which made Nathan even more right; the whole thing was blatantly and irrevocably weird.
"Is anyone ready to go?" Haley asked nervously. "I think I'm ready to go." Truth was, she couldn't get out of there fast enough. In fact, she'd ask whoever she rode with to take the long route. There wasn't one, but maybe they could circle the block ten times or something. That would do it, right?
"I'm ready," Dan announced, smiling widely at her. She had to fight the urge to glare back at him, instead forcing herself to stare impassively at him. "You could ride with me."
"No one wants to ride with you, Dad," Nathan informed him harshly, grabbing Haley's hand. Ordinarily, she might indulge in a little internal girly eeeee-ing, but this was not of the ordinary.
"Let's – let's all just go to our respective cars and go," Karen suggested tersely, spinning on her heel and walking out of the gym without a backwards glance.
Haley sighed, looking up at Nathan. "Maybe – I don't know, maybe I should ride with her, you know? She's not happy about this," she said in a low voice. "Maybe I can calm her down, or at least let her take it out on me."
"Don't bother," Nathan smirked. "It's always fun to see dear old Dad get torn a new one."
"Nathan," Haley admonished him softly, glancing past him to see Dan's face fall again, if only for a split second. "Let's just go."
"And get it over with," Nathan muttered, unknowingly voicing her exact thought about the dinner.
Groaning, Karen looked back and forth between Nathan and Dan, unsure what to say or do to break even a little of the tension in the room. Judging by Haley's rigid posture, she was feeling it as much as she was, and she also had no idea how to dispel things.
"Maybe we should move onto dessert," Karen finally suggested. "I've got coffee and pie, if anyone wants any."
Haley immediately jumped up, almost knocking her chair over backwards. Smiling apologetically at Nathan and Karen, she started backing towards the kitchen. "Oh, I'll get it. Be right back!"
"I'll help!" Nathan volunteered immediately, jumping up and following behind her closely, not looking back at his father and Karen once.
"Well, it seems no one really wants me here," Dan sighed. "Least of all my son." Karen threw a sharp, disbelieving look his way, but didn't say anything. "Look, I know I shouldn't have even hoped for more, but when it comes to the boys, there's always a hope," he admitted.
Her breath caught in her throat at his mention of 'the boys', something that she'd wanted from him ever since he decided to choose Nathan and Deb over her and Lucas. It was one of those things where she just wanted something that seemed so small and so like a given for most people, but she never got it. Not even when Lucas was introduced to Dan's circle, not even when he and Nathan had so briefly connected.
And now, here it was. And thrown out there with seemingly little conscious thought, to boot. Instead of making her happy, or even angry that it had taken him all this time, it just left her feeling an empty sadness. Not only for Lucas, who, at eighteen, still didn't know his father in anything but the most rudimentary manner, but for Dan, too. Of everything, that was the most galling of all, that she'd feel anything other than anger and resentment and irritation with him.
"I guess sometimes hope is all that any of us have," she finally said softly, staring intently at him, trying to gauge and read him.
He didn't look at her; his gaze still firmly fixed on the door that Nathan disappeared after Haley through. "Maybe," he sighed a moment later. "Maybe. Does that mean I have to like it?"
"I don't suppose that many of us like it," she shrugged, "But it isn't something that you can change with the snap of your fingers. If hope is all you have, chances are you'll have to work damn hard to get to a point where you have more than that hope."
"I don't know how," Dan admitted with a wince, a faint flush creeping up his neck and over his cheeks. "Damn it. I hate this, I hate all of it."
"If you're expecting sympathy here, you won't get it," she pointed out. "Maybe if you can take a little advice though, then I think you should back off."
He openly scoffed at that. "If I back off, it just gives them both the added time to pull away from me, Karen. And you know as well as anyone that they are both damn near out of reaching distance from me as it is."
"I don't feel sorry for you," she quietly reiterated. "I don't think you deserve sympathy or pity from anyone. You've made your choices, and you've backed those choices up with some of the most despicable actions I've ever witnessed."
"Well, great, is that part of your advice?" he sighed, defeat written all over him.
"I'm not saying this to hurt you, surprisingly enough. It's obvious you've always expected I would lash out at you."
"I'm not denying that I'd deserve it," he muttered softly, finally looking at her to make eye contact. "I never understood why you didn't."
She lets out a bitter laugh before she could check it, shaking her head. "That would've been too easy, and quite frankly, there was – is – no way in hell I'd give you that satisfaction. You already had everything else, you didn't need that, too."
"Everything?" Dan laughed humorlessly. "Yeah, everything. Right."
"Oh, stop," Karen snapped. "Don't you even dare try to pretend like your upscale little life wasn't perfect and pretty and practically gift-wrapped to grace the pages of some magazine."
"That wasn't what I was doing," he muttered in return, the first hint of anger crossing his face that night. "Just because the package was pretty doesn't mean what is inside is all that great. You understand that."
"Fine. Maybe I do. The thing is, I still can't bring myself to feel much sympathy for you, you know."
"Yeah, I know," he nodded, a wry smirk on his face. "Well, that would be expecting too much, and I'm well aware of what I deserve from whom."
"Then why are you here?" she asked softly, ignoring all the hundreds of possible implications that could arise from that particular question; ignoring all the answers she'd like to receive from him now.
He looked back down at his hands, considering his words. She watched him warily, her glaze flickering to the door to the kitchen, wondering what was taking Nathan and Haley so long. It made her more uncomfortable than she cared to acknowledge, to be out here with Dan alone, to talk about things they should've talked about years ago. To dredge those hurts up, even in the most roundabout of terms, wasn't something they should be doing now.
"Some things have, ah, happened recently, or come to my attention, perhaps, that I can't ignore. I can't wait forever to make things right with Nathan and Lucas." At the questioning look in her eyes, he wanted to tell her the truth about Lucas's condition, but between Haley and Lucas, he couldn't break the promises.
She studied him intently, trying to piece together what he meant. She didn't get what he specifically meant, but in general, she understood. There were so many things in life that were easy to put off, including making the most of your time with your children. Granted, Dan was an extreme case of that, but in a small way, she could understand a bit of what he's saying.
"What are you going to do?" she asked quietly, her mama bear instinct ready to come out swinging if necessary.
"I want to be a part of their lives, Karen," he sighed quietly. "Right now, I'm not part of either of theirs. Even when I was living in the same house as Nathan, I couldn't manage to pull it off. And I've always bungled things with Lucas."
"There's a lot of water under those bridges," she said frankly. "What you're talking about could take years."
"And you don't think I can do it," he surmised. "No, you actually don't think that I will, right?"
"You're right, absolutely," she agreed. "It isn't that I think you're incapable necessarily, but I think both boys are smart enough to know better than expecting you to follow through on this. And that's going to make it awfully hard for you."
He nodded jerkily, trying to cover the multitude of emotions he's feeling. 'Never let 'em see you sweat,' that was the adage. "I have no delusions on the difficulty of this. I'm not stupid," he murmured, "This is different; this time, things are going to be different."
"For my son's sake, and conversely for yours, I hope that isn't a lie," she warned him, sighing in relief when Haley and Nathan came out of the kitchen carrying trays of coffee and pie and cake.
"Hey!" Haley smiled apologetically at Karen. "I brought you a piece of chocolate cheesecake. Figured you could use the sugar rush and the caloric binge." She turns to Dan, handing him a plate. "Nathan said you like coconut cream," she told him, pausing when Karen's eyes widened in surprised consternation.
Dan shook his head, his gaze flickering over Nathan in sadness. "Actually, I'm allergic to coconut, which I'm sure Nathan just forgot."
Haley shot Nathan a nasty look, passing Dan her piece. "Take that one. The chocolate cheesecake really is the best anyway."
"Thank you," he nodded, taking it graciously from her.
She turned, heading back to the kitchen, a chagrined Nathan following behind on her heels. When the door swung shut behind them, he sighed. "Haley, come on, it was just a joke."
"Fine, but next time? Leave me out of your jokes. They really aren't all that funny," she snapped at him. "Feeding someone something they're allergic to is not my idea of a good time."
"It isn't like he'd have eaten it," Nathan muttered, having the grace to look a tiny bit shamefaced at his actions. "Honest, Hales, I knew he wouldn't eat it."
"Yeah, okay," she sighed, smiling up at him. "It's just – I don't know, he was behaving tonight, and you have to go and get all antsy and whip out your bear poking stick. Now he's probably all wound up and going to make all of us miserable for the rest of the evening."
Nathan scoffed at that. "Yeah, right, behaving? You heard him mention taking me and Luke out fishing. What the hell was that? I'll tell you what it was, it was a mind game. He's playing all of us right now, and you defending him? You're falling into his trap!"
"Oh, calm down!" she groaned. "Nathan, come on. I didn't even defend him, first of all, and second? You're being weird and paranoid about this."
"He was trying to bait me and Karen, Hales. You know he was, you can't argue that!"
"Well, and it apparently worked, Nathan!" she laughed. "You're freaking out! Look, at least he wasn't hurling his insults around like he'd bought them in bulk from the bargain bin again." She poked him in the ribs playfully. "Even you have to admit that it is an improvement!"
"You know what? Forget him. Forget that he barged into what could've been a really great evening for us, forget he even exists."
She grinned widely at him, ready and willing to jump all over any chance to salvage their evening. "What do you have in mind?"
"Are you two doing it already, or what?"
"Brooke!" Haley blushed, laughing as Luke covers his ears from his spot across the lunch table. "No, for your information, we are not! But that doesn't mean things are finally improving for us! It isn't all about sex, you know."
"Well, rah rah rah," Brooke groaned. "Honestly, no sex? What the hell is the point?"
"Quit thinking with your – well, you know," Luke ordered Brooke, rolling his eyes at her. Turning to Haley, he asked, "Let me get this straight. Nathan Scott got you, Haley James, to go swimming. In the river. In November."
"You say it like I'm some total stick in the mud who never does anything interesting! I can be as fun and wild as all the rest of you!" she insisted.
Luke and Brooke exchanged Looks. "Well," began Brooke, "While you have definitely shed some of the Tutor Girl visage and come out of your shell a lot since you started hanging out with me, a wild child you ain't!"
"You two make me feel like I'm some sort of horrible vestal virgin or something," Haley sighed. "God, Luke, I'm sure I've had more sex than you!"
He groaned, covering his ears again. "God, Haley, do you have to talk about that stuff? Let's never speak of your sex life again."
"Meanwhile, if he had one to speak of, it would be all he'd want to talk about!" Haley muttered to Brooke under her breath, who rolled her eyes in agreement. "You can be a jerk sometimes, Luke."
"Because I don't want to hear about the sex life of my best friend? The best friend whose sex life would include my currently estranged brother, who hates me beyond compare? Yeah, funny how that works, huh?"
"He doesn't hate you!" Haley jumped in. "If he doesn't hate me, he doesn't hate you. Trust me on this one, I know what I'm talking about."
"He loved you to start with, though," Luke countered, sounding totally sure of his argument. "He only tolerated me, and sometimes barely at that. You had something to go back to, and he and I didn't."
"Oh, please, that is such bull," Brooke jumped in. "First of all, Nathan loves you, at least on some level, and that's despite all your weird family drama. Second, the very fact that he loves Haley so much is why it makes it so much worse that she hurt him. That's why he's had a hard time forgiving her."
"No way," Luke disagreed.
Brooke rolled her eyes. "Yes, way. The more you love someone, the more it hurts when they screw you over." She threw a pointed look Luke's way. "Why do you think it took me so much longer to warm up to Peyton again, bub?"
Haley cringed inwardly even as Luke cringed outwardly. Brooke had hit the proverbial nail on the head, and it only served to remind Haley of her failings with regards to Nathan. It broke her heart all over again, being reminded of the damage she did to him, the hurt she caused him, and the knowledge that things, while improving, still weren't back to where they used to be. Where she'd like them to be again.
"Sorry, didn't mean to bum you out, Haley," Brooke shrugged callously, "But you should face the facts about this. Peyton was right, you hurt him, and you suck for that."
Haley stared at her, not sure what to say. "You think I don't think of that every minute of every day?" she finally asked. "Because I do! Every second of every minute of every day! Even when I'm doing something else, it's still there, in the back of my head."
"Good!" Brooke proclaimed, not giving an inch.
"Lay off," Luke told her, jumping to the defense of his best friend. "Quit projecting your issues on Haley. She had the opportunity of a lifetime, and she was brave enough to do something that terrified her, that had more consequences than you can even imagine. It was hard and scary and risky, but she did it anyway. You wouldn't do the same in her position, so quit judging what you can't understand!"
Haley groaned at this, despite appreciating Luke's quick and thoughtful defense of her. Unfortunately, his tirade would only serve to set Brooke off, setting up another Brooke slash Luke battle royale.
"Fine," Brooke huffed. "Obviously the two of you are so high and mighty about everything that you can't even see us little peons down here on Earth. Whatever."
"Well, good job," Haley said to Luke as Brooke stomped off in a snit. "I thought you were trying to get her back, not push her away for good."
"I'm not trying anything," Luke shrugged, sighing a little as he watched her leave. "Maybe there's too much drama between us. Sure seems like it, huh?"
She nodded thoughtfully. "Well, anyway, I'm sorry. We're seniors in high school, and our lives are this complicated. Can you imagine how they'll be when we're twenty-five?"
"Ghastly," Luke deadpanned, earning a laugh. He sobered, reaching over to pat her on the shoulder. "She's wrong, Haley. I know that there were things you could've done differently, but there is no shame in following your dream. None. I hope you know that."
She looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "Thanks, Luke. I appreciate that."
He nodded, smiling at her. "Hey, that's what family is for – to tell you the truth."
The truth. Such a funny little thing, she thought. It was different for everyone, but the same for all. Interpretation was nine tenths of the law when it came to truth. She knew she was lucky at least Luke interpreted her truths in a positive light. And Nathan was coming around, and Karen would always have her back.
All in all, not so bad for in-laws. Now to convince her husband to let her keep them.