CHAPTER 4: THE INTERROGATION EXPRESS

It was the first of September, the start of the school year, and America was stoked. It had only been a few months since he'd seen his friends, and once that whole Dobby debacle had been sorted out they'd stayed in fairly regular contact, but it had felt way longer than it should have. He missed Harry's embarrassed looks whenever someone openly gawked at his scar, and Ron's loud complaints whenever they got a huge amount of homework, and Hermione's death-glares whenever America suggested something totally awesome they could do. He couldn't wait to see them again.

At the moment, he and Canada had found a compartment all to themselves and were just putting away their luggage. America glanced out the window and saw England standing by the window, giving him one of his 'America we need to talk' looks. America obliged, flinging the window open and leaning out of it. "'Sup, Iggy?"

Whatever he wanted to discuss must have been important, because England didn't even bother complaining about the nickname. As it turned out, America's hunch was right. "Your friends are starting to get suspicious," said England. "They aren't anywhere near the truth, of course – last I heard, they were discussing whether you were part-troll." America let out a snort as England continued, "Still, Ms. Granger seems too clever for her own good, so I wouldn't be completely surprised if she could figure out the truth given enough clues. So make sure not to give her any more clues."

America rolled his eyes. "Oh, fine, I won't do any more American Door Kicks. Dude, was that all you wanted to say?"

"No," said England. "I also wanted to tell you that no matter what, it is very important that you protect Harry Potter."

America stared at him and said, "Uh, dude, doesn't that interfere with not giving them any more clues rule? What if I have to lift a tree off him or something?"

England's expression was dead serious, with just a tinge of… panic? "Make an excuse. Say you were filled with adrenaline, or drank a Strengthening Solution. Just make sure he survives. I've got a bad feeling about this year."

America laughed. "Dude, did your horoscope say that or something? You gotta stop believing that sh-"

"Watch your language!" America felt that that was a bit like the pot calling the kettle black, or whatever that phrase was. The whistle sounded, and both America and England glanced at the clock. There was only a minute before the train left. England turned back to America and said quickly, "In short, don't do anything suspicious, write to me about anything strange happening at Hogwarts, and most importantly, protect Harry Potter." With that he turned on his heel and began walking away.

America rolled his eyes and called after him, "Yeah, have a great year, too, jerk!" He sat back down and closed the window just as the train began to move. He looked over to where Canada sat, his bear curled up next to him. "Got all that, bro?"

Canada nodded, not mentioning how England had completely forgotten he was there. At this point, he was used to it. "Yes. Don't do anything suspicious, write about anything strange, and protect Harry, eh."

They didn't have time to say anything else, because the compartment door opened to reveal Hermione Granger and Ginny Weasley. Hermione beamed at them. "Oh, good, there you are! I was wondering what-"

"HERMIONE!" America leapt up and gave her a hug. He did his best to remember his own strength and not crush her lungs, but she still seemed rather breathless when he released her. "Dude, it's totally been WAY too long! How're you doing?"

Hermione sat down next to Canada, trying to catch her breath. "Slightly oxygen deprived, but quite well, thank you. It's good to see you again." Canada let out the faintest of coughs. She jerked around and spotted him. "Oh, and it's good to see you, too, Matthew!"

Canada smiled at her. "It's nice to see you as well, eh, Hermione." He looked over at Ginny, who was still standing in the doorframe, watching the two boys a bit warily. "You're Ginny, right? Ron's sister?" She nodded, and he held out a hand. "I'm Matthew. It's very nice to meet you, eh." Ginny smiled and shook his hand, closed the door, and sat down next to Alfred.

Alfred glanced at the now closed door. "Wait, were Harry and Ron not with you?"

"No, I was hoping they'd found you already," said Hermione. America felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"They should have been right behind me and Mum," said Ginny, looking worried. "Now that I think about it, though, I didn't see them on the platform…"

America groaned. It had only been minutes since he'd promised to make sure Harry didn't get hurt, and already things were going wrong. "I swear, dudes, if those two are getting into more adventures without me…"

"Speaking of adventures," said Hermione. "I wanted to talk to you two about what happened at the end of last term."

America and Canada exchanged exasperated but resigned looks. Here we go. America figured he might as well play dumb. He was pretty good at that. "What, you want to hear about how I was totally a hero again?"

Hermione wasn't going to be deterred. "No, I've heard that plenty of times already, and each version seemed more improbable than the last. I want the truth."

America pouted. "Aww, but the truth's no fun. There aren't nearly as many explosions."

"Stop evading my questions."

"You haven't actually asked any questions, dude."

Hermione closed her eyes and took a deep breath, for a moment looking eerily similar to England when he was trying not to explode. She opened them again and asked, in a voice of forced calm, "Let's start off with how you managed to kick down a door Harry, Ron and myself combined couldn't force open."

"You mean my AMERICAN DOOR KICK?!" The other occupants of the compartment winced at his sudden loudness. At his usual, still somewhat loud, volume, he continued, "I learned it from a friend in New York. It's pretty cool, huh? If you use the right technique, you can open pretty much any door, no matter how strong you or it is." He'd been coming up with excuses for how he'd managed everything unusual he'd done during the whole Stone adventure since the beginning of summer. He wasn't that much of an idiot, he knew people would ask questions, and his trio of human friends were too nosy for their own safety.

Hermione wasn't completely satisfied. "Could you teach me how to do it, then?"

America gave her an apologetic smile. "Sorry, dude, but it's an American door kick. You're British. I'd totally get banned from the country if I taught it to a non-American."

"So you are American?"

America nodded. "Yup! There's no place better than the US of A!"

Hermione turned to Canada. "But you sound as if you're Canadian…"

Canada nodded. "Yes, I am, eh."

Now even Ginny was looking confused. "You're from different countries? I thought you were twins. How did that even happen?"

Well, crap. America had been so busy thinking up excuses about why he was so strong that he hadn't even thought of an explanation for that. He looked at Canada and was relieved to find he was looking completely calm. Maybe he'd thought of an explanation? America took a chance. "You explain it, bro, it's a long story."

Canada nodded, and it looked like America's gamble would pay off. "Okay. Like Alfred said, it's a pretty long story, eh. Are you sure you want to hear it?"

Hermione nodded. "We've got plenty of time."

Canada took a deep breath, and America really hoped he had a good story. "All right, if you say so. Our parents had a lot of business in both Canada and the States, so they had houses in both places. When they died, they left their assets, including us, to two of their best friends: Arthur Kirkland, who I think you've already met, and a Frenchman named Francis Bonnefoy. They weren't exactly clear on who got what, though, so there was a lot of fighting over it. Eventually it was decided that Arthur would get Alfred and the place in the US, and Francis would get me and the place in Canada. Things stayed like that for a few years before Arthur decided that he wanted the whole set after all, so he started the whole fight up again, and in the end he won. Alfred and I visited each other a lot, but neither of us wanted to officially move to another country, so I grew up in Canada while he grew up in America. The end."

America was impressed. It was basically the human version of what had actually happened, so it would be pretty easy to remember. Thank God Canada actually thought things through.

Hermione was looking slightly embarrassed. "I see. That does explain it." She looked out the window. They were out of the city now, looking over rolling green hills filled with sheep. "Hmm… you'd think Ron and Harry would have found us by now, wouldn't you?"

America took this opportunity to avoid any more interrogation. He stood up and declared, "I'll go look for them! It's my duty as the hero to make sure my friends are all right!" He opened the compartment door and walked out. He paused for a moment, remembering something, stuck his head back through the door and said, "If the trolley comes, get me some Bertie Botts. I'm still looking for a hamburger flavoured one!"

A/N: I almost had America make an A Few Good Men reference, but then I looked it up and learned that that movie didn't come out until December of that year. T_T Maybe after Christmas break I can finally have him declare "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!" HAVE A HUG INSTEAD! \(^-^)/ All right, Q&A time! To SilentMoonlace13: Da, I am planning on doing all seven books. I fear that by the end I will be so exhausted I could easily be made one with Russia. To the awesome Berlin: Hmm... I'd have to say my favourite food is spice cake with butter icing. IT IS THE BEST! And I was unaware you were a mad scientist named Hermione. Good to know. To GuestyGuest: I'm not sure how much Iggy will show up. Probably not too much. I might have a few chapters consisting of him responding to all the craziness America and Canada are writing to him about. Howlers will probably be involved. To Natekleh: It's not really a question, I guess, but yes, I do know Kumajiro's name. Canada doesn't, though, so the poor guy is gonna get called a lot of weird names. To Insufferable Proximity: Again, not really a question, but I felt the need to respond. I don't find you annoying. Everyone is entitled to their own ship. I may not personally support that ship, but you're still pretty awesome. And don't worry, everyone has too much sugar sometimes. At least you aren't turning into a mad scientist Hermione like Berlin apparently is. XP To 95Jezzica: I just wanted to show that America was the POV character. Look, Canada's there! He is not forgotten! And to all of you who have told me this fic is good: THANK YOU! YOU ARE AMAZING AND AWESOME AND BEAUTIFUL! Boy, these Author's Notes are getting long, aren't they? Maybe I should just do a Q&A chapter. NEXT CHAPTER: Canada hears some interesting rumours at the start-of-term feast. See you all next time!